Moms who have had their crunchy plans sabotaged by reality-Support Thread

[FancyD]

Anyone else?

I mostly post on the SN board, but I'd like to talk about this with all kinds of mothers.
How to cope when life doesn't quite work out the way you dreamed, and how to still be AP/NFL, to the best of your abilities.

Topics like this, yk? Not so much 'bragging' how un-AP/NFL we are, but how we are trying to do our best. How to cope with real life issues, and how we attempt to keep them as close to our original ideals as possible.

Hopefully it will end up being a supportive and helpful thread for those of us who are trying to the best for our kids, regardless of being thrown for a loop.

As a reminder, we have to keep within the UA, if this thread is to stick around. I think it's a very valuable thread, so I ask that all posts stay within MDC's guidelines.

For OT stuff, PM the person/people you want to address, so as to keep the thread on topic and within the UA.

[*~Member~*]

I definately belong here *waves* Should I introduce myself? lol

[maxmama]

Here I am.

[FancyD]

Yay! I sooooooooooo think this is needed. With all the troubles 'we' have had, there's bound to be some awesome advice for others.

[AndVeeGeeMakes3]

yep yep yep.

[MayLibertySprout]

Hi....me too

[Baby Makes 4]

Hi

Let's see, let me count the ways I am not crunchy.

* Buying local and organic foods - can't afford to any more, the cost of living has skyrocketed for us in the last couple of years so I do the best I can which almost never includes organic or local foods.

* Holistic pregnancy and birth - I'm lucky, my last birth was a home water birth but this time around I am high risk after 3 losses. I have to give myself injections every day and will be induced somewhere around 37-38 weeks or whenever my placenta starts to degrade from the massive doses of blood thinners I am on.

* Vegetarianism - When I met my husband I was a vegan but I fell off the wagon HARD! Here I am 10 years later and although I have attempted to return to that lifestyle a few times I haven't been successful.

* Gentle Discipline - I don't spank but I am not always calm and respectful. I yell, I bribe .. I do my best but it's not always good enough.

* Growing my own food - I have the space and resources to garden but despite taking courses on organic gardening and reading books I still manage to kill any green thing that I lay my hands on. It's really pathetic.

* Breastfeeding - My body has completely refused to make a single drop of milk past 9 months with either of my children. I've done everything, lactation consultants, drugs, herbs, pumping ... my body won't allow me to breastfeed past that point and it breaks my heart.

* I drive a mini van and I ate at McDonalds today. :

We do cloth diaper though and I do my best to be crunchy whenever I can.

[rinnerin]

I'm in.

Thanks FancyD for starting this thread!

[Throkmorton]

Oooh! I'll join! Between c-sections, the cans of formula that use up all my cupboard space and the daily meds for my little monster I am all over this tribe.

[Treasuremapper]

This is me!

[*Melissa*]

Meeeeeeeeeee!

[FancyD]

My son was very sick after he was born, and has cerebral palsy. Almost everything I planned on changed. I did manage to nurse him some until he was 5.5 months (thanks to some great advice I got here), but he's had formula from early on.

NFL is hard to do when you have to medicate your kid daily, but I do feed him well. Too broke for organics too often, but he has a good diet. I used a stroller past 9 months, because my back and hips were shot, and he's still in a stroller.

We have a medical team, and he goes to SN pre-school. He started last year at 2.5. I felt a bit guilty, but got over it pretty quick.

[wonderwahine]

my sig kind of explains it all

I try GD also, but i yell, bribe, do time outs, use a leash, even give stickers and rewards! whatever works right now.

We dont do organic foods, it costs far to much and ds only eats some sugary cereals and gerber fruit and vege puffs right now along with his pediasure.

we use disposibles, a stroller, plastic toys with lots of loud noises for sensory input, we have unlimited tv time, sippy cups that probably have BPA but they have dora and are the one type of cup ds will use I medicate fevers to prevent seizures in ds, and we have started delayed vaxing to catch up ds for special needs preschool that he will start soon.

[intorainbowz]

Hello! I'm in!

[TCMoulton]

Me too!

[Throkmorton]

Originally Posted by FancyD

My son was very sick after he was born, and has cerebral palsy. Almost everything I planned on changed. I did manage to nurse him some until he was 5.5 months (thanks to some great advice I got here), but he's had formula from early on.

NFL is hard to do when you have to medicate your kid daily, but I do feed him well. Too broke for organics too often, but he has a good diet. I used a stroller past 9 months, because my back and hips were shot, and he's still in a stroller.

We have a medical team, and he goes to SN pre-school. He started last year at 2.5. I felt a bit guilty, but got over it pretty quick.

BF for 5.5 mos is pretty darn good in that situation!
NFL is really hard when you medicate daily, and GD is really hard when you have to pin the kid down 3x/day to give him eyedrops. As it stands right now, his diet sucks too.

[FancyD]

Oh, yeah. GD is really hard when your kid is not verbal and you're covered in bruises, and he's too smart for redirection. Pinning my kid's arms down is NOT what I thought I'd be doing.

[wonderwahine]

Originally Posted by FancyD

Oh, yeah. GD is really hard when your kid is not verbal and you're covered in bruises, and he's too smart for redirection. Pinning my kid's arms down is NOT what I thought I'd be doing.

I agree, I have to pin ds down to do diaper changes and tooth brushing as well.

[FancyD]

[rinnerin]

So here's how far I've traveled...

I no longer keep track. I had a CS and spent so much time trying to "compensate" for it I nearly drove myself insane. So I don't anymore. We did/do all the checkmarks: bf, cosleep, slung, eat organic and local when possible, don't hit our child, practiced CLW, etc. But there were still times when he was younger that I felt that I did not live up to the ideals that I had set for myself. And I felt I had failed.

As for what about reality sabotaged my intentions - I intended to be TV-free, constantly parenting on my own while my husband traveled and I finished grad school with our family on the other side of the country impacted that. I intended to work part time or less - the reality of our finances sabotaged that. I could go on but you get the picture. I intended lots and lots of things that are outside of AP but are within the NFL ideals, but my own limits sabotaged some of them.

This was a tough journey for me. I am an overachiever and want to be perfect, and there was so much that I wanted to do to meet my ideal. But I am learning that this parenting gig ain't about me at all, you gotta parent the little person in front of you, not the one in your head.