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Moms who have had their crunchy plans sabotaged by reality-Support Thread - Page 8

post #141 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by Krisis View Post
Me too me too! I've been thinking about this a lot lately - I wonder what it was like with my mom when I was a baby. She was a single mom at 19 and apparently I was the worst baby ever...

I wonder why I get so physical when I get angry. It is a conundrum.
same here. I used to be so judgmental and unforgiving of parents who yelled at their kids or even spanked them (possibly because I was yelled at and spanked) - now I'm starting to understand why parents can get pushed to their limits (not that it excuses it - just that I feel more compassion for them) and that they are human. I want to do GD with my child and I'm struggling with accepting that I prob won't be able to do it perfectly all the time, esp with my anger issues...I'm prob gonna lose my cool now and then, which is oh so hard for me to accept.

I'm struggling right now with not being able to be as crunchy as I'd like in the food department... because of finances Unfort being a SAHM means compromises in the organic and eco-friendly everything thing...I still try to do it all but it's taking too much toll on our budget.

It's funny but a lot of second, third and fourth time moms I meet seem to have been more able to let go of some of these high standards we put on ourselves, of being perfect AP crunchy moms...as a first time mom I am still trying to do it all 'right' and am very idealistic, I think.
post #142 of 213
The important thing to remember is that it's your child that determines what type of parenting they need, not some arbitrary checklist on a website or comments from strangers. No matter how 'AP' some action is, there are children out there, both SN and NT, who want no part of it.

I wanted a vaginal birth - had a c-section. My child hated being worn. Those are just a few examples of things that went differently than I had planned.

Right now I am pregnant with my second child. This one is different before birth, as I can't eat several foods including whole wheat or whole grains without suffering severe indigestion and heartburn. My diet is mostly highly processed foods, as that is what my stomach can tolerate. I'm not happy about it, as I had worked for a long time to improve my diet and I feel like I'm backsliding, but it's temporary (I hope).
post #143 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by Devaya View Post
same here. I used to be so judgmental and unforgiving of parents who yelled at their kids or even spanked them (possibly because I was yelled at and spanked) - now I'm starting to understand why parents can get pushed to their limits (not that it excuses it - just that I feel more compassion for them) and that they are human. I want to do GD with my child and I'm struggling with accepting that I prob won't be able to do it perfectly all the time, esp with my anger issues...I'm prob gonna lose my cool now and then, which is oh so hard for me to accept.

I'm struggling right now with not being able to be as crunchy as I'd like in the food department... because of finances Unfort being a SAHM means compromises in the organic and eco-friendly everything thing...I still try to do it all but it's taking too much toll on our budget.

It's funny but a lot of second, third and fourth time moms I meet seem to have been more able to let go of some of these high standards we put on ourselves, of being perfect AP crunchy moms...as a first time mom I am still trying to do it all 'right' and am very idealistic, I think.
This is exactly right! My friends and I used to talk about so and so not bfing or cosleeping or whatever but then baby #3 or #4 comes along and then you realize that perfect isn't the goal, sanity and grace are. We as women do not give eachother the grace we should. I have spanked. Do I like it? Am I proud of myself? Hell no! But its where I was then and I am constantly trying to do better for my kids and family. I have never needed another mother criticizing me. Just a shoulder and support. The reality is that almost every family has some dysfunction in it if you look hard enough, and those of us who are trying to live up to the AP/NFL doctrine beat ourselves up harder than anyone else could, and those parents who aren't on the AP trip are not going to change because some mom disapproves. Love each other. My least AP friend has great kids, and she herself came a long way from how she was raised. She was put in the hospital by her father. So even though she isn't doing GD she is trying to be better, without having been given the skills, and without the innate curiosity alot of us AP moms have.
Love each other. Give your stuggling friends a break. Help them clean,Potluck together. I find a good potluck, even if the food literally came out of a dumpster(which sometimes it has for us), really helps the spirit.
We are all trying. Even if we have to let go of some of the ideals we started with. We will get there or close enough, and if WE don't, our kids will, because every generation tries to do better than their parents
post #144 of 213
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by magentamomma View Post
We will get there or close enough, and if WE don't, our kids will, because every generation tries to do better than their parents
This is something that keeps me sane in my darker moments. I am doing better than my parents, and DS will be a better parent than me.
post #145 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by magentamomma View Post
This is exactly right! My friends and I used to talk about so and so not bfing or cosleeping or whatever but then baby #3 or #4 comes along and then you realize that perfect isn't the goal, sanity and grace are. We as women do not give eachother the grace we should. I have spanked. Do I like it? Am I proud of myself? Hell no! But its where I was then and I am constantly trying to do better for my kids and family. I have never needed another mother criticizing me. Just a shoulder and support. The reality is that almost every family has some dysfunction in it if you look hard enough, and those of us who are trying to live up to the AP/NFL doctrine beat ourselves up harder than anyone else could, and those parents who aren't on the AP trip are not going to change because some mom disapproves. Love each other. My least AP friend has great kids, and she herself came a long way from how she was raised. She was put in the hospital by her father. So even though she isn't doing GD she is trying to be better, without having been given the skills, and without the innate curiosity alot of us AP moms have.
Love each other. Give your stuggling friends a break. Help them clean,Potluck together. I find a good potluck, even if the food literally came out of a dumpster(which sometimes it has for us), really helps the spirit.
We are all trying. Even if we have to let go of some of the ideals we started with. We will get there or close enough, and if WE don't, our kids will, because every generation tries to do better than their parents


what a fabulous post. thanks for that. it made my day.
post #146 of 213
Wow. Just wow.

The humanity and reality of this thread is just mind blowing. Just finished reading, and I am amazed by the honesty and striving of you all. I haven't seen the word "grace" used in a way I could appreciate in a very long time.

Count me in.
post #147 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by magentamomma View Post
We are all trying. Even if we have to let go of some of the ideals we started with. We will get there or close enough, and if WE don't, our kids will, because every generation tries to do better than their parents
My Mom made a comment to me when I was pregnant, about my chosing a home birth. She was a forceps baby with full intervention, & bottle fed because the Dr. would not let her mom BF (1952, the Dr. told her "your not a cow!") She however, birthed naturally at a small hospital, with only an epesiotimy as intervention. (1979 & 1981) She was very excited that I was planing a home birth, & said something to the effect of "If we keep it up, at this rate, your kids will be birthing under a bush in the back yard!" My homebirth didn't work out though, I'm glad that c/s exist though, I'm glad DD & I are alive. Sometimes I wonder though, how her birth will affect how she will give birth.
post #148 of 213
Thread Starter 

Hi there!

I'm so happy this group is working out. : Kudos to all of you...
post #149 of 213
Thread Starter 


150-ish posts and over 4,000 views. People are certainly curious!
post #150 of 213
I'm going to sub!

Thankfully I never had trouble breastfeeding (at least, only minor struggles in the first week or so) but I sure had trouble birthing. I labor for days and only when I got an epidural and could sleep, did things start moving along.

DS is very active and hated the sling. He is awful to sleep with because he thrashes and squirms and kicks. He would keep me up for hours in the middle of the night, in the dark, wanting to play. DD screamed from 1-4 in the morning for the first couple of months of life and I wound up with mono for 6 months because I was so sleep deprived. I also stopped CD during that time because I didn't have the energy to stand there and wash diapers. Or cook. Or engage DS in meaningful activities instead of TV, because I literally was running on fumes. Mono on top of fibromyalgia is really awful.

Both my kids are very headstrong and high needs and have minds of their own. We have had to do whatever we could to keep everyone's sanity intact and get everyone as much sleep and rest as possible. I'm subbing.
post #151 of 213
Oh I'm so glad I found this thread!!! We try so hard to be really crunchy. I daydream all the time about what prodcuts I'd get and how I want to have a huge garden, etc, etc, but things don't seem to work that way for us! I just quit my job to stay home full-time with the kids and I know that we will be on an even tighter budget.

I do my best with food, body care products, etc, but what I've really been focusing my attention on the past few months is gentle discipline. I decided everything else can go to pot right now because this is the area that I see as the most important for my chidlren's health! And really, it's been rewarding to see the growth I've had in this area.

Anyway, nice to see you all and thank you for your honesty! I haven't read through the entire thread yet, but will get back to reading now!
post #152 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverMamma View Post
My homebirth didn't work out though, I'm glad that c/s exist though, I'm glad DD & I are alive. Sometimes I wonder though, how her birth will affect how she will give birth.
I doubt it will matter much - but her mom's views on birth will matter a lot! My 3.5yo knows that babies get milk from their mommies and nursing makes babies feel better, even though by the time he was Simon's age, he was entirely on formula.
post #153 of 213
pookel
Thanks.
post #154 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by prettypixels View Post

GD is something I'm always working on. I was spanked/smacked as a child a lot. More than I *remember*, because my body remembers... when I get angry, my body moves to strike. I have to fight with myself. It is getting easier. I do not ever intend to strike my baby girl. She deserves better than that.

Now, yelling... oy, I am a big yeller! I gotta work harder on that!

Hiyas everyone
Quote:
Originally Posted by FancyD View Post
I was also spanked, and when I get frustrated I want to spank. For me, that means we both need some 'meditation' time. We're both happier when we're done.
Thank you thank you for saying this. I too fight this struggle.
post #155 of 213
I fight the spanking urge daily. I was spanked almost daily growing up, and belts were used on me, too. Dad thought nothing of smacking me in the head without warning for a minor offense or getting in his way or whatever. We got shoved out of the way a lot, too. I am doing well in that I never actually hit my dd, but man have I come close. That is when I put the baby in a safe place crying or not, and go sit on the front porch with a magazine for 10 minutes. My dd really can push my buttons. Sometimes I NEED a timeout in order to not hit her. I feel the intense rage and start shaking. I end up giving myself a 10 minute timeout about 2 times a month. I know the kids are crying inside, but I HAVE to go sit on the porch so I do not hurt them.
post #156 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby Makes 4 View Post
Hi

Let's see, let me count the ways I am not crunchy.

* Buying local and organic foods - can't afford to any more, the cost of living has skyrocketed for us in the last couple of years so I do the best I can which almost never includes organic or local foods.

* Holistic pregnancy and birth - I'm lucky, my last birth was a home water birth but this time around I am high risk after 3 losses. I have to give myself injections every day and will be induced somewhere around 37-38 weeks or whenever my placenta starts to degrade from the massive doses of blood thinners I am on.

* Vegetarianism - When I met my husband I was a vegan but I fell off the wagon HARD! Here I am 10 years later and although I have attempted to return to that lifestyle a few times I haven't been successful.

* Gentle Discipline - I don't spank but I am not always calm and respectful. I yell, I bribe .. I do my best but it's not always good enough.

* Growing my own food - I have the space and resources to garden but despite taking courses on organic gardening and reading books I still manage to kill any green thing that I lay my hands on. It's really pathetic.

* Breastfeeding - My body has completely refused to make a single drop of milk past 9 months with either of my children. I've done everything, lactation consultants, drugs, herbs, pumping ... my body won't allow me to breastfeed past that point and it breaks my heart.

* I drive a mini van and I ate at McDonalds today. :

We do cloth diaper though and I do my best to be crunchy whenever I can.

Thank you for making me feel better about myself. It's nice to be able to have someone to identify with.
post #157 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by intorainbowz View Post
I celebrate when my baby eats candy because that means she actually eating something.

:: Omy gosh! I love you.
post #158 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by intorainbowz View Post
I celebrate when my baby eats candy because that means she actually eating something.
I do as well. although I still told the ST off for bringing powdered donuts.
post #159 of 213
i have to work on the yelling. i know i yell at dd too much, i get frustrated when we're alone and i'm tired and she's whiny and cranky. i yell, and then i feel so bad. i think some of it is still the PPD, it certainly has made my tolerance for normal toddler behavior a lot lower.
post #160 of 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by wonderwahine View Post
I do as well. although I still told the ST off for bringing powdered donuts.
I love powdered donuts

one of the many ways i fall short of the crunchy crown
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