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Moms who have had their crunchy plans sabotaged by reality-Support Thread - Page 3

post #41 of 213
In my experience with several ICBLCs and the LLL, unless your child has a very obvious disability or you have had a mastectomy, the problems with breastfeeding are all because the mother isn't trying hard enough or doesn't want it enough.
I went off on one nurse when she said "you know, 95% of women can BF if they try hard enough"
I responded with "yeah, that means that 1 in 20 can't, no matter how hard they try"
It's that sort of attitude I could try and change locally if I got involved, but I can't decide if my energy is better spent elsewhere, like the PAC, Neighborhood Assn, actually playing with my kids etc.
post #42 of 213
: Thanks for starting this thread!

I fully planned on bfing dd. She would NOT latch. I do the best I can. I am still EPing for her almost 3 years later. It is NOT the same as bfing from the tap. I bf ds from the tap and sadly I am much closer with him. I held her for every feeding until she was 2. I never got to enjoy the snuggly night nursing with her. THAT is what gives me the warm squishy bonded feeling. I also planned on feeding dd healthy foods. Well... She has sensory issues. It wasn't until recently that she started eating on a regular basis. I let her eat what she wants, even if it is not 100% healthy. I am just happy to see her put food in her mouth and growing well now.
post #43 of 213
Thread Starter 
Throckmorton- I wonder about those stats being thrown around. Don't they think someone has to be that 5%?

GooeyRN- Congrats for pumping for so long! I am in awe.
post #44 of 213
Originally Posted by Throkmorton View Post
I went off on one nurse when she said "you know, 95% of women can BF if they try hard enough"
That's not true anyway! All the trying in the world won't fix an undiagnosed bad latch. Of course, it's just as annoying from the other side: "your baby isn't gaining weight? Oh well, time to stop breastfeeding."

I like the idea of being a LLL leader too, but I have to be realistic and admit that I have way too much on my plate already. I would like to be a member if we ever get a group going here, though.

Btw, I love "So That's What They're For!" She talks about having a mysterious latch issue with baby #3, and how even though she knew how to breastfeed by then, it still took a lot of work to get it fixed.
post #45 of 213
Good ol' GERD will kill your crunchiness.

So that she can function in a day without screaming (and yes, we tried a ton of natural remedies first) Ili gets to take two medications. Sometimes she'll even eat when she takes them! And they have to be taken at least 4 hours apart. So she wakes up, takes Axid. Takes Prevacid 4 hours later, then another Axid 4 hours after that! Oh, and she has to eat 20 minutes after taking the Prevacid.

She's a skinny minny, so we offer food 4-6 times a day, as part of her routine, to fatten her up. So there's a schedule, sort of.

Then she aspirates stomach acid, so enter the breathing treatments. 2-3 times a day, depending on how she's doing. And she hates just sitting, so, hello cartoons!

And the Prevacid constipates her, so meet her two other medications, Benefiber and Miralax. This baby takes more medications than her grandma!

We're also too broke to buy organic, and we use sposies when I get behind on the laundry (like now...oops).
post #46 of 213

I am returning this thread.

If one posts to this thread please do so with the right intentions. This isn't a thread to just list how un-nfl one is or to brag about giving up AP. This is a place for healing and working through having to let go of ideals of perfection due to various issues that come up in real life

However, we still cannot host.

We are not interested, however, in hosting discussions on the merits of crying it out, physical punishment, formula feeding, elective cesarean section, routine infant medical circumcision, or mandatory vaccinations.
I have removed some posts that were discussing physical punishment. I am sorry, it is just not within the scope of MDC.
post #47 of 213
Originally Posted by Kierdan'sMom View Post
Alisteal- I hear you on the puking and Neocate, cept we have a tube, elecare and not as much puking. We're still in this reality, and the once daily puking is bad enough! Hugs!
We've got it MOSTLY under control. There are some days if we aren't careful she'll eat to fast and just explosively puke all over. UGH it can still get really messy and get some distance on it

Alisteal, my heart aches for you. I said a prayer for you and your angel before I went to bed last night. Your story in grief and loss really touched me.
Thank you for your kind words. It just seems like everything is against me.

Thankfully though homeschooling (something I ALWAYS planned on) has taken off very well with very few problems!
post #48 of 213
Originally Posted by FancyD View Post
Anyone else?

I mostly post on the SN board, but I'd like to talk about this with all kinds of mothers.
How to cope when life doesn't quite work out the way you dreamed, and how to still be AP/NFL, to the best of your abilities.

Topics like this, yk? Not so much 'bragging' how un-AP/NFL we are, but how we are trying to do our best. How to cope with real life issues, and how we attempt to keep them as close to our original ideals as possible.

Hopefully it will end up being a supportive and helpful thread for those of us who are trying to the best for our kids, regardless of being thrown for a loop.

As a reminder, we have to keep within the UA, if this thread is to stick around. I think it's a very valuable thread, so I ask that all posts stay within MDC's guidelines.

For OT stuff, PM the person/people you want to address, so as to keep the thread on topic and within the UA.
I came back to this thread and noticed you edited. I'm quoting so members keeping up with the thread and therefore reading the most recent post first will see it.

I can't say this without sounding trite, but thanks for this clarification Fancy so we can keep this going. I know I can use it.
post #49 of 213
Hey, I'm glad this thread is back. I was going to say, there's a difference between the crunchy stuff I'm just not into (like, I really don't care about eating organic) and the stuff I AM into, but couldn't achieve (I really did care about having a natural - or at least vaginal! - birth).

When I was pregnant with Corbin, I really deluded myself into thinking labor wouldn't hurt if I wasn't afraid and had the right attitude. HA. Back labor changed everything - I got the epidural and the cascade of interventions that ended up in a difficult c-section and a long recovery. Flat nipples led to undiagnosed bad latch and weight loss and formula supplementation. My doctor wasn't helpful at all; she pushed formula at every opportunity. I was badly depressed and I honestly started thinking that "AP stuff" was a lot of bunk, because none of it seemed to work in my life the way it did in the books. I couldn't get the sling to work and he was too wiggly to cosleep (and a terrible sleeper no matter what we did). I did cloth diaper part-time, but it kept seeming like too much work. Since we weren't into most of the other natural living stuff (like organics), I really didn't fit into communities like this one.

And yet, when Corbin was a toddler, I started hanging out at MDC, and I still felt like I should fit in. Even though I'd failed at most of the AP/NFL things I'd tried. And then I had Simon, and somehow, I got breastfeeding to work this time. He liked the sling. He liked to cosleep. Cloth diapers fit him right and I didn't mind the laundry. Other than the initial breastfeeding problems, it was all so easy and natural, and suddenly I understood how people could say that this style of parenting was easier than "mainstream" parenting. If Simon had been my first baby, maybe it would have been that easy for me, too.

But, in a way, I'm glad that I learned humility from having Corbin. I learned not to judge other parents for not fitting into my ideals of parenting, because I couldn't reach those ideals either.
post #50 of 213
I'll join!
I dreamt of a natural hospital hypnobirth with a doula and a CNM, and instead ended up with a scheduled c-section for fetal macrosomia because I did what I felt was best for us at the time (and I was bullied into it by CNM,MD, and ILs).
I still have the Kushies AIO's packed away that I never used because after the section I had no desire to do extra laundry (and then because I have to work DD was in daycare that didn't accept them).
I would love to do all organic if we had the money and time.
Due to tongue tie I did supplement with formula for a bit, but we got back on track, and I am wondering if my almost three year old will ever wean.
I just keep thinking next time, next time, next time.
post #51 of 213
Sweet! I totally belong in this tribe. I have thought more than once about not visiting MDC anymore because I always feel guilty and like a bad parent afterward, even though the AP/NFL thing is something I desperately want to do. It doesn't help that I am a perfectionist, and if I don't get one thing right then the other things get tossed out in frustration.

I had a c-section with my son due to pre-eclampsia and liver failure. He was in the NICU for 3 weeks (he was 6 weeks early) and my body just did not respond to pumping. I think had I had a better support system I might have been able to make it work, but no one in my family has breastfed since my great-grandma, who has passed away, and I had no idea what I was doing. So Toby is formula fed, and I'm learning to live with it.

We are TV-free except for movies/shows that DH and I watch on the laptop, but I am definitely a computer addict. Sometimes I ignore my son in favor of the Internets. I am slowly getting better at this, but it's taking me a while.

We eat organic whenever we can, but not local. I am allergic to a ton of fruit and some of the only fruits I can eat are bananas and pineapple, which aren't grown here. If eating these keeps me off sugar, I'm okay with it

We don't co-sleep. We used to, till he was 3 months, and then he moved into his own room. I'm okay with it. If he was in the same room as us he would never sleep, ever. He's a very light sleeper and hates to sleep at all so the slightest noise wakes him up. Argh.

I am slowly building up a cloth diaper stash but I'm not sure it's going to work out. I am afraid of poop and DH is not happy about CDing at all.

The hardest thing for me is my anger management issue. Toby is very needy and sometimes I just want to throw him out the window. I don't do CIO but there are days when I am tempted, and on the worst days I do put him in his crib and let him cry rather than be tempted to hurt him or myself. If I'm having this much trouble at 7 months I am worried about how I will handle him being 2 years. Yikes.

I'm so glad for this thread. It makes me feel like I am not a failure after all - there are other people like me! Yay!! *glomp*

edit: I am hoping for a waterbirth with the next baby, but I have RIDICULOUS blood pressure and don't know if it will work out. I was induced with Toby when my pressure hit 210/140, so we'll see.
post #52 of 213
Thread Starter 
w00t! Glad to see the thread is back! Like I said, PM is an option for going OT, or to discuss issues that MDC doesn't host.

I am ever thankful for abimommy taking the time to bring this thread to MDC standards, so that many of us feel like we have a safe place to post without the unending explanations.
post #53 of 213
Originally Posted by 2cutiekitties View Post
We have unlimited tv time. We all worship Elmo in this house

I love my stroller even though I did use a bjorn a lot.

I am eating crow about what DS eats. Cookies are big here. I have learned never to use the word never ever again

I wanted to be TV free or at least very limited, too. Then the second child arrived when dd turned 2. DD is extremely high needs, and Elmo is the only thing that can capture her for a bit. I hate that furry red guy, he is so annoying... But I LOVE him for the sanity he saved me. I can now feed the baby in peace.

I do wear my ds sometimes, but he is much happier in the stroller where he can see everything without turning his head. It is a whole lot easier on my back, too. With dd, we wore her until she was 2. She hated the stroller until then and HAD to be worn. DS is a lot heavier and he likes the stroller, so we use both now.

I don't think crunchy plans being sabotaged is always a bad thing, personally. Sure, I COULD turn off the TV, but there would be a lot more whining = unhappy mommy, toddler, and baby. I COULD wear ds all the time and never use the stroller, but then we have unhappy crying baby = unhappy mommy and unhappy toddler. We do what makes everyone happy, crunchy or not. :
post #54 of 213
Thread Starter 
I said DS wasn't getting juice until he was 2, at least. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Turns out, he had terrible constipation and my pede recommended concentrated apple juice (I love her, she'll always go for a natural/food cure before meds). It worked quite well, but man, it's hard to get him to drink water.

Thank you, I'll have some merlot with my crow.
post #55 of 213
Originally Posted by FancyD View Post
Thank you, I'll have some merlot with my crow.
LOL We started out with wooden toys (becausr they were pretty) and pretty quickly we got plastic stuff. The playmobil and star wars and pokemon and power ranger stuff all found cozy homes at our place.
post #56 of 213
Thread Starter 
The plastic, noisy, repeating toys are great for DS. He requires about 5 times the repetition that a NT kid needs, and I just. can't. sing the alphabet 500 times a day.

It is about finding a balance where my son has his needs met, and I don't have another nervous breakdown. Also, he's not into wooden toys yet, but I hope he starts one day. I soooooooooo love Montessori.
post #57 of 213
Thread Starter 
Although, if Leapfrog made wooden versions of their toys, I'd get those. As long as there's no lead in the paint.
post #58 of 213
This parenting gig ain't about me at all, you gotta parent the little person in front of you, not the one your in head.

FancyD I LOVE LOVE your sig line!
post #59 of 213
Thread Starter 
It's a quote from rinnerin. : Feel free to use it, she said it was okay to share. I love it, because it really is my life. I had wonderful plans about parenting, and my little dude (and fate) had other ideas. I'm just trying to do the best I can in less than ideal circumstances.
post #60 of 213
Alot of things have changed for good and bad since I became a member here.

Right now my big is that we are using sposies. I had health issues that made it impossible to keep up with the laundry. I am hoping that this changes soon.
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