My dd's horrid room, complete with pics (Update post 63/new pictures!!) - Page 2

[cera]

Do what I did.....
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=953261

[KaraBoo]

If she wants to keep everything in that room, she needs to be a part of the cleaning, decluttering and organizing process. Just my opinion, of course.

That room looks overwhelming.

Does she need help every day with a reminder to tidy up? Does she need more bins for things? What about up on the shelf in the closet? She could put things up there like seasonal clothing and toys she wants to keep but doesn't play with often...

We went through this with our 9yr old. I finally got it down to a manageable size (still too much, imo, but it's her stuff). We take 20 minutes to tidy nearly every day. It keeps it under control. Also, we talk about things that don't get played with and perhaps she might want to donate them? It's a struggle but we're getting there!

[BedHead]

Two of my kids' rooms look like that. The oldest one did too, until he was allowed girls over, then magically he started caring how his room looked

I go in about once a year and do a thorough cleaning. It could happen at any time, though, and if I clean I throw stuff out. I also just refuse to pay for things for them sometimes if I'm sick of their messy rooms.

With my kids, most of the mess is clothes and garbage. Apparently they are unable to see their giant hampers and garbage cans :

[llamalluv]

Originally Posted by PumpkinSeeds

She has too much stuff, period.

I think 90 percent of that stuff can go. Honestly. She cannot maintain it because it's overwhelming. Get back to the basics. She needs a bed and dresser. She needs some clothes, not tons and tons of clothes.

The bookshelf goes out into a common area. White shelving out. Toys should fit into the green bucket and that's all.

:

I totally agree. This is how mine and my sister's rooms look(ed), and if I'm not careful, this is how my own home starts to look.

There is just WAY too much stuff for her to maintain. 10 toys, plus a few stuffed animals to keep on the MADE bed. And an easy to make up comforter with maybe a bed skirt to hide the boxspring.

[1growingsprout]

Its just 'stuff' and its her room. My kids rooms look like that as did mine. Its not a battle worth fighting in my house.
HER ROOM , HER STUFF. however if you break it, ruin it, loose it etc, dont ask me to buy you another one.

[beanma]

I second the pp's suggestion for TV shows about cleaning up! Clean House is good and so is neat. I used to love Clean Sweep (Peter Walsh's show), but I can't find it anymore. Mission Organization is pretty good, too. KidSpace is good as far as redecorating kid rooms. I find that if the "omgwhattamess!" is coming from someone on TV about somebody else's mess my dd1 (7) is much more receptive than if I'm the one doing the nagging. She gets all fired up about how she wants to fix up her room if the show we watch has a kid's room in it, too. Both my girls are much more willing to part with things after seeing folks on TV do it, too. So much of the message we get from TV is "acquire, acquire, consume, consume" it's refreshing to hear "declutter — you don't really need that", y'know? A lot of those shows are on cable, but PBS has some good home shows, too.

I also agree that you need to model decluttering and organizing and call attention to yourself when you're doing it. Often when I finally get around to decluttering my own stuff I'm feeling a little self-conscious about it and not really wanting an audience, but it's much better to put myself out there and let them see by example.

We finally got through their room (dd1 and dd2 share) and it was every bit as much of a mess as your dd's. They were motivated, though, by all the organizing shows I've been feeding them and I did do the bulk of it myself. They helped, but I was under a deadline (home visit from dd2's preschool teacher) and needed to get it finished. They haven't wanted to mess it back up this time, though! I'm crediting Niecy Nash so far !

[veganone]

My room looked like that. My mom made me (and helped) clean in periodically so that nothing was growing in it. She basically said if it's messy, but clean, it's my room and I can have it how I want. We also did a big donation maybe twice a year.

I turned into a fairly neat, and pretty organized teenager and adult. It's okay to give her ownership of her own space.

Maybe she's using it to assert some independence? Seems like a fairly innocuous way to do that.

Or if not that, maybe say whatever is on the floor in the morning when she goes to school (or whatever) is going to Goodwill and pick it all up and hide it from her.

[SAHDS]

Meh, it's not as bad as my room when I was a teen, LOL.

I agree that she has WAY too much stuff, especially if there's no room for it and she's clearly not taking care of it. Nobody should have stuff just for the sheer point of having stuff. I say help her clear it out - sell, donate, keep etc. Go through the toys, the books, the clothes and get rid of things she doesn't want or need.

DD's (9) room has a bed and dresser in her room. It's always spotless and she loves to be in there because it's her own quiet space.

[greenmama]

I agree with all the posters who recommend getting rid of stuff and just wanted to volunteer what I do to address the "that is important to me" reaction that kids have when faced with loosing stuff.
What I do is tell dd that we are going to put stuff that I think she has outgrown and really doesn't ever use away in storage for a while . She can ask for things to be pulled out when she wants them and I will go get anything she specifically asks for by name from memory.
I let things simmer in the attic for 4-6 months. I then tell her you haven't asked for anything in a long time. Is there anything we put away that is at least important enough that you can remember that you own and want to keep it. I will then keep anything she can name. If she doesn't remember it I can get rid of it. She never gets to see what I am disposing of so she never remembers how "important" it is to her. This seems to work.
HTH

[Phantaja]

I'd offer to help her sell some of that stuff on eBay or to Once Upon a Child. And by "some" I mean at least 70 percent of it. Maybe the added incentive of some spending cash would help. And if she does buy a little more stuff with the money, perhaps she'll feel more compelled to take care of it once she sees how money flows.

Another suggestion is to get rid of that plastic shelf. It takes up space. A few underbed boxes would do the same job with the added bonus of leaving no room for things to get lost and forgotten under the bed.

In my boys room, big toys are now decoration as well as things to play with. They have a four foot tall inflatable robot that's blown up and in a corner. Maybe her dollhouse could do the same thing? She might keep the room neater if it looks more "decorated," and it won't cost an extra dime. Think any of that would work for E?

[journeymom]

My dd is 13 y.o. When she was maybe four I went through her room and got rid a bunch of stuff. I didn't even think twice about it. But she missed some of it and when I told her it was gone she was very upset. Other times cleaning her room she wouldn't even let me get rid of crumpled paper. I was utterly baffled and too harsh with her. It took me a while to realize that she's a bit of a pack rat like her dad and his mom, and that taking stuff away so abruptly was truly traumatic to her. However! I think this is the exception. Most kids aren't that attached to their stuff. Just be aware that it happens.

Her room regularly gets that messy. I'm currently plowing through it very slowly. Maybe half an hour every couple of days. I ask before I toss anything I think might be important to her. She's much more comfortable getting rid of stuff than she used to be.

I like the idea about selling stuff to earn a little money. I might try that with my kids.

And- dd started washing her own laundry when she was maybe 11 y.o. She does it all now, though sometimes I remind her (It's Sunday, do you have clean clothes for school tomorrow?)

Yes, when I was a kid my room was regularly that messy, too. It's a cycle. I agree, pick your battles. But I hated having a messy room. It made me depressed. And it's just not ok to abuse and neglect your stuff like that. So I think it's worth it to respectfully and kindly insist they clean their rooms, let me clean them, and keep them neat. We're not consistent. We do the best we can.

[canadianchick]

DD has a friend who has a room that looks like that. When they go away, I take care of their cat and when I change the litter box, I purposely close my eyes when I go past her bedroom because the mess stresses me out. I could not live with dd's room like that but that's about me, not her.

[sapphire_chan]

As a kid, I'd have all these noble plans to clean my room and no idea how to start. It really really helped to have my mom make a check list of things to do in order.

That should help things once you guys reduce her stuff and organize it.

I have no idea how anyone, let alone a child could keep that room tidy. It doesn't look like things aren't put away, it looks like there are no places to put things away. Very few of us have the time, energy, or inclination to maintain a system where there is just enough room for everything to fit. Generally people work best with systems that have at least 10% free space (e.g. loosely filled book shelves), and systems where objects have individual compartments (e.g. ratchet sets with slots for 7/16" and 13mm etc).

[OceansEve]

OMG - Ultimatum time, clean it or it gets donated

[bobandjess99]

that looks like my entire house.
dd's room looks like that if i dont spend daily time on it..but since she is 3, that's really mostly on me, not her...

[operamommy]

Originally Posted by OceansEve

OMG - Ultimatum time, clean it or it gets donated

We've done this...twice. Once last summer, once so far this summer. It didn't make any difference at all in her habits.

I understand what many have said about how it's her room and her stuff, but really, as you can see from the pics - there is a safety issue here. I do like what journeymom said a lot - that it's not okay to abuse and neglect your belongings. I think that's something that needs to be learned by dd.

I also like the idea suggested of a check list for daily cleaning after the room is cleaned and organized. That sounds like it would be a huge help.

phantaja - wonderful idea about under the bed boxes (if needed) instead of the plastic shelving - dd most definately has an under the bed crud issue as well!

And because I feel the need to defend myself a little even though no one has pointed any fingers at me....we *really* have worked with dd on her room and her belongings. After I helped her organize/clean last time, (and after crap on the floor got taken away b/c she wouldn't pick it up) she was left with her barbies, polly pockets, stuffed animals, art supplies, and a few other things - ALL of which had designated bins.

I think a huge part of the problem is that she just doesn't value anything. Phantaja mentioned perhaps dd would feel more inspired to neatness if her room was more decorated. What you can't see in the pics is that it is. There's a beautiful border all around the top, with matching fairy stick-ups on her dresser and applied to the walls in various places. I hand-painted wooden letters that spell out her name, and also hand-painted pegs shaped like butterflies for her to hang purses on. She also has a very pretty quilt, sheet set, and bed skirt that she won't use.

I feel like I've done something really really wrong with not only dd, but also my ds1. I went down to his room this afternoon. Holy crap. It's almost as disgusting. To top it off, he has 2 parakeets that he just won't. clean. up. after. daily. I'm ready to get rid of them, and have threatened to do so. (if you have birds, you know what a HUGE mess they create). The game system we bought him is on the floor, along with dvds out of their cases everywhere.

thanks for letting me vent.

[SAHDS]

Originally Posted by operamommy

We've done this...twice. Once last summer, once so far this summer. It didn't make any difference at all in her habits.

I'm guessing since it still looks like this, you haven't made good on the ultimatum. Empty threats d nothing but get ignored. She has no motivation to change her habits if she knows nothing will be done. Since you've given her the chance and she ignored it, donate her stuff like you said you would.

[ananas]

You sound just like my mom. Honestly, though, that's exactly how my room looked at that age. The problem is just too much stuff, really. I totally know what it's like, even now, to have no idea where to start so I don't start anywhere.

[OceansEve]

The next day they go to school they come home to almost empty rooms and no birds! Get rid of them. Its not fair to the animals. If there are things you don't want to trash/donate, stick them in an unmarked box in the attic. Sorry if that came off mean, I have a friend that I hate going to her place because it looks like that, everywhere. She doesn't clean up after her cats properly and it just drives me mad, but thats the way her mom raised her.

Just a thought, go volunteer at a homeless shelter or children's home. Maybe seeing those with nothing might inspire them to donate and treat their stuff better.

[ma_vie_en_rose]

Originally Posted by operamommy

I understand what many have said about how it's her room and her stuff, but really, as you can see from the pics - there is a safety issue here. I do like what journeymom said a lot - that it's not okay to abuse and neglect your belongings. I think that's something that needs to be learned by dd.

I think a huge part of the problem is that she just doesn't value anything. Phantaja mentioned perhaps dd would feel more inspired to neatness if her room was more decorated. What you can't see in the pics is that it is. There's a beautiful border all around the top, with matching fairy stick-ups on her dresser and applied to the walls in various places. I hand-painted wooden letters that spell out her name, and also hand-painted pegs shaped like butterflies for her to hang purses on. She also has a very pretty quilt, sheet set, and bed skirt that she won't use.

These paragraphs jump out at me to the point I was trying to make about how she does not value what she has. There is simply too much. When there is very little and only the really neat stuff, she will see their value and care for it. If she doesn't care for them, then what is the point in having it? It is just creating problems.

I think it is important to teach children to care for their things because it does become a lifetime issue. DH and I talk about it all the time with the way people treat (neglect) their cars or homes/yards. These are the most expensive things they own, and they are trashed. There is just no respect for it. kwim So, we have made it a priority to instill the importance of taking care of your belongings.