Loosing my faith

[tpintsch]

So here I am 8 days past my due date and if thats not frustrating enough, I have some contractions and they fizzle out a few hours later. Its been happening for a few days now and everyone gets excited (including myself) that this may be "the day" and it never turns out that way. My family keeps calling to ask if we have had that baby yet and my husbands co-workers pester him all day. My DH is getting really worried about this process. He was told a terrible story of a baby who died apparantly because the mother carried past her due date. It is so sad, it really is but now I feel so emotionally charged because I feel like everyone is giving up on me and I am giving up on myself. A part of me wants to run off to the hospital and be induced and another larger part of me wants to fight for this homebirth that we have so desperately saved and worked for, but how do I do that when I have no faith in my body to have a natural labor and childbirth. I really just want someone to tell me my baby is going to be ok and that its ok to keep waiting. :

[Zannah]

I'm so sorry you feel that way. I understand exactly how you feel. You could've taken those words right out of my mouth. I know it's so frustrating. I am 10 days "overdue" now and it seems like it's never going to happen, but we both need to remember that our bodies know what they are doing and that these babies will come out.

As for me, I have stopped answering my phone because it's so hard when the first thing you hear is "No baby yet?!" As for someone telling your husband stories like that, I would tell him to just ignore it. Some people just like scaring people, and some people will never get home birth either.

Don't give up, I know it's hard not to. I feel like giving up all the time. But you've worked hard to get this far, keep on going, you will get there!

[Mommal]

Just remember: 8 days past your due date is not "overdue"! Your due date is not a deadline- it's a midpoint. Left completely alone, 50% of normal, healthy pregnancies will end between 38 and 40 weeks, and 50% will end between 40 and 42 weeks. It's okay to keep waiting!

[jrabbit]

Molly was 2 weeks 5 days "overdue"

http://www.pigvig.net/molly.html

[cappuccinosmom]

I really just want someone to tell me my baby is going to be ok and that its ok to keep waiting.

I'll tell you! Your baby is going to be fine and waiting is most likely the best route for both of you!

My last two babies were born a few days past 42 weeks. It was *miserable* going that long, and I totally sympathize with you.

But while they were both big, they were perfectly healthy, and not in the least bit "overbaked". Once my body actually did go into labor, it *really* went into labor, hard and fast. 4 hour labors for both of them.

If you are concerned for the health of your baby, by all means keep a close eye on movements and heart rate, and if you trust your caregivers not to make up "emergencies" out of whole cloth, doing NST's and ultrasounds might ease your mind as well.

[EBeth0000]

I am so sorry you are feeling frustrated and dealing with pressure. That can be so hard. My son was born at 42 weeks, 5 days. I can relate to how you are feeling.

First, on the scaring and people's pressure stories. I think in our culture, so many pregnancies are induced either early or on or by EDD, that we have lost ALL sense of perspective on the true length of a normal pregnancy. I believe that people have an ELEVATED sense of risk about going past the EDD, but a LACK of a sense of the risk of some interventions (like a pitocin induction being likely to increase your chance of cesarean by 2-3 times) So I think really, this is about weighing risks.

There are always risks of choosing to intervene. There are also always some risks of NOT intervening. As you go further and further, the risks of NOT intervening do rise somewhat, but overall they do not match the risks of intervening based on no medical indication OTHER THAN dates. One problem with our current birth culture is that we have lost the ability to accurately assess and weight relative risks. The only conversation seems to be weighted toward intervening. What I mean is, most articles you read ONLY discuss the risks of going past 42 weeks, but leave out any and all discussion of the possible risks of interventions. One canadian article I read (I can't find it right now) stated that for one baby death to be prevented, 500 elective inductions needed to occur at 41 weeks. I just don't see where I want to part of the 499 women who were induced for no good reason, but if I'm the one woman whose baby dies, then I do, so that is where this becomes an emotional issue fraught with a lot of stress and anxiety.

http://parenting.ivillage.com/pregnancy/0,,jb56,00.html


I think it is really important to trust your body and your instincts during this time. I also think it is important to get the information you feel will reassure you (as PP said, if you trust your care providers not to use this info to unecessarily push interventions upon you) Not just "your baby's too big" "your fluid looks a little low" or whatever.

Also take this time to reevaluate your estimated due date. I got mine revised back by a week thus "allowing" me to go past 42 weeks and stay with my midwives. Remember that they can be inaccurate for a number of reasons. Also remember that the "real" risks truly escalate when you become truly post-dates (i.e. after 42 weeks) so 8 days still falls well within the range of normal as most first time moms go an average of 41 weeks or 10 days past EDD.

If you feel comfortable trying some natural methods of inducing labor you can look into that. But remember that they may not work if the baby is simply not ready yet, and could leave you feeling more frustrated in the long run.

[AutumnAir]

I had a planned homebirth and went over. By a lot. DD was born at 43+1 according to LMP calculation of my EDD given by an OB. I later transferred to a midwife and she revised it a little based on my irregular cycles and family history of long gestations.
I know exactly how you feel. It's horrible waiting. But the EDDs that are given out based on LMP are notoriously inaccurate. And you're not 'overdue' till you get to 42 weeks anyway.
Do your kick counts. If your HCP is good you can ask for a NST or biophysical profile to put your mind at ease ( but as a PP said, make sure they're not the sort to just invent a problem to get you to agree to an induction).
There is an increased mortality rate after 42 weeks, but what no study has proven is whether that's cause or effect. What I mean is that it's unknown whether the increased mortality is caused simply by going 'post dates', or whether in those very few cases going post dates is an indication of something else that's wrong anyway and would still be wrong if baby was induced earlier or born via C-section.
So there are possible risks to waiting. On the other hand there are definite risks to induction. These are the risks that doctors too often gloss over. Research them and weigh the various pros and cons, then make your decision. I, personally, found the book "Obstetric Myths vs Research Realities" to be very reassuring when I started to doubt the wisdom of waiting.

[paquerette]

I was born at 44w and I'm here to tell about it. It was such a non-issue to my mom's hcp's when she tells the tale, makes me think there's been a lot of cultural shift for us to get to where we are now.

And you're not even overdue for another week! So don't let anyone throw that word at you.

Turn off the phone, or at least make your DH answer it and make him stop telling you about people saying/asking stuff like that.

[kltroy]

My DD (a VBAC!) was born 9 days past EDD and I know exactly how you feel. I just kept telling myself, "Nobody stays pregnant forever...not even me." I also scheduled a lot of things to keep myself busy and give myself things to look forward to. Every day I had something to do and I just figured that one day I would have to call and cancel something. Sure enough... I did!

Be at peace, mama. EVERY DAY you are closer to meeting your little one. As long as your baby stays healthy, keep it cooking. Talk to your baby and let it know that whenever it wants to come out, you're fine with that. And then BE fine with that.

Personally, I was happy to do a NST at 41 weeks just to make sure all was well - perhaps that would give you peace of mind too? I think most MWs and docs will start doing regular ones at 41 weeks. I also got some sort of sick pleasure out of answering the "when are you due" question with "last week". It made me giggle to see the looks on people's faces.

[tpintsch]

Thanks to everybody for the reassuring words. I talked to my midwife today and I feel at ease with everything. The baby is moving more than ever right now, so I know she is doing just fine. Its a little tough being the first home birther in my family, it makes everyone so nervous, but I know I am getting the best care. My EDD wasn't calculated with LMP, I have PCOS so my periods were so irregular I had to be dated with an ultrasound. The ultrasound was done during the first trimester so I know it is mostly accurate, but I also know if can be off by a week or two. My spirits are renewed. Thank you so much

[alegna]

ds was born at home at 43 weeks 5 days

-Angela

[raelize]

my mom had 5 at home and the "earliest" was number at 42 weeks, a couple days. the longest was number one and 44 weeks. we were all fine and still in good health.
rachel

[Kidzaplenty]

Just wanted to offer a .

Playing the waiting game can be very hard. But it WILL happen, eventually!

[tpintsch]

I think she was waiting so she could be a Virgo baby. I'm still here waiting. 11 days past now...

[Millicent]

I was in your place 6 years ago. 1st family homebirth. My BIL, who is an ER administrator and my sister, in hospital risk management, said I was "&*^)( crazy". My mother begged me in tears to go to the hospital.

My MIL and SIL flew in from out of town a week before my due date (duh!) and hovered over me, watching me like a tea kettle. Ugh. I ended up giving birth 2 days before their return flights. (revenge!)



I have read that in the old days, due dates sounded like this:


"Before Christmas'

"early spring"

"Around harvest time"


Wouldn't that be nice to have your due date be "planting time". How natural and lovely it would be.

I agree with the advice of turning off the phone! Read lots of happy homebirth stories. Ina Mae's guide has a ton of them. Nest, heel into your birthing cave, make some birth art. Wear headphones and listen to lovely music. Enjoy this sacred time and try to stay away and out of contact with people who are toxic and negative (and on a schedule). Cling to old sages, wise, patient, loving people. Other homebirthers, holy people and lovers of nature. You will find peace and support with them.