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Bizarre encounter while NIP  

post #1 of 34
8/20/08 at 12:51pm
Thread Starter 
We decided to go out to eat yesterday evening.

DH was going to meet us at the restaurant after he got off from work.

DD, DS, and I went in and got a table. While we were waiting for DH to arrive DD wanted to nurse.

I began to nurse her and our waiter approached.

He sat down at the table next to me which I thought was totally weird. It just got stranger from there.

He asked me if I was breastfeeding. I told him I was. At this point I was expecting the "You have to cover up conversation" and I was bracing myself for it.

Then he said that his girlfriend was pregnant and that he was trying to convince her to breastfeed. He then asked me a few more questions about breastfeeding so I thought he might be genuinely interested and wanting info to pass on to his girlfriend.

Then he suddenly says "Yeah I can't wait for her to breastfeed because it totally turns me on and I can't wait to get me some of that."

I was appalled. I couldn't believe how innappropriate that statement was. I'm really not sure what to do about it at this point.

When DH arrived I told him and he wanted to have it out with the waiter. WE left without eating.

Do you think a letter or a phone call to the manager are in order? I'm still just shocked that the waiter had the nerve to say that to me.
post #2 of 34
8/20/08 at 1:03pm
i can not believe he said that to you.

you just dont say those kinds of things to people.


it is ok for him to feel that way. i read a book once where it figured prominently in some couples lives. however, you shouldnt say that to someone in public, that you dont even know, for any reason. that is something he should keep between himself and his gf.
post #3 of 34
8/20/08 at 1:07pm
That is completely inappropriate! I would write a strongly worded letter to the manager and owner of the establishment.
post #4 of 34
8/20/08 at 1:09pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LionessMom View Post
i can not believe he said that to you.

you just dont say those kinds of things to people.


it is ok for him to feel that way. i read a book once where it figured prominently in some couples lives. however, you shouldnt say that to someone in public, that you dont even know, for any reason. that is something he should keep between himself and his gf.
I totally agree that it is fine for him to feel that way. I just didn't think he should say it to a total stranger. Much less one who had two very small children with her.

Plus he had perched himself on the end of the booth so I had nowhere to go. I was sitting here stuck in a booth with my little one latched on and this guy sitting next to me saying this...:
post #5 of 34
8/20/08 at 1:17pm
Besides being totally inappropriate, what he did is sexual harassment. I would definitely be talking to management at the restaurant. :
post #6 of 34
8/20/08 at 1:19pm
EEEEEEW CREEPY!
post #7 of 34
8/20/08 at 1:20pm
That is so creepy coming from a stranger! Ughh.
post #8 of 34
8/20/08 at 1:20pm
Wow, that would make me so incredibly uncomfortable. I am of two minds on the subject of contacting management. He's presumably young, his GF is expecting. Contacting the management about his specific behavior could/probably will cause him to lose his job. Not a great situation for an expectant parent. However, his behavior was WELL beyond acceptable, and I understand wanting to bring the issue to light.

If I were in that situation, I would probably contact the management about educating their staff about how to treat a NIPing mom. Include information on the state law and give a general description of the event, but be ambiguous enough that the person in question cannot be identfied.

Just my opinion.
post #9 of 34
8/20/08 at 1:24pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MotherWillow View Post
I totally agree that it is fine for him to feel that way. I just didn't think he should say it to a total stranger. Much less one who had two very small children with her.

Plus he had perched himself on the end of the booth so I had nowhere to go. I was sitting here stuck in a booth with my little one latched on and this guy sitting next to me saying this...:
sooooo creepy of him. are you going to call the restaraunt? i would. what he did is sexual harassment. telling you that it turns him on, while you are doing it.......... :
it is a violation. and he had you cornered. def call the place and talk to a manager!
post #10 of 34
8/20/08 at 1:37pm
Creepy creepy creepy creepy!!!


Definitely talk to the mgr about training the staff on what is and is not appropriate!!!
post #11 of 34
8/20/08 at 2:37pm
as a former restaurant manager of 5 years I would definitely want to know about an incident like this!!! While the waiter could genuinely just have been putting in his own opinions of bf-ing, he approached it in an inappropriate manner and does need to be educated. While he could lose his job (depending on the number of times he has been talked to about similar incidences), most likely, he will be coached and written up (especially if it was a corporate/chain restaurant), and the rest of the staff will be educated on the topic to prevent further incidences. Personally, I would call and talk to the manager first, however, if you don't feel that the matter will get resolved based on that conversation, write letters.
post #12 of 34
8/20/08 at 2:38pm
I'm sorry, what a jerk! Totally inappropriate, I would consider it almost sexual harassment and I would call and talk to the manager. Did you get his name?
post #13 of 34
8/20/08 at 2:39pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by nerdymom View Post
Wow, that would make me so incredibly uncomfortable. I am of two minds on the subject of contacting management. He's presumably young, his GF is expecting. Contacting the management about his specific behavior could/probably will cause him to lose his job. Not a great situation for an expectant parent. However, his behavior was WELL beyond acceptable, and I understand wanting to bring the issue to light.
If he loses his job, it will be his own fault, not the OP's.
post #14 of 34
8/20/08 at 2:45pm
Frankly, if someone said something like that to me, I would not be satisfied unless they lost their job. Who knows if he even has a gf expecting? My guess is he's a creep with a breastmilk fetish. Nothing wrong with a breastmilk fetish, unless you're using it to sexually harass someone. This isn't someone who said something that came out wrong - I can't imagine a situation in which someone would think that was an okay thing to say.
post #15 of 34
8/20/08 at 2:49pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by KBecks View Post
If he loses his job, it will be his own fault, not the OP's.
:

It's not the OP's job to cover up his harassing behavior for him out of some misplaced guilt; it's his job to behave appropriately in the first place.

I would most certainly report him to management. Saying sexually inappropriate stuff to a restaurant patron is bad enough, but doing so *while* she's in a vulnerable (nursing) position, *and* blocking her only way out while saying it? The guy knew exactly what he was doing, and needs to be called out on it.
post #16 of 34
8/20/08 at 2:59pm
i would definately talk to the manager. go in during a slow time and let them knoe what happened. if you don't want the guy to get fired, you can mention that but it would be a good time for the whole staff to be educated or re-educated as to how to behave towards nursing women

just because this guy has positive rather than negative feelings on the subject doesn't make what he said any more appropriate........
post #17 of 34
8/20/08 at 3:15pm
<---That's what I looked like after reading the OP.

I agree that what he did was sexual harassment. Especially the way he had you cornered...what a creep. Please report him to the manager.
post #18 of 34
8/20/08 at 3:25pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by KBecks View Post
If he loses his job, it will be his own fault, not the OP's.
I agree. He should have thought about his need for employment before saying inappropriate things to a customer.

I would also write a letter to the manager. It's very possible that he is just young and silly and doesn't know what kind of things are okay to say to people. If that's the case, a good manager will document this and hopefully teach him a few social skills. At any rate, it's a good thing to have something in writing.

Stacie
post #19 of 34
8/20/08 at 3:27pm
Do you rmember his name? Write it all down before you do anything else - name and address of restaurant, date, time, waiter's name, what he looked like if you don't know his name, and exactly what happened and what was said.

Call and ask to speak to the manager. Make sure you're speaking to someone in charge, and get his or her name. Let them know what was said, how it made you feel, how it made your DH feel, and how you chose to leave the restaurant. Tell them you feel this is completely inappropriate and proobably sexual harrassment, and ask them what they are going to do to remedy the situation.

Then, write a letter to the corporate office if it's a chain, or the owners - you can ask the manager you peak to for that information Write a letter, including all the info about last night and everything the manager says. Tell them their staff needs more training, and that you expect them to do something to rememdy the situation. If you have that something in mind (firing the waiter and training for the staff, perhaps), let them know.

UGH!
post #20 of 34
8/20/08 at 4:01pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MonkeysRUs View Post
Besides being totally inappropriate, what he did is sexual harassment. I would definitely be talking to management at the restaurant. :
: ITA. He cornered you and that's just super creepy. I'd write/call management right away (actually, I'd probably have DH do it because I have phone issues but that's beside the point).
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