When I say clean your playroom I mean it......(and xmas)

[cera]

So my eldest ds is almost 12 and we keep all his toys and stuff in a playroom. I used to make him clean his bedroom and playroom everyday but it was so much drama and made us fight so much it just wasn't worth it to me. I told ds that it was his personal space and it he chose to keep it messy it was up to him but a few times a year (or more) I would ask him to thoroughly clean both rooms top to bottom spotless to my standards. Every time I got him to clean it was such a horrid job and dh would tell me to leave it alone. Well a few days ago enough was enough, I went in his playroom and found dishes, food, garbage, toys, toys, toys everywhere! I flipped! I always encourage him to donate some toys when he cleans up but as he is getting older the more he is convinced he needs everything in that room. He doesn't, he doesn't play with 75% of it. He had everything hidden in corners, bags, boxes, none of it even organized toys mixed with garbage and arts and crafts, it was just overwhelming. I put my foot down and told him it needed to be done properly this time and he wasn't going anywhere till it was. I took a garbage bag and started picking up just garbage and in 20 min half the floor was clean. I wanted to show him that it was not that hard if he just buckled down and did it but I was not going to do it for him. I have spent years cleaning up his messes and he needed to do it himself. So after 2 days of him being in that room...........he did nothing!! He sat there! So I told him it's all mine and in a few hours filled bins full of crap and when dh came come I sent him to value village. DS was shocked! He said he didn't care and wouldn't clean and didn't care what I did, until his dad came home and I piled it all in the truck. I don't think he believed me until then. Now I am not the meanest mother in the world, most of the stuff I donated was truly crap and toys he has not touched for years. I kept his hockey stuff, arts and crafts (still need to be gone through),video games, and lego, books and some other stuff. I am very glad to see the stuff go though. I was very mainstream when I had ds and over the years have become more crunchy. A lot of the stuff I got rid of I never would buy for either child now. We are trying to be more natural and imaginative.

So now my problem is Christmas is coming up.....what do I buy this boy? Some guidelines
-no plastic
-no more video games
-he has a bike
-no more lego

[SAHDS]

I did that w/ the kids' rooms about 4 years ago. Got rid of trash, broken toys, bits of whatever and even some good toys (they went to the thrift store). Now, we keep it minimal and cleaning is easy and everyone else feels much more calm and peaceful.

No Legos... what about Magnetix or Lincoln Logs? Or build-it wooden toys that he can assemble and paint? Sports gear?

[claras_mom]

Books, science kits, a bike accessory (new helmet, water bottle with holder, etc); if he's really into art, some kind of easel or drafting table, clothing, a puppy....

[AlpineMama]

Passes somewhere he enjoys. Museum? Movie theater? Amusement park? etc.

Music downloads. Netflix membership. Magazine subscription.

A day of fun with his friends somewhere.

(Sorry nak.)

[mamabeca]

The movie passes/aquarium date kind of thing are a great idea! Also an ipod/shuffle is appropriate for his age, and some books on CD or an Audible.com subscription for cool books to download. DVD's? USeful stuff like winter wear/clothes? Ski tickets? Watermania passes? (I noticed BC, but not sure if you're in Vancouver?) Anything that he can DO is a great thing - skateboard, balance board (I got one for my dd that has a maze in it that you wiggle wobble a marble through while balancing, it's a huge neighborhood hit!), book store GC? Or some books? Music cd's? I think there's loads still to choose from - the stuff for him to DO is obviously less STUFF orientated, but a mix of some more grown up 'things' with passes or something would maybe be fun for you all? Good luck - and congrats on finding your line.

[bestjob]

Leaving food and dirty dishes in the playroom is disgusting. He might need a daily reminder to clean up. In my house, it would be something like "we'll eat lunch when you get the snack stuff cleaned up". Sooner or later everyone in hungry and willing to comply.

Leaving LEGO out on the floor never hurt anyone, but you must have noticed that eventually the LEGO is so disorganized that he stops playing with it. Then you can help him organize it.

Our house isn't super-big, and I often need the space the kids use for their toys so that I can entertain. Then we have a clean up party.

I have found that if we all work together, and do it pretty often, it is easier. One day we'd let the whole place get way out of whack, and I promised a treat at the end of the clean up. In our case, it was a candy scramble, but you might choose something else, like a movie or some extra computer time. The idea is that extra effort can be rewarded.

As for Christmas, I have found that my daughter (who is 13) likes a "big" gift but that such an item usually involves instruction. We gave her a fancy camera for her Gr 8 grad... there will be a camera-store based course as her gift at Christmas. I think next year we'll be giving her a guitar and some lessons.

Lessons don't have to be expensive. I have hired kids in Grade 7-8 for $10/hour to teach my youngsters some interesting skills.

[mommy68]

Have you thought about purchasing him something on the computer?

My 13 yr old son isn't in to toys anymore and hasn't been in a couple of years. He did still build with legos up until last year but stopped doing that now, except when his siblings want him to play with them.

The big thing with my son is Club Penguin online. http://www.clubpenguin.com/ You pay for it and kids go on there and play in little rooms with penguins and you pay monthly so they can buy clothing and furnish their igloos. It's a really cute site and very clean, not dangerous.

[karne]

Would some sort of a storage system for the playroom work as a present/ I don't know if you specifically said what you have in the space now, so forgive me if this isn't helpful. Ikea has some really interesting storage solutions that aren't super expensive, and have sort of a neat, teen agey , streamlined look to them. Maybe that could work as a present and would help your ds buy into being neater.

In our family it's all about storage that works! I can't see bringing in much that's new without being able to take care of what's there already, so I'm trying to help my kids with that.

[cera]

Thanks for everyone's responses. I'll try to address everything if I can. For helping him clean, I am sorry if it's wrong of me, but I am done helping him clean, I have spent years helping him clean and he is the type of child that will sit there and let you do most of the work. I have a whole house to clean myself and do not want to ad his mess on top of that. I really don't think that at almost 12 expecting him to clean his own space is that bad. As for storage, the play room is already jam packed full of storage, it's probably the only room in the house with the most storage. There are bins galore of all shapes and sizes, most clear and labeled and shelves take up almost one whole wall from floor to ceiling. Storage is definately not an issue, it's lazyness and being overwhlemed by too much stuff. Keeping it clean now should not be a problem as their is almost nothing left, lol. As for CLub Penguin he frequents this site a bit already and I refused to pay for the extra only b/c he is too obsessed with video games. His dad and I made a rule up this year that we will no longer be purchasing anything video game related for him and that if he wants it he can spend his own money on it. We have had to limit his video game time drastatialy as well as tv. For passes and tickets and such, no we don't live in Vancouver, we live in a VERY small city where there is next to nothing to go do or see. He is not interested in much like sports or anything, he only likes hockey and not even to play and I think it's just cause his friends like hockey as he knows nothing about it. He really likes the wood build it kits from our local craft store but they always end up junked after he is done building them. They end up in piles with everything else. He doesn't seem to respect his belongings or care. He already has an mp3 player. He would hate to get clothes, lol. I know I am not helping things here, haha. He is very difficult to buy for, this stage is not good for me. I think it would be so much easier if he was a girl. I've bought him a few books already and plan on a couple more but am really having a hard time with this. He is also not mature for his age so things you would get for most boys his age don't really apply to him I don't think.

[Ruthla]

It sounds to me like the mess got so big that he didn't know HOW to clean it up anymore.

I would set up some ground rules, such as 'no food in the playroom".

How about giving him money for xmas? If he doesn't need more "stuff" then don't get him any more!

[cera]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

It sounds to me like the mess got so big that he didn't know HOW to clean it up anymore.

I would set up some ground rules, such as 'no food in the playroom".

How about giving him money for xmas? If he doesn't need more "stuff" then don't get him any more!

Yes that is a possibility which is why I kept asking him to downsize. I've offered many times and comes down many times to go through his stuff with him to purge some things but he is very unwilling to let things go. He was much more willing to say goodbye to items when he was younger but as he gets older he is like a little old man with his stuff. It will be much more manageable now that I have taken it down to only items I KNOW he plays with.

There is supposed to be a no food in the playroom rule. :

As for money, he will probably get some money but I wouldn't want for him to only get money. It seems so cold and uncaring since he still is my babe. Also he has not been so good with money lately. He likes to go and buy little knick knacks and junk that just gets tossed aside in a week.

[jillmamma]

Another idea for gifts...how about something to decorate his room with? New sheets, comforter, pictures for the wall? Hockey skates and lessons? A docking station and cool speakers for his ipod?

[debmac69]

Depending on what his interests are, 12 is a very hard age to figure out.
My stepson is into music and we have gotten him accessories for his guitar and even got him a copy of "Spinal Tap" the movie as a spoof. We also got him some concerts on DVD of some bands that he likes...those went over pretty well.
My other stepson is more into sports. We have gotten him t-shirts & hoodies with team logos on them.