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post #81 of 112
When DD was 18 months, I brought her to work with me. I was trying really hard to focus on talking with staff and watch a toddler at the same time. She seemed to be doing fine holding onto my pants leg and playing with some toys while I was talking... then suddenly, whoosh she yanked my pants and underwear down to my knees. Somehow. My scream made it worse, because of course everyone who hadn't already seen turned to look.
post #82 of 112
My dh took dd to a public bathroom a few months ago. While they were in the stall, dd started ranting about how unfair it is to be a girl. "Why do I have to have a square pee pee? I want to have a round pee pee just like you and Nathan! With a round pee pee you can just pee standing up. I just going to stand up and pee!"

The guy in the next stall was trying really hard not to laugh out loud.
post #83 of 112


Thank you so much, Mamas! I haven't laughed so hard in a while.
post #84 of 112
New one...

We were in the grocery store and James has this new infatuation with the song "Psycho" by Puddle of Mudd : we are in line and he looks at DH and at the top of his lungs says "Daddy, you're a schizophrenic psycho."
post #85 of 112
Quote:
Originally Posted by leerypolyp View Post
3yo DD's new trick that she invented at a family gathering: She came up behind her Daddy, stuck her head between his legs (kind of holding the backs of his knees, and leaning forward), and yelled...

"I'M YOUR PENIS! I'M YOUR PENIS!"
:
post #86 of 112
This is a funny thread.

A couple months ago DS (almost 3) and I were at the library. I was looking through the shelves for a book, turned around to check on him, and saw that he'd pushed down his pants and diaper and was happily playing with his foreskin. I don't think anyone saw. I hope no one saw.
post #87 of 112
infact
post #88 of 112
Oh, I have a story but after reading all of those, mine seems boring in comparison.

When my stepdaughter was five, I took her with me to the grocery store. She used to call me "Momma" then even though that was also her word for her mom who she lived with. We were standing in the checkout line being helped by a very large woman. She had only just started checking our huge basket of groceries when my stepdaughter pointed at her and practically yelled "Momma, look at that lady, she is really fat!"

I was so horrified, I didn't know what to do. I nearly clamped my hand over her mouth! I knelt down in front of her and said "sweetie, we don't say things like that about people, it's not nice!"

Then I had to stand there for the next seven minutes or so while the woman checked all of our groceries and I paid. It wouldn't have been so bad if the woman was not livid. I apologized, but she was pissed! She didn't say a single word to me. :
post #89 of 112
When my oldest was about 3, we were in a dressing room in some department store. All of the rooms were full of other women...and my dd is the only kid in the place. Anyway, I was trying on some pants and the unders I was wearing had pictures of Winnie the Pooh on them (in my defense, I was just out of high school). DD always called me by my first name...so out of the blue, dd says very loudly "[my first name] YOU HAVE POOH ON YOUR PANTIES!" Oh, the stifled snickering from the other rooms. I tried to shush her, but she said it over and over and over.

You guys have me rolling...these stories are great.
post #90 of 112
The only one that comes to mind for me right now (and I can't remember if I've ever posted this anywhere on MDC), is the time we were at Burlington Coat Factory, in the shoe department. ds, who had just turned three, was standing by my side, and I was engrossed trying to find my dfd these *very* specific shoes. All of the sudden, ds turns around to the man standing behind us, looking at shoes on the opposite rack, and with a big grin, ds smacks the man (playfully) on the man's butt.

Of course I was horrified. ds had never done anything like that before and I couldn't imagine what had possessed him. I turned to ds and said his name with a sound of shock in my voice, "Honey, that is not okay," I started to say, and then this man gives me this look that made me *swear* moments later to dw that the man thought *I* was the person who smacked his butt. That's right, he looked at me like I was some super crazy lady who couldn't resist smacking his butt and blaming my child. Maybe I am reading way too much into that look, but I could not get out of that store fast enough.

(The man was moderately attractive by the way, but it was definitely ds who playfully patted his tush .)
post #91 of 112


O.M.G. This thread has me in TEARS, I am laughing so hard. My DD isn't even 4mo yet so I can only laugh, not commiserate ... yet.
post #92 of 112
These are so funny I had to go for a pee break


A while ago Max and I are showering in a hotel after swimming. The shower stall is large, fancy tiled and very echoey (sp). I can hear the people next door in thier bathroom too.

Water is dripping from my private area as is normal in the shower.

Max, at the top of his lungs : Mom! Mom! Mom! You're dripping from your BIG HAIRY!

Me, whispering: Max, let's use proper words, it's called a vulva.

Max, even louder: Mom! You're dripping from your BIG HAIRY VULVA!!!

I could hear giggles from next door.

For the record, it is not BIG, nor is it particularly HAIRY.
post #93 of 112
I’ve always made it a point to teach my children the proper names for body parts and not to make a big deal if they mention them. Lately I’ve questioned that decision.

Friday night we were at Costco. I took my daughter to the washroom and my husband took my son. While in the stall my daughter went, then I did. She said loudly “mommy, you have a really, really, really big butt!”. I wasn’t planning on mentioning it to my husband, in case he hasn’t noticed my butt was big. But today he told me my son said to him that same night in the washroom…”daddy, your penis is huge!”. Not sure why they both chose Friday night to say these things since they’ve gone to the washroom w/us plenty of times.

Not really funny at the time but definitely embarrassing…while at a wake my daughter decides to mention repeatedly and loudly “My vagina hurts”. Then my son says “Are you sure it is your vagina and not your vulva? My penis is fine.” I couldn’t get them out of there quickly enough.

When my kids were around two, they were cracking up laughing saying “mommy has two butts”. I couldn’t figure out what they meant until they pointed it out. I was wearing a v-neck shirt and slouching forward, my cleavage looked like a butt to them.
post #94 of 112
Quote:
Originally Posted by leerypolyp View Post
3yo DD's new trick that she invented at a family gathering: She came up behind her Daddy, stuck her head between his legs (kind of holding the backs of his knees, and leaning forward), and yelled...

"I'M YOUR PENIS! I'M YOUR PENIS!"

post #95 of 112
We had a tree in our backyard that blew over in a storm. I had a tree guy come over to tell me how much it would be to get it out of here. The guy rang the doorbell, walked into the house, and almost immediately my 4yo says "Hey! Look what I can do!" And proceeds to drop his pants and pick up his penis like he is peeing.

Last year we were in a restaurant and ds1 said to the waitress "Excuse me, can I have some water please?" Well, I guess ds2 thought it would be very exciting to say something to the waitress himself. He says "Excuse me," so she turns toward him and he proceeds to stick his fingers in his ears, waggle them, and say "la la la la la."
post #96 of 112
Quote:
Originally Posted by dbsam View Post
Not really funny at the time but definitely embarrassing…while at a wake my daughter decides to mention repeatedly and loudly “My vagina hurts”. Then my son says “Are you sure it is your vagina and not your vulva? My penis is fine.” I couldn’t get them out of there quickly enough.
I laughed so much I almost woke my sleeping baby
post #97 of 112
Oh, goodness. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time! I can't remember much right now. I wish I'd written them all down. The only one I can think of happened (thankfully) in the car with only dh and I around. They're re-dong the front of the Sam's Club here.
Me: Huh, I wonder why they're re-doing thier entryway again.
DH: Dunno
DS:Maybe they're making the doors bigger so fat people can get in.
Me (trying hard not to laugh): I don't think that's it. The doors are pretty wide.
DH: grumble
DS: What if they're reeeeeeaaaally reeeeeaaaaally fat, fat, fat. (Progressivly putting on his "fat" voice)
Me: (biting tongue and shaking like a leaf)
DH launcehs into a diatribe about how the doors are not being made wider to accomodate large people blah-de-blah-de-blah.

I've found that the hardest part of parenting isn't handling discipline, it isn't sending them off to school, it isn't the scraped knees or the chipped teeth. The hardest part of parenting is not laughing.
post #98 of 112
Quote:
Originally Posted by themamamama View Post
This is a funny thread.

A couple months ago DS (almost 3) and I were at the library. I was looking through the shelves for a book, turned around to check on him, and saw that he'd pushed down his pants and diaper and was happily playing with his foreskin. I don't think anyone saw. I hope no one saw.
Um, yeah...I know where you are coming from on this one!

Our dishwasher broke last week, and the maintenance guy showed up this morning to replace it. So he was in the kitchen, installing a dishwasher. DS was watching his usual morning show, and I was in the downstairs office checking my e-mail and still trying to wake up when I see ds run past the office towards the kitchen. At the time I was engrossed in reading something, but after a minute or two I realized that he was still back there near the kitchen where the maintenance guy was, and that I haven't heard a sound from him. So I go back there to find that ds had taken his diaper off, and was standing there playing with his penis, right alongside of the maintenance guy as he was working.

:

Oh. my. Goodness.

I was mortified! He had a diaper on not 5 minutes before that, seriously he did. Just decided to take it right off, and make a display of his new found hobby. The guy wasn't looking directly at him, but ds was right in his peripheral vision. Calgon take me away....
post #99 of 112
we were at sea world at the walruses. It was under water and two males were near the window, so you can imagine that a lot of people were gathered around.

One of them kept reaching his flipper down and touching his penis everytime he went up for a breath of air. Well, dd., 5, says "Mommy why does that walrus keep touching his penis?"

I said "I imagine it's the same reason you touch yourself."

she thinks about it for a minute and then say "OH! Because he likes it!"
post #100 of 112
We stopped by to check out a newly opened arts and crafts store and discovered they had a HUGE selection of stickers. dd LOVES stickers, but ds#1 can't stand them. So we're walking along and I'm pointing out different stickers to her ("look! There are rainbow stickers! And look at those ones with ponies!..") kinda quietly because it was pretty crowded. Ds was walking behind us dragging his feet and being crabby at having to be there at all. When all of a sudden he yells out "JESUS!"


And everybody stopped and looked. Seriously. There wasn't a sound.

I was horrified. Then ds said "see, mom?? Jesus stickers!!"
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