No, really. I don't think this is a "stage." I am looking for similar experiences and how the mamas handled this.
He is five and a half years old. Ever since he was old enough to walk, talk and express an opinion, he's wanted to wear mama's clothes and shoes. Wanted to carry a purse. Been interested in dolls and fairies and flowers and butterflies and princesses and all things... well, girl.
Now, while it doesn't concern me in terms of trying to change him or anything, it does concern me when it involves the way he interacts or is treated by others. To compound matters, he has Asperger's, so his socialization skills are already completely jacked up. He just can't relate to ANYONE.
And it really doesn't help that his very favorite outfit is a white sundress with cherries printed on it, accented by a purple headband.
Seriously, this child has, from the very beginning, been interested in whatever you'd expect a girl of his age to be drawn to. He was a pirate for Halloween two years ago, and the only pictures I have of him, he was sad and almost crying because his dad wouldn't let him be a princess instead. He has also started to insist that his name is "Adrienne." (The reason for this choice is that he pointedly asked me what I would call him if he had a girl-name - which I took to mean, what would I have named him had been BORN a girl - and I told him Adrienne... so he's decided that's now his real name.)
Just tonight, he was watching the Olympics and told me he was going to jump and dance on that long stick like the girl he saw (women's gymnastics, balance beam). I encouraged this as he showed me how he would jump and twirl, and then he started detailing the beautiful pink leotard he would wear, complete with sparkles and lace. We began to talk about the differences in clothes between the girl and boy gymnasts... and between him and his sister. I pointed out that he had a penis like his baby brother, which made him a boy, and his sister had a vagina like me, which made us girls.
"But, I'm a girl," he said (and he says this often, like every day). Then, something new, "I have a vagina, that makes me a girl."
"You have a boy's body, and a penis," I reminded him. "Like your baby brother."
He looked thoughtful, then his sweet face lit up and he exclaimed, "When I grow up, I am going to have a vagina and be a girl, too!!"
This little guy has always wanted to be a girl. I don't want to change him, don't ever, EVER want him to be ashamed or feel he has to hide his true self from the world. But, I don't know how to do this. He is so young. Only five, and how do you explain to his seven year old friend and his same-age classmates that his wanting to wear a dress and play Princess instead of Space Explorers is okay? How do I tell him he looks beautiful in his new dress... but then tell him he can't wear it around his uncle (who is extremely uncomfortable with this) or out in public?
I hurt for my sweet child. In my heart I feel he was assigned to the wrong body. But to guide him through this life and try to shield him from the hate and confusion he will be faced with... while simultaneously dealing with his autistic issues... I just don't know how to do this.
Is there anyone out there who has dealt with this??
He is five and a half years old. Ever since he was old enough to walk, talk and express an opinion, he's wanted to wear mama's clothes and shoes. Wanted to carry a purse. Been interested in dolls and fairies and flowers and butterflies and princesses and all things... well, girl.
Now, while it doesn't concern me in terms of trying to change him or anything, it does concern me when it involves the way he interacts or is treated by others. To compound matters, he has Asperger's, so his socialization skills are already completely jacked up. He just can't relate to ANYONE.
And it really doesn't help that his very favorite outfit is a white sundress with cherries printed on it, accented by a purple headband.
Seriously, this child has, from the very beginning, been interested in whatever you'd expect a girl of his age to be drawn to. He was a pirate for Halloween two years ago, and the only pictures I have of him, he was sad and almost crying because his dad wouldn't let him be a princess instead. He has also started to insist that his name is "Adrienne." (The reason for this choice is that he pointedly asked me what I would call him if he had a girl-name - which I took to mean, what would I have named him had been BORN a girl - and I told him Adrienne... so he's decided that's now his real name.)
Just tonight, he was watching the Olympics and told me he was going to jump and dance on that long stick like the girl he saw (women's gymnastics, balance beam). I encouraged this as he showed me how he would jump and twirl, and then he started detailing the beautiful pink leotard he would wear, complete with sparkles and lace. We began to talk about the differences in clothes between the girl and boy gymnasts... and between him and his sister. I pointed out that he had a penis like his baby brother, which made him a boy, and his sister had a vagina like me, which made us girls.
"But, I'm a girl," he said (and he says this often, like every day). Then, something new, "I have a vagina, that makes me a girl."
"You have a boy's body, and a penis," I reminded him. "Like your baby brother."
He looked thoughtful, then his sweet face lit up and he exclaimed, "When I grow up, I am going to have a vagina and be a girl, too!!"
This little guy has always wanted to be a girl. I don't want to change him, don't ever, EVER want him to be ashamed or feel he has to hide his true self from the world. But, I don't know how to do this. He is so young. Only five, and how do you explain to his seven year old friend and his same-age classmates that his wanting to wear a dress and play Princess instead of Space Explorers is okay? How do I tell him he looks beautiful in his new dress... but then tell him he can't wear it around his uncle (who is extremely uncomfortable with this) or out in public?
I hurt for my sweet child. In my heart I feel he was assigned to the wrong body. But to guide him through this life and try to shield him from the hate and confusion he will be faced with... while simultaneously dealing with his autistic issues... I just don't know how to do this.
Is there anyone out there who has dealt with this??
: My aunt was born with a penis, and she went through years and years of anxiety, psychological issues, suicide threats and attempts, etc before coming out to her parents and others. Since she began living as a female, she has been so much healthier. She still has social difficulties (I would bet on undiagnosed aspergers), but she is so much better than she was for the first 40 years of her life. My grandparents have been awesome and accepting.
But I think it will already be infinite times better with a supportive family.
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