How do you respond to this?

[allborntogrow]

I live in an extremely pro-breastfeeding area. However, people at my work live a little outside the area and just don't really get it.

When someone asked me what kind of bottles I was going to use for the new baby, and I casually explained that I breatfeed, another co-worker (who I do love dearly) looked surprised and said "why do some people do that?" I responded "do what?" and he said "Breastfeed?"

I was a little shocked, and kind of at a loss for words, but I managed to very politely say that humans make human milk only when they have babies and so to me, it seems very natural and intuitive - why would we make milk not to give it to our babies? I also told him that there are a lot of studies that prove breastmilk cannot be replicated and is the absolute best food for babies for brain development and immunity. He seemed satisfied, but then someone else in the room was like "oh, my wife bottle fed all three of our kids and they are fine."

I never said they weren't, but that's not the only breastfeeding question I've recieved. I am never preachy, I try to be sort of matter of fact, but it really gets my goat when people start talk about bottle feeding like it's a perfectly equal substitute for breastfeeding - ESPECIALLY people who have no children/no experience with children whatsoever.

How does one answer questions or respond to comments like this? It's more important to me now then ever, because there are a lot of other pregnant people at my work and, again, I don't want to be preachy but I think a lot of these ladies could benefit from hearing/learning about breastfeeding.

What to do? Thanks!

[velcromom]

If it's a friendly conversation that offers you the opportunity to share information, you can always mention that bf reduces a mom's risk of breast cancer. (and her daughters', too) Most people know someone who has been affected in one way or other. So it may sink in where facts about fewer ear infections and asthma don't have quite the impact. But honestly I wouldn't say that to the guy whose kids are all ff and are fine. lol I'd give him the old "uh-huh. So anyway, ...."

[aussiekim]

just a thought
in response to "I was formula fed and I am fine" or "my kids were formula fed type comments
boy - you are lucky. there is a lot of well documented evidence showing that formula fed babies are a higher risk of obesity, gastro, several types of cancer and many other health conditions. You are so lucky that you come from such good stock that you are healthy. I am a little too scared to risk the health problems so I am choosing to breastfeed my child.

[treemom2]

Originally Posted by aussiekim

just a thought
in response to "I was formula fed and I am fine" or "my kids were formula fed type comments
boy - you are lucky. there is a lot of well documented evidence showing that formula fed babies are a higher risk of obesity, gastro, several types of cancer and many other health conditions. You are so lucky that you come from such good stock that you are healthy. I am a little too scared to risk the health problems so I am choosing to breastfeed my child.

This is what I usually say

[snowgirl]

I think trying to educate will get you further. And try to say the "risk of FF/not bf'ing" instead of benefit. When risk is involved, more people listen.
This is a great site for some facts with references, http://www.promom.org/101/

GL!

[library lady]

For the completely clueless/unwilling, I always make it about the money. For some reason people can understand when I say, "Oh, I just can't afford to buy all of those bottles and all of that formula. Breastmilk is free. Do you know how much a can of formula costs these days?"

[MommyJoia]

my MIL called me for formula advice for her SIL who just had twins. I told her to continue to breastfeed and not to introduce formula. I told her about an article I had read about how formula is responsible for all these deaths around the world, blah blah blah. She got a little offended, and said, "well I fed all three of my babies formula and they are all fine." I said, "fine? all three of your children are 'fine'???!!! no they are not! all three of them are either obese or have been obese at one time or another, breast feeding could have reduce the risk for obesity, all three of your kids have candida overgrowth causing foot and skin fungus, Breastmilk has the highest concentration of caprilic acid, which kills fungus, not to mention the fact that breastmilk is alive and has naturally occurring probiotics that can balance out the bacteria and yeast in the gut. Formula is not alive and can not balance the gut. Breastfeeding could have reduced the risk for these fungal outgrowths in all three of them. DH has type 2 diabetes, breastfeeding could have reduced his risk for acquiring diabetes. SIL has so many gut ailments, we really don't know what's wrong with her, breastfeeding could have protected her from all of this. I was FF and I know I can attribute all of my ailments to the lack of breastmilk. While Breastmilk is not a "cure-all" It could have protected all three of your kids from everything that is plaguing them today, so please don't say, they are "fine" because they are clearly not 'fine'"

that shut her up.

Of course, if it were a co-worker, or some stranger, I highly doubt I would have spit out all of that. I don't know what I would have said. I probably would have said something to the effect of, "well, I guess you and your wife are lucky, I know several FF kids that spent a lot of time in the ER for ear infections, diarrhea and other ailments my kids never had because they didn't get the safeguards Breastmilk can give"

[evlu]

For the "why would you do that" (breastfeed) questions, I generally say something about how I don't see the point in spending money on formula that will increase the risk of all sorts of health problems, when I already have the safest, healthiest food for free.

For the "I was formula fed and I'm fine" comments I say, "well, my huisband was formula fed and now he has Crohn's disease, so we're not taking any chances." There's not much anyone can say after that.

[LittlePeanut]

The idea of preping, sterilizing and then measuring out formula into bottles is way too much work for me. The thought of it is exhausting especially when most moms with newborns are already sleep deprived. Besides, it's too expensive when my body provides something of undeniably higher quality for free.

LP

[KBecks]

I would talk to the pregnant ladies directly and tell them that you're happy to help them if they have questions.

I'd also reference studies about the benefits of breastfeeding. I think that perhaps the economics of it -- it's free! formula is expensive! may resonate if people aren't as interested in the health stuff. But I would keep it brief with your regular co-workers and have in depth chats with any pregnant moms who come to you for info.

[*MamaJen*]

For people who are truly uninformed, have no idea or just don't get it, I try to be very deliberately casual about it and lightly touch on a couple of key points. I say it's healthiest for the baby and cheapest and most convenient for me. I'll say something like, "Gosh, it would be such a pain to have to wash and sterilize all those bottles and spend all that money on formula when I could just pop the baby on the boob."
I guess it's a little bit, I dunno, patronizing when I dumb it down like that. But it does seem to plant seeds.

ETA: For the pregnant co-workers, it could be good to bring up the topic assuming that they are going to breastfeed. I like phrasing it as the absolute normal. Like, if you're talking about buying baby gear, say something like, "Have you gotten your breastfeeding supplies yet?" or "How long do you plan to breastfeed for?" rather than saying "Do you plan to breastfeed?"
I just like phrasing things that way. I think it normalizes it.

[LittleSoulMama]

Originally Posted by snowgirl

I think trying to educate will get you further. And try to say the "risk of FF/not bf'ing" instead of benefit. When risk is involved, more people listen.
This is a great site for some facts with references, http://www.promom.org/101/

GL!

Thanks for the link. It is a great site

[polishprinsezz]

it is hard to not want to come back with some tart remark when you get those "and we turned out fine" comments. it is best to come back with a short, to the point factual answer unless they are genuinely interested in having an educated non arguementive discussion. you just cant change some peoples minds. i believe formula can and does save many lives but we as a society have grown too dependent on it. i am the oldest of six. when i was a month old my mother was in a really bad car accident and hospitalized for three months. i went to stay with family. so i received formula. i am the only one with severe weight issues. so formula can nourish a baby but it is nowhere the same quality as human milk.

[greene_mama]

Originally Posted by snowgirl

I think trying to educate will get you further. And try to say the "risk of FF/not bf'ing" instead of benefit. When risk is involved, more people listen.
This is a great site for some facts with references, http://www.promom.org/101/

GL!

This IS a great site! Wow! All the stats in one place...I downloaded the PDF for future emailing to any mamas-to-be in my life. Thanks!

[Breeder]

Originally Posted by library lady

For the completely clueless/unwilling, I always make it about the money. For some reason people can understand when I say, "Oh, I just can't afford to buy all of those bottles and all of that formula. Breastmilk is free. Do you know how much a can of formula costs these days?"

me too. Why is it that people can't grasp the health reasons but when I say, "I'm just too cheap to use formula.", they are accepting? People are strange.

[mama24-7]

Originally Posted by Breeder

me too. Why is it that people can't grasp the health reasons but when I say, "I'm just too cheap to use formula.", they are accepting? People are strange.

Because in this society (American/Western), money is more highly valued than health is.

Sus

[I Dislike Penguins]

I usually just tell people that formula is expensive and breast milk is free. It is also much easier to pop out a boob than prepare a bottle, especially in the middle of the night. These seem to be the reasons that most people understand. Any time health benefits are brought up people either get defensive, or dismiss it saying that every bottle fed kid they have ever known is just fine, so the difference must not be worth it.

[meganmarie]

ETA: For the pregnant co-workers, it could be good to bring up the topic assuming that they are going to breastfeed. I like phrasing it as the absolute normal. Like, if you're talking about buying baby gear, say something like, "Have you gotten your breastfeeding supplies yet?" or "How long do you plan to breastfeed for?" rather than saying "Do you plan to breastfeed?"
I just like phrasing things that way. I think it normalizes it.

I do something similar... when I talk to pregnant co-workers I always bring up pumping. I "assume" they are naturally going to start out bf-ing, and that the challenge will be continuing when they come back to work... but that of course they will be trying to pump... so I just go straight to that topic! I ask when they will be coming back to work, and what if any plans they have for transitioning back in, and then offer my help with any advice about that - "Especially when it comes to pumping. I was able to pump for a full year with both my kids and keep up the breastfeeding even when I came back to work, so its definitely do-able! But I learned a lot of things the hard way about how to succeed at it. I would be happy to share my advice or answer any questions about pumping, or continuing breastfeeding when you are back at work, or anything like that." If they seem interested I will often recommend a book (Nursing Mother Working Mother by Gale Pryor) and the pumping tips section on Kellymom.com.

[ramama]

Originally Posted by allborntogrow

He seemed satisfied, but then someone else in the room was like "oh, my wife bottle fed all three of our kids and they are fine."

How does one answer questions or respond to comments like this? It's more important to me now then ever, because there are a lot of other pregnant people at my work and, again, I don't want to be preachy but I think a lot of these ladies could benefit from hearing/learning about breastfeeding.

What to do? Thanks!

Truthfully, I'd probably say something snarky and rude. First off, it's rude to "dip" into other people's conversations. Then I'd say something about a group of three not being a good basis for a study on FF v. BF. Then I'd probably say something like "I'm glad that 'fine' is okay for you, but 'fine' is not good enough for me."

But then again, I can be rude.

ETA: I would probably also pose the question of why do people chose the best house, the best insurance coverage, the best bank, the best car, etc. that they can afford and still live within their means, but settle for "fine" when feeding their children? Parents should do the "best" in feeding their children, and sometimes "best" includs formula for whatever reason, but to say formula is "fine" so why chose BFing is just ridiculous.

[Sagesgirl]

I don't go into a great amount of detail if it is obviously unwarranted, and IMO conversations at work nearly always fall into this category.

The last time I worked a co-worker asked me a question about formula and I said, "I don't know, I didn't give my babies formula?"

"Well then what did you feed them?" (Said in a tone of amazement.)

"Breastmilk."

"Oh."

I could have gone into great detail, but honestly I didn't see the point. Another of my co-workers said that his daughter had been breastfed and "It's so much better for them."

Another time in a gay bar I was asked why I chose to breastfeed. My response then was my usual: Human milk for human babies. (I am the only person who winds up discussing lactating in a gay bar! )