VENT about comments from strangers - Page 3

[mommydancer]

Originally Posted by changingseasons

No kidding!! Where do we sign up for that?

::::

Keeping things jumping. Wanted a chicken.

[harrietsmama]

ugh formula

Originally Posted by changingseasons

I just don't get it. I mean I realize that there are a lot of people out there (maybe the majority) that feel like you want/need to hear their advice.... but it blows my mind how many negative comments I get about this allergy situation.

I was just at the farmer's market drooling over a table of fabulous looking fresh baked breads... and mentioned that I couldn't eat them because DD was allergic. (Then I had to clarify that we were far more than just GF, because then she was trying to sell me the GF bread.) So the lady proceeds to tell me that I need to just put DD on a bottle. I said no-she's allergic to that too, just because I didn't feel like getting into a debate about it. And she looked at me like I was insane.

I guess I'm always just surprised at how negative people are about me NOT wanting to do formula- as if this is all about my convenience.... Never (ok, rarely) do I get- "Wow, what a great mom! Look at all the sacrifices that she's making to make sure that her daughter is as healthy as possible!" It always seems like they think that I'm being selfish by NOT feeding her formula. : Isn't that what moms are supposed to do? Sacrifice for their children? Make their babies their #1 priority? Who cares if I can't eat eggs. It's a pita, but it's worth it if my daughter can have a chance at a healthy life! What is so hard to get about that??

I know you mamas understand.... this vent is just directed at all random strangers (or family/friends) that feel like they need to tell me how I should be raising my daughter.

I soooo hear you about formula. I even had a chiro try to get me to put my ds on formula. It's 47% corn syrup solids. Corn is MY biggest sensitivity, no way!!! I couldn't bf due to meds I _had_ to take and I made his formula from scratch. It was a huge production, ugh. I felt guilty every time someone saw me put a bottle in his mouth in the first place. I finally figured out I couldn't do straight raw cow's milk in the mix, I had to culture it first, in addition to making whey and cream and collecting 15 other ingredients. But you mamas get it! you do what's best for your babies!

[harrietsmama]

Originally Posted by Astromom

Yeah, I think what gets me is that this is pretty much my life. I hear it all.the.time.... Oh, I could never go without all those foods. Oh, I could never breastfeed so long. Oh, I could never homeschool. Oh, I could never have a home birth. People may say it with good intentions, but it pretty much makes me feel like everyone thinks I'm a crazy person.

Yeah, but then, hey wait!!! I AM crazy on top of it! I get to do all of this *and* go to therapy all the time and take yucky meds and try to stay out of the hospital. I would love to just say that to some prissy person and watch 'em freak out like I was contagious or something

[Handsomesmomma]

You are not the only crazy nursing, natural child birthing, homeschooling, allergy avoiding momma in town! It is enough to make you feel like you are a little Nothing like being the one who is the "odd man out." I firmly embrace these moments now.
For the record I firmly believe the whole world can benefit from therapy :
You are not crazy, you are human

[Chinese Pistache]

:sacrificial chicken

Darn, it didn't work!

[changingseasons]

Originally Posted by Chinese Pistache

:sacrificial chicken

Darn, it didn't work!

Maybe because you didn't specify a virgin sacrificial chicken.

[lil_miss_understood]

Originally Posted by Astromom

Yeah, I think what gets me is that this is pretty much my life. I hear it all.the.time.... Oh, I could never go without all those foods. Oh, I could never breastfeed so long. Oh, I could never homeschool. Oh, I could never have a home birth. People may say it with good intentions, but it pretty much makes me feel like everyone thinks I'm a crazy person.

I think I have a new hero.

[harrietsmama]

Originally Posted by Handsomesmomma

You are not the only crazy nursing, natural child birthing, homeschooling, allergy avoiding momma in town! It is enough to make you feel like you are a little Nothing like being the one who is the "odd man out." I firmly embrace these moments now.
For the record I firmly believe the whole world can benefit from therapy :
You are not crazy, you are human

Thanks

[LauraLoo]

Sigh. I wish I had been on MDC back when my ds' allergies were dx'd at 2. I could have used a lot of support then. Actually, I wish I had been MDC'ing way before that. Better late than never, I suppose. This forum is really awesome - I learn something new every day.

[LaurieG]

I'm jumping in here.

You ladies are a) the only ones who understand what I'm going through and b) the ONLY source of good information about how to address dd's sensitivities.

Thank goodness for MDC! And thanks to each of you!

[mommydancer]

Originally Posted by LauraLoo

Sigh. I wish I had been on MDC back when my ds' allergies were dx'd at 2. I could have used a lot of support then. Actually, I wish I had been MDC'ing way before that. Better late than never, I suppose. This forum is really awesome - I learn something new every day.

What can we do now to be supportive? Ask for something. Say something about what was happening then that made it hard. I know I sometimes hesitate to post for myself...not even sure why sometimes. But your post made me a little sad for the person who had to go it alone. I tend not to post when things get their worst, which is the complete opposite of what I ought to do. It is just hard I guess to talk about things when I feel out of control and overwhelmed, and doubting I will ever lick this thing.



(If and when you answer, bear in mind we are all nuts, and may stop our discussion at any time to go and sacrifice a virgin chicken emoticon if MDC comes thru with one...but that's not meant to be disrespectful...it's just so helpful and important.)

[joybird]

I agree that people often feel threatened by the thought of us taking charge of our own and our children's health. Not just the possibility of themselves or their own loved ones with overlooked problems, but the whole idea of taking the responsibility of it into our own hands, from research to diagnosis to treatment and everything in between. It freaks people out because they're used to having doctors tell them what to do. Most people have no clue about their health, nutrition, etc. and I think that on some level, that makes people nervous.

I was talking with our newly found holistic doc the other day about abx and all the problems they are causing. I made some comment about why, with all the abx during labor and babyhood/childhood, more kids aren't messed up. He said, "Oh, unfortunately they are. It's just in so many different ways that people aren't realizing it."

Yes, MDC rocks. I have no idea what I would have done without this forum either. Oh, and at the end of our appt with the above doc, he said to me, "You learned all of this on MotheringDotCom? That's amazing." To which I replied, "Yes it is, isn't it?"

[LauraLoo]

Originally Posted by mommydancer

What can we do now to be supportive? Ask for something. Say something about what was happening then that made it hard. I know I sometimes hesitate to post for myself...not even sure why sometimes. But your post made me a little sad for the person who had to go it alone. I tend not to post when things get their worst, which is the complete opposite of what I ought to do. It is just hard I guess to talk about things when I feel out of control and overwhelmed, and doubting I will ever lick this thing.



(If and when you answer, bear in mind we are all nuts, and may stop our discussion at any time to go and sacrifice a virgin chicken emoticon if MDC comes thru with one...but that's not meant to be disrespectful...it's just so helpful and important.)

You know, you're right. Thank you for the encouragement. I'm going to start a thread right now.
And if chickens get mentioned, I'll just live with it!

[Astromom]

Originally Posted by harrietsmama

Yeah, but then, hey wait!!! I AM crazy on top of it! I get to do all of this *and* go to therapy all the time and take yucky meds and try to stay out of the hospital. I would love to just say that to some prissy person and watch 'em freak out like I was contagious or something

Aw, harrietsmama, that sounds challenging. Amazing good job doing what’s best for your little ones!

Originally Posted by JacquelineR

I think I have a new hero.

Well that won’t work ‘cause you were my hero first. I mean seriously, if I had even half your skills in the kitchen, I’d be soooo happy.

Originally Posted by joybird

I agree that people often feel threatened by the thought of us taking charge of our own and our children's health. Not just the possibility of themselves or their own loved ones with overlooked problems, but the whole idea of taking the responsibility of it into our own hands, from research to diagnosis to treatment and everything in between. It freaks people out because they're used to having doctors tell them what to do.

Excellent point, joybird!!

Originally Posted by LaurieG

You ladies are a) the only ones who understand what I'm going through and b) the ONLY source of good information about how to address dd's sensitivities.

That is so true. I don’t know what I would have done without this forum the past 6 months. You all are life savers. I have come so far with the allergy situation thanks to all of you!!

I just all around love MDC!! It's just about the only place where other people understand and support that I do what I do because it's best for my little ones.

Love and support going out to all you mamas!!

[mtn.mama]

I guess its not the (negative) comments from strangers that get to me... its the comments from people that I know and trust. This said, I have many times now run into people randomly that were totally supportive and in awe of our situation. I've even found a few who have BTDT and their kids have grown up to be allergy free. These are the comments that I try to hold on to, to let soak into my soul.

[Handsomesmomma]

ITA!!!
The most supportive comments generally come from acquaintances, not close friends. My close friends most likely think I am crazy for making such sacrifices. To me there really never was a choice, kwim?
You gals DO rock too!

[xekomaya]

This is the best thread. It has completely made my day. Its so nice to see all you mamas out there going through all this for you lo's. I can't imagine it any other way, but it can be really lonely.

[elanorh]

Surely there is a sacrificial chicken emoticon here -- we just have to look harder. I find new ones I love daily. My current favorite is, of course, :



I do agree that when these comments come from those who are close to us, it is sometimes their way of worrying over us (wishing we weren't dealing with it, that babe was fine and we didn't have to do the TED etc.).... It sure comes across clumsily though.

DH and I have a trip planned - once we don't have any children with allergies (hoping our kids outgrow their allergies) - we are going to Road Trip across the country. We're going to stop wherever we see an interesting restaurant, and we're going to order whatever we want off their menu. I think we're going to make it a couple-month-long vacation (good thing dh works from home and can travel and work at the same time ). I don't think anyone knows better than we do, how much we'd like it if we didn't have to read labels all the time, pack extra food in case our hosts didn't factor in the girls' allergies and my diet, and limit so many foods we enjoy out of our diets ....

But it is so very worth it. For Ina, if we'd switched to formula when everyone was pressuring that, that would have cost us about $30/day. Hello!!? And we'd have lost all the benefits of breastfeeding for her - the jaw/dental development, the protection against adult allergies/asthma, the immune properties, the comfort for her .... Why throw all that out just so I can eat what I want? Especially since, once an allergic kiddo is older, you're going to be limiting or quitting anyway, so that you don't accidentally expose a child who desperately wants to try the delicious-looking foods her mom is eating.

Step-MIL kept commenting that Ina's allergic reactions (most noticeably projectile vomiting when she got older and failed a challenge) - were just 'what kids do.' (or maybe I'd given Ina alone food poisoning, which is offensive since I worked to teach food safety for years in my prior career). She has rampant allergies (seasonal) herself. How many of the "Just what kids do" that we are told about kids with eczema, sleep issues, constipation, random vomiting - are a result of unrecognized allergies? And if the speaker acknowledges that, they are acknowledging that they could have done something to prevent their child's situation. That's hard to do.

When you know better, you do better - it's trite but it's true. Because of Ina's allergies, my sister and her husband recognized their lo's milk allergy (adopted baby) and switched her formula. If they hadn't seen Ina, they'd have just thought that she was a fussy colicky baby and would outgrow it eventually .... I didn't know about probiotics with Ina, but use them with SJ.

I do get so tired of the "she's just a helicopter parent" type of reactions from people who we don't know. The rolled eyes or etc.

[lil_miss_understood]

Originally Posted by Astromom

Well that won’t work ‘cause you were my hero first. I mean seriously, if I had even half your skills in the kitchen, I’d be soooo happy.

Kathy's my hero on that front. That gurl has mad skillz.

I've had people think I don't take it seriously enough, actually, which is pretty funny if you consider what a basket case I really am about it. My neighbours won't feed him, which is great, but they call me before giving him water. Um. Yes, he can have water. : Are you serious?
It's probably the fact that I tell them "You're not going to kill him if you do give him something he can't have." Because, frankly, they're not. It would suck a whole lot and I'd be pretty annoyed, but please, do you really have to call me about water?