running on playground and time-out

[Rose-Roget]

Okay, I think I'm overreacting, but this just keeps bugging me. Yesterday, when I picked my son up from his second day at M, he was sitting on the bench beside one of the assistant teachers. The director asked if it was okay for him to come over, the assistant said "sure," and the director said she thought he was in time-out. When I asked why, she said I'd have to talk to the assistant, so I did. The assistant explained it, saying that he'd been chasing a girl and she was afraid they'd fall in the sand, so she asked him to stop. Being prone to getting a little wound up with excitement, my ds didn't immediately stop, so she brought him over to sit on the bench and rest.

I do understand - really. I don't want him (or the girl) to fall and skin their knees, but part of me feels like this is recess and shouldn't they be able to run outside at recess on a playground? And I know the bigger offense was that he didn't stop immediately. But simply approaching him and leading him calmly to another activity, with a statement that the rule is not to run so children could stay safe, should have been enough to redirect him. I just have this uneasy, overly-controlled, feeling - like he's going to be put in time-out every time he acts like a kid. Now, I don't know all the circumstances. It sounded like the other child and he were playing - the teacher didn't indicate that the girl didn't want to be chased. I'm assuming that she stopped running immediately, so that's why she wasn't sitting on the bench, too. Anyway, I'm over-reacting, right? This is reasonable use of time-out, or "rest time," right?

[Lillianna]

I personally feel that natural consequences of falling and scrapping your knee will develop more control of movement than having to sit on a "time-out".

My (AMI) trainer told us that, more often than not, what is needed is a "time-in" where the adult becomes more involved with what the children are doing. Maybe they need more direction on the playground in the beginning of the year.

I generally feel that "time outs" are out of place in Montessori except for in potentially harmful situations. (which I don't consider falling and scraping your knee on the playground harmful)

It does make sense that the children would be running on the playground!

[KBecks]

I would not like that. I do think that kids should be able to run and play. It would be different if the girl did not want to be chased and your son did not respect that. But stopping immediately? (Especially on day 2 of school?) Come on! We're talking about little kids!

I would feel very uncomfortable but not know what to do with it.

[wrzos]

I'd probably be uncomfortable as well, but would hold my tongue for another few days. I know at our school (which I love!) we had some rapid changeover of assistants in the first week or two, as the teachers/directors were evaluating how they 'really' interacted with the kids. There was an uncomfortable moment our first week on the playground with an assistant as well, and I didn't say anything, and she was let go later that week b/c of an incompatibility with the M methods being used there.

I guess I'd want to know more about the staff person - was she a seasoned vet? or a newbie? Did you son provide more details about the incident on the way home? Was he upset by it? If your feeling doesn't go away in a few days and/or you see/sense additional concerns, I'd contact the director to speak with him/her about it.

[Rose-Roget]

Well, the assistant has been there for 5 or 6 years, and is studying to become a Montessori teacher (according to the newsletter), so it's not that she is inexperienced. Ds was not upset, but at the same time, I'm not sure he really got the point of why he was sitting to the side, either - he was just fiddling around on the bench, and he didn't complain. I, too, despite how loudly as my mother's voice echoes through my head, believe that the natural consequence of falling might teach a better lesson. But I don't know all of the circumstances.

When I picked him up yesterday (day 3), I had a few moments to talk with the director about how he's doing. She said that play skills (which I think she more meant social intereaction skills, because he "plays" just fine) is an area where he needs support. She mentioned that he likes to yell on the playground, which is not okay there. I asked what she did about that (listening for anything that might indicate more time-outs) and she said she tries to be proactive and catch him before he's yelling. If he would, she would move him to a different area of the playground for a little while. This seemed better. I think I will talk with her a little more about whether she can help provide good alternative choices to yelling (like, if he's yelling at another child if he wants a toy), rather than just sending him away...but not getting to hang around others if your yelling at them is a more natural consequence than a time-out, and she was also trying to be proactive and vigilent to help him learn, so those are steps in the right direction.

We'll see... I've always been a bit of a control freak when it comes to my ds's discipline. (Then again, I've not necessarily been mother of the year during his 3's, so they probably won't ruin him!) I just hope that he feels included and loved when he goes there - not just well-educated.

[Koloe]

I would not like that. But really - they were running in "sand" - how is that going to hurt them if they fall? Sand is used to absorb energy when children fall from playground equipment. And the no yelling on the playground? That is just too bizarre for me. Running and yelling outside is what a "playground" is for IMO.

[Rose-Roget]

Thanks for the support - at least I know I'm not crazy. The sand is the gravelly sand, not the finer stuff. I kind of guess that her philosophy is that she has to have the rules on her playground because it's not very big and if she had all the kids running and yelling, it would get chaotic. I only imagine that would be her answer if I approached her. Since we just started, I don't want to challenge her rules yet, but I do find those pieces restrictive. I am going to wait a little longer to see how he continues to do. While it's nice out, I'll be picking him up from the playground most days, so I'll get a better feel. I liked that she was trying to be proactive on Friday, rather than just sticking him in time-out. We actually have a Plan B school (if they still have availability) - although I kind of wonder if they might have similar playground rules - but I really had a good overall feel about the current one last summer. Plus, I wasn't as sure about how vigilent and proactive the teachers were at other school (although I didn't have any real instances to point to, regarding that). I just hope that I didn't make a bad decision... so far he acts happy and hasn't cried about going (which is a big change from last year!).