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Naturally occurring or Fertility treatments - Page 3

Poll Results: Were your multiples naturally occurring or did you use fertility treatments?

This is a multiple choice poll
  • 73% (65)
    Naturally occurring
  • 26% (24)
    Fertility treatments
89 Total Votes  
post #41 of 55
My b/b twins were spontaneous after 18 months of trying and crying. My friends joke that I wanted that second baby so bad I was doubly blessed for my patience.

My least favorite remark was, " Are they realtwins.?" Um, no, they are dolls that I dress up and push around in a stroller!: Dh was there and his response went something like this, "Oh you meant IVF? Nope. DW and I just did it twice in one night. That's all you need."

I knew I married him for a reason. Always good with the snappy come back.
post #42 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leslie in Chicago View Post
. . . when friends, colleagues and even strangers ask if twins run in the family, I explain that both my grandmother and my husband's grandmother were twins. Invariably, the questioner beams.

When I add that my babies are IVF babies, the smiles evaporate.

We all know what I'm talking about here. The last thing I need, as a new mom, is judgment.
Are you confident that it's always judgement?

When we started telling people that we were pregnant AND that it was twins, the invariable reaction was outright LAUGHTER. Our twins are #4 and #5. It was a bemused "ha-ha" finger-pointing sort of response. (A little frustrating to DH and me, but not mean or judgmental). Simply, that people assumed we'd entered the baby-making arena planning on a singleton and look what happened! Surely you can think of situations where you laughed at someone getting more than he/she bargained for.

Many people know that IVF increases the likelihood of multiple births. So common is this talk, that I would bet some people think IVF conceptions result in multiples more often than they result in singletons.

So I imagine that when some people hear IVF was used, they don't quite know how to process that. To some people, it would seem like inviting difficulty upon yourself. ie. Getting exactly what you bargained for! (Of course they aren't thinking of all the joys of multiples - just the overwhelming and crazy parts!)

Now this doesn't explain why someone would ask a question if not possessing the social graces to reply in a respectful and supportive manner. But that's another topic.
post #43 of 55
I was pretty huge with my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies, and I never had more than one at a time. Having a big belly is NOT necessarily an indication that you're having more than one!
post #44 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by Novella View Post
Are you confident that it's always judgement?
So I imagine that when some people hear IVF was used, they don't quite know how to process that. To some people, it would seem like inviting difficulty upon yourself. ie. Getting exactly what you bargained for!
I think that is one of the reasons it annoys me. Frankly their opinion means nothing to me, but it does annoy me.
post #45 of 55
I didn't know that asking someone with twins if they are a result of fertility treatments or naturally occuring can be hurtful! I feel bad now because I have asked that question a few times I don't know why it's a big deal though either they are they are not (naturally occuring or not that is) If you have used fertility treatments why not talk about it if someone asks?

Personally, I think IVF and ART are not natural means to have a baby but it doesn't mean that it's bad or inferior! Just another way of having a baby. If you feel inferior for having done any kind of ART then maybe that's why some may be be offended.

Just talk here, not trying to hurt anyone
post #46 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by naturalmamaof1 View Post
I didn't know that asking someone with twins if they are a result of fertility treatments or naturally occuring can be hurtful! I feel bad now because I have asked that question a few times I don't know why it's a big deal though either they are they are not (naturally occuring or not that is) If you have used fertility treatments why not talk about it if someone asks?
I don't find it hurtful, just intrusive and nosy. I've talked about my struggles plenty with my trusted friends, who know way too much info about having a husband with not so stellar sperm, and recurrent pregnancy loss than I'm sure they'd ever want to know, but I would never share that with someone I don't trust or know intimately. So having an acquaintance or someone who I barely know ask me if "they're natural or not" would raise my hackles. It kinda adds insult to injury.

If you'd like to learn more about the infertility experience, I highly recommend www.alittlepregnant.com or http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/ it might shed a little light on the devastating condition that many of us have had to battle. A battle that some of us win, but not all.

Peace and love to the infertiles out there! :
post #47 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by franciemack View Post
I don't find it hurtful, just intrusive and nosy. I've talked about my struggles plenty with my trusted friends....

So having an acquaintance or someone who I barely know ask me if "they're natural or not" would raise my hackles.

If you'd like to learn more about the infertility experience, I highly recommend www.alittlepregnant.com or http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/ it might shed a little light on the devastating condition that many of us have had to battle. A battle that some of us win, but not all.

Peace and love to the infertiles out there! :
Ditto! It isn't hurtful, it's rude and nosey. And I certainly don't feel inferior. In fact, I think I have the great privilege of knowing just really how special it is to become pregnant.

I write a lot out about our IVF experience on my blog. I have no problem sharing the details our IVF or adoption experiences. But I do have a problem with a total stranger or mere acquaintance asking a question "If they are natural or did you do something like in vitro".

I think the cyber world (like this forum or blogs) is a great place to ask questions and learn without being intrusive and rude. And, if you have questions because of your own infertility and come across someone with twins, I think a proper way to ask (if you can't help yourself) is to phrase it so that it gives the person you are asking a way to avoid answering if she isn't comfortable. Such as, "Oh congrats on expecting twins, we have been having some trouble conceiving ourselves and have looked into infertility treatments where twins can happen". Or something like that. Personally if I was asked a question like that I would be happy to share our story and help someone with our experience.
post #48 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by franciemack View Post
I too am tired of the "do twins run in your family" question...if only i had a dollar for each time I'm asked. I too tend to think it's the inquiring mind wanting to know if they're from ART.

I disagree, and wonder if maybe folks who have had ART are more sensitive and infer that just because of their experiences. Even before having twins myself, I've asked if twins run in the family, and it NEVER had anything to do with wondering about ART. It was more like-- "wow, I wonder what a surprise that was!?!? I wonder if twins run in their family, because at least then you'd be expecting it a little, and if twins DON'T run in their family that's wild because then it reminds me that it could happen to anyone-- even me! Holy crap!"

That was the extent of my reasoning for asking.

It just strikes me as odd to take everyone's honest question as suspect, KWIM?
post #49 of 55
The question do twins run in your family wouldn't bother me a bit. I'd happily answer the question with "No" or my new favorite after reading this thread, "they do now".

But the questions like "are they natural or did you do infertility stuff" questions are rude and intrusive.
post #50 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by christyc View Post
I disagree, and wonder if maybe folks who have had ART are more sensitive and infer that just because of their experiences.
I'll be the first to admit I'm more sensitive about my pregnancy than someone who hasn't suffered RPL and/or infertility...and yes I agree my experience colours my perception - as it does for everyone. 4 miscarriages and 5 embryo transfers will do that to you.

Also, I'm sure all women expecting twins get a little tired of the same comment over and over - which is why a dollar donation would be so excellent - it'd pay for that double stroller! But hey...a minor annoyance. It's not like I bat them over the head for asking.

Here's the comment I don't get tired of, "Wow, you are so lucky! How amazing!", a direct quote from the dude making my sandwich at the office cafeteria. It made my day.
post #51 of 55
Spontaneous identical twins here.
post #52 of 55
I had spontaneous boy/girl twins and they do run distantly in my family. I have actually never been asked IRL if my twins were "natural" or not but I do get the "do they run in your family" question alot.
post #53 of 55
I've been thinking about my previous post a lot since I first put it up. I said that I find it suspicious when people ask me if twins run in the family, and usually people don't listen to my response, or respond to it. And so I feel like they do want to know..... and I had judgement on that, but I guess it could be someone w/fertility challenges hoping to open a discussion, or most likely, the comment that most people make as soon as they hear it's twins, in a knee-jerk reaction, because that is what they have heard. I usually try to believe the best case scenario, which typically is that people just want to connect, and engage, and sometimes we don't know that something comes off as nosy or rude. I just thought that since my twins were spontaneous, and I was annoyed, that those w/IVF would also be annoyed. But really, like another poster said, I love it when people share that they always wanted twins, or some cute sandwich guy (who looks way too young to even be thinking about starting a family) says something like "that's great!" so genuinely, that you really appreciate how special it is to be carrying twins.
As far as the "natural" twins (language piece) goes, I think that the only time it is appropriate to say "natural" would be in discussion w/a care provider who argues that a twin pregnancy is not "natural", (but my body did this!!!) and hence, could help in an argument.
Overall, we are really lucky, tired, stressed out, blessed mamas, and man, can I appreciate the fluke of ending up w/twins, no matter how they came to be. I don't know what the journey of infertility is like, but I'm sending love and extra blessings out to those mamas who journeyed through infertility to be here on this board. Being a mother is so special to me (I say this through tears, with my twins handed off to my DH in utter frustration a minute ago as they wouldn't stop fussing ALL DAY LONG!!!!) Well, it wouldn't be so special if it was always so easy, right?
Oh yeah, and a confession here: I was one of those who would ask if the twins were identical, even when they were a girl and a boy (unclear on the concept of identical )
post #54 of 55
I would almost say Other. Mine were naturally occuring BUT... I was very overweight at the time, with some PCOS symptoms as well (irregular periods, etc.). I think if you look HARD at this, you'd find that many women in their 20's who conceive twins "naturally" aren't exactly natural (as in, equivalent to living 1000 years ago or whatever) from a health and endocrine perspective. I could go on about the impact of sugar and processed carbs, but I know for me at least SERIOUSLY messes up my whole body, hormones included. Since I've been refined carb-free and a healthy BMI for me, my periods are totally regular, closer together, and milder/shorter/lighter. I'd be willing to bet, even 7 years later, that my chances of conceiving twins "naturally" are almost nil, as you would expect them to be.

ETA.... I think this is true even when twins supposedly "run in the family." For example, twins run in my family, but so does diabetes, obesity, even hair on the chin. lol In other words, I think there's a third variable at work here (sensitivity to sugar and gluten maybe) that can be inherited. This twins in my family thing only goes back a couple of generations, after which it mysteriously disappears. The timing of my family's "twin gene" with the rise of processed foods is more than striking.
post #55 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by DeannaK View Post
Ditto! It isn't hurtful, it's rude and nosey. And I certainly don't feel inferior. In fact, I think I have the great privilege of knowing just really how special it is to become pregnant.

I write a lot out about our IVF experience on my blog. I have no problem sharing the details our IVF or adoption experiences. But I do have a problem with a total stranger or mere acquaintance asking a question "If they are natural or did you do something like in vitro".

I think the cyber world (like this forum or blogs) is a great place to ask questions and learn without being intrusive and rude. And, if you have questions because of your own infertility and come across someone with twins, I think a proper way to ask (if you can't help yourself) is to phrase it so that it gives the person you are asking a way to avoid answering if she isn't comfortable. Such as, "Oh congrats on expecting twins, we have been having some trouble conceiving ourselves and have looked into infertility treatments where twins can happen". Or something like that. Personally if I was asked a question like that I would be happy to share our story and help someone with our experience.

ITA with the above. I have no shame whatsoever and I'm happy to discuss with close friends and family, but a random colleague, a checkout girl, a hairdresser -- NO. I'd no more discuss our methods (injectibles, which incidentally allows me to duck the IVF question) than I'd discuss sexual positions with them. FWIW, I know most people aren't trying to be intrusive or rude but when you inquire about a very sensitive topic often coupled with a variety of emotions, it often feels that way.

I too think here, or online, is an appropriate place to ask.

And I have had a particularly rude colleague make a joke express sympathy only after I said we didn't do IVF, saying something like well at least you didn't bring it on yourselves?!?
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