The balance between positive/hopeful and getting your hopes up

[chrissy]

Does that even make sense?

What I mean is how do you find a balance between being positive and hopeful and not so positive and hopeful that you're crushed when your hopes don't come true?

I know that my negative attitude is not helping in this ttc journey but it seems like if I ever let myself feel hopeful my hopes just get crushed and then I feel 10 times worse.

For example, the other week I was feeling hopeful so I bought a little hat for a newborn *knowing* that one day I would have a newborn to put that hat on. That felt really good... until I started feeling depressed that I didn't have a newborn NOW or at least growing in my womb and wondering if I ever would have a newborn to put the hat on.

Is there a way to be hopeful and positive without opening yourself up to tremendous disappointment and sorrow?

[naturegirl]

Wow what a hard question. I think I also feel this way a lot. Knowing the power of positive thinking I try to visualize myself pregnant, breastfeeding, holding my baby. I visualize my egg being fertilized and imbedding and growing.

I haven't had that dream become a reality yet but for some strange reason I am feeling the day is getting closer.

A couple of months ago I had a desperate feeling that it wasn't going to happen. Not the way things were then. Recently I have made some great steps through acupuncture with my lp and have started seeing a chiropractor who I have great confidence in and am feeling "different" already about my body and my fertility. Now when I look at babies I don't look at them with sadness that I don't have my own yet, I look at them in excitement, anticipation and even a little scared. It is still hard when I don't get that BFP at the end of my cycle and instead get a visit from you know who...But I have faith that I will have a baby someday very soon with help from others.

Good luck I hope you get the pregnancy you so desire very soon.

Cheryl

[gonnabeamom]

As hard as it's been for me to find out I'm not pregnant when I thought I was, I think I'm going to way in for getting your hopes up.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that as hard as the downs have been for me, I've loved the ups. Early on ttc, we thought I was pregnant. I'd watch all the pbs specials online about the begining of pregnancy, and according to what I thought I knew, the baby had implanted as was building a placenta. There was this incredible heat coming off my tummy but not higher up, and we thought it was all the new circulation happening. My DH sat with his head on my belly, and it was this little wonderful moment of awe. We were wrong, but I wouldn't give that moment back.

Some people (my DH among them) do better just keeping an even keel until they know for sure.

I am finding I do better if I go with what I feel when I feel it-letting myself do a little fantasizing, and just crying when I feel like crying. If I try and fight either one then it just takes longer. If I fight the enjoyment, the crashes are harder and last longer.

I've also had to surrender a lot of my sense of knowing the reason for all this. Accepting that it's a mystery allows me to let go of trying to make sense of it, which makes is less all consuming (well,slightly less)

[Bluedragonfly]

Naturegirl, you've got it going on. I too understand the feeling of balancing these emotions. It's funny though, because no matter how many times I've gotten my hopes up, taken that darn test that seemingly always precedes Auntie, then felt my heart sink, I never give up hoping for next month. And I couldn't agree more about how surely I feel closer and closer to this little spirit that so wants to be a part of our family. It's like all around me, and it's not in my head.

I know that this little babyperson will be coming soon. It just feels so natural. And yes I will be sad every first day of the next cycle, but renewed the day after that, because after all, we are one month closer to our second baby.

Good luck to all of us, and may we all be comforted with positive spirit.