how can i help a friend get help?

[waterjen]

one of my yoga students, julie, gave birth to her dd about three or four weeks ago in the hospital. it was a long birth, rather traumatic but vaginal, and her baby was put in the intermediate care for some fluid in her lungs. bc the baby was not with her julie was not able to establish a bf relationship with the help of a lactation consultant and found out that her baby was given formula, fed first through a tube and then bottle, bc of "low blood sugar". Julie pumped her milk and saved it for her. Her dd didn't have strong latch instincts and they were having trouble bfing when she got home and would get really fussy so she'd give her a bottle of breastmilk, especially at night. for two weeks dd was learning to bf and it was going ok, but seemed still hungry after ward so Julie supplemented with the bottle (still breastmilk). She went to one of the hospital bf support groups and also called her ped. Her ped says "keep trying." I'm not sure how helpful the support group was, they gave her diagrams? I invited her to attend a LLL mtg with me last week but she didn't respond, some relatives were possibly visiting... She is very frusterated and feels that her DD is frusterated by the trying and has given up trying to feed her at the breast bc she is starting to feel like it is "selfish" for her not to give her the bottle which gives her more and faster and bc her dd is so frusterated and gets fussy when they try. I don't know how to help... I'm about to have my first myself, and just took a bfing class with a professional lactation consultant and know there is a lot to it and that there are challenges, but they are not insurmountable. How do I help without being too pushy? She seems resigned and very sensitive, like she feels like she has failed...her birth experience also gave her that feeling....long labor, unplanned epidural, major tearing.... I've been stopping over trying to help, but don't know exactly how best to help. Any advice is appreciated...

[PatioGardener]

Is there an LC who could come to the house to help her? It sounds like letting the baby self-latch may help. Jack Newman has some nice videos: www.drjacknewman.com

Lots of skin-to-skin time will also help. And perhaps diaper counting will help show mom that baby is doing OK at the breast and if still acting hungry will go back to the breast, rather than the bottle.

[kgrace]

Hi my baby is 3 months old now. And she loves to nurse!! But my first 5 weeks sound a bit like your friend.
I had an amazing home birth with her and she´s my first so congrats for Your upcoming birth in september!!
anyways... I worked with 2 different lactation consultants because baby seemed to be poor suck and I was a worried mom soo... I pumped and gave her bottles.But to get her onto the breast fully First I found a lactation consultant that helped me let baby lead and not just pinch my nipples and shove baby around and insist I use tons of pillows really not necessary.
Then I got nipple shields Medela makes them, my baby was used to the silicone feel of bottles. So she breast fed with the shields for a while and then we ditched the shields after a few weeks. Yipee.She just kept getting stronger and we both figured it out.
Keep encouraging your friend what a good job she´s doing to keep up her milk supply by pumping and she´ll feel so much relief when she can get rid of the darn pump and bottles and nurse anwhere. You´re a great friend

[waterjen]

thank you so much. this is really good advice and gives some hope. i was afraid i might make her feel worse by trying to encourage her to keep trying, and yet...
i'm going to call her tomorrow...

[waterjen]

ok, so to clarify, if a baby hasn't learned to suck well at the breast in the first five weeks or so, all is not doomed for feeding at the breast? baby can still learn???
she could use a nipple shield for awhile and see if that helps?
she has given up on bfing and is just giving baby her milk through the bottle bc she feels like she is not being fair by making it "hard" for her dd by making her continue to learn to bf...
since i don't know from experience, but am trying to convince her to seek help from a lactation consultant i just want to make sure that a lc will really be able to help her and her bf relationship with her daughter...since it is expensive and she's already sensitive about it... i know that i would for sure, but...