If you used Hypnobirthing, but things didn't go how you visualized...

[HoneyTree]

...how did you reconcile that?

I'm about halfway through the book, just past all the parts about the cultural conditioning and the physiological reasons why painless birth is possible and preferred.

And I'm not trying to spend a lot of time on negative contingencies, but I'm just wondering, if I practice and follow the breathing techniques, if I am really doing the work to meet and move past old fears in these months before the birth, and then I still experience pain, prolonged labor, a torn perineum, moments of fear and doubt, etc., what does that say about me?

I guess I am taking this book personally, looking at it as a standard that women can, and in fact are perfectly equipped to meet, but that if I don't meet it I am, what, ruled by my fears? A slave to my cultural baggage? Mistrustful of my own body? THAT idea is making me more upset than the idea of having a painful birth!

I'd love to hear anyone got past this idea/worry/actuality herself... I'm finding so much good and worthwhile about the concept, but I just am having a hard time getting over this one hurdle.

TIA.

[Lousli]

I don't know if this counts, since I used Hypnobabies. I also was unable to finish the entire program since my daughter was born prematurely. I had a lot of complications, and I ended up with a very medicated, very difficult birth experience. I grieved the birth that I wanted but didn't get, but I didn't feel that it said anything about me.

Your post says that that painless birth is "possible and preferred." Well, of course! But that doesn't mean that because a painless birth is possible that pain is not ever a possibility. Things happen sometimes. I know you don't want to dwell on the negatives, but I think it is important to realize that there are problems and complications that can occur. I also think that believing in yourself and the power of your body and mind to have a painless childbirth experience does not mean that you are a failure if that doesn't happen.

I mean is it cultural baggage, genetics,fast pushing or positioning that makes some women tear? Is it fear or mistrust that makes a baby breech or posterior?

I think it is so important to believe in yourself, but I also think that by setting up these super ideal scenarios and thinking you're a failure in some way if you don't live up to them you could be setting yourself up for some serious guilt and depression if you run into something unexpected.

[Millicent]

I didn't finish my Hypnobirthing classes but I practiced every single day with the cds. I had a joyous birth until transition but then "lost it" and started making a lot of noise and saying "I can't do this" even though in my brain I knew that I could and I was going through transition....

At the end I was freaking out screaming "Get it out of me!!!". I was so sad that my poor kids had to hear that. (home birth)

I was really disappointed in myself for not 'keeping it together" and having a transcendental/orgasmic/floating budda on a cloud kind of birth...

My midwife told me a year later that I was "incredibly graceful" going through transition.

So what gives? I think that Hypnobirthing can set up some way unrealisitic expectations on how you "should" be in birth. BUT...It was hugely, wonderfully valuable for me in early labor. I was overjoyed when my water broke whereas I know other friends of mine on their 3rd were already dreading the oncoming challenge of labor and birth. I soooo believe it can work if you surrender and let yourself be brainwashed...or rather let yourself be reprogramed from our cultural brainwashing.

What helped me reconcile all of this was reading Birthing from Within (again). It has a section on "losing it". It is wonderful and may help you find the answers (within) that you are looking for.

[bobandjess99]

Originally Posted by HBACtivist

I think that Hypnobirthing can set up some way unrealisitic expectations on how you "should" be in birth. .

ya, that!

just because birth hurts doesn't mean youve done something wrong. I used to believe, but after 2 awfully painful births, there is nothing under the sun you can tell me to try and convince me the pain was "all in my head" or caused by not believeing enough, etc.
And then feeling guilty about it just takes away from the strength you need to be a mom...i lost countless hours feeling like i had failed, being depressed and upset...when taht time should have been used to bond with and love and play with my children.....
if it works for you..great! wonderful!
but dont beat yourself up if it doesnt.

[Sudonk]

HoneyTree, your questions and HVACtivist's story are the exact reasons I had problems with HypnoBirthing. I took the class during my first pregnancy, but quickly realized that it was presented in such a way, both by the book and by my instructor, that I felt that IF my birth didn't fit their definition of a good birth, it was all my own fault. But at the same time, I didn't feel at all prepared for my birth by the class, so I felt guaranteed to be a failure (by their definition). After taking the class, I started hearing from more and more women that HypnoBirthing helped early in the birth, but fell apart when things got intense, and I totally got that because there wasn't any real information on how to ramp things up when the birth ramped up. But I DID believe that hypnosis could maximize my comfort during the birth, so I went out and got some excellent self-hypnosis scripts from other sources that actually allowed me to prepare well for the birth. It wasn't anything like a HypnoBirthing "success story" (long, complicated, etc.) But I had learned hypnosis skills (from the other sources) that allowed me to remain calm and comfortable the whole time, so it was a total success to me!

With my second and third pregnancies, I used the Hypnobabies Home Study and found it to be much more supportive and open to the idea of using the skills to create the birth that is right for ME, not to fit someone else's definition. I felt it still encouraged me towards the ideal of a relatively quick, totally comfortable birth, but it taught so much more about the birth process and the fact that there are many, many variations of normal birth that are FINE. It also taught much better hypnosis skills that allowed me to regain my composure if things got crazy, and a number of excellent skills that I or my birth partner could use to improve my comfort instantly. It made my birth infinitely easier, because I was so comfortable while I was moving around, so I could really work with my body and do what it needed while feeling great. With my first birth, movement was really, really difficult and I spent much of my birth on the bed with my eyes closed because that was the only way I could remain comfortable. My "transitions" were so smooth using Hypnobabies that I was only able to identify them in retrospect, because there was no way I would have believed in the moment that the intense, but totally manageable birthing waves I was feeling could have been transition! My midwives all marveled at how happy and calm I was. Especially when I stopped mid-push to say to my husband, "I know I'm being noisy, but it doesn't hurt, it just feels really good to make that noise while I push." They totally cracked up to hear me explaining that with a baby head 1/2 out of me during a 6 minute pushing stage.

So, in other words, I reconciled that feeling by finding a different program that made me feel supported and prepared, instead of judged! I can't tell you how much I wish I had found Hypnobabies before my first birth. The information and skills I learned from Hypnobabies would have changed that birth dramatically for the better.

[starshine1001]

Originally Posted by HoneyTree

...how did you reconcile that?

I'm about halfway through the book, just past all the parts about the cultural conditioning and the physiological reasons why painless birth is possible and preferred.

And I'm not trying to spend a lot of time on negative contingencies, but I'm just wondering, if I practice and follow the breathing techniques, if I am really doing the work to meet and move past old fears in these months before the birth, and then I still experience pain, prolonged labor, a torn perineum, moments of fear and doubt, etc., what does that say about me?

I guess I am taking this book personally, looking at it as a standard that women can, and in fact are perfectly equipped to meet, but that if I don't meet it I am, what, ruled by my fears? A slave to my cultural baggage? Mistrustful of my own body? THAT idea is making me more upset than the idea or having a painful birth!

I'd love to hear anyone got past this idea/worry/actuality herself... I'm finding so much good and worthwhile about the concept, but I just am having a hard time getting over this one hurdle.

TIA.

It's O.K. Really. I did hypnobirthing, and in the end, I experienced all of these things. I certainly had pain, it took me over six hours just to get from having a little cervical lip left to complete (I swear, it was basically over six hours of transition...vomiting and all!), I had a first degree tear, and I certainly had moments of doubt and fear. I thought it was taking so LONG that I would certainly end up at the hospital! It doesn't mean that you're ruled by your fears or you're mistrustful of your own body...childbirth is as unique as the baby and the woman giving birth. It can also be quite intense. Hypnobirthing just teaches you how to deal with it, basically. There were times when I lost my concentration, and I let a surge get ahead of me...that's when I had pain and doubt. My midwife knew I had done Hypnobirthing, and there was a point after a particularly rough surge where I looked up at her and she must've seen the exhaustion and doubt in my eyes. I didn't say a word, she just looked at me and said "You can do this, and you WILL NOT have to go to the hospital." That was all I needed to hear. From that point to the end, I was calm, and the pain was much, much, MUCH less...feeling less like "contractions" and more like mild period cramps. Well, I didn't "breathe the baby down" at all...I had a massive fetal ejection reflex kick in and my body was pushing without me!! And incidentally, I gave birth to a 10+ lb baby with a nuchal hand and only got a 1st degree, so I think that's pretty darn good!

I wasn't at all disappointed in my son's birth, just because it wasn't painless. It was a beautiful birth, and Hypnobirthing really helped me, even though it wasn't painless or orgasmic or whatever. And for goodness sake, I had just given birth to a human being!!! Even if I were screaming and writhing in agony from the first surge to the last push, I would still not be in the position to criticize myself of my body!

[kittywitty]

I had a painful back labor, but honestly it helped 1000% compared to my other births. I did have complications post birth which took me awhile to reconcile with my inability to focus and do more.

[SublimeBirthGirl]

I used Hypnobabies also. My birth wasn't at all painless, but I didn't really care about that (even during preparing for it). It wasn't how I pictured it, exactly, but at the same time, I wouldn't change a thing. It was what it needed to be, and for me, accepting that in advance was my main goal. Knowing i could handle it, no matter what happened.

[CalBearMama]

I have read most of Hypnobirthing, and there are some basic things about it that I just can't reconcile. First, the book presents the idea that birth should not be painful, and in other cultures isn't considered painful, but that our culturally-ingrained fear of childbirth causes American women to expect and therefore experience pain. Then, the book goes on to present techniques for self-hypnosis, breathing, etc. Why should such techniques be necessary if the pain of childbirth is solely a result of the laboring woman's fear? Once the woman is educated about the birth process and overcomes her fears, shouldn't that be enough to get her a ticket to a pain-free labor?

I was discussing the book with my friend, who recently birthed her third child at home. This woman is as informed and as positive about birth as anyone I have ever met, and yet each of her labors has been very long (measured in days, not hours) and very painful. Should she feel bad that she didn't achieve short, easy, pain-free labors - that she must have some secret, culturally-ingrained fear of birth that held her back from achieving the "ideal" births? Of course not! She should be proud and happy (as she is) that she managed the pain of her very long labors well enough to deliver her babies at home without unnecessary medical interventions.

I also think back to being in labor with my DS, and I know that I was not afraid or at all lacking in confidence in my body's ability to give birth, yet labor from 6-10 cm HURT. So I personally think that it does women a disservice to tell them that labor only hurts if they are afraid or ignorant about the birth process. I think that's really setting people up to feel like failures if they experience pain, even if their birth experience is otherwise very positive. I felt wonderful after DS was born, and there's no way that I would burden myself with the emotional baggage of thinking that I had somehow failed because I experienced pain during labor.

Anyway, I'm totally going to look into HypnoBabies, because I do think that having a set of pain management tools at your disposal can only help during labor. I just don't think it's helpful to adopt the view that labor shouldn't hurt, and if it does, there's something wrong with you.

[Greenmama2AJ]

I think that Hypnobirthing is great for early labour and it's a nice thing to believe in your ability to give birth without fear.

But I liked Bradley for the realistic expectations of transition and the "craziness" you feel during the latter stages of birth. Those feelings are very animalistic and natural. I used Bradley to prepare myself to weather through the craziness, I was really glad I did. That stage of birth was much too intense for me to let go into a dream state. I didn't scream or cry though - I became really focussed.

Maybe look into Bradley as a fall back to Hypnobirthing. "Natural Childbirth - The Bradley Way" by Susan Mc Cutcheon was a great book.

[seaheroine]

We did a Hypnobirthing class together and I read - and reread - the book. My water broke and contractions started...and man, was I blindsided!

I honestly, after seeing the Hypno videos and reading the book, expected labor to be much more along the lines of braxton-hicks and I was really caught off guard by the intensity and pain at the very beginning. I immediately starting doubting my ability to do it natural, much less at home!

I isolated myself, though, sat in the dark in the bathtub while DH puttered around and really tried to gather myself. The visualization practice REALLY helped...though, try as I might, I wasn't picturing balloons or forest glades or rainbows. All I could see was sharp, craggy, pointy mountain SPIRES and visualize going UP, then going DOWN. I visualized Native Americans and listened to Cesar Nakai. I visualized the women in "House of Babies" (haha!)...but I'd REALLY practiced the visualization, day in and day out.

Pain-wise, I think it helped. I have little recollection of the first four hours or so other than lying in the tub and wrapping myself in comforters on the bed. It is amazing to me now that I was able to do it! In transition, all I could picture was PLATEAUS of pain - no up/down mountains but just long, unending stretches...but still, the visualization really, really helped.

I also cried for my rainbow cd at one point but it didn't do much. The only thing I could do at that point was completely surrender...and I did.

I really appreciated the book for what is was and understanding the birth process, though I think the videos were misleading...and I was caught off guard as I didn't *quite* expect the pain. But once I wrapped my head around it, it worked out...I really practiced breathing and stayed as relaxed as possible thru painful contractions. Next time I'm doing hypnobabies but only as a crutch - I'm not expecting anything easy or painless!

Tho...I was only in labor eight hours.

[Starflower]

We used Hypnobirthing at the hospital, but the staff there wasn't really able to support us well even though we took the Hypnobirthing classes through the hospital. Also DH wasn't able to really support me with it. We did practice, but I think in the back of his head, he just couldn't get into it - he's very scientifically minded. I think he need some support. I wish we'd known this before hand.

My water broke 22 hours before DD was born. I ended up with an epidural when DH finally decided he couldn't do his part. I wasn't mad at him, but I certainly couldn't be the support for both of us. Right after the epidural, DD went into distress.

We ended up with some birth trauma - amnio infusion and then vacuum-assist, I pushed for 2-1/2 hours and ended up with tears. By this time, the epi had worn off completely and I felt everything anyway, much to the surprise of the medical establishment. DD was born with hypoglycemia and taken away to ICU. Thanks to a persistent lactation consultant we did get the nursing thing going despite difficulties.

I felt guilty for quite a long time. Was it my fault DD had trouble at the start because I caved and got the epidural? Stuff like that.

We're not planning to have more children at this point. (Lifestyle choice, not due to birthing stuff though PG was hard on me.) But I would consider doing Hypno again. However, if I did, I would have someone other than DH be my coach/support person. Also, I would use a midwife (had OB last time) and also I would hire a doula.

Edited to add: DD is fine now.

[HoneyTree]

Originally Posted by HBACtivist

What helped me reconcile all of this was reading Birthing from Within (again). It has a section on "losing it". It is wonderful and may help you find the answers (within) that you are looking for.

Thanks, mamas, for all your very thoughtful responses. It helped me tremendously to feel like I wasn't just finding reasons to resist the book, that maybe something was really not jibing with me for a good reason.

And HBACtivist, THANK YOU for this suggestion. I did go back and reread that chapter from Birthing From Within (Chapter 22, "Out of Control: How to Lose It During Labor," seeing it almost for the first time for the truly freeing and honest information that it was. In fact, I got two really great birth affirmations from it.

[xelakann]

Originally Posted by HBACtivist

I didn't finish my Hypnobirthing classes but I practiced every single day with the cds. I had a joyous birth until transition but then "lost it" and started making a lot of noise and saying "I can't do this" even though in my brain I knew that I could and I was going through transition....

I was really disappointed in myself for not 'keeping it together" and having a transcendental/orgasmic/floating budda on a cloud kind of birth...

My midwife told me a year later that I was "incredibly graceful" going through transition.

So what gives? I think that Hypnobirthing can set up some way unrealisitic expectations on how you "should" be in birth. BUT...It was hugely, wonderfully valuable for me in early labor. I soooo believe it can work if you surrender and let yourself be brainwashed...or rather let yourself be reprogramed from our cultural brainwashing.
.

This exactly. Unless you've already had a baby NOTHING can prepare you for the intensity of childbirth. I believed in Hypnobirthing 100% and feell like I had tremendous success with it. But the biggest thing I had to let go of was the out of control feeling I felt... transition is crazy and it comes on fast. One minute you are cool and in control and the next you aren't. But I also got excited because I knew what was coming next.... my sweet, sweet baby.

My advice is to let go of the "I don't want to feel pain" thing. My hypnobirth teacher was like, 'yep it's going to hurt, but I am here to help you with your fears and teach you to trust your body'... but I still found myself disappointed that it hurt. Like I was doing it wrong. In reality, I did it perfect and I'd do it again, exactly how it was.

As others have said hypnobirthing was wonderful for me in pregnancy and early labor (though I didn't have much of that)... then when things kicked in I kind of freaked out for the above reasons, but in middle I really felt my grove. To the point that everyone thought labor stalled for me because I was so quiet and in my zone. Yea, it hurt. I don't say this to scare you... knowing this should only help prepare you better.