What was my birth "called?"

[blessedwinter]

For some reason, I'm having a really hard time "compartmentalizing" my last birth, so to speak. I want to be able to define it, to wrap my mind around what happened.

Short story: I have very quick labors, this last time I arrived at the hospital at 8 cm, and delivered within the hour. My MW's first question when I arrived in the throes of labor was "what did I want for the pain" and I requested an anti-nausea med and okay'd the fentanyl that she suggested. I shouldn't have, but I was in so much pain and just waved off whatever anyone said to me, so I got the fentanyl, and the anti-nausea meds in my IV about 20 minutes before he was born.

I've had 2 epi births, 1 completely natural, and then this last one....how am I to define a birth where I received fentanyl in my IV? I really regret getting this, as it had no effect other than making me (and probably baby ) really out of it, ugh.

So can I call it natural since the fentanyl didn't take the pain away? What should I "call" it? It matters to me, for some reason.

[Tuwamare]

I had a half dose of fentanyl with my third birth when I was at 9 cm. I don't call it natural... I call it mildly medicated as opposed to the epidural I had with #2. The fentanyl did nothing for me, either. What a waste of time! I regretted it soon after as well. My next birth, I had nothing.

[nashvillemidwife]

Originally Posted by blessedwinter

how am I to define a birth where I received fentanyl in my IV?

The word you are looking for is "medicated". You had a medicated birth.

So can I call it natural since the fentanyl didn't take the pain away? What should I "call" it? It matters to me, for some reason.

You can call it whatever you want - it's your birth.

[BabyMamaPhD]

Originally Posted by Tuwamare

The fentanyl did nothing for me, either. What a waste of time! I regretted it soon after as well. My next birth, I had nothing.

I hear you! I had PROM (2 days), then Pit w/ Nubain for my first child 9 years ago. UGH. It made me feel so out of control but did nothing for my pain. My second birth was easier with only water, breathing, vocalizations, and a great doula.

This may sound weird, but I felt a bit betrayed by the Nubain 'experiment' . . . . If I was going to go 'medicated' then at least it could have helped the pain! Maybe it does for some and maybe the pitocin neutralized its pain-killing effect.

[coyotemist]

10 years later, I still regret the Stadol I had with my daughter. Oddly enough, I don't regret the epidural with my son at all (they were worried my cord was going to prolapse, I think they could feel it or something, and I was stuck in bed for a couple hours waiting for him to move down, half the time with someone's hand up inside me feeling for his head. I couldn't cope, and asked for the epidural.).

The stadol made me panic and fall asleep intermittantly, but I still hurt, a lot. The epidural kept me with it the whole time, and able to truly experience and participate in my son's birth. With the epidural I felt the birth, including the ring of fire, it just wasn't quite as intense.

After all this time, I've had to forgive myself. My kids are doing great now!

[KD's Momma]

I think you would just call it a medicated birth even though it didn't help you. There are women who get epidurals that don't help at all but they still got an epidural with medication. I don't think it makes you less of a person to have had medication, you have to look at the outcome. You still have a beautiful LO.

[blessedwinter]

Originally Posted by nashvillemidwife

The word you are looking for is "medicated". You had a medicated birth.

But medicated to me could also mean epidural...? So an epidural birth is called just that- an epidural birth? What's the main difference between receiving the epidural (which is the strongest pain reliever you can get, right?) and an IV med?

I feel so shafted by the stupid fentanyl. Ugh. It didn't do anything, I didn't even ask for it, and I hate that I have to count it as a part of my birth. I feel like it doesn't even matter that I didn't get the epidural because I still got SOMETHING. I wanted it to be natural.

[whalemilk]

No one is keeping score. It's not a point deduction off your achievement. It sounds like you're beating yourself up because you feel less accomplished or proud or something, due to having taken something for nausea. You really don't need to do that!

[blessedwinter]

The only thing I requested was the anti-nausea medication. My MW said she'd put fentanyl in the IV also, and I didn't say NO like I should have.

I know nobody's keeping score, nobody but me. I don't care what other people think, but it matters to me, if that makes sense. I want to know that I can do it pain-med free. So far I've only done that once. I was planning on doing it this last time, but the stupid fentanyl was snuck in at the last minute.

[SublimeBirthGirl]

It's a medicated vaginal birth, if you have to call it something.

[kalirush]

If it makes you feel better, I wouldn't call my birth medicated, and I had Nubain.

I say, because the Nubain was 45 minutes of the whole labor, and gone well before the end. In my case, it was wonderful and much needed. Saying my birth was medicated because such a tiny chunk of it was feels stupid, though.

[blessedwinter]

Originally Posted by kalirush

If it makes you feel better, I wouldn't call my birth medicated, and I had Nubain.

Thank you, that does make me feel better, lol.

[Collinsky]

Technically, it was medicated. (BTW, I've heard that this happens pretty frequently - that the main effect is feeling out of it, and not pain relief.) Don't beat yourself up for not saying "no" harder.

I refer to my first birth as a UC-transfer. She was born at home, into her daddy's hands... BUT we had called 911 and DID transfer. I regret it. Over the next year I thought about how different things could have been, how I didn't do it the way I wanted, how it wasn't what I had planned. It wasn't a bad transfer, and she was born at home. Basically, I am pretty open about it. I own every second of her birth, even the parts I don't like or that I find embarrassing... and I feel like sharing it can be helpful for other mamas. I went on to have three births that WERE the way I wanted, and better. And you know what? I learned more about myself, in a really truly growing way, with my birth that DIDN'T play out like I would have wanted. And I hope I've been able to help other moms in a similar situation to have the births that they want, by sharing how mine played out.

Could be there is a first time mama who will find herself in a similar situation, who will benefit from what you've shared.

ETA I am sitting here, and still thinking about how wrong it seems that your mw's first question is about what you want for the pain, and the pushiness of it. Just the assumption she had... Ugh. Just remember, you're not to blame for her lack.

[avivaelona]

I still regret the Stadol I had with my daughter

Ditto this. Stadol during labor with my first was the single worst experience of my life.

mama, I think your frustration is with what happened, not what its called, if you can make peace with how it went than the name won't matter so much anymore. In the end the only real name for it is "your child's birth" Every one is different.

[Collinsky]

Originally Posted by avivaelona

mama, I think your frustration is with what happened, not what its called, if you can make peace with how it went than the name won't matter so much anymore. In the end the only real name for it is "your child's birth" Every one is different.

: to this, on all counts. I think this is dead on.

[greene_mama]

Originally Posted by kalirush

If it makes you feel better, I wouldn't call my birth medicated, and I had Nubain.

I say, because the Nubain was 45 minutes of the whole labor, and gone well before the end. In my case, it was wonderful and much needed. Saying my birth was medicated because such a tiny chunk of it was feels stupid, though.

I had a very similar experience to this...Nubain for only about an hour, which had worn off well before the end, and it seemed pretty much essential at the time, though it was a TINY fraction of the many hours I was laboring naturally.

I can definitely relate to OP's issues of not knowing how to define it-- I really didn't think I'd want or need any drugs in labor and was surprised and disappointed that it turned out that way, but the reality was that the Nubain really helped me let go and relax, and rapidly sped up the labor process, and I don't know if things would have gone as well without it. They certainly hadn't been going well until then!

When I talk about the birth, I usually end up explaining that I didn't have an epidural, but I did have pain relief near the end. (Funny that the word "medicated" never occurred to me...but then, I don't use the word "natural" to describe it either). I think PP's are right that it's the experience that we struggle with more than the terminology, and I can also see that I have learned and grown from that experience of having the birth not go exactly according to plan.

Thanks for posting this thread, OP...wise words have been spoken here.

[kalirush]

I find that I don't really label my birth much.

I guess I have some disappointment about it, but the fact of it is, I did the best I could have with the situation I was in. There was a lot that the doctors and hospital did poorly that led to my birth not being "natural" as many here would define it. Whatever.

I certainly know what it's like to labor unmedicated, and to birth a baby unmedicated. What interventions I had don't change that. Really, it's just a triumph (as far as I'm concerned) that I didn't have a c-section- it was that kind of hospital. So, I have some anger.

But I am also not making the mistake of going into that hospital again. This one will be born at home, and like hell anybody's doing the stuff to me that led to my own personal (and thankfully quite short) cascade of interventions.

[wbg]

Your birth was called
The beautiful birth of........................insert baby's name here!
You did great Mama!

[milkybean]

Originally Posted by BabyMamaPhD

This may sound weird, but I felt a bit betrayed by the Nubain 'experiment' . . . . If I was going to go 'medicated' then at least it could have helped the pain! Maybe it does for some and maybe the pitocin neutralized its pain-killing effect.

I believe that all nubain does is change your mental state.

A friend of mine is totally happy with her hospital deliveries, except for the Nubain. Her oldest is, hmm, 12, I think, and she will still talk about the Nubain. I guess it's some nasty stuff.

(hard to feel sympathetic to her, though, since she wouldn't even let me talk AT ALL about my unwanted unneeded stupid ridiculous c-section that had only happened 3 weeks before she visited...refused to listen to me when I had been hearing her talk about the Nubain for nearly 10 years at that point)



OP, the fentanyl didn't work for you? Criminy, when I was talked into an epidural but was scared out of my mind for it, I demanded "something". They gave me fentanyl, and it INSTANTLY caused near unconsciousness. They could have done anything they wanted to with just the fentanyl. What was funny is that when I was at home and doing 7 hours of transition like labor (posterior baby with hand at face but no one knew that at the time), I asked for heroin (knowing I couldn't get it!). And after the fentanyl experience, when I started "nodding", I pretty much think that's exactly what heroin must be like.