Would you say something?

[Wabi Sabi]

My 3 y/o ds recently started Montessori. Dh had the day off of work today so we went together to the school to observe for a bit (they have a little observation room with a 2 way mirror you can watch.)

They had circle time followed by the main work period. A snack is set out during this time and the children serve themselves, of course.

Ds was the first kid to wash his hands and get in line for snack. However, the older kids kept going in front of him and sending him to the back of the time. At one point ds tried to say something to the assistant but she didn't realize what was going on so she calmly explained that he just needed to wait his turn and sent him to the back of the line again. This went on for over 30 minutes! In the end, he was the very last child to get a snack. Ds was so patient but we could see him get frustrated. Heck, dh and I totally were frustrated watching this go on for so long ourselves! The whole thing was such a drawn-out, painfully slow process and there seemed to not really be any active monitoring of the snack station which was surprising to me considering that it's still so early in the year.

Would you say something to the teacher or not? I don't want to seem like a the parent who complains about little things of no real consequence and I know that in the grand scheme of things it wasn't that big of a deal, but it was still really frustrating to watch. And when ds got home, he told me about it so he was clearly upset too (he didn't know we were watching and he isn't even aware of the observation room.)

However, it seemed like most of his time was wasted standing there waiting and repeatedly being put to the back of the line. I don't think he ended up with much time to actually do any works. I guess we need to teach him to be a bit more assertive, but in the meantime, would you actually say something to the teacher or just let it be?

[kewb]

Yes, I would say something to the teacher about your observation but I would not be asking for detailed follow up to the situation.

[Rose-Roget]

I would certainly say something, as well. Like you said, it was frustrating for him and you, but it was not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things. Saying something might just help them fine-tune their supervision at all times (even the "down" times, like snack). I agree with pp, too - I wouldn't askd for a detailed follow-up, though.

[Koloe]

Yep - I agree with PPs. It's not right for other kids to keep sending one child to the end of the line. Obviously the bigger kids haven't learned to wait there turn.

[Katie063008]

You can definately say something. We don't see everything as teachers. Maybe a short phone call or a quick drop by to chat is all that's needed. Don't make it a big deal, but mention it to the teacher. Sometimes its nice to be made aware of a child who is very patient and who doesn't make a fuss about things. Sometimes they need to make more of a fuss and the teacher can explain that it's often ok to keep mentioning a problem if it doesn't get fixed with the child !

[Momily]

I'd mention it to the teacher, but in the context of a goal you have for your child. E.g. I really enjoyed observing in your class the other day. One thing I noticed was that DS didn't always assert himself as much as I'd like -- give example the way you gave it here, without judgement. then ask is there something we can do so that he learns to stand up for himself, and in the meantime gets snack without spending so much time in line.

You could also role play with him what he could do next time.

[MattBronsil]

At the beginning of the year, EVERY area is monitored a lot more than the rest, so this may have slipped through the cracks. It's hard to keep an eye on everything until the classroom is normalized, though we try.

I would mention it. You're another set of eyes that saw something and it would be helpful for the teacher to know about that. It's probably likely that they did not see it and they misunderstood the situation when he went to the assistant. I am not sure if you could hear what was said, but it might have been an exchange similar to:

"I want to have snack, but they won't let me."
"Well...you have to wait your turn."

That may have been the end of the discussion in the mind of the assistant. So it is good to know about these things so that the teacher can keep an eye out to see if it happens again.