UGGG.... I hate when people get defensive about breastfeeding!! - Page 2

[Momtwice]

And furthermore:

I'm sorry but these sound like bold faced lies to me:

"She was crawling
at 4 months"

"potty trained at 13 months"

and no matter how high their IQ I feel sorry for any two or three year old forced to be in kindergarten!

[morgan's_mom]

You should reply and say something smart like "Well maybe if you breastfed you would have such a strong bond with your child that you wouldn't want her to start kindergarden so early. I'm sorrry you don't have that kind of relationship with your daughter!"

I'll be *sure* and tell my mom that. : : :

and no matter how high their IQ I feel sorry for any two or three year old forced to be in kindergarten!

I suppose I can assume by extrapolation that you feel sorry for me for being in first grade at 4 and third grade at 5. Please don't. I am quite thrilled with the way I turned out. : : :

You know, I really enjoy MDC most of the time, but I have to say that a lot of the comments on this thread (about the woman, not pertaining to my personal situation) are leaving a really bad taste in my mouth. Maybe the woman is lying, maybe she is not. Who the hell really cares?

[Firemom]

You sound like an extrodinary person. I'm sure I spelled that wrong. Granted most people are not in your class.

My dd is very smart and at 7 is only in first grade due to her birthday missing the deadline. But I would not want her to go on to the next grade now, because she has great friends since preschool and I think that is important too.

But it sounds like it worked out great for you.

Like I stated in my post formula fed babies usually turn out fine and healthy. I was formula fed and so were my siblings....and my sister is super smart and a lawyer.

But her and I thought a like when we had our babies... we both did our research and knew that breastmilk was the way to go with our babies.

[onegr8mom03]

i didn't mean anything negitive towards you, but i love my son and i remember hating school! I have a great relationship with my mom (yes, i was bf) and i hated school well into high school because i wanted to be with my family. Yes, I don't want my son to start school early or ever go to pre-k (fancy word for day care, imo) I know i'm going to be dreading the day he goes to school. But kudoos to those that went to school early and did great!

[bananasmom]

This letter from her sounds like a women who feels guilty over not being able to bf and she dosen't want to hear every day how wonderful something is for her child that she feels like she couldn't provide. I could be wrong. Just my observation.

I think this is exactly what happened.

I don't think there was anything wrong with what the OP wrote ("My answer would be ...) However, I can see how it makes some moms defensive, because when you are in that position, it hurts. It hurts to have yet another reminder that you didn't do the most important thing you could have, that your failure has put your child at risk, and that you robbed your baby of her birthright. You get tired of feeling like you have to explain and defend that choice, and it really really hurts. After that, you just try to see what good influence you do have on your child's life. You try to emphasize what is positive, and get past the negatives of the past.

Although I'd never respond in the way that she did, I can see how it happens. It's very frustrating. 3 children, and no breastfeeding - - - that's gotta sting hard. For life.

Feeling hurt and defensive doesn't necessarily make her a bad person, IMO. It makes her human. It's unfortunate that her feelings are now making so many other people feel bad, too (over here). In the shoes of the OP, I'd like to think I'd be more prone to offer a bit of heartfelt sympathy. Just because, that's how I'd like to be treated. I don't think that making the respondant feel worse is going to help promote breastfeeding, and it's a lot of negative energy.

[luv my 2 sweeties]

This letter from her sounds like a women who feels guilty over not being able to bf and she dosen't want to hear every day how wonderful something is for her child that she feels like she couldn't provide. I could be wrong. Just my observation.

I agree with this comment. I feel sorry for the woman because she seems not to have been able to come to terms with whatever it was that prevented her from breastfeeding successfully. I was unsuccessful with bf the first time around and it can be a bit painful to hear how *fabulous* breastfeeding is when you really wanted to provide that to your child and couldn't. My ff dd is healthy and smart, and I bonded with her just fine because I was careful to treat that bottle like an extention of my body! Still, I'll never know if her seasonal allergies might have been prevented, or if there is some health time-bomb within her that bf might have defused.

All that aside however, this woman's response was rude and there is no excuse for that. Your original paragraph about the benefits of bf was right on target and totally appropriate to post in that context. She was out of line, even though she did say that she doesn't usually "do this" and that she was in a bad mood. We all have days like that, unfortunately. I'm sorry that you were in her path that day! I hope she gets some peace about this and comes to see that she doesn't have to use her dd to prove anything. Her little girl is a wonderful, beautiful, human being of worth -- smart or simple, healthy or sickly, breastfed or bottlefed.

[morgan's_mom]

ITA with this:

I don't think that making the respondant feel worse is going to help promote breastfeeding, and it's a lot of negative energy.

and this:

Her little girl is a wonderful, beautiful, human being of worth -- smart or simple, healthy or sickly, breastfed or bottlefed.

And I guess it just irks me to see all the judgment (man, I hate that word; did I really just say that?) about the decision to start a child early in school (although most posters don't seem to believe that this woman is, in fact, in the situation she professes to be). Having an unusually gifted child can be a real challenge. I know it was for my parents. I could go into the details and thought processes involved in how to approach the education of a gifted child (that I have gleaned from years of talking with my parents and grandparents), but this really isn't the time or place.

My point is that I know we all like to think that we know exactly what we would do in a particular situation and what is "right," but the truth is that assuming this woman is not fibbing, who are any of you to imply that she is not doing the right thing for her child by starting her in school early? Who are you to "feel sorry" for the child when you know almost nothing about her situation? Who are you to insinuate that if her child is starting school early, she and her mother *must* be unattached???

I'm sorry, but this topic (the school thing, not the BFing thing) just hits a little too close to home for me. I think I am getting to experience a little taste of what some of the other ladies on the board must feel when they read offensive statements (including some made by me, probably) about breastfeeding vs. formula feeding.

[Firemom]

I guess I'm just to dumb to comprehend what the above poster is sayinig. I didn't see anyone put down another poster here about starting school early. In fact I started both of my children right before their 3 rd birthdays.:

"i didn't mean anything negitive towards you, but i love my son and i remember hating school! I have a great relationship with my mom (yes, i was bf) and i hated school well into high school because i wanted to be with my family. Yes, I don't want my son to start school early or ever go to pre-k (fancy word for day care, imo) I know i'm going to be dreading the day he goes to school. But kudoos to those that went to school early and did great!"

"You sound like an extrodinary person. I'm sure I spelled that wrong. Granted most people are not in your class."

[IdentityCrisisMama]

The woman’s response would have gotten me really hot! You definitely didn’t deserve her negative energy by posting your answer, which was a wonderful choice, btw.

I do think it's somewhat complicated when you discuss the issue of breastfeeding/formula feeding, which I feel is often an issue more because of the horrible politics behind formula feeding and the US’s statistics on breastfeeding.

I often feel very sad that we can’t embrace formula and all the alternatives to breastfeeding as wonderful options for people who can’t breastfeed.

I grew up in an area were not many of the women breastfeed and that makes me very sad. However, when I speak to my friends individually about the importance of breastfeeding I must remind myself that this is so politically motivated for me. When I talk to friends or give advice I guess that I always consider adoptive parents, parents who can’t breastfeed and even the ones who just choose not to breastfeed when I talk about breastfeeding because I would never want to alienate another mother, especially one who is faced with the many challenges of not breastfeeding.

Back to your issue with the rude responder:

I think the important distinction is that you were answering a question for parents EXPECTING a baby and it’s not a situation where you were lecturing a mother who had already made a decision. That is what I would have reminded the woman who so rudely responded to you. I would also have asked her how she would suggest you be more inclusive of parents who can’t breastfeed when you’re spreading the word about the benefits of breastfeeding in the future.

Her style would have completely put me off anyway. I’m not into listing my child’s achievements…even if I could remember them! I hope you aren’t still too worked up about it though; I wouldn’t waste my energy on her.

[morgan's_mom]

The two comments I found offensive were these:

no matter how high their IQ I feel sorry for any two or three year old forced to be in kindergarten!

and

You should reply and say something smart like "Well maybe if you breastfed you would have such a strong bond with your child that you wouldn't want her to start kindergarden so early. I'm sorrry you don't have that kind of relationship with your daughter!"

But aside from that issue, the thread *as a whole* is troubling to me because so many people are ripping this woman to shreds because she is exhibiting some defensiveness about not breastfeeding. I am as much of a breastfeeding advocate as anyone I know, but it just seems a little ridiculous to me that some posters are ripping this woman to shreds. I mean, hey, if we believe that breastfeeding is best and that everyone should do it, shouldn't guilt and defensiveness be *expected* and *desired* from someone who doesn't do it?

I'm not being very articulate with my thoughts. I don't know...this thread just has a very different vibe than many I've read on here -- one I don't like at all.

[tnrsmom]

Mod Alert.......Mod Alert........Mod Alert

Please refocus this thread back to the original topic. That of a response regarding breastfeeding. If you would like to discuss school issues, there are other forums for that. I know I caught this a bit late but I am asking you to comply with the User agreement. I will also be PMing some of you to ask you to edit your posts.

Thanks for your compliance.
~Stephanie~

[onegr8mom03]

I didn’t think anyone was “ripping” anyone apart. We were merely having a discussion about how the OP was upset that someone responded to her harmless message the way they did. I believe that everyone has a *right* to parent how they feel is best or whatever way they prefer, whether bf or bottle-fed, starting their child in school early, home school, and any other hard parenting choices there are! Heck, I don‘t even have a clue about most parenting choices! (he he) I just have a 5 month old, so I barely know how to give him a bath, much less whether I’d start him in school early or not. (Just kind of learning as I go) But, Morgan’s_Mom sorry if any comment I said has offended you. Tthat was not my intent at all. I love it on MDC as much as the next person and would hate to think that I’ve ruined anyone’s experience here.
*hugs all around*

[onegr8mom03]

Oppps,
just saw the mod alert! I guess I'll shut-up now.

[tnrsmom]

:LOL

[lactationmom]

Thanks for the support. We pretty much agree that although she might/might not be feeling guilty over her decisions, she came at me wayyyy too strong for what I posted. That was all I wanted to find out, if I was out of line for what I wrote, which I didn't think I was (and her bragging about her daughter to make some point, whatever point that was, was pretty ridiculous).

Anyway, after my very long post back to her, the post filled with facts and a couple articles by Dr. Newman, this is how I ended the letter. Just so you all can see, I tried to be very nice and offer help, IF she felt like she ever needed it.

" HER NAME- There was a question posed to the group. I feel like I am part of
this group, at least I hope. I answered it honestly and without any
accusation. I would hope that saying something truthfully and without
accusation would be fine with several adult ladies. Please don't come at me
with a knife being so defensive for something that is so important to our
children and our nations health. You could just as easily of said "hey, nice
to see someone who would give a new parent that type of answer as it's the
truth. I tried to nurse my babies but found I had a very rare condition, to
which their were no other answers. I have made peace with it and thank my
Lord that my children are fine, but I know I would have liked to have nursed
them...." instead of how you 'yelled' across the computer. Anyway, I am
sorry you became so defensive and angry at the simple and honest statement I
made, but I hope you won't be like that in the future to someone else trying
to share their opinion and speak truths. We are all adults here, lets
discuss like adults. If you have any questions, ever, about nursing or
anything related to it, you are more than welcome off -list to write me and
I will be more than happy to get you the info. you want. Honestly, I would
love to help.
Sincerly, Heather"

So, although I was ticked for how nasty she got, I tried to contain it (for the most part) and let her know she was very offensive, but I would still be here to help if she wanted. Hey, I am human too!

Thanks for reading guys.

[jeca]

Well, It doesn't matter to me if the child is truly gifted or not the mother should not(did not have to) put all that in her response to the original OP. she opened herself adn her child up to what ever skeptism(I'm not gifted so I am probably spelling it wrong)is being tossed here.
There was no reason for such a post afterall the OP was not targeting her, she was answering a question. She could have projected her guilt better IMO. It's just guilt over FF you see it all the time but in this case I feel it was uncalled for.

[Firemom]

This is a support and advocacy board for breastfeeding....not for formula. I guess when we talk about breastfeeding so wonderfully and all the benefits it offers, the truth hurts.

[Hannah's Mom]

Originally posted by Firemom
This is a support and advocacy board for breastfeeding....not for formula. I guess when we talk about breastfeeding so wonderfully and all the benefits it offers, the truth hurts.

:

I don't understand this post. I thought the OP was posting about something that happened on another board that WASN'T primarily about BF.

[Kundalini-Mama]

As I'm reading the posts, all I keep thinking is, "Gosh, if this woman breastfed her dd, she could be the mom of a young Doogie Howser!! They would all be famous!!"

And for the record, 13 months is not too early to be potty "trained". People who practice EC have had successes that early. Unfortunately we didn't start ECing until Aidan was 12 months, but he is 100% diaper free at 20 months!!

Amy

[Firemom]

If you read the initial post that lactationmom posted, she states all the benefits of breastmilk. That is what I was refering to. The post responding to her talks about a lot of other stuff, but basically she wasn't happy with what lactationmom wrote.

What she wrote it all true regarding breastfeeding. Therefore thats what my last post was pertaining too.