Last night marked my 5th night of prodromal labor. Nights 2-4 had a pattern, got more intense, and then haulted. I'm tired, but am truly not at the point of frustration of "my baby not being here." However, I am getting worked up b/c I'm tired and I'm sure I'm holding myself up. No one IRL knows what I'm going through b/c I'm not the type to share emotions with people - especially DH as I don't want to worry/stress him out.
I did this with both of my son's labors/births. I stalled for 16 hours at a 10 w/a tiny cervical lip with my oldest b/c I couldn't let go. I had terrible prodromal labor with my 2nd DS until I sobbed to my midwife (like a Mom to me) and he was born that night. Again, I tried to keep DS2 in even with the pushing urge b/c I was terrified of pushing.
This time I'm nervous about how our family dynamic will change. How the birth of the baby will effect my 3.5 yo DS, who I feel is already growing up too fast b/c of some issues with his brother. My 2 yo has SID, and is extremely emotionally needy but a great little boy. DH won't get paid time off to be with me when the baby is born, he starts a new job next week, and leaves in 3 weeks for a training on the other side of the country for 2 weeks. My MIL is coming to help during that time, and we have had a very difficult relationship in the past. I'm consumed with my house not being clean/organized enough - to the point where I tear closets apart at 3 a.m.. I have only become a "neat freak" in the last 7 months and I'm seriously driving DH crazy and he's worried about my frantic ways. I have NEVER been this way, and I dont know how to just relax.
I guess I feel like I can't have the baby b/c what little control I feel I have right now will be lost. The thought of that scares me. I don't want my baby boy (DS1) to be pushed to the back burner b/c his brother and new sibling are demanding. I don't want regression with the SID therapies we've been doing with the 2yo, and I'm sad that DS2 will no longer be the "baby" of the family. I'm also terrified that I won't be a good mom to a little girl.
For those that have BTDT or know the red flags - yes, I am a childhood abuse victim. I know this is where a lot of the control issues and fears are coming from. I thought I had worked through this junk but maybe I didn't?
I read in a thread recently about the Emotional Freedom Technique, and have been looking online but all I can find out is what it is - not how to do it. I really need help mamas- good links, homeopathy, ways to let go, etc?? I've been doing hypnobabies, but I feel like the anxiety it overpowering. I also took Pulsatilla last night.
If you're still reading - thank you! This may be just what I needed. I'm sitting here teared up and just hoping the flood gates open. Anyone know of any really sad movies?
I did this with both of my son's labors/births. I stalled for 16 hours at a 10 w/a tiny cervical lip with my oldest b/c I couldn't let go. I had terrible prodromal labor with my 2nd DS until I sobbed to my midwife (like a Mom to me) and he was born that night. Again, I tried to keep DS2 in even with the pushing urge b/c I was terrified of pushing.
This time I'm nervous about how our family dynamic will change. How the birth of the baby will effect my 3.5 yo DS, who I feel is already growing up too fast b/c of some issues with his brother. My 2 yo has SID, and is extremely emotionally needy but a great little boy. DH won't get paid time off to be with me when the baby is born, he starts a new job next week, and leaves in 3 weeks for a training on the other side of the country for 2 weeks. My MIL is coming to help during that time, and we have had a very difficult relationship in the past. I'm consumed with my house not being clean/organized enough - to the point where I tear closets apart at 3 a.m.. I have only become a "neat freak" in the last 7 months and I'm seriously driving DH crazy and he's worried about my frantic ways. I have NEVER been this way, and I dont know how to just relax.
I guess I feel like I can't have the baby b/c what little control I feel I have right now will be lost. The thought of that scares me. I don't want my baby boy (DS1) to be pushed to the back burner b/c his brother and new sibling are demanding. I don't want regression with the SID therapies we've been doing with the 2yo, and I'm sad that DS2 will no longer be the "baby" of the family. I'm also terrified that I won't be a good mom to a little girl.
For those that have BTDT or know the red flags - yes, I am a childhood abuse victim. I know this is where a lot of the control issues and fears are coming from. I thought I had worked through this junk but maybe I didn't?
I read in a thread recently about the Emotional Freedom Technique, and have been looking online but all I can find out is what it is - not how to do it. I really need help mamas- good links, homeopathy, ways to let go, etc?? I've been doing hypnobabies, but I feel like the anxiety it overpowering. I also took Pulsatilla last night.
If you're still reading - thank you! This may be just what I needed. I'm sitting here teared up and just hoping the flood gates open. Anyone know of any really sad movies?
