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Did I overreact? - Page 2

post #21 of 76
You certainly didn't do anything wrong by leaving and trusting your gut.

Maybe she was eating lunch, talking on a cell phone, listening to the radio or a book on tape, knitting, nursing a babe, or just sitting and zoning out for a bit. Doesn't seem like she was doing anything wrong, wither.

I think overreacting would have been calling the cops or confronting her with hostility. But you didn't do that, you simply left.
post #22 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
I think you over reacted.

I don't understand the concern. A woman was sitting in her car. She wasn't in the park, wasn't interacting with you in any way. I'm not understanding where the fear was coming from. Like pp mentioned, she was probably on her lunch break, just taking a quiet half-hour or so alone.

Now, if it had been a man in the car staring at you, if he had been looking at your kids with binoculars, that sort of thing, I can see getting creeped out. But this? Have we become so afraid of each other that we have to leave a public place because another person is there? Doing nothing? I would have stayed.
Have to agree with this. Realistically, what exactly was it OP was afraid of?
post #23 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
I think you over reacted.

I don't understand the concern. A woman was sitting in her car. She wasn't in the park, wasn't interacting with you in any way. I'm not understanding where the fear was coming from. Like pp mentioned, she was probably on her lunch break, just taking a quiet half-hour or so alone.

Now, if it had been a man in the car staring at you, if he had been looking at your kids with binoculars, that sort of thing, I can see getting creeped out. But this? Have we become so afraid of each other that we have to leave a public place because another person is there? Doing nothing? I would have stayed.
: We are a one car family and sometimes my dh will go with me while I do something business related and often will just hang in the car reading while I am doing whatever. I think if the person seemed to be oblivious to you, I would not be concerned. Like others have said there are ton of reasons why someone could be chilling in their car especially in the middle of the day.

Shay
post #24 of 76
Yeah I think it's really worth examining WHAT you thought was awry, OP. I know everyone likes to say "just trust your instincts" but sometimes instincts and prejudice or kneejerk social judgement are hard to tell apart. The latter two things can be very detrimental. So it's worth examining.
post #25 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
I think you over reacted.

I don't understand the concern. A woman was sitting in her car. She wasn't in the park, wasn't interacting with you in any way. I'm not understanding where the fear was coming from. Like pp mentioned, she was probably on her lunch break, just taking a quiet half-hour or so alone.

Now, if it had been a man in the car staring at you, if he had been looking at your kids with binoculars, that sort of thing, I can see getting creeped out. But this? Have we become so afraid of each other that we have to leave a public place because another person is there? Doing nothing? I would have stayed.

Women should always follow their gut instincts. Not mine, not yours.

The difference with this situation than all the others she has seen in her life is that Mistymama felt creeped out, and that is enough for her to leave the park.

We all see many people a day and feel nothing about the situation after we see it, someone eating lunch in the car, parent waiting for a kid, finishing a phone, whatever, and we have NO response.

Than all of a sudden you have a gut feeling that something feels wrong.
Always Listen to yourself and never feel as if you you need to be polite to anyone when you feel creeped out!
post #26 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amys1st View Post
For me, if I feel something is wrong, I am usually right!
I hate to sound like a contrarian here, but you don't know that you're usually right. If you leave because of your instincts, you have no way ever to know that you were right or not.

I think it was a major overreaction. A woman was sitting in a car minding her own business, and that bothered you. I'm not sure why. If she'd gotten out, would that be better? Was she looking at you?

I'm a writer, and I often sit in my car to write. It works for me. There's nothing sinister about it, but I can imagine being this woman in the car you're talking about and you packing up and leaving.

I think "instinct" can be dangerous. Instinct causes many white women to cross the street when African American men are coming the other way. That "instinct" is really prejudice in disguise, though. So saying "always trust your instincts" doesn't really work for me.
post #27 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades View Post
I hate to sound like a contrarian here, but you don't know that you're usually right. If you leave because of your instincts, you have no way ever to know that you were right or not.

I think it was a major overreaction. A woman was sitting in a car minding her own business, and that bothered you. I'm not sure why. If she'd gotten out, would that be better? Was she looking at you?

I'm a writer, and I often sit in my car to write. It works for me. There's nothing sinister about it, but I can imagine being this woman in the car you're talking about and you packing up and leaving.

I think "instinct" can be dangerous. Instinct causes many white women to cross the street when African American men are coming the other way. That "instinct" is really prejudice in disguise, though. So saying "always trust your instincts" doesn't really work for me.
I think your response is not a wise one for anyone to follow.

Read the book the "Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker. Studies show the same thing, that people aways say they had a "funny feeling", "a creepy feeling" and just brushed it off, did not want to be perceived rude. You pull the race card, and that is a bullshit card to pull. Women fear all colors and size men. It is a whole other conversatin, not this one.

At 15yrs old my daughter was abducted off a public beach at gun point and raped, she did not follow her gut instinct, and she has a good one as a city kid, she was polite. I certainly never taught her to be polite to strangers.

In the playground I saw a women leading a child out of a park holding his hand, it was not her child the mother started screaming to stop her, and we all ran to help. Everyone in the park than said "oh i had such a creepy feeling about that women waking around the park".

We see stuff all the time and never have a weird feeling, when you get that feeling follow it!
post #28 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by grniys View Post
Your instincts are there for a reason. If you think something is off/wrong, then there's a good chance it is. IMO, it wouldn't have been smart to stay in an isolated place where you weren't comfortable. Always, always listen to your instincts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by _betsy_ View Post
You certainly didn't do anything wrong by leaving and trusting your gut.

Maybe she was eating lunch, talking on a cell phone, listening to the radio or a book on tape, knitting, nursing a babe, or just sitting and zoning out for a bit. Doesn't seem like she was doing anything wrong, wither.

I think overreacting would have been calling the cops or confronting her with hostility. But you didn't do that, you simply left.
: to both these.
post #29 of 76
It was probably nothing to be very concerned about but you felt weird and you were the one there. If I felt weird about somebody in an isolated place I would have left.
Overreacting would have been calling the cops or something.
post #30 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by mistymama View Post
Better safe than sorry and always follow your instincts. Have you read 'Protecting The Gift' .. if not, I highly recommend it.

I often like to park my car in a deserted place to eat lunch or kill a little time before picking ds up from school. That might have been all it was, but if you felt funny, you totally did the right thing.
post #31 of 76
Thread Starter 
I can't explain *why* I felt weird...it just did. I was all alone, there was no foot traffic, no other car traffic, just me and my kiddos...I normally don't even notice people around me...I'm fairly oblivious most of the time, but this captured my attention...and made me nervous.
post #32 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by JamesMama View Post
I can't explain *why* I felt weird...it just did. I was all alone, there was no foot traffic, no other car traffic, just me and my kiddos...I normally don't even notice people around me...I'm fairly oblivious most of the time, but this captured my attention...and made me nervous.

And you don't need to explain *why* you felt weird. You did and you left a situation that didn't feel right. I'd rather see you here telling us this than have a "missing woman and 2 children" amber alert flashing on the screen. You just don't know and it doesn't hurt anyone to be too careful!

I was robbed at my job in December of 06, when I was pregnant. I *knew* something was going to happen. I felt it. I knew it. But....I didn't want to assume and be rude and deny the guy service. The panick button that's usually on the wall was in my hand instead. I knew something bad was going to happen so I had that panick button hidden in the palm of my hand. As soon as the bad guy said the magic words, I pressed the button. He took the money, nobody was hurt. Cops were able to catch him and he pleaded guilty. I didn't listen to my gut that time.

A few months later there was another guy at my job and my instincts screamed at me--danger, danger, danger. I knew something wasn't right. I refused service (didn't let him in the building, made up an excuse). He went to a nearby business and robbed them instead.

Those 2 accounts (as well as many more through the years) proves to me that my instincts ARE right. No matter how silly something seems. It doesn't matter if you can't explain *why*. What matters is that instinct kicks in and it kicks in for a reason.

I would've done the same with the park scenario--especially if my kid was near, just as you did.

You did good mama
post #33 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by dewi View Post
I think your response is not a wise one for anyone to follow.

Read the book the "Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker. Studies show the same thing, that people aways say they had a "funny feeling", "a creepy feeling" and just brushed it off, did not want to be perceived rude. You pull the race card, and that is a bullshit card to pull. Women fear all colors and size men. It is a whole other conversatin, not this one.

At 15yrs old my daughter was abducted off a public beach at gun point and raped, she did not follow her gut instinct, and she has a good one as a city kid, she was polite. I certainly never taught her to be polite to strangers.

In the playground I saw a women leading a child out of a park holding his hand, it was not her child the mother started screaming to stop her, and we all ran to help. Everyone in the park than said "oh i had such a creepy feeling about that women waking around the park".

We see stuff all the time and never have a weird feeling, when you get that feeling follow it!
I'm sorry for your daughter

Your post gave my chills--how after the lady tried to take the boy, then people spoke up about their creepy feelings. Everyone has instincts. More people need to start listening to it. Like you said, I think a lot of people are afraid of being rude or offending someone. I'm tired of worrying about that. The first (and last!) time I was robbed I didn't want to offend the guy. God forbid I offend or upset someone who freaks me out, right? To save his feelings, I put myself in danger. Someone inturupted the robbery and bad guy took off. If someone hadn't of inturrupted, I can only imagine what may have happened next....
post #34 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by JamesMama View Post
I can't explain *why* I felt weird...it just did. I was all alone, there was no foot traffic, no other car traffic, just me and my kiddos...I normally don't even notice people around me...I'm fairly oblivious most of the time, but this captured my attention...and made me nervous.
then dear, BY ALL MEANS you did the right thing. who cares what other people think? YOU were there YOU felt weird. it is a gift from g-d or who (whom?) ever and you used it
very well done.
post #35 of 76
I sat in my car today for about 45 minutes- I live in the next town over and didn't want to go home before my dd got out of school. I had a book with me and chatted on the phone a bit and stared off into space thinking about my work schedule for a while.

Not that I'm saying you're wrong, just offering another perspective.
post #36 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by feminist~mama View Post
I sat in my car today for about 45 minutes- I live in the next town over and didn't want to go home before my dd got out of school. I had a book with me and chatted on the phone a bit and stared off into space thinking about my work schedule for a while.

Not that I'm saying you're wrong, just offering another perspective.
And chances are if YOU were the one sitting in the car where the OP was, the OP would NOT have had the creepy feeling. It's not the situation. It's not what happened or what the person did or didn't do. It's the vibe that person or situation gives off. Just offering yet another perspective.
post #37 of 76
When my twins were younger they'd always fall asleep in the car, so I started carrying a book with me. As soon as they'd drift off I would drive to the park and sit in my car and read a book, sometimes for 2 hours. Sleep was precious in those days, what can I say? LOL. So yes, I think you overreacted.
post #38 of 76
I think you did the right thing. Often we assume "Oh, It's just some lady doing xyz, taking a smoke brake..." When our instincts are SCREAMING at us to "Get out of there" we should listen. OP- You did great.

To those of you that think "It's just some lady" when did we LADY's become NON VIOLENT??? Not a threat? Not dopped up on Meth? Women are just as brutal as men in many situations- and many women are very twisted.

By not listening to our instincts, and this is just MY personal opinion, is a in essence ignoring a very huge part of our Motherhood/Womanhood. By ignoring what we feel is creepy, out of place, wrong, or just OFF is putting US and our CHILDREN in a position of Danger- and to me that's never worth the risk to "see" if I was right or wrong.

So- I hope you mom's out there do listen to your instincts. We are given them for a reason...
post #39 of 76
Posters saying "I sat in my car today" are you afraid of me,
Are missing the point.

Everyone sits in their car waiting for kids, doing work, or wasting time. We see people doing this everyday of our life, and think nothing of it, what makes this situation different is that this normal occurrence set off this mom flight instinct and she smartly listened.

That is what the "gift of fear" is all about.

She did not say every time I see a person sitting in a car I get a creepy feeling, it was this particular situation that set something off. That is why she is not overreacting.

This is what we have to teach our children. Follow their gut.
post #40 of 76
Quote:
Originally Posted by MayBaby2007 View Post
I'm sorry for your daughter

Your post gave my chills--how after the lady tried to take the boy, then people spoke up about their creepy feelings. Everyone has instincts. More people need to start listening to it. Like you said, I think a lot of people are afraid of being rude or offending someone. I'm tired of worrying about that. The first (and last!) time I was robbed I didn't want to offend the guy. God forbid I offend or upset someone who freaks me out, right? To save his feelings, I put myself in danger. Someone inturupted the robbery and bad guy took off. If someone hadn't of inturrupted, I can only imagine what may have happened next....

Thank you for your kind words.
Nightmare for my family is not even a good enough word to describe what happened. I'm very sensitive to this issue of women giving away their power by not following their intuition and gut when they perceive danger.

I cannot stress enough to women and children that they must learn to listen to themselves. It is exactly like that voice when you're giving birth, we have an intuitive self that works perfectly if we allow it, and hear it.
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