I'm Freaking Out here! Need some encouragement

[melissabb]

Next Tuesday is the first day of school in our area. My kids attended up until last year (grade 2 and Junior Kindergarten). We are HSing this year. But, now that the day is getting closer and closer I am feeling so anxious about it. I can't put my finger on it. I'm not sure if it is excitement, or fear, or self-doubt.....

My kids are absolutely thrilled. So am I. Don't get me wrong. They are NOT going back to PS. But, like I said, I am sooooo nervous about this new journey we are about to embark on.

Anyone been here? Did you feel like this??

Tell me it's all going to be okay. I keep hearing my own self asking all of those silly questions about HSing....socialization? academics? blah, blah, blah.

I KNOW that this is a good thing. It's just so new to me and....well...you get my point.

I'm rambling.

[Stinkerbell]

I went through it, too. It was some anxiety of being "rebellious", in my case. I was waiting for someone to knock on the door and ask me why my kids were not in school.

Now? I'm SO over it

Are you using a curriculum? Are you leaving them time to decompress/deschool? Is there a particular reason that the start of public school is of significance to you?

[melissabb]

Originally Posted by Stinkerbell

I went through it, too. It was some anxiety of being "rebellious", in my case. I was waiting for someone to knock on the door and ask me why my kids were not in school.

Now? I'm SO over it

Are you using a curriculum? Are you leaving them time to decompress/deschool? Is there a particular reason that the start of public school is of significance to you?

Well, they had the summer (11 weeks) to decompress. No, I am not using a particular curriculum. More like a combo of unschooling with a bit of unit study tossed in when they show interest in a specific area.

Is there a particular reason that the start of public school is of significance to you?

No, it's not the start of school. It the NOT sending them back to school. You know, everywhere you go - and I mean EVERYWHERE you are unindated with back-to-school items. It's just kind of weird to not be part of the frenzy. KWIM? Right now there are millions of kids getting backpacks and lunch boxes and I'm just not doing that. Add in the ten people a day who ask my kids "are you getting excited to go back to school?" and it is just pushing me over the edge. KWIM?

Don't get me wrong here. I am not backing out. I guess I am just perplexed by this sudden influx of anxiety. I was feeling rock solid about this all summer. And now at the 11th hour I am getting anxious (well, I think that's what I feel anyway!).

[melissel]

I remember that feeling. We had enrolled DD for K and then decided to HS, and I waited until like, two days before school started to send the actual letter withdrawing her. I can remember having this feeling of, "I can't believe I'm actually doing this! I'm not. This is crazy. How can be doing this???" It totally passes. This year we were inundated with the school supply stuff and all I could think was how grateful I was that I didn't have to participate in the "brown bag lunch supply" frenzy and sales at the grocery stores, and how much fun I was having buying all the cheap school supplies for us to use at home

Don't worry, you'll be OK. It feels totally unreal, but then it becomes your reality, and you move on. Our first year was very difficult for many reasons (I work, I'm not terribly organized, I need a lot of alone time), and I fantasized a lot about putting them in school there for awhile. I managed to push through all of that, and now I'm SO excited to start this next year with them. It also sounds like you have a great plan, but don't be afraid to add a little more structure if you think it will help keep you sane, too.

You can do it! You all will be fine

[emmsmama]

Your post so could have been mine last year. Actually I did post last year asking how long it took to get rid of the sick feeling in my stomach. I was a MESS at the start of the school year.

Ds had attended JK the year previous and dd Gr. 2. I was okay with keeping ds home because he didn't want to go to school and it was only SK so I figured I could handle that , but dd was unsure of hs'ing and so was I and it was quite evident, so you already have a step up on me in that area

The first day of school I actually put dd on the bus. I was an emotional mess and she was saying she wanted to go to school and dh was against me hs'ing her and I was petrified of handing in the letter to the school board saying I was hs'ing.

Long story short, she went to school for two weeks of Gr. 3, realized she wouldn't be in the same class as her best friend and that she wanted to be home with ds and me. She was already getting 30-60 mins. of homework every night (she is distractable and although she might not have had that much work if she did more at school, she got distracted in class and so didn't finish all her work in classtime). I pulled her, dh and I had a huge fight, I was sick to my stomach (literally woke up thinking I was going to puke every morning) for two weeks, and then things got MUCH better slowly.

I'm not saying it to scare you, just saying all that so you don't feel alone in your emotions. When I came on here or talked to my friends who hs'ed it seemed like everybody was so sure of their decision and was so happy to be hs'ing; meanwhile I was full of doubt, anxiety, and stress. I felt like I had no support because I was the oddball who was actually not excited to start homeschooling, but actually fearful of doing so.

Slowly though the stressed feelings went away and we got into a bit of a routine. I started answering hs'ing ?'s confidentently when approached. Dh warmed up to hs'ing which was good because that was a huge point of stress btwn. us which certainly didn't help me with my anxiety. I started to enjoy starting school at 9am in our jammies instead of rushing the kids to get on the school bus at 7:45am. I started to enjoy learning things along with the kids. I loved cozying up with them in a chair to read our Ambleside books together. I loved watching ds learn just through building and playing and following his interests...

This year I am getting a bit of the jitters as we embark on another school year, but I'm soooo much more confident now seeing how far all three of us have come since last year and how "normal" we still are even though we are the only hs'ing family in the neighbourhood and the only hs'ing family most people we know know.

You are not alone in how you are feeling, but the jitters will pass and you will fall into your groove!

Feel free to pm me anytime if you want

[SuziBelle]

I am feeling the same way for sure! This will be our first year and my boys are 10 and almost 7. They have gone to a private school for 6 years and we needed a financial break from that. So, we are giving it a shot! I am sure you will do great and love it just like we will!

[ABand3]

Maybe focusing on some 'not back to school' excitement of your own would help? Plan a special outing or activity, or get/gather some 'supplies' of your own. Maybe shop for or give each child a new fancy pen and journal, or memory box to stash artwork in, or something else meaningful to you/them, but make a big deal about it.

Are you part of a local hs group? I find that seeing plans for not back to school activities (even if we don't participate) are reassuring that we are part of a community, not an island bucking the trend just for the heck of it.

[melissabb]

OP here.....

Well, I printed out the "letter of intent to HS" that I need to sign and deliver. I plan to deliver it to the school personally tomorrow as well as send one in the mail to the board of ed.

Wheeeeewwwww......deep breaths here!!!!

I think that once I deliver the letter it will seem so real. KWIM?

[kathymuggle]

Originally Posted by melissabb

No, it's not the start of school. It the NOT sending them back to school. You know, everywhere you go - and I mean EVERYWHERE you are unindated with back-to-school items. It's just kind of weird to not be part of the frenzy. KWIM? Right now there are millions of kids getting backpacks and lunch boxes and I'm just not doing that. Add in the ten people a day who ask my kids "are you getting excited to go back to school?" and it is just pushing me over the edge. KWIM?

I have a little bit of this.

I am so tired of the back - to -school stuff. However, I know I am in good company - and I bet there are a lot of public school kids and parents who gag over the frenzy as well. If it is really bugging you, I would avoid the TV and stores for a few more days. Rent some movies or go on outings.

My DS is HS for the first time since grade 3 (he is grade 7 now), and while we think this is a postive step, there is a bit of anxiety on how this will play out. I have also just realised that while I have gone to good lengths to set up activities for my 2 older kids, my youngest, thus far, is only enrolled in Sparks. I am not sure it will be enough and I am worried about creating more opportunities for her.

Long story short - you are NOT alone. I will breathe a big sigh of relief once school starts.

Kathy

[emmsmama]

Maybe this will help encourage you

I Will Survive

[crb]

I'm with you! I thought I would feel less nervous after sending in the letter of intent . . .still nervous. I thought I would feel better once school had started, but school started Monday and I'm still a wreck. Somehow it feels different - like I should be teaching all the time. When the kids watch a video, I'm freaking out inside like "Aack, what would she be doing in school right now?!"
Luckily, dd is doing great, doesn't miss schoo,etc., and I think as we meet some other hsers it will feel more natural. But right now, geesh! I feel like a bundle of nerves all day. Am I that tied to the public school system? I guess so!

[2 in August]

The hardest part is getting out of the school mindset. Besides being a student for the first 20 years or so of my life, then I was a teacher before I had dd. It was so hard not to think in terms of school. Luckily (although it didn't feel like it at the time), dd is very opinionated and resisted all my attempts at overtly teaching her and trying to over schedule our days. Now we mostly unschool and throw in unit studies when she requests them and sometimes she even gets out work books and does them for fun. It's a totally different feeling. Now back to school means stocking up on glue/folders/paper on sale and getting to go places with no crowds (like the zoo, we are waiting until next week after school starts, lol).

[kraftykathy]

wow, i'm with all you nervous mamas, lol! especially the sick to the stomach mama, i've felt like that. insomnia too, lol! yikes, it's scary going out on that limb.

i know we are all on the right path and i really want to encourage you mamas with younger kids. i've always wanted to homeschool my kids. my kids have always wanted to homeschool. we've even done the 11th hour change of heart and put them in school after a whole summer of planning otherwise. we've done that a few times. now i have a 3 year old dd, an 11 year old grade 7 ds and a almost 14 year old GRADE 9 DD !!! why have we waited so long?!? fear, just fear!

still scared, i can't wait to feel like we aren't crazy. but i'm encouraged to hear from those mamas who have been there. please keep sharing stories if you were once a nervous wreck and then finally became comfortable with your new path. we need the encouragement!!!

[onlyzombiecat]

It'll be okay.

I had lots of doubts and anxiety in the beginning. Now that we've been doing this for awhile I don't feel as much anxiety over it. Back to school stuff doesn't really bother us anymore.

[lovin'leo]

Strangely, I didn't freak out last year (our first 'official' year of hs'ing). This year, I am freaking out a bit, though. I think it's mostly because we had a really bad fit with our facilitator last year and after every meeting I had with her, I had a mini-breakdown, certain that I couldn't possibly do this & I should just send ds to school. I think once I meet our facilitator for this year, who should be *much* better since I requested it be either one of 2 ladies known for being unschool friendly, I'll feel a lot better about things.

[Alana]

It.Will.Be.OK.

I think everyone freaks out....at least everyone I know, it is pretty normal...but Ive found that hs'ing really isn't all that hard, and despite ME, my kids are doing really well. :

[melissel]

Originally Posted by 2 in August

Now back to school means stocking up on glue/folders/paper on sale and getting to go places with no crowds (like the zoo, we are waiting until next week after school starts, lol).

Totally! We're going to the Museum of Natural History as part of our prehistory unit (before starting SOTW), but we're SO going after the schools start!

[CartersMomma]

It's so good to know I"m not alone!! This is our first year HSing and I have felt a little freaked out as well. I think I've been thinking about it for so long (ds went to kindy and first grade) that I just can't believe that I've finally made this decision and we are embarking on a whole new life. School started August 18th here, ridiculously early! So we had a "not going back to school" party with some friends at the park that day, complete with cupcakes. We don't plan to start anything "formal" for a few more weeks, but I think I'm almost afraid to start! I think we all need to just relax awhile longer.

[melissabb]

OP here again....

WOW! I had no idea so many of us felt this way! It's good to know I am not alone and I am "normal" in my feelings of anxiety. Funny.....that's pretty much the only way we are Normal by any standard!!

Off topic a bit but......

I think some of the anxiety for all of us is that I suspect we live very differently from most of society. For example, my family is non-vax, don't go to the MD but get adjusted by my chiropractor husband, live organically etc etc. I think for me (and most definately for hubby) was that it was yet another step away from mainstream. And let's face it...it doesn't matter how great your convictions it is MUCH harder to go against the grain. This is just one more way my family is different.

I remember when we had a big blow out overe HSIng in our family. I was pro and DH was con. One of his reasons were "because going to school is what "normal" people do"! I nearly choked with laughter. We are soooooo far from normal it isn't even funny! I told him that wasn't a good enough reason!

[CartersMomma]

Yes, we are pretty far off of the mainstream around here as well, in so many ways! I have a pretty thick skin and a lot of confidence about our other decisions, and I guess it will just take some time for me to feel that way about HSing as well.

Off topic, has anyone else seen the commercial for DanActive (I think?)....this mom is freaking out and stressed because of school starting, it shows all these clips of hurrying kids out the door, everyone stressed...they were saying in effect that stress weakens your immune system and you should just combat the stress by drinking their product... when I watched that commercial, I just kept thinking that if you see your life like that (hurry, worry, stress), why would you just keep DOING IT instead of changing it?