Feeling like I'm failing- thinking of putting DS back in ps

[Sharon, RN]

Dear fellow MDCers,

I'm just feeling overwhelmed and I need a virtual hug- or slap in the face, whichever will work better!

We've hs for about 2 years now. In the last 3 months, I've 1) been diagnosed w/hypothyroidism (and I'm FEELING it), 2) gotten remarried, except my dh is a travel nurse so he had to leave again as soon as we got back, 3) my new dh wrecked my car, and since he's gone, I have no regular transportation, and 4) we are closing on our first home this (!) Thursday.

Guess where any attention to my hs has gone? I think it went to the junk yard with my Toyota!

So, since we are moving soon, I'm this close to asking Eric if he will go back to regular school. Except the school he would be assigned to is full, and he would be trafficked over to some other school half way across the city!

So, I wandered over to the learning @ school forum to remind myself of the many reasons I brought my ds home in the first place.

I just feel overwhelmed and I'm afraid I'm doing him harm.

So, please help me put things in perspective!

[rsps]

Even if you spent a whole year being overwhelmed and doing nothing that looked like school -- your son would still be better off!! He is still learning lots -- just not things that would be covered in a classroom.
What is your son doing with his time? Odds are that if you look closely you will see lots of learning going on. And if not? no big deal -- It does not take 13 years for a child to learn what academic subjects they need to move on as adults.

At a recent homeschool conference one of the speakers (whose kids were around 8 I think) mentioned that she had looked at the classes at the local community college, and even if her child learned nothing in the next ten years-- they would still fit in and find appropriate classes at the college level. My husband is a college instructor and I can attest that this is true.

So relax and enjoy the adventure that all the changes in your life are bringing. Soon you will find a new balance.

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by Sharon, RN

I'm just feeling overwhelmed and I need a virtual hug- or slap in the face, whichever will work better!

Well, let's see! Maybe both? Then you can choose:



Hey, I get the feeling your overwhelm is coloring your view of things. You're closing on a new home on Thursday - that's a good thing, and something you can share joy over with your son. Feeling bad is the pits, but you can grab those special moments for hugs and quiet, cozy times that would be fewer and farther between if you were both also trying to deal with school demands right now.

You have no regular transportation - I'd imagine that will pass in time. Meanwhile, do you have some good books around the house to snuggle up and read to your son? Can you somehow get to a library and stock up on more? Can you get some really interesting educational films delivered in the mail from Netflix? Have you explored the great resources online - things like audio books online, audio stories online, audio books...?

And look for things in the way of books and movies that make you both laugh. Humor is so important.

What about downloading some Boomerang Kids' Audio magazines? They're fabulous - your son would probably love them - and there's a free sample issue in their website that you can listen to to get a feel for them.

Take a look through my (non-commercial) Homeschooling Gateway links - there are lots of fun and interesting websites your son can explore.

Homeschooling doesn't mean you have to always be doing something that looks like formal studies - things can ebb and flow, and your time together can be relaxed as much as possible around the real life trials you're going through together. If it rains lemons, there are lots of things you can find to do with them.

Take it easy on yourself. Think of this as a special time to be good to yourself and to show your son ways of finding silver linings in clouds.

Best of luck with everything - Lillian

[Lillian J]

And what Rebecca said!!! Yes! Lillian

[milehighmonkeys]

It sounds like a temporary speed bump in your hs routine. I would think it's something the two of you can overcome. Hang in there mama. Not all learning comes from a curriculum, either.

[2 in August]

BIG s!!! Don't send him back!! You will get through this. Just like Rebecca said, if you do nothing at all that looks like school this year, he will still learn and grow and amaze you! When I had ds I told everybody that we would do kdg 2 years if we had to, because I was worried about hsing and having a newborn. I felt guilty all year because we didn't do school much at all. But when I looked at our state's kdg guidelines, she knew almost everything. I thought the next year would be better. Nope, 1yo was even worse because he actively tried to thwart our lessons. So we could only do school during his (very short) nap. I was worried again, looked at the 1st grade standards. Again, she somehow knows almost all of it. It will work out.

and now for the 2x4...
Also, think about this from his perspective, how would he feel if you suddenly sent him to school? He's got some pretty big changes going on too. He's got a new person in the family to adjust to, but that person isn't even there all the time so he has to adjust over and over. He's moving to a new house. Depending on how much you guys were out and about, not having transportation might even be an issue for him. So on top of that he'd have to adjust to school, and not just the neighborhood school where the other kids on the block go, but one across town. It's all too much. If it's too much for you, I'd guess that even if he's putting on a brave face, it's too much for him too.

So slow down, take time to reconnect. Do fun things that Lillian J recommended. He will be ok. You will be ok. Trust in that. So you watch 50 Discovery Channel documentaries, hey at least he'll know about 50 new things! Play a game, bake cookies, paint his new bedroom, it's all math. (Argue about the color of the bedroom, that's debate! ) Explore your new neighborhood/town (social studies/history!). Shoot hoops or take a bike ride (gym class). Write letters to old friends or family about your new place or start a blog about it (language arts!). You have a whole curriculum waiting inside the doors of your new house. Enjoy it and try not to be so hard on yourself, you'll both do great!

[4evermom]

It seems to me if life is complicated and stressful now, adding school to the mix would really increase that!

How about trying a trial membership to Brainpop? (Assuming you have internet at home and aren't posting from elsewhere.) Ds loved it when we checked it out. I'm planning on signing up for a membership once the weather gets cooler and we are more homebound. We're a one car and one child family so winter can be extra long and boring!

[melissabb]

Hang in there. There are occassionally going to be those years that just are not as good as others.

I feel for you. Although we are just starting to HS we have also had a very, very rough year. We have been sued (frivolous money grabbing type of stupidity lawsuit GRRRR), have a peer review in my hubby's business, bought a house with no conditions and could not sell our house and just recently (30 days out) finally sold it. Now we have only 26 days to move. Add to that tension between hubby and I over my desire to HS and his opposition (which he finally understands and is on board!! Yeah!).

Anyway, I tell you this not to hijack your post but to show you are not alone. I too, feel like I have NOT, NOT, NOT been the best parent to my kids this year. The stress level was just waaay to high. But we got through it. You will too. There were times when I literally just fell onto the floor and cried my eyes out the stress was so high here. But, just this week things have settled and I look back and realized we made it through. I honestly don't know how but we did!

Things get rough and we second guess ourselves. Change is hard but there is always a positive at the end. You too will get through all this and when the dust finally settles you will look back and wonder what all the fuss was about!

Just remember.....

"There is no crisis without a blessing".

Hang in there. Your son, no doubt, feels all the stress too and sending him off to school will just add to that . School is alot of work for everyone in the family.

Many hugs to you.

[crb]

I'm new to hsing, so no advice there, but I too have hypothyroidism. It can be very tough before treatment: you are exhausted, depressed, etc. Not a good time to make big decisions!
If you are getting treatment for it, I would focus on that first - I started feeling better w/in a couple of weeks of medication, then there are constant rechecks to get the level right. I would focus on the hypothyroidism first, and your feelings might change about the rest. You also have a lot going on w/moving, etc., and I can imagine that it is hard to think clearly and make a plan for how to get these things taken care of. Once you are feeling better, maybe you can start working it out - planning the move, getting the car fixed/replaced, figuring out schooling. What does your son want to do?
Good luck! One day at a time!

[chaos_pie]

In our family, when I am feeling overwhelmed and ambivalent about hs, I do two things-- find a good book to read with the kids or if I am too exhausted, listen to a book on tape together, and sit on the floor and play games with the kids. I have found both those things cheer me up and make me appreciate why we homeschool.

Are there things that you love about hs-ing? Could you just do those to see if it changes your mood about hs-ing right now?

[elizawill]

take a break and let everyone settle in to all of the new adjustments taking place in your lives. unless your son is really begging to go to a new school across the city, i would not even consider that as an option. however, that doesn't mean you have no other options, yk? you can choose to take a break. simply DON'T have an agenda for school & throw all expectations for this year to the wayside. believe me... i'm a HUGE fan of schedules, routines, to-do lists, etc. but in your situation - you all simply need a break. be kind to yourselves and take one



hugs

[Peacemamalove]

Originally Posted by Sharon, RN

Dear fellow MDCers,

I'm just feeling overwhelmed and I need a virtual hug- or slap in the face, whichever will work better!

We've hs for about 2 years now. In the last 3 months, I've 1) been diagnosed w/hypothyroidism (and I'm FEELING it), 2) gotten remarried, except my dh is a travel nurse so he had to leave again as soon as we got back, 3) my new dh wrecked my car, and since he's gone, I have no regular transportation, and 4) we are closing on our first home this (!) Thursday.

Guess where any attention to my hs has gone? I think it went to the junk yard with my Toyota!

So, since we are moving soon, I'm this close to asking Eric if he will go back to regular school. Except the school he would be assigned to is full, and he would be trafficked over to some other school half way across the city!

So, I wandered over to the learning @ school forum to remind myself of the many reasons I brought my ds home in the first place.

I just feel overwhelmed and I'm afraid I'm doing him harm.

So, please help me put things in perspective!

WOW! I just posted the same type of post. All I can offer you is hugs because I am going through the same thing with my first grader...It is not a good feeling hang in there mama and I will too!!

[Lillian J]

Good morning, Sharon!

I was just thinking about how different this morning might have been for you if you'd had to get your son up, get him fed, get his lunch ready, and get him off to school. Then, when he came home tired from school late this afternoon, there would be helping him with homework, getting dinner, and getting him to bed early to start it all again tomorrow.

Just thinkin' Lillian

[Sharon, RN]

Thank you thank you thank you...

This is just what I needed.

I am being treated for my hypothyroidism, but we are still adjusting the dosage, and it's just not right yet.

Things have been tense w/new dh and I because of the whole wrecked car thing (which, I should be kinder about, but I haven't been), and the new house thing. His work assignment finishes in Nov, and he's going to get a per diem job around here, which should bring him in about the same amt of $. And we can pick up another car right after closing; we just couldn't before closing because it could mess up our mortgage.

Sigh. It'll be fine. I was on the phone w/my sister last night, and she was discussing her best friend who has a 4 YO. He's in preschool, and the dc mother (sis's best friend) was talking to the preschool teacher and demanding to know the curriculum, what kind of work she could re-enforce @ home, and wanted to know what new things she would introduce for him to learn since he's already had 1 year of preschool! :

This kind of helped put things back in perspective for me. I couldn't imagine putting that much work on such a young child. And if I sent my ds back to school, it would be so much extra work he doesn't need. And, I remember when he was in school, and it was so much harder than homeschooling him!

Anyway, thanks again for the encouragement. I'm going to go read from a chapter book we got out from the library.
:

[mangopassion]

YAY! I'm so glad you're feeling better today!

[Lillian J]

And y'know, as the saying goes, things could always be worse - a lot worse. I was horrified the other day about something I thought I'd damaged (turned out I hadn't) in house sitting situation in between homes. I was dreading having to tell the home owner who had trusted me so much that I'd ruined her countertop, and even though I'd pay for the repair, she'd have to put up with a lot of inconvenience in the process. I whined to the man down at the hardware store, "Oh, I just can't believe I did this - this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me." He said "This is the worst thing that's ever happened to you? Wow! You've really had a really great life!"

And today I was talking to a man who was telling me he's buying two simple cardboard and mirror solar cookers for people in Darfur - a great solution for areas where there isn't firewood to cook the meager staple food people there are able to get if they're lucky. That gave me a whole new take on the wonderful gourmet stoves and gadgets so many of us consider necessities for preparing the cornucopia of beautiful foods from our farmers' markets.

Lillian

[Sharon, RN]

Originally Posted by Lillian J

And y'know, as the saying goes, things could always be worse - a lot worse.

And today I was talking to a man who was telling me he's buying two simple cardboard and mirror solar cookers for people in Darfur - a great solution for areas where there isn't firewood to cook the meager staple food people there are able to get if they're lucky. That gave me a whole new take on the wonderful gourmet stoves and gadgets so many of us consider necessities for preparing the cornucopia of beautiful foods from our farmers' markets.

Lillian

This is SO true. Sure, the house thing is stressful- but 3 years ago I was separated, my x-husband was in jail for assaulting me, and my ds and I were homeless while I was finishing nursing school. I am thrilled and awed that I am going to be blessed with a house!

And riding my bike everywhere is great for the environment, and my butt (hopefully), and I'm happy to be in a city where riding is convenient and encouraged.

My dh, he has to have the latest and greatest, so he just had to get the iphone ASAP... When the new iphone came out, we waited in line for like 5 hours, and I was getting bored and everyone was grumbling in general. So, the guy in front of me said, "You know, there are many people in the world who have to wait in a line like this for food, so I'm not going to complain." That totally shut me up. He wasn't rude or anything, he was just right!

Anyway, today was a much better day. And thanks again for reminding me that I have the strength to educate my ds, even on the days I feel down.

[Ruthla]

I think you'd feel overwhelmed right now even if he was enrolled in school- and you'd feel bad about missing school events without the car. Can you imagine the impact on him if moving meant changing schools?

Relax. Things are likely to calm down soon, and then you'll get back into the swing of HSing.

[melissabb]

Sharon, I hope you are feeling better about your decision today!

I would like to thank both you and Lillian for those scenarios that provided an nice and often needed reminder that we are all blessed in so many ways. Sometimes I think we become too comfortable and forget that it can always be worse.

The ladies here are fantastic. I hope you are all here for a long time to come.