Foster regs say NO Co-sleeping even with an adopted child! - Page 4

[Polliwog]

Originally Posted by Millionmalls

There are all sorts of things I, as a parent and foster parent, can allow for my own, but NOT allow for children with me through foster care placement.
Though, in most families, there will be differences in rules even for the children within the family too.

My grandmother used to say there are only two types of children: those who will listen when you tell them not to touch the stove--and those who won't. LOL.

Luckily, I haven't found too many things here in NC that would need to be different. Other than vaccinations and co-sleeping, which aren't an issue for us. My son, pre-adoption, slept with me quite often.

I need to get background checks for anyone who watches my foster children BUT they can go to a friend's house any time (without a background check.) I need to let my foster daughter's social worker know if we're going out of the state overnight, which isn't a big deal. I can get my kids haircut without getting anyone's approval.

[mran]

Originally Posted by tomuchspade

I live in Texas, even for bio children it is the law that they have a separate bedroom, even if they co -sleep. Also, kids of the opposite sex cannot share a room. Apartment complexes can't rent a place to people if there aren't enough rooms. Nowi t is okay if the parent doesn't have a room but the kids do. I know this because when my dd turned 4months, they made me transfer to a two bedroom. Then when I had a son he had to have his own room because of opposit sex and age difference. TX is very strict, if someone were not following these rules and were reported they can lose their kids if the situation is not immediately resolved. Lucky for us we have always had the appropiate # of rooms.

I'm sorry, but this is b.s. Maybe this was your apartment complex's rules, but I know quite a few families in Texas who had children of opposite sexes in shared bedrooms, and a few families that had mom and multiple children of opposite sexes in 1 bedroom apartments - these were families that already had CPS involvement - If the law reads as you said they did, they would have easily lost their kids.

[Polliwog]

Originally Posted by mran

I'm sorry, but this is b.s. Maybe this was your apartment complex's rules, but I know quite a few families in Texas who had children of opposite sexes in shared bedrooms, and a few families that had mom and multiple children of opposite sexes in 1 bedroom apartments - these were families that already had CPS involvement - If the law reads as you said they did, they would have easily lost their kids.

I'm assuming that the pp is talking about the rules for biological children in foster homes, not every family in Texas.

[queenjane]

Originally Posted by BethNC

I'm assuming that the pp is talking about the rules for biological children in foster homes, not every family in Texas.

The post was a little confusing, i couldnt tell if she meant that every apt complex in TX will make you move to a bigger place if you dont have enough room (foster home or not) or just foster homes...

That being said...i was so irritated when i told my apt manager that i just got approved to foster (she knew i was trying to adopt) and she said all condescending "Remember, you can only have two people per room!" (i have a two bedroom apt)....i was kinda offended, because according to state of MI foster regs, i actually have enough space for *THREE* kids in my son's room (the "master" bedroom), and two (including me) in my room. But according to my lease/apt regs, there is a max of two people per room. I'm not sure what they would do if a couple lived there, had two kids in the second bedroom, and then got pg...would they make them move?!

I totally understand they want to avoid the situation of renting a one bedroom to someone and having six people living there to save on rent. But you'd think there would be some flexibility esp for children (i mean, what if you have five or six kids...where exactly are you supposed to live?? Its VERY hard to find a three bd apt around here, and houses are really expensive to rent) I think as long as you are keeping the place up and not disturbing your neighbors, they should stay out of your business when it comes to family size.

If the PP meant that her apt complex made her move to a three bedroom for gender differences between her kids (and not just the licensing specialist for foster care) then i think that goes way above and beyond, bordering on invasion of privacy. It really is NO business of a complex to tell you your two young kids of opposite genders cannot share a bedroom, or that your baby can't share your room.


Katherine

[heythere heather]

Originally Posted by BCFD

I know that a foster child has to be 5 to sleep on the top bunk, but I forget what they said about our own children. If they tell me that it's not acceptible to have my own children who are almost 3 and almost 4 in a half bunk (they are lower than normal bunk beds), we will not be doing foster care. Sad, sad....

We were told age 6, and that it applied for bio children as well. She specifically asked me, because I have my two boys in one room with a bunk bed and a toddler bed. DS4 sleeps in the toddler bed, because DS6 doesn't want to sleep on the top bunk.

[queencarr]

Regarding the TX law stuff, we were told basically the same thing a few years ago when looking for houses to rent. I was surprised, but distinctly rememer him telling me it was not his rule, but the law. I wonder if it makes a difference that the landlord was approved to receive Section 8 housing money? I have no reason to doubt him, as we did go on to rent a house from him and he was an excellent landlord.

As far as the PP mentioning about CPS involved families with this situation; this may have been a secondary step to their family plan, with immediate priority being placed elsewhere. Quite frankly, TX doesn't like to remove children (polygamy compound notwithstanding) even where there seems to be an obvious reason to do so.

Finally, for our homestudy here in TX, even though we cosleep and our SW knows it and is ok with it, we are required to have separate, age appropriate bedspace for each child. So, there is a crib in Isaac's room, Connor has a toddler bed even tough he sleeps on the floor, and Jimmy has his bed upstairs even though he often sleeps in Connor's tiny room (which woud not meet the square footage req for 2 kids).

[Thandiwe]

Originally Posted by mran

If the law reads as you said they did, they would have easily lost their kids.

Sadly, we were explicitly told in our PRIDE training that the standards are NOT the same for both sides of the coin. In other words, the standards we are held to as foster parents are - at least in our state - much higher than those for the birth families. In other words, according to the social workers, they "choose their battles" and don't hold the birth families as strictly to the rules. I can understand; for many families, an improvement still leaves them miles away from perfect. They try to look at the big picture; if the goal is too big, it becomes unattainable.

Not that it's right, though. I actually remarked at that point that I thought the birth parents should be receiving the same info we did and, though not held to the same regulations, at least informed of the same safety standards.

[mran]

I know that foster parents are held to a higher standard, and while it sucks, I'm not surprised.

We are required to have seperate beds for our co-sleeping kids as well. They don't have to sleep there, but we're required to give them the option.

[moondiapers]

Originally Posted by mran

I'm sorry, but this is b.s. Maybe this was your apartment complex's rules, but I know quite a few families in Texas who had children of opposite sexes in shared bedrooms, and a few families that had mom and multiple children of opposite sexes in 1 bedroom apartments - these were families that already had CPS involvement - If the law reads as you said they did, they would have easily lost their kids.

Low income and section-8 housing here has the same rules.