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My stepdaughter found a loophole... - Page 2

post #21 of 33
Thread Starter 
Btw, my stepdaughter's new nickname is "Rosie", because she makes everything all rosie. And because she's beautiful.
post #22 of 33
[I read that, and I am also feeling a bit... awkward... "letting" my stepdaughter find a loophole, but it's been pushed so much (by my stepdaughter), that I feel like, it I keep agreeing how her Mother's wishes are all that matters, despite how my stepdaughter feels about me, despite how I feel about my stepdaughter, I will emotionally lose my stepdaughter- she will close off. I cannot, will not, let my stepdaughter's Mother destroy our relationship with eachother. My stepdaughter means too much to me.]

I agree with this. This was my point saying that it's hurtful to deny children the ability to give their step-parents a title that connotes trust and love to them. If this is how your sd feels, then I think you are right to support her in it. I agree that going by the mom's "rules" cannot be placed above the needs of the child. I also think it's worth looking into mediation or counseling to address some of these issues b/c the mom's insecurities are placing the child in the middle of a very difficult situation. I think most moms want what's best for their kids and if they can be brought to see that what they are doing is hurtful (by an independent, unbiased 3rd party) then you have a shot at getting them to try to change.
post #23 of 33
I guess I just think that going against a custody order sends the wrong message.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you having a great relationship with your stepdaughter, in fact I think it's awesome.

I'm wondering why your husband agreed to all those conditions in the custody order in the first place. I agree that you guys need to go back to mediation to do what's in the best interest of the child. And a loving relationship with you is obviously in her best interests. I think that going against the custody order is a bad idea, if for no other reason than the biomom might think, well if they're breaking the custody order, thank I can, too.
post #24 of 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by harleyhalfmoon View Post
Btw, my stepdaughter's new nickname is "Rosie", because she makes everything all rosie. And because she's beautiful.
How sweet! I think having flower names for each other is the perfect expression for your special relationship. :
post #25 of 33
Excellent name!
post #26 of 33
What a wonderful name! Both names. That's so sweet. You have a wonderful family, Harley.
post #27 of 33
Our county has that same clause in all custody agreements. The wording says will not permit the child to call anyone else any form of father, dad, daddy, etc and mother, mom, mommy, etc.

However, in the manditory divorced parents parenting class, the court therapists said it is healthy and natural for the children to call a step parent or other close adult some form of mother or father, if the child chooses to do so of their own free will. It is a sign of healthy attachments as long as the child is the one making the decision.
post #28 of 33
: If your dsd choose the name so be it. Her attachement to you is between you and her.

I love the name Rosie. :

Harley, I am moved my your attachment to your dsd. It inspires me. I have a hard time sometimes and reading about your love is wonderful.

btw, I don't know what you resolved over your moms wedding but I hope all goes well.
post #29 of 33
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jjawm View Post
You have a wonderful family, Harley.
I think so, too. :

[
Quote:
Originally Posted by anitaj71 View Post
btw, I don't know what you resolved over your moms wedding but I hope all goes well.
We're going. My stepdaughter, too.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...4#post12058764
post #30 of 33

Yes Yes Yes

I respect that my stepdaughter's Mother is her Mother, but I will NEVER put my stepdaughter's Mother's needs (or wants, or whims) over my stepdaughter's needs. I am responsible for my stepdaughter's emotional wellbeing, not her Mother's. Her Mother is a big girl now. My stepdaughter is still an innocent child caught in the middle.

I stand and applaud you. This is the best thing on the entire thread. You go ahead and do what is right for your family, and keep loving Rosie, and NEVER, EVER be ashamed to show it, never EVER(!!!) feel threatened to give or receive love because of her mom's insecurities. You couldn't have said it better.
post #31 of 33
This is so wonderful and very touching! I hope my DSD grows up to be like your's. You are incredibly lucky to have found each other.
post #32 of 33
Awwww! that is so awesome!!!! I am so happy for your family!!!!:
post #33 of 33
Wow, it's so great that you and your DSD are so close. She must be really crazy about you! :

My DSDs are not allowed to mention their father, me, or our DS when they are at their mothers house. She is still that bitter, 7 years after her divorce.

How sad that your DSD's mother is so controlling over what happens in your home.

If the "Chrysanthemum" name falls through, maybe you can look for something from another language. Along the lines of Nana... Same thing for your nickname for her.
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