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For those with Asian (Hapa?) children..... - Page 2

post #21 of 63
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by indigolilybear View Post
My mom got that A LOT since she was the caucasian. ("when did you get her?" ect)
INdigolilybear -- YES. I think the white spouse is more likely to hear these comments about the child's looks, and "where did you get her", and comments about the eyes, because a stranger or a friend would be less comfortable saying these things to an Asian person. KWIM? And I think if the white spouse is a woman, then white people are even more likely to feel comfortable saying something, because women talk to each other in line at the store, etc., than men do.

I also did also have someone use the word "Chink" about my MIL . The person thought I would be okay with it because my MIL hates me and we have a terrible relationship. I was shocked, and I said, "ohmygod, that was ssssssooooooo racist!!!" She floundered and tried to explain, and I said, "my MIL is bad enough on her own, without bringing her race into it. That's just a really bad, racist word to use." The person never used it again around me. But, jeeeeez..........

About the "oriental" term -- I didn't know either, until I learned it in college. The term oriental is okay when you're talking about a rug or something, if you don't know exactly where the rug is from, but not when you're talking about a person. Having said that, I think my in-laws to use that word, and they are Korean. But I know in academia it's really taboo to use that word about a person. Same with the word "exotic" when you're talking about a person.
post #22 of 63
Thread Starter 
The reason I'm so offended by the phrase "slanted eyes", is because it's an Anglo Egocentric term. It implies that "Round Eyes" are the "norm", or the "desired shape" that everyone "should have". That's what I mean about Anglo Egocentric -- thinking that an Anglo eye is supposed to be the "right" shape. When you use the word "slanted", it implies that they are "deviated" from this "round norm". When you look up the word "slanted" you find -- to incline or bend from a vertical position, and that sort of thing. As if you're STARTING from a "vertical position" which would be the round eye. Also, my Korean husband ads that it's a little offensive because it's part of the old stereotype about Asians that they have "shifty, slanted eyes and can't be trusted".
post #23 of 63
My hubby is Filipino and I'm white. People always ask me what the kids are....most people think they're Hispanic. DH is fair skinned for a Filipino, and I'm practically albino so the girls tend to the paler side. It's funny because our oldest looks more like her dad and the baby looks more like me.
post #24 of 63
I am Canadian of half-Japanese descent, and had never heard the term "hapa" until I read it on-line a few years ago. I still haven't heard it in real life. I think it is a fairly local term in the U.S. - but because the American empire has a far reach, it's spread widely, just like the Simpsons, W's oil policy, and peanut butter ;-).

I've heard comments about slanty eyes and honestly still don't really know how to react to them. Thankfully it happens rarely now. I do hear about my son's blue eyes - I just nod and agree that he looks nothing like me. Which is true - he looks just like his dad. The funny thing is that of my 2 children, my son is the one with almond shaped eyes - no one notices though, because of the colour!
post #25 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnWind View Post
Oh, I also wanted to share -- a couple of times, ladies have said to me in the store or at a play area, when ds was little, "He's beautiful. Where did you get him?" ......I just looked at them blankly for a second, and then said, "My husband is Korean", without smiling. They were embarrassed and said they were sorry. Both times the ladies said to me, "I hope I didn't offend you..." and then went on to tell a story about a friend who adopted a baby from Japan or China or somewhere. I know those times it wasn't malicious, either. Just ignorant. Hopefully they learned not to ever say that to someone!!! I mean, if you like someones SHIRT, you say, "What a great shirt, where did you get it?", but you don't say that about a human baby!!!

Anyway, what I wanted to say was, "Oh, thank you, he came from my VAGINA".
ANY woman who has the guts to say that, I will love till the day I die. I dont want people to assume (i'm white, DH chinese, baby on the way) that I adopted because my baby will most likely look mostly chinese to white people. I just want everyone to know that i carried this baby around in my belly, and squeezed him out (will squeeze him out), and that I love this baby's father like nothing else in the world!
post #26 of 63
I'm mostly Irish-American and DH is mostly Chinese-Canadian. I almost never get the "where did you get him?" comment since DS really looks a lot like me. He also looks like DH, but not in ways that make him look very Asian. If I was describing DS's ethnic appearance I would say he looks most like an anime character .

Most of the time when we get questions from strangers they have Eur-Asian kids or grandkids themselves. I have to admit that since I had DS I find myself more aware of what other Eur-Asian kids look like. I do however restrain myself from asking strangers about their LOs.

The only truely negative and racist comments we get come from MIL (she is unhappy DS "doesn't look Chinese enough.") We don't see her anymore.
post #27 of 63
[QUOTE=AutumnWind;12049453]Grumpy Bear -- I totally agree. They just didn't realize what was rude.

When I describe my children's eyes, I say "Almond-shaped eyes". I think that's a good description.[/QUOTE

AutumnWind, I think Almond eyes has a slightly romantic sound to it. I prefer that as well! And I think if anyone made comments about slanty eyes I would say, "Yes, my little one has beautiful almond eyes just like his/her daddy" which sounds like the general feeling of the mamas.
post #28 of 63
I'm Irish-American, DH is Korean (but not culturally). 2 of my children look more like DH, and one looks a LOT like my sister-- not either of us at all (she looks a teeny bit Asian, but not like DH).

I don't think I've ever heard a blatantly rude comment. A friend of a friend wondered (to her) if my DC are adopted (this does not offend me, as I don't think adoption is offensive), and once a young hair stylist asked my DD if she got her "nice tan" from her dad. I thought it was odd as both DH and DD are pretty fair. Other than that, nothing. Most people say, "What beautiful children!"

SO MANY of my friends' children (from an urban area) are like my family . . .1/2 Asian, !/2 white. I didn't meet any of them through any sort of ethnic/cultural group meetings or anything, either. Here in the suburbs, I don't personally know them, but I've seen SO many families like ours as well. It's getting so common . . .

Of course, my DC probably do confuse people, as none of us (not even DH) have an Asian last name . . .they have Scottish and Greek first names, a French last name, and I speak to them in Spanish!

ETA: My friend is Thai-American, DH is German, living in Canada. She was nursing her son, and an Asian nanny came up to her and asked, "Did you have to take drugs to be able to [nurse]?" She thought my friend was a wet nurse, not the mom!
post #29 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by eepster View Post
If I was describing DS's ethnic appearance I would say he looks most like an anime character .
Me, too! My 2nd DD has just a hint of looking Asian, but one of my friends said she looked like children a Japanese woman drew. The first thought that popped into my head was:anime! She has huge eyes (I do not!), wide set (again, I do not!), little button nose (nope!), and she is just too cute. Sometimes I look at my children and can't believe how adorable they are! I'm sure 100% of you feel that way, too!
post #30 of 63
Does my username tell you anything? LOL

I'm hapa myself, one or those terrible mainlander half-Japanese types that have adopted the term.

My kids are 3/4 Japanese though.
post #31 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mizelenius View Post
ETA: My friend is Thai-American, DH is German, living in Canada. She was nursing her son, and an Asian nanny came up to her and asked, "Did you have to take drugs to be able to [nurse]?" She thought my friend was a wet nurse, not the mom!
Asian moms usually get the nanny comment too. I haven't had that comment since we are from a pretty small town and I think DS looks enough like me but my friends have received the "are you the nanny?" question at one time or another.
post #32 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by grumpybear View Post
Asian moms usually get the nanny comment too. I haven't had that comment since we are from a pretty small town and I think DS looks enough like me but my friends have received the "are you the nanny?" question at one time or another.
Yes. My friend thinks she would never have been asked that had she been white. I would tend to believe this is true.

Those of you who are mistaken for being a nanny-- are you young? Whenever I see someone young, slim, and well-put together with tons of energy, I do wonder if she is a nanny!
post #33 of 63
I am white - dh is Vietnamese. I get asked all.the.time if they are mine/where they came from/did I adopt them. I love that they have beautiful asian features like their dad but the where did they come from ?s do get old!
post #34 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by RainCoastMama View Post
drop

Alohagirl...get outta here! I thought *we* were the only South Asian/Japanese(ish) couple!!! I wonder if our kids look alike?! :
WOw!!! I never thought I would meet anyone else like that too!! :That's so cool! What does your child look like? My baby somehow does not look South Asian at all, even though he has some of my features. I would say he looks kind of Asian, kind of white!

We should exchange pics of our kids!
post #35 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by mystiquesmom View Post
I'm Korean, my husband is Polish. We never get any comments about DS's looks beyond 'he's so cute!', other than my mother, who used to comment how big his eyes are.
I'm the hapa in our family (Korean/Afr.Am.) and my hadapogee always comments on how big my son's eyes are. My own eyes are more almond, asis DS's, but his are much wider than mine.
post #36 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mizelenius View Post

Those of you who are mistaken for being a nanny-- are you young? Whenever I see someone young, slim, and well-put together with tons of energy, I do wonder if she is a nanny!
The nannys where I live are soooo not like that!
post #37 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mizelenius View Post
Those of you who are mistaken for being a nanny-- are you young? Whenever I see someone young, slim, and well-put together with tons of energy, I do wonder if she is a nanny!
I look young for my age, but I wouldn't describe myself as "well put together". I have tattoos and a nose piercing and usually wear jeans and flip flops.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumWind
Anyway, what I wanted to say was, "Oh, thank you, he came from my VAGINA".
At my *grandmother's wake* I had someone ask me how much I paid for my dd. I said "I did it the cheap way, I f*d a Korean." I've never seen anyone scurry away so quickly.

This topic is near and dear to me since my ex and I split up (I'm white, he's Korean) and I always get asked if dd is adopted or if I'm the nanny. I went through sheer hell to have her (multiple miscarriages. terrible pregnancy) so it really really bugs me for people to assume that a white woman with a nonwhite child couldn't have given birth to him/her.
post #38 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by whateverdidiwants View Post
At my *grandmother's wake* I had someone ask me how much I paid for my dd. I said "I did it the cheap way, I f*d a Korean." I've never seen anyone scurry away so quickly.
: OMG, that made me laugh so hard! I've got to use that if ever I run into someone so crude as to ask how much I paid for my dc.

love it!
post #39 of 63
Quote:
At my *grandmother's wake* I had someone ask me how much I paid for my dd. I said "I did it the cheap way, I f*d a Korean." I've never seen anyone scurry away so quickly.
Oh man. I needed a laugh! You're a riot. I can't stop laughing.

I have to admit, I didn't know "slanted" was an offensive thing to say. my x isn't around, and ds looks enough like me that people have to be told he's hapa if they start commenting about his looks. I'll say something like, "You can see it in his eyes, they're a little slanted." Honestly, I mean, they are... the corners of my eyes line up horizontally, his do not I didn't know I was being rude, so I have to guess that neither did your friend.
post #40 of 63
DH is half Korean. I get the most comments when my kids are infants, apparently they look more Asian when they are young. I can't count the number of people who say "well, at least your DH KNOWS that they are his" or "your DS/DD looks more Asian than your DH!". The one that kind of surprised me was when a bagger at the commissary (who was Asian herself) stared at my kids for a while and then finally, as I was leaving, asked "are your kids part Asian? Because they're too cute to be all white".
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