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No stranger or separation anxiety in 9 month old. Normal?

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 
A friends baby has no separation or stranger anxiety. She is 9 months old. This concerns me. I babysat her on Saturday for 9 hours and she did nor cry even a whimper when she was handed to me and the parent left. If I left her in a room by herself while I went to the bathroom she did not really care. My kids would never stand for that! They would be wailing if I peed without taking them at that age. My ds (almost 9 months) cries if a stranger even looks at him. The baby I am talking about lives with mom 40% of the time and with dad 60% of the time. I am worried about her. She is happy to sit in an exersaucer or swing or whatever for long intervals, my kids arent like that at all. The baby is meeting all milestones and is a big girl (22.5 lbs) I am wondering if this is normal behavior. She seemed like such an easy baby compared to my 2.
post #2 of 13
do both parents care for her well?

maybe she is used to being passed around, but both parents make her feel secure so she doesn't mind being left with someone else.

i read that some primitive people somewhere (don't remember all the details)--their children didn't get separation anxiety either...and the anthro's or socio's (not sure which) deduced that it was because the children were nursed almost constantly. making them feel secure.

when i read it i thought...well if the baby is being nursed every fifteen minutes...does that leave any times where there IS separation. lol.

but back on topic...maybe she just feels secure enough where she is. maybe it wasn't nursing every 15 minutes that made her feel that way. whatever her trigger is her parents got it, and now she just trusts one of them to come back.

i mean, you say she seems healthy right?

thankfully she IS an easy baby. it doesn't sound like a needier baby would get along too well in that set up.
post #3 of 13
Both of my girls had very minimal separation anxiety, especially my youngest. I could basically hand her off to anyone. My older one would need me in the room, but she would go to whoever was more "interesting".

Maybe that just their personality, and the fact they feel secure.:
post #4 of 13
Thread Starter 
She is not AP'd by either parent. I don't think they CIO. She has been STTN by a month old. I don't know if mom did CIO to get her to STTN. Only mom had her when she was little. She went to nap really easy for me. I put her in a stroller and walked her 10 mins and she was out! I know dad did wear her when she wasn't so heavy. She is not and was never bf'd. She would not let me cuddle her to give her a bottle. I mentioned this to dad. He said he has been having her hold her own bottle since 4 months old and does not hold her during feedings. That explains why she did not want to be held while fed I guess. She looks healthy to me other than some allergies. (foods and to something in regular baby wipes) Like I said, she is meeting milestones. (standing, crawling, etc.) She just seems... somewhat detached. She doesn't really demand interaction, although she will smile a little if I play with her. I don't know if she is detached, or just a super easy baby. I am hoping she is just a super easy baby. As to being passed around, I don't know who mom uses for a sitter but she does work full time. Dad has her on his days off (he works 3-4 12-16 hour shifts a week) so he does not use a sitter. This Saturday was the first time he used (me) a sitter while he worked. His girlfriend does some of her care, since he spends a lot of time at the girlfriends house. The baby is just so different from my kids, who are anything but easy and demand constant attention or they wail. I am really hoping that she is just an easy baby.
post #5 of 13
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by Ellp View Post
Both of my girls had very minimal separation anxiety, especially my youngest. I could basically hand her off to anyone. My older one would need me in the room, but she would go to whoever was more "interesting".

Maybe that just their personality, and the fact they feel secure.:
Ok, that makes me feel better! Thank you!!! I am glad it is normal to not have separation anxiety. I didn't know that.
post #6 of 13
My DS is almost 9 months and will go to pretty much anybody. Last week I went to a baby shower for a coworker. I left him in the living room for a second with at least a dozen people he had never seen so I could set up the food I brought. He just sat observing and when I came back he sat by me for a second and then just crawled into the crowd of people and started playing. He didn't care who picked him up. This worried me a bit, but I just think he is secure and fairly independent. He is with me or DH almost full time, but goes to a home daycare for a few hours once a week - doesn't care when I leave him there. He BF every 2-3 hours still, but doesn't like to snuggle much unless he is very tired. He was not always like this (in arms 24 hours a day for first 3 + months), but since he has become mobile he is really a pretty independent babe.
post #7 of 13
DS1 had very little separation anxiety too. I went back to school for a while when he was 6 months until he was about 1.5yrs and he never cried when I left or fussed when I was gone. He always liked other people and getting held by others. Its very weird to me because DS2 is the complete opposite-can't leave a room without him protesting and very visibly refuses to be held by most other people. Hopefully, she's just an easy baby!
post #8 of 13
DD1 never had separation anxiety, ever. I think part of it is feeling secure, and part of it is personality. Not to say that she was an easy baby . She was and is intense, did and still does fight sleep, etc. But she is still fiercely independent, and for her age (3) engages in a lot of independent play IMO. DD2 is almost 4 months, and no separation anxiety with her - so far, anyway. She is SUPER easygoing, does not require a lot of interaction from me (which I sometimes feel guilty about, because I feel like I neglect her while caring for dd1), falls asleep easily, etc.

I think what you're describing could be personality and / or the baby's living circumstances. I think it would be hard to tell unless you're a big part of the baby's life.

ETA: I'm a SAHM and my kids are with me pretty much 24/7. Now that dd1 is older she sometimes spends the day with the ILs. But it's not like they got acclimated to being around other people due to daycare, etc.
post #9 of 13
I tend to agree with the above, it's probably just her personality.

DD has never had seperation anxiety. She is well loved at home and by anyone that I trust to leave her with. She has also been breastfeed since birth, yet doesn't cuddle or snuggle while nursing (or otherwise).

DD is happy to entertain herself, but did/does require a little more interaction than you describe...but your little friend doesn't sound terribly abnormal to me.
post #10 of 13
Thread Starter 
Thanks you all! You are setting my mind at ease. I have to say, I am a bit jealous. I was so worried about how I was going to handle 3 kids, and this baby required such little compared to my two. It was mine that kept me busy. I was expecting the friends baby to be the one to keep me busy!
post #11 of 13
I'm not kidding... Almost 2 years! My daughter was chill with anyone until almost 2 years old!
post #12 of 13

My DD didn't have any issues with being around strangers or them holding her till almost 2, now she is a little shy with strangers, depends on her mood. She wasn't the kind of baby you could leave and go do something though, I always had company in the bathroom. wink1.gif

post #13 of 13
I don't think any of my babies ever had stranger or separation anxiety. They often wanted to be held, but they were content to be held by anyone, including their siblings, extended family, friends, and even strangers. I got married when my first baby was 9 months old, and he stayed with my mom overnight while we had a little honeymoon. He had absolutely no problem being passed around the wedding and held by all the guests, and no problem staying with my mom overnight. I also left my youngest daughter for the weekend when she was 6 months old (although, left with her dad), and it was much harder on me than on her! She was fine; I was engorged and missed her horribly.
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