My 3.5 year old is starting Montessori next week and I'm freaking out... - Page 3

[yentroc]

How's everyone doing?

We're still having a rough time.

Drop-off is still rough, with tears and sometimes panic.

Dd will NOT eat breakfast before she goes to school (breakfast used to be her biggest meal). I think that is why she gets teary toward the end of the morning. Her school hasn't started snack yet, (don't know why) they just give crackers before playing outside at the end of the morning.

She stays for lunch twice a week and just hates it. I haven't figured out exactly why yet but I think since she's an only child she prefers hanging out with adults and at lunch there is only one teacher who is there with them and dd needs some help/guidence with lunch. Yesterday when I picked her up the teacher said, "she's been my caboose during lunch" she just follows her around.

Other than that, she seems to like the school part, coming home telling me about new rules that they are learning, different names of kids in her class, and lots of drawings of herself and mommy.

I guess I'm just venting, I feel so bad dropping her off every day. I know I should give it a month or so, I just feel so terrible that she's not happy.

[lactivist]

I am sorry it isn't going smoothly yet. I hope it gets better really quickly.

My 3.5 yo is doing pretty well. He went last year from Feb-June so he is familiar with it. He seems to really enjoy it but does sometimes say he doesn't want to go. I ask why and he will say something that happened at school that he didn't like. Once we talk it over he seems fine. It seems more like he wants to process than anything.

As for breakfast that was our biggest struggle last year. We realized a couple things. One he needed to go to bed earlier. If he goes to bed at 7pm he wakes on his own before he needs to and is much easier in the morning. If he goes to bed at 8pm we have to wake him in the morning and he resists everything. The other thing was the we needed to make breakfast simpler. He usually gets oatmeal or some kind of a bar. Last year he wouldn't eat anything but bars in the car. Now he will eat before he leaves but not a huge breakfast. Scrambled eggs work well for him.

He takes his lunch to school (they provide lunch but he is dairy allergic) and usually only eats a bit of it so he gets a second lunch when he gets home and then an early dinner before bed. I try to pack in as much food as possible after school when he is most hungry.

Wendi

[Koloe]

Mine was holding on to me and wouldn't let me leave this morning. I thought I could slip out while she had her snack - she always likes to start her morning with it. But I made the mistake of saying goodbye and she ran after me telling me I had to watch her. Eventually I got her interested in a wheel washing project with another child and quietly slipped out. About 20 min after class started.

[Aufilia]

DD seems to be doing really well. In the morning she always asks if it's time to go yet, and seems enthused. DH (who drops her off and picks her up) says she usually cries a little in the car when the teacher gets her out (they've got this funky drop-off process because they have such a tiny parking area) but apparently it doesn't last long.

I emailed her teacher to ask how she thought DD was doing since EVERY question you ask DD lately, about anything, gets a negative answer. The teacher wrote back that DD was adjusting well and that she was pleased with DD's progress so far, that DD liked to keep working and was able to ask for help when she needed it (which is good, because at home she often just has a crying meltdown!).

[heatherweh]

Originally Posted by cortneydc

How's everyone doing?

We're still having a rough time.

Drop-off is still rough, with tears and sometimes panic.

I guess I'm just venting, I feel so bad dropping her off every day. I know I should give it a month or so, I just feel so terrible that she's not happy.

Me too. I had posted on this thread earlier that DS was doing GREAT, but that was day one and two. It was all downhill from there. We have a long drive in and he hates he commute now, he starts crying when we turn onto the winding back-road that takes us to the school, so he then cries r sits there dejectedly refusing to talk to me for the last 7 miles or so. Then at drop off they have to drag him out of the car screaming and crying. He tries to escape them and run back to my car. It is heartbreaking. In school he is dejected and the teacher reports he has taken to covering his ears and closing his eyes when it gets to noisy- he just shuts down. I am totally wishing I could just pull him out right now, but the contract says no cancellations without paying the full year tuition ($3700)!

Seriously, it has to get better right? We don't need daycare because I'm a SAHM, so the whole point of this was for it to be beneficial for DS. The commute is making me weary already, I often go to the town nearest the school and park in a parking lot somewhere and sleep in the car (I'm newly pregnant with #2). At this point, I just wish we hadn't done this at all.

[Koloe]

Originally Posted by heatherweh

Seriously, it has to get better right? We don't need daycare because I'm a SAHM, so the whole point of this was for it to be beneficial for DS. The commute is making me weary already, I often go to the town nearest the school and park in a parking lot somewhere and sleep in the car (I'm newly pregnant with #2). At this point, I just wish we hadn't done this at all.

Maybe if it's this bad, and you are stuck in a contract, you could take him out for a couple months and then try it when he's a little older? He's 2 right? Or see if you can sit in the classroom for awhile and slowly wean him off needing you to be in the room? If you are stuck paying for it, it behooves you to find a way to make it work. Talk to his teachers about ways that will work better for your son, regardless of the "standard" normalization process. Or maybe he could have a shorter class time for awhile until he is more comfortable with staying in the class by himself? Perhaps the drop off process is too much for him? I can see the car lines being quite scary for very young children.

[heatherweh]

Originally Posted by Koloe

Maybe if it's this bad, and you are stuck in a contract, you could take him out for a couple months and then try it when he's a little older? He's 2 right? Or see if you can sit in the classroom for awhile and slowly wean him off needing you to be in the room? If you are stuck paying for it, it behooves you to find a way to make it work. Talk to his teachers about ways that will work better for your son, regardless of the "standard" normalization process. Or maybe he could have a shorter class time for awhile until he is more comfortable with staying in the class by himself? Perhaps the drop off process is too much for him? I can see the car lines being quite scary for very young children.

Thanks for the ideas. I walked DS up to the door for the first week, but the teacher told me that it probably makes it worse and she'd prefer if I just let them take him out of the car. When she told me about DS shutting down I asked if I should come in to the class and she said absolutely not. I think that I could probably get them to work with me as far as having a slightly later drop-off or earlier pick-up, if it wouldn't be too disruptive to the other kids, but I do worry that then DS would have another transition when his schedule then expanded later on. But cutting it down by an hour for a week or so to ease his worries might not be such a bad idea. I'll bring it up next time I speak with the teacher and see if she thinks it might help. Just one more day for him this week, then he's done with the first two weeks already!

[BCFD]

Originally Posted by heatherweh

Thanks for the ideas. I walked DS up to the door for the first week, but the teacher told me that it probably makes it worse and she'd prefer if I just let them take him out of the car.

I know a lot of Montessori and even non-Mont schools have this car line and it really bugs me. I like to walk through the school's doors with my child, look around the classroom in the a.m., talk to some of the children, the other teachers. I even pop my head into the infant room from time to time (such cuties and I have a friend with her DD there). I can't imagine just stopping and having somebody take my child out of the car. I'm so sorry this is so hard for him, but I do think it will get better. Can you observe him in the class without him seeing you? If so, that might ease some of your anxiety.

My DD is super cranky most mornings until she has had about 30 minutes to just lay in bed and watch TV (we co-sleep) with nobody bothering her. To this day, she is still extremely shy about walking into her class. Her teacher is AWESOME and always scoops her up for a big hug and is silly with her. I just adore her teacher and it makes me feel so good knowing she is in her classroom. So, I just don't understand why she is still so timid joining her class in the a.m. They do a 1/2 hour extra-curricular dance class with an outside dance teacher on Wed. from 3:00-3:30 so she naps there on Wed. For the last 2 weeks she hasn't danced at all. Today was her 3rd week and her teacher said she was dancing and doing great. Maybe your son is like my DD and it's just going to take a lot of time to warm up? Oh, and the teacher always says that she is totally fine and participates, but you'd never know it by the way she acts when I drop her off. :

[mtnjenny]

Originally Posted by BCFD

I like to walk through the school's doors with my child, look around the classroom in the a.m., talk to some of the children, the other teachers. I even pop my head into the infant room from time to time (such cuties and I have a friend with her DD there). I can't imagine just stopping and having somebody take my child out of the car.

That makes me cringe as a teacher! : It's soo hard to get the day started and class settled so the teaching can begin. I know every school has different cultures, and many schools welcome parents in in the mornings, but if we didn't have a car line, I'd have 26 moms in my classroom every morning! Many of the "rules" in Montessori schools are to preserve the children's independence and the flow of the work cycle. Our first reaction as parents is to help and be there, but that's not best for the whole classroom community. The best course of action is to keep communicating with the teacher.

That visual of your son being dragged from the car, and then trying to run back to you sounds totally heartbreaking. It seems like they should be able to work with you on that to develop a plan - like for a week you walk him to the door, the next week you walk him to the sidewalk, the next week you lift him out of the car seat...something like that? This is very not Montessori, but it sometimes works to, yes, bribe. Short term and easy-to-succeed for young ones - If you can hold your teacher's hand this morning we'll stop and get a lemonade after school. Then after a while he'll start feeling successful and the bribing can stop... (A later drop-off might make it harder for him, just because then all the kids will be settled in working and that can sometimes be hard for a child coming in late - he'll miss that social time at the start of the morning.)

In all these cases, it's sooooo important that we stay positive. Sharing how happy we are that these children can do things on their own! (Even though we're crying in private...) "Wow - you must feel so proud that you can walk into school all by yourself!" "You can carry your backpack without any help?!" "Do you hang your coat up, too? Amazing!!" "You made another new friend? You must be very kind."

[Rose-Roget]

Originally Posted by BCFD

I know a lot of Montessori and even non-Mont schools have this car line and it really bugs me. I like to walk through the school's doors with my child, look around the classroom in the a.m., talk to some of the children, the other teachers.

I agree with this - one of the reasons we chose where we did. He gets there early enough, that class hasn't started yet, and we are not lingering. But I like to know what's going on in the classroom. Those little glances I get when I pick him up or that dh gets when dropping him off are really revealing. Plus, they offer opportunity for the teachers or us to open a dialogue that may not be major enough for a scheduled meeting, but that is important to me - his parent and the one paying the school. When he gets older, I won't worry so much about this piece, but in early childhood, I think it's important.

[KBecks]

RE: car lines, our school has one but you have the option to park and bring in your child also. My DH drops off our son and takes him to the early childcare each morning, and it's nice for them because they spend a little time together, DS uses the restroom, changes his shoes with DH there and they have a little time to talk.

In the afternoon, I have our younger son in tow and I'm going to have another baby soon so going into school would be difficult, and the car line is very helpful so I don't have to go through all the logistics of picking up.

I like that our school offers options either way.

Next year when our oldest 2 are going to children's house, I'll probably use the car line to drop off the boys rather than take all three kids in (I would like to not pay for the early morning childcare for two kids as it will start to add up, along with tuition.)


RE: how things are going, we had a good week this week and saw positive signs lately. Last night DS took silverware out of the drawer and said he wanted to count it and then he did, laying it out on the floor and counting - in Spanish! He also said later "buenos dias mommy, I need help" I guess Spanish is a connect for him. He also told DH that he has a friend whose cubby is near his, he carried a full try of food at McDonalds for the family because he wanted to, and he's been a bit more polite.

He is still cranky, needy and tired for a while after pick-up and so he's still adjusting to the schedule. I'm sure as he gets more familiar with it and grows a little bit he'll have more energy.

I was so pleased to see some positives this week!

[mtnjenny]

Originally Posted by Rose-Roget

I agree with this - one of the reasons we chose where we did. He gets there early enough, that class hasn't started yet, and we are not lingering. But I like to know what's going on in the classroom. Those little glances I get when I pick him up or that dh gets when dropping him off are really revealing. Plus, they offer opportunity for the teachers or us to open a dialogue that may not be major enough for a scheduled meeting, but that is important to me - his parent and the one paying the school. When he gets older, I won't worry so much about this piece, but in early childhood, I think it's important.

I do agree with this too, the car line doesn't allow for even the littlest interaction or eye contact with the teachers.

I'm amazed at how much DS is learning and how tired he is! Our principal just sent out a letter to parents stating that it takes 4-6 weeks to really fully adjust.

[BabyGow]

Well I am glad to report that DS is doing EXTREMELY well!:
I love his teacher and we do drop off inside as well This is how the teacher likes it though. It is short and sweet and out the door with us all!
The first 2 days were hard, but after that it has been great! He even unbuckled himself once I shut the car off today and said " OK I am off to school, see you later!" The school wasn't open yet, so I had to explain that he had to wait until the teacher unlocked the doors

The teacher said academically he is whizzing through stuff and I find this is apparently true since he sounded out his first word this past weekend He loves to "present" to me and tell me that it is circle time and "remember walking feet mommy" TOO cute!
He is excited to go and just as excited to see me in the afternoon, so it is wonderful to see these positive changes and know I made the right decision for us even though I thought he was too young at first.
He goes 3 days/week from 0930-1230 and next month we are going to try 5 days/week since he is asking to go every day. I think he will blossom on the 5 days.
I do hate it for me right now since the commute is 30-45minutes and I don't drive all the way back home, so it is hanging out in town for 3 hours and kinda boring...ah well that and the amount of gas money that goes out to take him. After this weekend and his behavior with school and socializing, I know it is all worth it though!

[Koloe]

Well my child did a 180 on me today. Yesterday a teacher had to hold her while I left the building - though thankfully she wasn't crying this week. Today, after putting her attendance stick in it's place, my DD walked me to the the stairwell, told me I had to go, waved bye, and walked back to her classroom. Didn't even give me a chance to check her cubby or the parents info area -- and I wasn't going back to check in case she changed her mind. I wonder what she will do tomorrow?