Need support and help

[hollianna]

I'm a new mom trying to breastfeed, but it didn't start out well. I'm in desperate need of advice, and even more importantly, some non-judgmental support. Sorry for how long this post is going to be...

The background: My baby was born 2 weeks early, and he had jaundice. It never got bad enough for him to be hospitalized, but he was lethargic, tired, and never really wanted to latch on and nurse.

After about 4 days of him not eating, I finally gave him formula, which he took to right away. The doctor then told me that my baby would have to be hospitalized if he didn't start pooping and peeing (to get rid of the jaundice), so he suggested I continue trying to breastfeed, but also to supplement with formula. He sent me to a lactation consultant.

The consultant sent me home with one of those S & S contraptions, which seemed to help with the latch on problems, but it was so frustrating that I quit that.

Anyway, after a few days, my boy wanted nothing to do with breastfeeding (and why should he, when the bottle is so much easier), and would only take formula. I did some pumping, but I've been so exhausted and frustrated that I haven't been consistent with the pumping. When I pump, all I can get out is about 1/2 ounce of milk.

It has now been about 3 weeks since he was born, and he will sometimes nurse, sometimes not. Today was a breakthrough because he nursed and didn't seem hungry for a bottle afterward. But then later on in the day he refused to breastfeed and only wanted a bottle.

Now I'm just scared that I totally screwed up and my boy will never get the hang of breastfeeding. I'm sad. I know I'm doing the best that I can, but I really want my boy to have the benefits of breast milk. I read stories of moms who pump every couple of hours diligently, and I worry that because I didn't do that, it's too late for me. I want to feel like I'm a good mom, but I'm also just trying to survive these first few days of motherhood!

What can I do? Any advice? Any kind words? I really need them right now...

[taterbug1999]

Relax sweetie, It's okay. You know what nursing is hard. At least it was for me. It took along time til we got into the precious angelic side of nursing. I had too much milk with both kids, my ds had HUGE tummy problems. It was tough for me too. Are you working? I say that cause get that boy to your breast as much as you can if not. Even if he doesn't seem hungry if you have minute, try. Also I have found that a sleeping baby is much easier to coerce. I always found my kids did well laying down beside me in the bed and sleeping and nursing. Another option is the SNS again. The kind you put around your shoulders and has the little tubes? You could put whatever you've pumped or even a bit of formula in it if you're worried about supply. That way he gets enough sustenance, but he isn't getting the ease of the bottle. It IMO is gonna be tough, but you must avoid the bottle at all costs. At least for a while. He may get a bit angry, but odds are he won't starve himself to death and he will eventually figure out that the boob is it or else. You may almost lose your mind til he gets it . But switching back and forth for him is obviously a bit confusing. For some kids they have no nipple confusion, for some it's awful. I also recommend night nursing if you are up for co-sleeping. Let him suckle all night if you can rest through it. He will be less objecting and it does wonders for increasing supply. ALSO, the best pump in the world is no competition for the skill of a baby. He gets more than you can pump. And milk supply varies through out the day. I personally NEVER Had any luck with any pump but a manual, so pump type can be an issue too. I would be dry like a rock w/ electric pumps I tried. Good old Medela pump by hand and I could feed an army.

It will all work out. You just have to be set in your resolve. It is still really early in the game and you can change course. You still have milk so all is not lost. *** Oh another cheat tip that old mommas have told me is to put a bit of KARO syrup on your nipple. He may like the sweet and it may help convince him to stay on. Good luck hon... it can be super tough sometimes, but anything worth doing doesn't come easy.

[ElliesMomma]

just keep going. at three weeks it is still super early in the game. you can totally recover from this rocky start. i had a rocky start that lasted 10 weeks and i came within one feeding of quitting breastfeeding altogether, but i hung in there... and now my nursling is 28 months old and still going! you might want to taper off the bottles (wean him off them) but the most important thing is to just give the baby lots and lots of opportunities to nurse. like all the time. lay in bed with him and just spend hours nursing. trust me, he's going to start liking the breastfeeding more than the bottles! keep us posted on your progress.

[morganeldi]

(((HUGE HUGS)))

Oh my Goodness...your story is very similar to mine, except that my problem was inverted/flat nipples and once the baby had had a bottle (biggest mistake on my part that I won't repeat again) he had decided that he wanted no part of my breasts.
Let me tell you what I did just about at 3 or so weeks where you are.. the PP covered a lot of it!

By that point I knew my milk supply had gone downhill so I picked up some fenugreek and took (gosh I can't remember, it was either 7 or 14 pills a day...but enough that you start smelling like maple syrup) I also got some goats rue, but I'm not sure that that did anything. Plus I tried eating as much of the foods that they say promote milk supply as possible. And toooons of water.

I used a nipple shield and an SNS (with the very small amount of pumped milk I could get and formula). You probably don't need a nipple shield unless your baby refuses the breast at that particular feeding you could give it a shot to try and get him to latch since it's a bit more similar to a bottle nipple.

Then after each feeding I would pump each breast for as long as my ds would let me...preferably at least 5 minutes after the last drop of milk. I never really yielded more than about 1/4 oz. total per day. I also tried to work in some extra pumping sessions between feedings.

But the most important thing is like the PP said --- no bottles!! Get your baby to the breast as much as possible and try anyway he may take it. Some ideas are laying down, in the bathtub (this one really works well), walking the halls..

And also, so important-- seek out the help of an IBCLC, and go to a LLL meeting.

Good Luck and hang in there!! You can make this work. ((hugs))

[hollianna]

Thanks for the good suggestions and kind words. It helps to know that I'm not the only one who has struggled.

As an update, yesterday I decided to try 12 hours without giving him a bottle. The first little while he nursed no problem. Then he got really hungry and refused, so I tried the SNS, which seemed to do the trick. But the next time I tried it he was extremely fussy and wouldn't latch on. So after 6 hours of no bottle and me listening to him scream (and me crying right along with him), I finally gave him a bottle.
But I'm looking on the bright side - at least he made it 6 hours. And he's already nursed twice today without acting hungry for a bottle afterward. So I'm just taking it day by day and doing the best that I can. I hope to come back soon with a success story...

[justthinkn]

I think this article has some good tips about helping your little one relax when they're resisting the breast... Hope it helps, sorry if it's stuff you already know!

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/...to-breast.html

[hollianna]

Wow, thanks for the link! That was all kinds of information I didn't know. I really appreciate it.

[mytwogirls]

Hey just wanted to give you some hugs! Hope all is well. Nursing can be so stressful, especially when your LO has jaundice! Yikes! How are you doing today? Hope all is well. Let us know how it is going!

[MamaGlow]

Hi,
wanted to check in and see how you're both doing today...
lots of skin-to-skin helps too, even between nursings; if you can, pop baby in a sling in just a diaper, and you with either just a bra or none and let baby snuggle your skin as much as you can. You may want to slip a button-down shirt over both of you, especially if your neighbors live close

of course, snuggling in bed may be easier!

make sure you get some rest and plenty of liquids yourself!!

[themammy]

I know exactly what you are going through. My ds was 12 days early. And he didn't want to latch on at all. He was a natural homebirth, and I naively believed that because of that, everything would be so "natural" and easy. Oh no....

I became shockingly engorged , both with milk and vascular - which made it near impossible for him to latch on, even if he had the inclination. It was a nightmare trying to pump - literally drop by drop. Getting up every 3 hours in the middle of the night to an alarm clock, desperately trying to get enough milk out to feed him the next time he woke up. Oh, those night pumping sessions are so grim - that awful buzzing machine, instead of your beautiful child on your breast.

We fed him with a tea-spoon for the first few days. Then someone suggested a syringe, so we wouldn't have a problem with nipple confusion. I would insert the syringe in his mouth along side my little finger, and I would only squirt a little bit of milk in if he was actually sucking. I wanted him to learn that he had to suck to get milk. But you have those little tubey-attach-to-the-nipple things, so that probably does that job for you.

I got some good tips.

One was that no matter how tired I was, I should feed him. I shouldn't let anyone else use the syringe. He should associate milk with his mama.

Two was to spend LOADS of time with him playing with my breasts - no pressure for him to latch on, just find them comforting and enjoy being around them.

Three was to take baths with him. The midwife said this can help them to kind of rebirth, have a fresh start and try again. Again loads of non-feeding pressure, just booby cuddles while you're in the water.

Four - and the MOST important - find a lactation consultant, a doula or someone like that - my turnaround came on Day 11 when a doula sat with me for FOUR hours - and we tried latching on and got it wrong , and practised again, and got it wrong, etc., etc. It was draining, exhausting, utterly soul destroying. But within 2 days, he (and I) started to get the hang of it. On 1 breast only. It took about another 10 days before he got the hang of the second breast.

He is now 12 and a half months old and such a booby-fiend. He LOVES them. And I LOVE feeding him, maybe because it was such hard work to get there.

I know you feel so down and are probably being so hard on yourself. Please don't be. I felt like such a failure. All my friends BFed no bother. Or so I thought. When they heard I was in trouble, they came out of the woodwork with all their nightmare stories. Out of 7 BFing friends, only one took to it without any hassle. So YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

There is hope. You WILL succeed. But you need a lot of minding. Please make sure that you are well taken care of and supported, so that you can focus 100% on BFing you dc. And above all, try to remain calm (which is almost impossible) because the kinks iron themselves out easier.

Also, do drop the formula feeds if you can. The formula feeds may send mixed messages to your breasts as to how much milk your dc needs - and so you may not build up your supply as quickly.

Sorry for the long, long post - but I feel for your situation and want to give you loads of support, encouragement and hugs.

Good luck.

[themammy]

Sorry - me again

Just another tip that really worked for me, just in assuring myself and keeping me sane :

I kept a log - either how many ozs milk ds had taken from the syringe, or how many minutes he'd spent on each or any breast.

It's pretty anal - and I look back on it now and think I was a headcase. But when I was in the middle of it all, I found it really helpful to see how things improved.

In the beginning it was all syringe. After 2 weeks he would spend maybe 3 minutes, then 5 minutes on the right breast. Then after 3 weeks, maybe I'd get 5 minutes on the left breast too, still feeding him with the syringe.

After a few more weeks, it was 15, 16 minutes on each breast (with big smilie faces drawn beside them). And then I stopped doing the log.

Like I say - it probably sounds crazy, but it helped me through.

xxxx