For the first time being heckled for nursing!

[MommaShark]

So, maybe not the right place for this....but I have a group of friends - all from playgroup - we're the only mom's who go and these are my friends by default. I moved here a year ago and it's a tiny (680 pop) town with conservative values. I am a cosleeping and extended breastfeeding momma to a 32 month boy and the new preschool teacher to all these moms in playgroup - I think they are afraid I will yell at them from bringing a throw away lunch! One very nice, bubbly mom approached me at a mom's dinner party and for about 30-45 minutes questioned me about breastfeeding and cosleeping and announced it was ruining my marriage....... This kind of ruined the whole mood for me - my first night out alone in 3 years! Then a few days ago after a "board mtg" for the preschool in the parking lot - we were all walking out to our cars she asks me what I'm going to feed my son for snack - just whip it out? Goes on to laugh we'd have a revolt and have to nurse all the other kids.....then quizzes me on how long I'm going to breastfeed for and don't I think it's time to cut the cord......she then goes on to ridicule me for not eating mammals and using glass containers and metal instead of plastic.....What's weird is she's normally such a nice not fake sweet person. She called to apologize for the meat and non plastic comments and I laughed it off - but it's still bothering me! I just had to write this down - it's actually kind of hard to hurt my feelings but I guess she hit a nerve. Anyway if you read this far - thanks - I feel like sticking a rotten egg in her car and not telling her. I'm not good at quick comebacks or verbal repartee.....she is. I don't think it was mean spirited since she's such a sweetheart normally......

[KnitLady]

Just because someone is normally sweet, doesn't give them a blank check to go around being nasty now and then! What she said to you is horribly offensive and none of her business! I think you should tell her that you are hurt and that you and your DH are happy with how you are parenting and you would appreciate if she keep her opinions to herself. You could tell her that although you appreciate her concern, you've made your parenting decisions based on a lot of thought and research as you are sure she has.

[FREEmom1120]

Originally Posted by MommaShark

So, maybe not the right place for this....but I have a group of friends - all from playgroup - we're the only mom's who go and these are my friends by default. I moved here a year ago and it's a tiny (680 pop) town with conservative values. I am a cosleeping and extended breastfeeding momma to a 32 month boy and the new preschool teacher to all these moms in playgroup - I think they are afraid I will yell at them from bringing a throw away lunch! One very nice, bubbly mom approached me at a mom's dinner party and for about 30-45 minutes questioned me about breastfeeding and cosleeping and announced it was ruining my marriage....... This kind of ruined the whole mood for me - my first night out alone in 3 years! Then a few days ago after a "board mtg" for the preschool in the parking lot - we were all walking out to our cars she asks me what I'm going to feed my son for snack - just whip it out? Goes on to laugh we'd have a revolt and have to nurse all the other kids.....then quizzes me on how long I'm going to breastfeed for and don't I think it's time to cut the cord......she then goes on to ridicule me for not eating mammals and using glass containers and metal instead of plastic.....What's weird is she's normally such a nice not fake sweet person. She called to apologize for the meat and non plastic comments and I laughed it off - but it's still bothering me! I just had to write this down - it's actually kind of hard to hurt my feelings but I guess she hit a nerve. Anyway if you read this far - thanks - I feel like sticking a rotten egg in her car and not telling her. I'm not good at quick comebacks or verbal repartee.....she is. I don't think it was mean spirited since she's such a sweetheart normally......

She's just putting off her insecurities off on you. She may be nice, but you might be the first person in a while who is, by their actions, challenging the way she chooses to live her life and parent her children. Sometimes people respond really poorly to that.

I'm sorry.

[LionessMom]

s

[MommaShark]

thanks ladies - I'm a little hormonal right now too - so I guess just feeling picked on. It's hard to not question my own parenting when I'm the only one around that I know of who is AP. Thanks to all of you MDCers - it's nice to have support.

[velcromom]

I notice you are in CA too - if you are anywhere near my area, (foothills above Sacramento) we would love to have you around!

I can't believe someone would actually display their insecurities so blatantly like that lady did to you. It's too bad she wasn't secure enough in her own parenting practises to be able to tolerate the mere presence of someone who didn't make the same choices she did.

[GooeyRN]

Originally Posted by FREEmom1120

She's just putting off her insecurities off on you. She may be nice, but you might be the first person in a while who is, by their actions, challenging the way she chooses to live her life and parent her children. Sometimes people respond really poorly to that.

I'm sorry.

Yep. She is putting her insecurities off on you. I am sorry you had to experience that. We all live different, and it is NOT ok to pick on others like that if they chose to live and parent differently than they do.

[Emmeline II]

What she said was horribly rude and offesive. You should do what Lily does on "How I Met Your Mother" and talk to her about manners and hurt feelings as you would a pre-schooler "saying X,Y,Z to someone is not a nice thing to do and hurts their feelings".

If she said something like that again I'd say "Wow, that is really a rude and offensive thing to say to me. Are you trying to hurt me or do you think you are being funny? I don't find it funny...AT ALL (insert stare of death)."

[RoadWorkAhead]

So sorry...thats not nice nor is it really her business.

[BeccaSue1029]

Wow she sound slike a piece of work...I'd put a rotten fish in her car under her seat or something...

[Swan3]

She's a fox with no tail (ref: Aesop's fables)...she's mocking you for those things you posess and can be proud of that maybe she's missed out on. The no plastic thing comes with a lot of advantages, like no petroleum byproducts in your system! You're doing great, and although you're too nice to laugh...the last laugh has YOUR name on it!

[Swan3]

Originally Posted by Emmeline II

If she said something like that again I'd say "Wow, that is really a rude and offensive thing to say to me. Are you trying to hurt me or do you think you are being funny? I don't find it funny...AT ALL (insert stare of death)."

Where IS that stare of death smiley when you need it eh?

[MommaShark]

heehee - I think I was so surprised that I didn't react! I can do the evil eye...next time
Actually I spoke with her today at playgroup - she was complaining about how her daughter gets crabby and whiny when she first wakes up and I told her it was too bad she couldn't just give her some comfort mama milk - she shuddered - then somebody mentioned how conservative this area is and how she wished she were back in Santa Cruz where people breastfeed toddlers in public (or at all) and cloth diapered...I agreed that it would be nice...the lady who was rude to me asked me why and I said because around here I don't have any support - there is no one else that I know who CDs, breastfeeds past 6 months, cosleeps, avoids plastic, and is vegie or semiveg and it makes me question myself - that I get questioned a lot and teased and that makes me question what I know in my heart to be best for my DS. I think she got it. She mentioned that she had a low milk supply and felt like her daughter was losing weight and so she went to formula - also that her DH breastfed until she was 5 - she lives with her inlaws so maybe she was insecure like so many of you wise ladies suggested. I don't usually suggest to other people that they do anything - but I had to throw it in there today and I'm glad I did.

[mommaknowsbest]

Aww,I'm sorry you had to endure such ridicule! Stay strong-she is the one who most definitely IS insecure. Even though you weren't up to the in her face comeback-it sounds like the way you eventually handled it was good too! Speaking to those who are clueless,is sometimes best done by speaking in "generalities." It sounds like the other mom and you need to get together to support each other.

[KBecks]

Tell her to stop and that she's being rude. Be clear that you make your own choices, you aren't pushing them on anyone else, and that she needs to leave you alone.

[uumomma]

ya know reading this makes me think, that i havta stand up also.
so next time someone ( anyone, even momster in law) says something i think or feel is hurtfull, i will say..."that was a hurtfull thing to say" or maybe "that is not helpfull to me"
i am gunna do it!

[bscal]

I belong to a relatively mainstream MOMS Club group. I am actually quite thankful that our bylaws include some words along the lines of we are all mothers and are here because we want to support other mothers, no matter what race, religion or parenting beliefs. There are 2 other moms who CD in our group of about 20 moms and there are several other moms who breastfeed. So I don't feel completely alone. But I know how it feels to have friends who don't parent the same way you do. One of my dearest friends in our group has 3 kids as well so we have a lot in common... she does not CD and wouldn't ever cosleep but we just agree to disagree.

My advice if you are still feeling uncomfortable with this particular mother is to just figure out a phrase and use the same phrase every single time... something like "Hey, we're both moms and we should respect each other's parenting and lifestyle choices and leave it at that". (I've said that exact phrase to my sister before, it took several times to get the point across.)

HTH,
Beth

[DelawareMom]

Originally Posted by MommaShark

Actually I spoke with her today at playgroup - she was complaining about how her daughter gets crabby and whiny when she first wakes up and I told her it was too bad she couldn't just give her some comfort mama milk - she shuddered - then somebody mentioned how conservative this area is and how she wished she were back in Santa Cruz where people breastfeed toddlers in public (or at all) and cloth diapered...I agreed that it would be nice...the lady who was rude to me asked me why and I said because around here I don't have any support - there is no one else that I know who CDs, breastfeeds past 6 months, cosleeps, avoids plastic, and is vegie or semiveg and it makes me question myself - that I get questioned a lot and teased and that makes me question what I know in my heart to be best for my DS. I think she got it. She mentioned that she had a low milk supply and felt like her daughter was losing weight and so she went to formula - also that her DH breastfed until she was 5 - she lives with her inlaws so maybe she was insecure like so many of you wise ladies suggested. I don't usually suggest to other people that they do anything - but I had to throw it in there today and I'm glad I did.

It sounds like you handled this in a thoughtful, respectful manner. Good for you. There seems to be a fine line between standing up for yourself and making enemies, something I struggle with myself.

[KirstenMary]

Originally Posted by MommaShark

So, maybe not the right place for this....but I have a group of friends - all from playgroup - we're the only mom's who go and these are my friends by default. I moved here a year ago and it's a tiny (680 pop) town with conservative values. I am a cosleeping and extended breastfeeding momma to a 32 month boy and the new preschool teacher to all these moms in playgroup - I think they are afraid I will yell at them from bringing a throw away lunch! One very nice, bubbly mom approached me at a mom's dinner party and for about 30-45 minutes questioned me about breastfeeding and cosleeping and announced it was ruining my marriage....... This kind of ruined the whole mood for me - my first night out alone in 3 years! Then a few days ago after a "board mtg" for the preschool in the parking lot - we were all walking out to our cars she asks me what I'm going to feed my son for snack - just whip it out? Goes on to laugh we'd have a revolt and have to nurse all the other kids.....then quizzes me on how long I'm going to breastfeed for and don't I think it's time to cut the cord......she then goes on to ridicule me for not eating mammals and using glass containers and metal instead of plastic.....What's weird is she's normally such a nice not fake sweet person. She called to apologize for the meat and non plastic comments and I laughed it off - but it's still bothering me! I just had to write this down - it's actually kind of hard to hurt my feelings but I guess she hit a nerve. Anyway if you read this far - thanks - I feel like sticking a rotten egg in her car and not telling her. I'm not good at quick comebacks or verbal repartee.....she is. I don't think it was mean spirited since she's such a sweetheart normally......

She did this on school grounds? Tell her if she doesn't stop harassing you, you'll report her to the school.

[MommaShark]

Beth - I like your line. The thing is - it's too small a town not to try to get along with everyone. I will be teaching her child. So I need to supress my inner b++++ and like many of you said we all just need to support each other because we're all in this together.....I just need to be a little more assertive sometimes. Thanks again.