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Need advice - Page 2

post #21 of 23
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by boobybunny View Post
Sports are rarely a bad idea for young women. Self esteem, delayed sexual activities, healthy bodies, why would you not support that? Even if she is not an active participant, she is still having to practice, and she has the social aspects of the team.
We LOVE the idea of sports for girls. However, we are not willing to shell out a bunch of money for her not to participate. We want to find her something that she would enjoy participating in. She has talked about wanting to play volleyball. We would support her trying that, and her mother agreed to it last spring.

Then she (the ex) found out her friends' kids were doing soccer. That is when she talked DSD into trying it another season. kwim That is why we are frustrated here. An agreement was reached, and she backed out and talked DSD into what she wanted her to do.
post #22 of 23
If an agreement was reached, than you and your dh have no obligation to pay for the activity. If biomom wants her to play so badly that she's willing to completely against the agreement, then let her pay, make it clear that your aren't willing to lose your Saturday time, and that's that.

My ex was adamant about dd playing soccer because that's the sport he played as a kid. My partner played softball and wanted her to try softball. Well, one season of soccer was enough for my daughter. She didn't like the game, and she didn't like that the girls got sat so the boys could win (and this was in the six and under division) and she hated her coach, who had two volumes to his voice: loud and louder. She loves softball, admittedly because more of her friends play softball, so she gets to see them.

When the next year rolled around, ex wanted her to play soccer again. Now, our child support is court ordered (which he fought tooth and nail) and it's $250 a month, based on the fact that when my dd was born, he was only making minimum wage. He now makes considerably more, but I haven't had the order modified because it just hasn't been worth the fighting that would ensue. He doesn't pay for anything else. So we pay for any activities. Well, realistically, we just can't afford two activities per year, so we gave her the choice and she didn't hesitate to pick softball. Ex, of course was certain that we were just not wanting her to play because he wanted her to.

Well, we told him we would take her to practices and games, and we'd even pay for her cleats and shin guards, but he had to pay her sign up fee. Not surprisingly, she didn't play soccer again.
post #23 of 23
I hear you loud and clear about the extracurriculars. I think one of my first posts on this forum was on that very topic. In our case DH's ex signs DSS up for anything and everything-piano, guitar, soccer, movie making, football, basketball....Usually he goest to one-two classes and quits or doesn't make it to more than 1/2 the games. DH is not against his son playing sports or whatever. He is against teaching him by example that it's OK not to follow through with commitments. (My DSS is now 12, but this has been the pattern for years.) I don't know if the other kids on the team are there just to socialize too, but if not, then your DSD is letting her team down by not keeping up with play.

I agree with the pp's that this is something that puts your DSD in the middle, so maybe your DH doesn't want to take an unmoveable position. If you guys have or can make the time to take her to a game, fine. Don't rearrange your whole life to "support" her participation. I would make sure that DH has a chat with the ex to let her know that he's not amused by her behavior as a coparent on this issue.

Other than that, I don't know what you can do. In my state at least, the courts tend to rule in favor of the kid doing the activity. Even in cases where one parent is signing the child up without even discussing with the other. Generally, the dad's role in the process is to pay 1/2.
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