Preschool-Not ready? Or just needs time to adjust?

[avivaelona]

I need some help thinking this through.

Backstory: My son is 3.5, he has some mild sensory processing issues (mostly motor feedback and auditory), he recieved some limited early intervention services but graduated from them at 3 and was not deemed to need further services. He has not been in school or day care previously, from 2.5-3 he did a preschool like social group through early intervention where I was always present, and after that we did several classes/story hours etc until this summer when I ended up on modified bedrest with my current pregnancy. We have had some playdates but other than that, limited social interaction this summer.

We are planning for him to go to our towns public preschool program, three days a week for a three hour day. Today we had a sort of "open house" at preschool which was run like a very shortened version (1 hour) of the preschool day with only half the kids present and parents all stayed in the room.

He was excited to go but a bit nervous, and I noticed when we got there that he was quite pale. However, he dived right in, barely noticed we were there and did not check in more than once. He did some playing with others and then for the rest of the time chose quiet activities by himself. He stood out a bit in the class by not being quite as cooperative for the circle time as the other children, but the teacher handled it sensitively and while he was dissappointed he didn't get his way (wanted to ring the teachers bell) he didn't seem upset.

When we left he threw a tantrum because he wanted to eat snack at preschool instead of going home for lunch. Since it was a little late for lunch for him I didn't think this was out of the ordinary...he has a hard time if he doesn't eat regularly. I gave him a snack in the car and he recovered. But then we got home and a HUGE meltdown ensued. More intense than any I've ever seen him have before. Very angry pounding on the table and screaming at the top of his lungs, with no apparent cause. He can be an intense kid but this was above and beyond where he's gone before.

I don't know what's going on. I'm guessing that given his paleness and the meltdown that this day was very very hard for him even though he also did enjoy it (when asked if he had fun he quickly answered yes). He wants to go back next week. I'm feeling very concerned though, that if this was his reaction to a one hour day, how will he handle three hours? I'm thinking that since he wants to go, it would be ok to give him some time to adjust but I have no clue how to go about this.

If this was your child would you call the teacher and suggest that you make the first few weeks a shorter day? Or since its possible this was just a one time "having a bad day, didn't eat soon enough" thing, would you let him just go to the first day and see how it goes? I really don't want to get the year off to a bad start by having him have a horrible day the first few times he goes to school, but neither do I want to be crazy mom, calling the teacher to make all kinds of adjustments for my child, especially when from the viewpoint of anyone at the open house, he did just fine.

Finally does anyone have a child with sensory issues or otherwise that reacts in this way to school? What did you do that helped? Or did you just decide they weren't ready for it? I partially want him in school because of the sensory issues, and the social stuff, I have a hard time providing him with the right kind of activities to help support him in those areas and he is generally extroverted and wants to be around people.

[CarrieMF]

He'll adjust. Most issues that kids that age have with starting a playschool is them crying at being dropped off.

My youngest had mild SID. I wasn't sure how she'd do in school. She was fine being dropped off, but had meltdowns for a few weeks anytime they sang because it hurt her ears. They'd pull her out of the room until they were done singing & she slowly adjusted to the noise level though she was never 100% comfortable. Her entire first year was 1 time a week for 2 hours & every time when I picked her up she was the last one to walk out, as slowly as possible, scowling & sucking on her fingers and/or pulling on her ear and/or sniffing her shirt.

Meltdowns AFTER class are to be expected as it's his outlet for all the activity that's been going on.

FWIW, she's in Grade 1 now & is fine. Her 2nd year she would run out to me when class was over. She just in general likes public school better than playschool.

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Preface -- I don't have any experience with sensory issues.

I think its pretty normal for kids to have melt downs after school. During school they are trying really hard to be in control of themselves, be on good behavior, be tuned it, all of that. At the end of it, sometimes it all comes pouring out. Even my very-preschool-experienced 5 YO is having after-kindergarten issues this week. Some of it is just the practical part of being tired and adjusting to a new schedule to their day. So I would not take melt-down as "not ready".

Assuming that he wants to go and you are willing to be extra-sensative and supportive after school , I would start with the "regular" schedule and see how it goes. If things need adjusting after a couple of weeks, then evaluate. But don't borrow trouble before its there -- he may really surprise you!

Do make sure you can work with the food schedule though, and if he needs a particular type of snack or something, then make sure you figure out how to do that.

Kids have a real way of living up to expectations -- so don't "expect" him to fail!

[captivatedlife]

ITA with both pp's

Good luck!

[BCFD]

I think it's totally normal. My almost 4 year old attends a Montessori school where she eats lunch, but by 1pm she's cranky and tired and tends to whine a little more than usual. My middle child also has mild sensory issues, but she's an input seeker. She just started Montessori, but so far no issues.

Give him some time to adjust and I bet he'll do just fine.

[avivaelona]

Thanks for the advice, I will speak to the teacher about making SURE he eats snack as soon as its offered. (and will bring something along for him just in case snack that first day is something he can't eat).

CarrieMF that is helpful to know about your daughter...circle time is very hard for him and the teacher already knows he has some issues with singing songs and is taking some extra time to introduce them and singing quietly at first.

BCFD, In most things except for the auditory area DS is input seeking. I'm very glad that his teacher seems quite responsive, sometimes its hard to know how much to say when the issues are definitely present but mild or borderline.