Easily Frustrated DS

[Autumn C.]

I'm not sure if this is the right place since he's only 9 but the childhood forum was all about much younger kids...

Anyhow, any and everything frustrates my ds. From a building toy that won't stand right, to not doing homework perfectly withing 5 seconds the first time he's been introduced to a new idea, to dropping a fork while he's setting the table.

Now, this behavior isn't exactly new. Well, the intensity is new but the basic behavior has been around for a while and I have been patiently and repeatedly doing things like - helping him to recognize what he's feeling, giving him tools to diffuse (takeing deep breaths, jumping on the trampoline, making silly faces, whatever). He has never, not ever, done anything other that be frustrated and come to me with a hangdog sad face and proclaim the leggo is a fault or the fork for falling or something like that.

He has in fact called the wall "dumb" for bumping into his shoulder!

So then I start talking about responsibility and modeling (on purpose) getting frustrating over something and then letting it go. Nothing.

And now instead of calling the wall dumb he called himself dumb. THAT is SO NOT what I want to happen!

Help!

[allysONweb]

I haven't been here in a while, but I don't see any other replies and I'm so curious as to what others are doing or think about this situation.

My son just turned 10 and we have been dealing with this kind of frustration his whole life. Early on it was expressed with great intensity and we've been able to help him tone that down, but I'm right there with you about offering alternatives, expressions for inner dialogue and self-responsibility and needless to say, we are still challenged on this one.

It has social implications that he's had to endure natural consequences of, but now as he enters pre-teen years, his *attitude* is an 'Eyore/Pessimistic/Its your fault' combo that I feel a need to curb. It comes out in quick rude responses to me that are inappropriate ways of speaking to a mom, so he is constantly getting consequences and is miserable! I sometimes don't know if its his old habbit or typical teen communication.

I've worried before about learning disorders or medical conditions and I am again. We've done attachment parenting, Waldorf education, natural consequences, kinetic learning exercises and tried to limit media - though he gets this a lot from his bio-dad visits (UG!). We seem to have some successes and lots of continual struggles. One thing that helps is keeping the mood REALLY light. He is so sensitive, emotionally & physically and the more I let go the better.

But, keeping boundaries isn't always as light as he'd like - he can stretch getting ready for bed/school into HOURS! And if I give too firm a reminder it can really backfire. And sometimes a mom's gotta lay down the law!

Sorry - probably not much help here, but you are not alone!