My 8 year old DD

[Kiddoson]

*Sigh* it is so hard sometimes. here is some background. DD is 8, homeschooled since day one. DS was born last year and is now a year old. Last year school went really well compared to previous years and this year we have a coop and lots of activities. She is older and I enjoy teaching her more now. I am a horse trainer and my kids go with me to work for the most part so DD has exposure to all ages and types of people outside her activities, as well as having a horse and this year has a girl her age to ride with.
What is killing us is the snottiness, not helping/doing what she is asked, not getting up in the morning, and in general being terrible. Sometimes she is awesome, helpful, a joy, pleasant. other times she is just mean to all of us. Is it hormones? already? How can we get to that nice pleasant DD? We have long talks and often it gets us somewhere but it seems the behaviour shows again. taking things away and limiting things doesn't really work. what does? I don't want to control her, I want her to make good decisions because that's what's right and she cres how we feel.
I am ready to send her to school some days cause I can't stand it anymore. She is going to try school next year but that's not a solution really....

[spruce]

FWIW, 8 was a very, very rough time for all 3 of our older daughters.

Remember, just because she's not having a period, that doesn't mean she's not already experiencing cyclical hormonal changes. My girls were cycling for years before they began menstruating.

We dealt with stomping, huffy attitudes, eye-rolling, arm-crossing, laziness, rudeness, eavesdropping, and whining. The one who had the most problems at 8yo is about to be 13 and is (usually, I mean she's still human) a joy to be around. It does get so much better.

Just grit your teeth and smile through it. Keep up your end (by making the rules simple and straight forward, have her sign a contract-- we did -- and you sign it too!), and remember, it won't last forever.

love, penelope

[MrsCorell]

I agree with Spruce. The age before menstruation actually starts, imo, is harder on them the when they finally do have their first period. I'm sure she's having just as hard of a time as you are with the overflowing emotions and feelings. Sounds like you're doing a great job talking with her and helping her feels things out. Keep up the good work, Mama! Hopefully things will get easier on both of you in the time to come.

[moocowma]

you could be describing my son

He is 9 and we have a 2 year old. We have the same thing where some days the 9 yo is wonderful, sweet, talkative, nurturing his sib, offering to help us, outgoing, etc. Then other days, he is screaming, angry, tearful, etc. I do think it is a lot to do with the pre-puberty hormones rushing through his bod and brain.

No real advice, just sympathy.

[loudmama]

Sounds like my 7 1/2 year old DD. I think its hormones. I swear she has more hair on her legs, & her yoni & breasts seem "bigger" some how. Is this too early?

L

[*Eva*]

Every time she's snooty you could always make her clean stalls...lol. *Sigh* too bad you don't live out here, I need to start riding again.

[spruce]

loudmama-- no, sadly, it's not too early. I was probably cycling at 7, and began menstruating at 10. It was very rough for me, as a girl with advanced breast growth (but still extremely short in stature) and having my cycles so young.

I hope if your daughter is in the same boat, that you are able to gently guide her through it all. My mother was largely ignorant of the issues that come with menstruating and being large-chested at 10yo, and so I had nobody to go to for help.

And remember, hormonal changes don't mean she's ready to be more grown up. They just mean her body is moving faster than her soul.

love, penelope

[loudmama]

Thanks Penelope!

I think I can guide her pretty well. I needed a bra in 3rd grade & got my first period a month before I turned 10. I was just hoping that it wouldn't be early for her too. I figured my early development was due to being a bit over weight as a kid. She's tall & pretty skinny, so I was hoping it would happen later.

I think she knows the development stuff pretty well too. I'm a doula, so she probably knows even more than the average 2nd grader!

I just wonder how I'll teach her to shave if she wants to do that. She knows I shave, but I have made it VERY clear that she does not have to. She's pretty hairy, so I suspect it will become an issue before I want it to.

I'll just wait & see & take cues from her. Try & let her be a little girl for as long as I can.....

L

[spruce]

Originally Posted by loudmama

Thanks Penelope!

I think I can guide her pretty well. I needed a bra in 3rd grade & got my first period a month before I turned 10. I was just hoping that it wouldn't be early for her too. I figured my early development was due to being a bit over weight as a kid. She's tall & pretty skinny, so I was hoping it would happen later.

I think she knows the development stuff pretty well too. I'm a doula, so she probably knows even more than the average 2nd grader!

I just wonder how I'll teach her to shave if she wants to do that. She knows I shave, but I have made it VERY clear that she does not have to. She's pretty hairy, so I suspect it will become an issue before I want it to.

I'll just wait & see & take cues from her. Try & let her be a little girl for as long as I can.....

L

Sounds like you are her best advocate!

Let us know how the shaving debate turns out. My girls (homeschooled, raised by a radical humanist!) still felt the need to shave WAY earlier than I was ready for!

Your daughter is a lucky young woman.

love, p

[StartingtoCrunch]

8 had been hard for us. I read an article one time, maybe on a Waldorf site, that talked about how that age is the first transition period, they aren't "kids" in the true early childhood state, they aren't teenagers, and they aren't sure where they fit in. Do I act like a little kid, (sometimes, but then I try to feel big and think it's stupid), or do I act like a teenager and independent (sometimes, but I want to still be a kid). My second child was born when our daughter was 7, so I know exactly what you are going through!

[onlyzombiecat]

My 8 year old is the same.

[loudmama]

Thanks for the encouragement all! Its crazy, all my Mama friends with kids the same age have boys.

L

[PJJ]

It is a stage...

she is asserting her independence. Hopefully it will pass soon.

Good luck mama!

[angelpie545]

My eight year old is exactly the same. So emotional, has trouble with her sister, very sensitive, snotty, ext....arrrg! I've joked before that I have an eight year old daughter going on fifteen. I'm hoping to see a light at the end of the tunnel soon....

[lorijds]

Nine and ten have always been rough years in this household. DD #1 was difficult in 3-4th grade, with crying for no reason, crazy labile emotions; it was rough. Like Spruce's experience, I am finding that 12 and 13 are simply lovely. My 10 year old dd #2 is now experiencing the same thing; snooty, short in words and with temper, just in general a frustration to be around at times (particularly compared with how wonderful she was just a year or two ago!!). I have full faith that she, too, will grow out of this with patience and guidance, and that when she is 12 she will be an even keeled, lovely young gal. I hope.