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September Dating Thread!!! - Page 3

post #41 of 138
sigh.
post #42 of 138
I went for my first date EVER last Saturday (long story). I've been single for 18 months and before that I was with my STBX for 12 years. First time out for supper without DD since she was born. It was ... weird. But he was nice. He called about two hours later to see if I wanted to go out again next weekend. LOL - what do I do now???? Sheesh this is nerve-wracking! Now I have to figure out if he liked me enough to be buddies or if he's interested in more. (I know which one of those is MY preference ). I should have tried this dating thing in high-school/university so I'd know more about this whole process!

mimim, I've never tried speed-dating, sorry. In a way it's an intriguing concept.
post #43 of 138
Rainbow Turtle, they don't call that fast unless they are interested, very interested!
post #44 of 138
Yeah, he's interested RainbowTurtle. Calling two hours later and already asking for another date means he is.

I've been separated for 2 years now. Almost divorced! I dated someone last summer and it was SO much fun but saw how much work I had to do on myself still. I do stuff similar to what emma_goldman is talking about. I work to not give my power away or revolve around other people and to take damn good care of myself.

I put up a profile a couple weeks ago and immediately got a good response. We've been out twice and have plans for more. We're really compatible spiritually. I suspect physically as well!
post #45 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oh the Irony View Post
I dated someone last summer and it was SO much fun but saw how much work I had to do on myself still.
So I saw my guy last night (after two and 1/2 weeks!!!) -I freaked at how much pain I felt when he was caresssing me and bringing me into his arms. Very interesting experience. I think it is because I really want to be in a relationship with him but he has no time for me. He doesn't make it a priority. I told him about my pain and sadness and he sweetly listened.

Am reading "Conscious Loving: the journey to co-commitment" (THANKS for the link to the website provided by a previous poster!). I'm learning a lot -it is beautiful, really. The book goes into co-dependence as a relationship and growth-killer.

So, I am trying to find out if my need to spend time with him can be met. Maybe now that he sees how much he means to me he will make more time for me? If it isn't going to change I'm okay letting go... OR maybe this is enough for me right now after I've faced the initial pain? He really is wonderful... So I lightened up after we talked about it, but it was still intense.
post #46 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by emma_goldman View Post

Maybe now that he sees how much he means to me he will make more time for me?
Wouldn't you rather he make more time for you because he wants more time with you? Rather than making more time for you because he knows how you feel about him. Does that make sense?

I believe that if a man is *really* into you, he will make time (even 15 minutes) to see you, especially in the beginning months.

My bf works 7 LONG, crazy (actually, he is literally dealing with crazy people!) days a week, but he spends whatever time he can with me because he wants to be with me.

But, I don't know your situation. Are there extenuating circumstances that cause him to be unable to see you very often?
post #47 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by Holland73 View Post
Are there extenuating circumstances that cause him to be unable to see you very often?
This is it. I've been wanting to get this out in the open. He IS VERY busy with a child and his BIG hobbies and new job.

It may be that he is hiding behind fear of getting close. Fear left from past pain. We have talked about this. i'm trying to get under it. and push past my own pain that comes from his lack of time with me. I also wonder if he is still investigating his feelings about someone else he met just before he met me.

I will find out...
post #48 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by Holland73 View Post
Wouldn't you rather he make more time for you because he wants more time with you? Rather than making more time for you because he knows how you feel about him. Does that make sense?
Totally. Thanks, you're absolutely right. And it can only work if he is into me...
post #49 of 138
Emma - imo... he's either not that into you, or totally clueless. ugh. I can see myself in your position, and as myself I would deny the first option to the bitter end. ugh! Love feels good... why is it that people are always hurting?!?!

What are your plans with this situation? What you you thinking?


As for me and 'The Attorney' ...We both hide our feelings like crazy. There was a slip up last week and we had sex. For those that don't know, he was in love with me, I mean, straight up, undeniably in love and said so... I have never been romanced like that. I wondered if the reason why he ended it was just a bunch of BS... but now that we are getting closer and sharing all our inner feelings about life, I realize that there is no bs. He 'was' in love with me, the reason he gave is the reason why he ended it.

I'm trying to bond with him, as a friend. He asked me to continue to be his friend and be open to dating him in 6 months. (but not to wait for him) So that's what I'm doing. It's obvious he's still in love with me, but as long as I act oblivious to it, he's feels safe. What I really need to work on is hiding the fact that I'm in love with him, which I did quite well last time we hung out.

My biggest concern was how to remain friends and not do what comes natural. But it's getting easier. When we slipped up and had sex last Thursday, during the act, I didn't hold back, I made love, I didn't have sex.

I'm truly happy.... I know the situation sounds funny, but, I'm as happy as a peach. My very French, single mama neighbor, who was at the restaurant with me the day Mr. Attorney ended it.... says not to regret love, not to fear it, for it's better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all.

I feel like I have so much love in me. Love never runs out. Loving others doesn't mean you love yourself any less, as long as you are respected and honored, you can give love to someone without getting the same amount in return. I feel that way about most of my friends, male and female and if anything they are great friends in return and Mr. Attorney, has been a very good friend. And I'm the one who's all about the sex. Although on Thursday, I fully planned to sleep in my clothes... That was HIS idea.
post #50 of 138
I posted this elsewhere, and am looking for some other opinions. What would you think if a guy did the following to you. Sorry if it seems long.

There's this guy in my nursing class who also is in my clinical group. I don't know what he's doing, if he's trying to flirt or what.

We'll make eye contact and he will hold it and then he'll wink and usually smile at me. He's done this a couple of times now....this past Saturday, for instance, the 8 of us in my clinical group were getting a "talking to" by our instructor at the end of the day; I was standing, and he was sitting across from me and he looked at me directly in my eyes and held it and held it and I started to smile at him (and felt the beginnings of a blush-I hate that) and he winked and smiled and then looked away. To me, it was very intense and I wanted to chicken out and look away, but I didn't; I'm getting better at it!! LOL!

He talks to the other girls in our group but he doesn't really say all that much to me but we'll pass by each other in the hall and he'll look at me and smile. Don't get me wrong, we have talked; we chatted in the hall on Saturday for a while (he leaned up against the door I was on, like leaning toward me and got kind of close) but it seems like he wants to talk to me but doesn't really know how or something; like I get a vibe like he doesn't know how to take me or something. I don't notice that with him when he talks to the other girls.

At the very beginning of the day, he'll say hi to the others (but usually not to me) or the other girls will say hi to him. But then a little later, there he'll be, looking at me and then that's when he'll usually do his smile and wink thing. And, don't get me wrong, it's not like he does the smile an wink thing constantly or all day long. It's appropriate, not like he's crazy or has a tic or something.

Another time, a few of us were standing at the computer trying to figure it out and how to chart and he said something and added, blah blah at the end and the lady who I was trying to help asked me what I thought should be put there and I said whatever it was, and then jokingly added his "blah blah;" he smiled and laughed and said, now you're going to start teasing me too and nudged me with his arm.

So what is he doing? He's very nice, he'll hold open the elevator doors for all of us when we leave (I am the only one who thanks him anymore), and he can be so funny. OH and he's so cute!!!

I did not get a chance to talk to him at class last night, and it's not because I chickened out. I was talking with my friend and during our break, I had gone with her to get a drink, and then at the end of the night I was talking to my teacher. But, when we were coming back in from our break, I noticed that he was looking at me, so I gave him the direct eye contact thing and smiled at him, and then he smiled back and looked down at his papers.

Then, at the end of the night, he looked my way and did his smile and wink at me thing.

I notice that he sits by himself or somewhat close to this guy that he must know in class all the time. I also tried to pay attention to see if he acted that way with any other girl or any other girl from my clinical last night, and from what I saw, he didn't.

So, I have clinical tonight and I will see him there. I already have an idea of what to talk to him about, our test, and a couple of other things. We'll see what I can do this evening.

I feel so goofy!! LOL! My brothers' one girl friend and the other's girlfriend are both trying to give me advice. The one says that if he's listening in on my conversations (when I don't even think he's listening) and then asking me stuff about what I said that he might be trying to "get in" so that he can talk to me.

I do, I feel so goofy, like I'm in high school.
post #51 of 138
He sounds like he knows what he is doing...as in he knows exactly how to subtley flirt to get someones attention. I almost get the vibe he is a bit of a player, but that could just be me. Do whatever feels right to you.
post #52 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by emma_goldman View Post
This is it. I've been wanting to get this out in the open. He IS VERY busy with a child and his BIG hobbies and new job.

It may be that he is hiding behind fear of getting close. Fear left from past pain. We have talked about this. i'm trying to get under it. and push past my own pain that comes from his lack of time with me. I also wonder if he is still investigating his feelings about someone else he met just before he met me.

I will find out...
If it were me, in all honesty, I would let this man go.

This is just way too much... too complicated.

The beginning months are about spending as many minutes together as possible. It is about sharing, exploring and just playing around.

It is NOT about feeling "pain" or "trying to get under it." It is about having fun and getting to know each other.
post #53 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by Holland73 View Post
If it were me, in all honesty, I would let this man go.

This is just way too much... too complicated.

The beginning months are about spending as many minutes together as possible. It is about sharing, exploring and just playing around.

It is NOT about feeling "pain" or "trying to get under it." It is about having fun and getting to know each other.
You are so right! I've been liberating myself from my expectations for the last while now (hence the pain)...

and I'm wondering if I can just see this as a "booty call" thing for now (I am already the Thursday night girlfriend). Maybe? Has that worked for anyone? Could I get "over it" and get some uncomplicated lovin' out of it? I'm feeling really "over it" today (I txted him after waiting a day and of course there is no reply).

ETA: my mantra is "I quit you" today. Sigh. I've been all over the place.
post #54 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by emma_goldman View Post

and I'm wondering if I can just see this as a "booty call" thing for now (I am already the Thursday night girlfriend). Maybe? Has that worked for anyone?

Could I get "over it" and get some uncomplicated lovin' out of it? I'm feeling really "over it" today (I txted him after waiting a day and of course there is no reply).
Yes, it has worked for me... in the past. But, it only worked because I was crazy busy and had no time or interest in a serious relationship. I was very detached and had NO expectations.

I think it would be very difficult in your current situation, as you appear to really like him and want something more. It can be really difficult to switch those emotional gears.

I would just let it go and move on. There is someone one out there that is looking for the same thing as you and who will want to spend as much time with you as possible. If you waste more time in this guy, you might be missing your chance.
post #55 of 138
Quote:
Originally Posted by Holland73 View Post
Yes, it has worked for me... in the past. But, it only worked because I was crazy busy and had no time or interest in a serious relationship. I was very detached and had NO expectations.

I think it would be very difficult in your current situation, as you appear to really like him and want something more. It can be really difficult to switch those emotional gears.

I would just let it go and move on. There is someone one out there that is looking for the same thing as you and who will want to spend as much time with you as possible. If you waste more time in this guy, you might be missing your chance.
this is so true it is scary!

I know it hurts though
post #56 of 138
I think you should wait for someone who is on the same level as you and will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Why keep compromising what you want and wasting your precious energy on someone who is not giving you what you need? Booty calls don't satisy much on a emotional level and i personally get attached to those i am sleeping with. Go out there and find yourself a worthy man.
post #57 of 138
Thanks, all. I think I've already been "quit."

Thanks.
post #58 of 138
*hug to Emma*

Yeah, I am also not fine with booty calls. Yeah, I get attached. My friends often try to push me into casual sex. But I just can't with someone I am not in love with. I'm a sexual animal, don't get me wrong, but it's quality over quality and to each their own I guess. I have a high amount of respect for myself, and my feelings for Mr. A are just not there anymore I'm noticing, I'd like to say there were, but they are not, because I just don't have feelings when treated in any way less then what I am, which is something that any man would be fucking lucky to have, cause I am great inside and out in some pretty rare ways. But um... I kind of knew from the start what I was going to get out of this, and what that is, is realizing more of the qualities I want in a man. When I meet Mr. Right, he will scoop me up from the start and keep me. I do plan to hang out as planned this weekend and such. We will be friends.

May I suggest getting a vibrator? Suddenly, I'm feel pretty dang fine being single.
post #59 of 138


I just went through something similar in the spring. I finally got fed up one day and said forget that. I DO deserve better. so what did I do? I signed up for a dating site (@ green singles.com) well I think I met the man of my dreams there and this was all in a matter of days.. I truly feel we both manifested this meeting..(though time will tell when we meet next week and spend the next few weeks & months together, but we have been hitting it off for the last 3+ months and it only gets better and better each day! : and no I'm not new to internet dating as I met my late DH that way 10 years ago, but somehow this feels MUCH deeper even this early on...) anyway my point is that would have never happened had I not quit the other guy who was really a jerk and after his own needs. we never slept together though thankfully!
post #60 of 138
well mamas...after my initial question I think I may be dipping my toes in the water a little..... in a non-serious, fun way....... so far it's working and I'm having fun, though I guess I won't be surprised if I do find myself on here down the line posting about the non-serious fun that is now causing me serious heartache. It is a risk I am taking, however, and I intend to enjoy myself while I am able to be in this new, strange place. Wish me luck!
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