September Dating Thread!!! - Page 5

[~Clementine~]

Originally Posted by mimim

I need to get one. I have one, but my stbx bought it and it's ridiculous and huge. He bought it for his fantasy, not my pleasure.

Someone pm me a link on where to get one? Somewhere for women?

A lot of women like the hitachi magic wand. I kind of doubted it, but once I started using it, it's designed perfectly. I like the long handle and it comes with different attachments that you can collect like pokemon cards. (just don't trade them ...) Anyway, I'm very happy and the fact that the attachments are small, really is the reason it works so well. I would suggest anything with a really long handle!

[Holland73]

Originally Posted by emma_goldman

Could you elaborate on this, Holland73?

It is a transition.

You come out of marriage/long relationship and you, oftentimes unconsciously, are anxious to get back into a similar type of relationship because that is what you are used to.

Therefore, again unconsciously, move a little too fast or get a little too anxious/excited.

This is why I think it is SOOOO important to spend time in a relationship with yourself: finding new passions, hobbies and just loving your own company. Getting to the point of not "needing" a relationship.

Originally Posted by emma_goldman

Also, Mamas, are you seeing that you have to play a game at not seeming interested?

It is not a matter of playing games, it is a matter of coming off desperate or overly needy.

Originally Posted by emma_goldman

Also, I was super excited about the relationship and didn't realize that he wasn't so much. Does this have something to do with boundaries? I was ready to jump in and was SO excited because we seemed so perfect for each other...

I don't think it has much to do with boundaries.

IMO, I think it scares people off, male and female, when they feel you rely too much on them, especially in the beginning. It has to do with their feelings of not being able to meet your needs, which ultimately, could result in failure for them. No one wants to be in a relationship where they feel like they will "fail".

If you have a solid, fulfilling life without a partner, then anything else that a partner provides you is a wonderful addition.

If you do not have a solid, fulfilling life without a partner, then chances are you are looking for someone to fill a part of yourself... your life. And, if that is the case, then that is A LOT of pressure to put on a person. And, in my experience, they will fail you because they will NEVER be able to give you exactly what you are wanting or it will never be enough.

Ok...that glass of wine has really got me blabbering.

[Holland73]

Originally Posted by emma_goldman

I have so much to learn!

Learn about yourself. Develop an amazing, loving, exciting relationship with yourself. Just you, yourself and you.

If you can do that, you won't really need to learn anything about dating.

[mmace]

.

[NoMariposa]

I just have to pop on here and get a smidgin of "it's okay".

I think I just opened a can of worms. I think I just revealed where I see our relationship going. He's an old, old, friend going back 20 yrs. A friendship with a missed opportunity to see where it would have lead 17 yrs ago given his decision to take gf whom he later married and now is divorcing.

It broke my heart when he cut off our relationship b/c she was jealous. At the time I lived in another country. I was making plans to move nearby before he told me about his gf telling him to cut off our ties or else (he should have realized what that meant then to be out of his world of "discovering his true self again", but men are often blind).

We never cut all ties. We just reduced the frequency of our communication. He told me how sorry he was to have cut me off a few months before I married. We have remained friends all these years even meeting each other's spouse.

I'm having a mini freak out moment -- What if i jumped the gun? What if he really was only looking for our friendship and not to see where it could go this time around? I wrote "we are both free adults this time around". OIY We've got 900 miles between us and 2 sets of kids with highly involved other parent and it seems frankly impossible.

Well, I guess it gets the small talk out of the way and puts my intentions on the table vaguely.

BREATHE... Maybe he won't read more into it... Do I care??? Geez, I feel like a teenager! Stop it... (talking to myself)

[mimim]

NoMariposa, I think you made a good decision. You got your intentions out in the open but not in a way that would put any pressure on him. If you've had feelings for him all this time, you were right to let him know.

[lunar forest]

I agree with mimim. It's always better to be open and honest, right? I think what you said is fine, you don't need to worry about it.

[NoMariposa]

I think we deserve a chance to develop our relationship further. I have to wonder if I still have our letters from over the last 20 yrs tucked away somewhere... We were in love as high schoolers, but what teen knows what love is? Some do, I suppose. We just never got a chance to find out.

My love has never died for him, there has always been a place in my heart for him. I get the feeling that we probably share the same feelings. We were really emotionally connected years ago.

I guess in my head it gets complicated.

As of now, I'm worried. I haven't heard back from him and it isn't like him. I might have scared the crap out of him! Or left him speechless. Or he is just busy. Man, it is just like a freakin' high school crush.

[NoMariposa]

No specific reply. He ignored it. hmmm, well, I put it out there all the same.

[Oh the Irony]

Awww, don't worry or second guess yourself NoMariposa. If that scares him off then he isn't worthy!


I am having fun. That is all.

[lunar forest]

ohmigosh I'm having fun, too. I've heard people say of dating "when it's right it's easy" but man, that's no joke. This is effortless. All that stress and worry and playing games just isn't there.

I saw my guy last night and we hung out with our friends and it wasn't weird, and he walked me to my car ans that wasn't weird or awkward either. We talked at my car for half an hour about, well, us. : I asked him if I was being too much and told him to tell me when I was. He said "Are you kidding me? I love that I can tell you're into me, why would I want you to stop!?" Then he went on to say how he likes honesty and one of the things he loves about me is that I just put it out there and don't mess around. He gets me.

But now I'm starting to worry about what it will be like to date/be in a relationship with kids. All the questions of when does he meet them, how often should he be around them, what if they don't like each other, what if (and here's the big one) he doesn't really know what he's getting himself into and gets freaked out by the whole reality of me actually being a parent?

Ok, typing that whole thing has me a little bugged out.

[Holland73]

Originally Posted by NoMariposa

No specific reply. He ignored it. hmmm, well, I put it out there all the same.

Wait a second...aren't you still married??? I believe I just read another one of your posts talking about a SO.

If that is the case and you are still married and living with a SO... then I don't blame him for not replying.

[Avani]

Lunar, the best thing you can do is allow it to flow naturally. You will know instinctually when to introduce the kids, or maybe he will bring it up! Thinking too much can hinder the natural and fun process of getting to know a person. It will all happen the way it is meant to.

Things are amazing with the man i am with. Being with someone where you don't have to hold back your thoughts or feelings is so beautiful. I am intense, i do have a lot of kids, and i am intense. By intense i mean that i am that person who will hold eye contact, will probe into the depths of your soul, will talk about otherwordly things, doesn't want to date but wants a committment from someone. He excepts all of that. Somehow i knew that a scorpio would be able to hold their own with me. Once i told the universe i would only accept these things in my life, poof there he was. He adores my kids and i adore his. So far it is working so magically.

[NoMariposa]

Originally Posted by Holland73

Wait a second...aren't you still married??? I believe I just read another one of your posts talking about a SO.

If that is the case and you are still married and living with a SO... then I don't blame him for not replying.

It's extremely complicated. End of story. DF has been my friend for 20 yrs. I'm free and so is he. He knows the deal. So, I'll just bow out now from this thread. I'm not into sharing my entire life online.

[Oh the Irony]

Originally Posted by Avani

Somehow i knew that a scorpio would be able to hold their own with me.

I love Scorpios. What is your sign?

I'm a Pisces and Scorpio, Cancer, Capricorn and Taurus are my most compatible signs. The first guy I dated was a Scorpio. I'm dating a Cancer now.

[Avani]

I'm taurus with capricorn rising. A majority of my close friends are pisces, capricorn and cancer!

[guestmama9915]

I've read all the posts here (though I've had a couple beers...), lunar forest, sounds amazing! I'm so glad there's such goodness going on here.

[emma_goldman]

Okay, should I contact that guy (the txt message I sent didn't go through after all) to get closure or just leave things hanging? We met online and he is still listed as "seeing someone" but I changed my status back to "single" (we both changed our profiles to "seeing someone" after our second date).

[lunar forest]

Originally Posted by tripleaces

I've read all the posts here (though I've had a couple beers...), lunar forest, sounds amazing! I'm so glad there's such goodness going on here.

It's unbelievable. I was really starting to think there just weren't any great guys out there. Every time I see this guy it just gets better and better. I keep grinning like an idiot.

I had been having the worst day yesterday. As in borderline panic attack, hyperventilating, crying (not because anything awful happened, though, everything is fine) and I was going to call him and tell him I couldn't make it because I thought he just didn't need to deal with all this. But, I went to my knitting group and drank a little and calmed down and then met him for drinks at a fancy cocktail bar. I can't believe how much better I felt just to tell him about my crappy day and for him to care and want to help and be still happy to see me.

We had some serious talking last night mixed in with our goofy cuteness. At the end of the night the bartender asked us if we were dating and we just looked at each other smiled and then he said, well if you're not I vote for it because you two are adorable together. We really are. So then I said something about how it was a good question, and he should think about it and let me know exactly what we are and what's going on. No pressure. When we got outside he said he'd thought about it enough and that he wanted me to understand that he's not one to get all serious and he hasn't been big into calling girls his girl friend in the past. And that what he'd really like is if he could call me his girl friend. And then went on to tell me (again) how much he likes me, and why specifically. there was all kind of geeky, neurotic perfection last night. I loved it. : I'm going to see him again tonight. and tomorrow night. omg, this is so crazy good.

[JenniferH]

I have nothing to report, except that we just hit our 2 month mark. I, too, enjoy being with someone I don't have to mince words with, or hold back my feelings from. It's so nice!

We live 3 hours apart, but our relationship is developing nicely, because we actually have to CONVERSE. That's how we fell for each other! Our first 4 hour conversation pretty well did it for me. It was the first of many, so far. Thankfully we both have AT&T Wireless so our calls are free.

We try to see each other every two weeks, and so far that's working out really well too. It's expensive to travel, but we both know it's worth it if we are going to develop a long term relationship. He's able to help me out with gas, so he does.

So far, so good. :