Anyone here transition from 1 child to 2 with this baby?

[calendula]

Hi,

Not sure if there is a separate forum for this but wondering if any other August mamas just transitioned from 1 to 2 kids. If so, what is the age gap? My age gap is 5 1/2 yrs.

I am finding it hard to adjust myself mostly because I am still recovering and not very mobile. I feel really distanced from my family and missing out on the little things, like dropping off at summer camp, putting to DS to bed, just hanging out in his room, not being able to go places yet like the library, as a family. I know this will all happen in good time, but I wondered if anyone else is feeling a bit, I dunno, weird and lost. Some of it is hormones for sure.

I also feel a bit "oh my goodness, I have messed up our nice tidy life!" which is totally unfair since we love the baby to bits, but at the same time I just wonder when things will start to feel normal again - normal in terms of having a routine, and normal in not having to think through every hour of every day.

Anyone else relate? I am sure the above is *slightly* incoherent so forgive me.

[lil_earthmomma]

I'm in this place too. My ds is 18 mo, so he is really really having a hard time with not having mama to himself. Thankfully he is obsessed with his new "baba" (baby) and can't stop kissing and hugging and generally mauling our newborn.

Today I started crying because newborn ds didn't want to be in the sling, and big ds needed me, and I was trying to cook and get the house in some sort of order, and wow, I felt so inadequate. I felt like a failure as a mother and person, like why can't anything go smoothly.

Sigh, I love my babies, but I feel like I'm drowning.

[tinybutterfly]

I had a 6 year gap between my two sons. They are 20 and 14 now.

It was a hard adjustment at first, and then it got easier.

[Surfer Rosa]

There are 3 years between my DD and the new baby. I'm finding the transition difficult in some ways (especially since I'll be on my own with them next week, yikes!), but I'm trying to remind myself that it can only get better, right?

We're totally out of a routine, and DD is testing some boundaries, and obviously having some problems sharing our attention with Rowan, so we're trying to figure out how to balance it all. So far, no dice. I cannot wait for preschool and other activities to start up so that we have a routine. Physically I feel okay-though I did a little too much over the last couple of days and am feeling it today. Trying to remind myself it's only been two weeks...

Things that are working: while I nurse the baby, read books to my older DD. When the baby is sleeping, doing something special with older DD-she really wants to read, so we're working on reading/writing stuff, or exploring stuff around the house. I have to admit she's been watching a little more TV (DVDs, really) that I like, but I have limited energy/patience at the moment. And I'm trying to go to bed much, much earlier than I'm used to/I like, because I know wacky hormones+exhaustion is a really, really bad combination for me.
I'm also letting some stuff go around the house, bc I know I can't do it all. I know that it will get easier week by week, so I'm letting myself ease into our new life.
Take care, mama, you're not alone! (I posted some of my frustrations yesterday).

[Mamatolea]

Here, here...

My DD is 19 months and I too am drowning..I feel like I can't get a thing done because I am so tired and just don't know how to get out of the house with 2 now..lol

I am pretty sure that this is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with. BUT..I love my little man and my baby girl(weird how the baby is the little man and the older one is the baby girl? )

[naturegirl]

Me too. They are almost exactly 4 years apart. Frankly, things are going pretty well so far. I find that my older ds has clung to my dh and doesn't really "need" mommy much so I have been able to focus more on the baby. DS is also very interested in the baby and wants to help and keep him happy so he has even done some little errands for me and helps to entertain the baby when I am doing something else. He (my older ds) hasn't really shown any signs of jealousy : I hope that doesn't change.

Grandma and grandpa have been great though too...they help to entertain my ds #1. Grandpa took him for a 4 mile bike ride today and played at the beach. They were together for about 4 hours today so I could do some errands and go shopping. gotta love family.

[Chula13]

This baby when he finally decides to come out will be my 2nd child my other son will be 8 in october.

[guestmama9920]

our gap is 3 yr 19 days

i have days i miss old life, its expected. when my milk was coming in i cried like mad.

2 weeks on i'm ready to give the toddler away

can't win huh, one day life will be normal again or so i am told

[Qalliope]

This is my second. 5yr gap. This is totally stupid, but all I can think is that I feel like a "real" parent now.
And I don't mind juggling caring for them both. It's stressful at times, but I actually feel like a better mom now than when it was just ds.

[MsMom]

Mine are also 5 years apart.
Last night the reality of 2 set in when 5 yr. old ds came down with a wicked flu. So, we had a newborn up to nurse every couple hours, and a 5 yr. old throwing up every couple of hours. What a fun night
Calendula...I can relate to your comment about the nice tidy life. I kept worrying about that when pg. With ds being so much older, we were used to packing up and going as we pleased. We did lots of weekend trips. Now we're getting excited about when dd will be old enough to enjoy those trips as well. It's definately an adjustment, but the great thing about the age gap is ds is such a good helper!

[mommytomahmoud]

my 2 kids r 2yrs 1 month and 3 days apart hhehehhehe

the first day home my hubby decied to leave my 2yr old home with me and after 30 mins i callied him yelling and crying going why why why did u leave him here i cant lift him he wont stop climbing on me and he just wont stop this and this

and iam in pain and i need my pain meds and i just want to sleep anyways that was wednesday by friday i stopped taking pain meds and saturday he was home with me all day and it was hard with 2 kids but when nap time finially came around things were great lol

this new baby is a sleeper thank god but he loves sleeping in his bassnet which sucks he sleeps 5 hr their but with me wakes up every hr and he is a self soother when in the bassnet he can put him self to sleep but next to me he wants to nurse lol

anyways it is great life is good and i know it only gets better

[Klynne]

2 years apart for us, I too am wondering what I've (we've) done! lol and yes, how I'm going to manage once dh starts school again....

[Augusta]

My boys are 6 years apart (less 10 days). My oldest is off to gr. 1 next week! It has been an adjustment. My oldest is feeling a bit displaced. My new little guy has been a great baby so far but a baby is a baby and he's needy and taking up most of my time. My husband works long hours and works 6 days a week. He was back to work before the little one was a week old so I've had the two of them on my own and its been challenging. I feel the guilt of not being as available as I was to my older son. I feel spread thin. Even with one being 6 and a newborn it's hard to get out of the house or get anything done. I do think it''l work itself out though. I think school starting next week will help a bit. It will force us back into some kind of a routine.

[hopeandolive]

We have a 3 yr gap and it is HARD! I can't believe how difficult it is...just leaving for a walk today I think it took me 20 mins just to get out the door! Go pee, get some water, change baby, etc! UGH. My dd is just so rough with her little sister and I get so upset about it. I remind her that baby is fragile etc, but every time I turn around she is doing something too rough with her. I can't nurse without both of them in my lap. DD is determined to latch on to the milkies for a taste. Everything seems to drive me bonkers lately. DH and the rest of the family is of no help at all. It totally feels like I'm doing it 100% solo.

[Megan_Cherry]

dd is 5 1/2 and she is doing sooo well with new baby. I think it is a great age gap. When I was preg and not wanting to go into the kitchen dd would make me a pb & j. How sweet! she is such a great help. She was very interested in the birth and was not too stressed out when I was freaking out in the car trying not to push (baby was almost born in the car). Baby is only one week old and we seem to be transitioning great.

[*Isra*]

This is #2 for me too! Age gap is 2 1/2 years apart. DS is really into the baby I have to say. Everytime she cries he runs to get a diaper. Before he naps he always runs to give her a very gentle kiss and always says how much he loves her..so in that respect I'm fine...it's me that's having the issues of adjusting.

I feel like I miss him so much even though he's at home all day! I miss just cuddling with him and playing and lying down with him when he naps. I LOVE the newborn stage, I forgot how precious it is, but I am looking forward to just being a family where we go out again. DH wants more kids but after a rough night with DD I asked him "Are you sure you want more?" He's like..."No, not so sure anymore..." Im sure give us a year and we'll both feel the baby fever again.

ITA with a pp who said they feel more like a mom now, I totally know how you feel, we went out as a family for a walk yesterday and it hit me, "I have kidS, KIDS!" It felt more complete for sure.

[calendula]

It's really interesting reading all these replies.

I am finding my DS is absolutely fine with the baby, and fine with Dad. His problem is more with me. He is acting out, not listening,then being really super sweet one minute and all attitude the next. I know it will pass but it's hard to see and not be able to "fix" it.