If you thought about HSing but decided not to, what were your reasons?

[lawschoolmama]

DD is still very young, but I'm just thinking about and exploring different options and I was curious if anyone had rejected HSing, and, if so, why. Thanks!

[avivaelona]

I thought about HSing and I wouldn't say I've "rejected" it at all, it may become a necessity if school doesn't work for DS. But for the moment I decided to try sending DS to pre-school because I think as an extroverted kid with an introvert for a mommy he's not getting the kind of social interaction he needs or enough interaction with other mentoring adults, and because our personalities are too similar in other ways to make homeschooling a great fit, he loves being with me, but some things he learns better from other people. Plus with a new baby on the way I felt that some time where he just got to be his own person and a place that would be stable and the same while everything at home changes, might be a good thing. And finally it just seemed like he wanted to go...any time he's been in a "pre-school" like setting he's been excited and eager to attend.

Given those reasons and the fact that our local public pre-school has a good reputation I decided to give it a fair chance. I don't see that as rejecting Home schooling though, just as deciding that I thought another option might be better for our particular situation.

[mags]

That would be us. I homeschooled for preschool last yr with my son. It went ok, I had to learn how to relax a LOT and be more flexible (difficult for me, since I'm a very type a type of person). I found it difficult, b/c I had a toddler too and it was just hard to have one on one time with my preschooler w/o the toddler totally getting into everything. In addition, my preschooler and I were butting heads constantly and it felt like the battle of the wills. Probably some of it had to do with his age too. One other thing for us was the lack of a local HS support group in our area. There are plenty of them, but they are ALL religious, no secular ones, we are not religious, so would not fit in at all. I have NO friends with kids my age who homeschool, so was not about to try to start my own group, and honestly feel that in our area a secular HS group would not fly (I feel like we're in the bible belt, even though we're not down south). Secondly, socialization DID become an issue for us. I belong to a mom's group, we get together a few times a wk, my kids had lots of playmates, BUT at the age of three everyone sends thier children to preschool. So, my 4 yr old was always stuck playing with kids under the age of three. I did not expect this, and it caught me off guard and made me feel kind of like an outcast too, since it was so obvious that I was the only one who felt differently about the idea of school. Nothing against kids under three (he has a younger brother), but I wanted him to be able to play with some older kids too, b/c I notice that he didn't seem to know how to interact with kids his age, only younger kids.

I decided to sign him up for preschool in may when it was time to reserve a spot. I was upset about this, since I had plans to homeschool. He starts next wk and I have the jitters big time. I have very mixed feelings. In a way, I feel relief, relief that we will be, "normal," since we are pretty abnormal compared to most ppl in our area in the way we do things and the way we think. Also, I have had fleeting thoughts now of possibly going back to school or returning to work when my kids are in full day school in a couple of yrs. When I had decided to HS, I kind of felt like it would mean I would have to put my career off to the side until we were finished HSing and that was kind of depressing. In many ways I kind of feel like when you choose to homeschool, you (the mom) are sacrificing a lot of yourself to be mother, wife AND homeschooler. Maybe I am selfish, but it seems like such a big job to me to be all of that, ALL of the time. However, I also feel guilty, b/c I really want to homeschool too, I believe that HSing is a wonderful thing and I also have fears that my kids might not thrive in a traditional school environment.

With all that said, I am willing to let my kids try traditional school. HOWEVER, if things don't work out, I am more than willing to pull them out to homeschool them. I guess I also thought that maybe I was being too judgemental of school, since my kids had never officially been to school before, how would I know that it won't work for them? I didn't like school, I was a great student, but struggled socially (part of that was b/c I was a good student), and was very shy. If I had a child more like I was as a child, I would probably homeschool for sure. My kids however are very social, very outgoing, they are very different from how I was as a child and it has taken some getting used to. So, I am giving school a chance, but I do have a feeling that somewhere down the line we will probably give HSing another try. I'm not totally opposed to it. I also think that if I could find enough friends with kids my kids' ages who want to HS (which is a possibility, a few have recently told me that they are thinking about it), that it would help tremendously for me. I feel that I need a local support network if I want to HS. I really felt like such a loner when we HS'd last yr, and it was very isolating. I know a lot of HS moms here think that HS groups are over-hyped. However, I am someone who feels that I need that kind of support, at least at the beginning before I gain more confidance in my own abilities to HS, etc.. I think the kids were just fine with it just being us, but it was difficult for me when all of my friends are very pro-school and I was once again the weird one choosing an alternative option (I BF'd, CD, don't vax, believe in AP, in an area that is VERY mainstream). The thing that has helped the most for me when coming to this decision is that nothing is set in stone. We can always homeschool if we want to. So, I keep reminding myself that just b/c my kids are going to try out school, it doesn't mean that we will never HS.

[eepster]

I vaguely considered HSing, and DH was really into the idea for a while. Ultimatly I decided not to HS b/c I din't feel I could provide what DS needed.

I went to an alternative high school, and many of the students had HSed for elementary and junior high school. What I saw was that how well HS had gone was very dependent on how skilled the parents were at HSing.

Whether or not HS is right for any given family depends on so many variables that it is hard to give simple answeres.


The most prominent variables that pop into my head are:

1. Does the parent have the right skills to HS? This isn't just a question of knowing the curriculumn (infact I don't think not knowing everything in a curriculumn would be a probblem,) it's more a question of organizational skills, communication skills, motivational skills, etc.
2. Does the child have the right personality and/or learnig style to HS? Some children learn best from peers, some children need structure, some children are more likely to work for and listen to a nonparent, etc.
3. What schools are available? In some areas the schools are so bad that it would be really hard to do any worse, in other areas there are many wonderful schools available that are a good match for the childs learning style.
4. What resources are available for HSers? HS groups, zoos, museums, etc.
5. Practical matters of time, ability to pay tuition for private schools, ability to pay for books, etc.
6. Does the parent understand and get the child?

[mammastar2]

We may still homeschool again at some point, but our thinking included the following:

1. As a family, we would like to move towards more balance between the two parents. I was working a lot of hours and dh was a stay at home parent. We would like me to be able to participate at home more, and dh would like to have some more stuff for him. We didn't see being able to get there if we continued homeschooling - it would have been all him, and me at the office.

2. We started checking out some of the public schools around us, and were pleased with how many hardworking, intelligent people there are in the system who are doing their darndest, even though they could use more resources. We like the school board's policies on many key issues.

3. We are very 'neighborhoody' people, and this gave our kid a chance to develop a real sense of place, going to the neighborhood school and having friends all around her.

4. When we were homeschooling, EVERY other homeschooling family we met had a stay-at-home mom. Sometimes a work-from-home dad, but always a stay-at-home mom. I, of course, was a fulltime work-outside-the-home mom. We were concerned about what message that would send our daughter about appropriate gender roles, and what 'the world should look like.' It was also very isolating for dh as a feminist, stay-at-home dad. We really enjoy the diversity of public schooling, and like that she has friends with a variety of family forms and in a variety of economic circumstances.

[Porcelain Interior]

I actually HSed my oldest two separate times when she asked me to.

She's in 7th this year and my youngest will be in 1st.

For me it came down to my kids, they LOVE and THRIVE by being around people and children.

I am the opposite. I do not enjoy big groups, the noise and chaos. I also don't "seek" out many social opportunities for myself.

So in order to homeschool AND have happy children I would have had to enroll them in many activities (and that would be hell on earth for me) in order for them to get that "people time".

I also am not organized or motivated *enough* imo to live up to my own expectations as a HSing parent. I very may well have done a darn good job, but imo I wasn't cutting the mustard.

I'm introverted, highly introspective and abstract. That just didn't lend well to HSing on my end.

I'm still open to it should the need arise in the later years, my oldest is also introverted she just loves people, but she's also super sensitive, should she not be able to handle the social BS of the latter grades I will bring her home.

Anyway that's our situation.

[GuildJenn]

I would consider homeschooling if things were going badly. But I have eliminated it as my first choice because:

- my son is an extrovert who loves group settings

- as my son's mother I am his first best "teacher" (with his father of course); given that I'm secure in that, I'm happy to farm out some of his schooling to other people who may be better or worse matches, because I think the diversity of approaches, interests, strengths, and weaknesses adds a lot to his life

- additionally I like the flow between a school with a curriculum/approach on the one hand and our home as a DIFFERENT environment to that.

- right now we are lucky to have found an excellent montessori

- I like my job, my husband likes his job, and we don't think two FT working parents is the best way to homeschool

'course my son is young. When he gets older our ideas may shift.

[Meli65]

I always intended to homeschool, and did try hard to do so when ds1 was four, what would have been his second year of preschool. Despite my best efforts and daily schlepping around town to museums, playgroups, and Y classes, by spring he was lonely and bored. He was longing for real friends that he would see often -- not once a week at best. I was sick of all the driving and sitting around with other families and dealing with all of those social dynamics (I am more introverted than he is).

He is now in first-grade in a full-time gifted program at our local public school and loves it -- I would never build rockets with him, as they did in class last week. He likes to be away from me and do his own thing (despite or because of all that attachment parenting as a baby and toddler!) and I like having the freedom to pursue part-time doula work. I would (and will) homeschool him if he is miserable, but I really hope that public school continues to work for us.

[ManiacMama]

We have done both. Our oldest attended K, where we had a disasterous start, switched schools (to our current school which was much better). Due to circumstances not related to school, we homeschooled the following 1/2 year and tried our neighborhood school again. Again, we were very disappointed. We pulled ds toward the end of the year and homeschooled the following year until last fall, when our oldest entered in 3rd grade and our middle entered in 1st (first school experience ever) at the current school (the one ds #1 finished K, the better one). Confusing, I know.

I really debated for this coming year whether to send them back or homeschool again. Ultimately, I decided to send them back to school for the following reasons:

1. They wanted to go. I feel that where they are happy, they will learn better.

2. We have a third child who passed Early Kindergarten Entrance testing and I felt she really needed to go (or be homeschooled for K this year) as she is so ready and would be completely bored being held back a year. I was concerned with possible difficulty entering school at this level later on if I chose homeschool this year.

3. My oldest is suited for school. He thrives in group learning situations with peers. He needs an incredible amount of structure which I just cannot provide. Summers are a struggle for us for this reason even though we summer school at home and are constantly on the go. I am not a structured person by nature and he exhausts me. When I fail to provide enough structure (which is inevitable), he becomes bored, picks on the little ones and life is miserable for everyone. He has a very high energy level which is hard for me. Also, our personalities clash.

4. My personality is suited for school. I am introverted. I need time to myself and if I don't get it I am not a good mom or a particularly pleasant person. I felt overwhelmed and burnt out when we homeschooled, and I struggled with depression. When they are in school, I can focus on the "homemaker" portion of my job so that when they get home I can just be mom.

5. (For the above reasons) The separation that school provides is a positive thing for our family.

6. We are now in a very good school with a wonderful staff. I don't love everything about the school (esp. curriculum), but there are many truly talented, caring teachers here who really get to know and care about the kids. They provide a level of enthusiasm that I just can't.

7. My kids learn better from someone else. Sad, but true. We do lots of educational stuff together, and they do learn, but they are more enthusiastic about the stuff they learn elsewhere.

I could probably go on, but I won't. Maybe there will come a time when we will homeschool again, but for now I think school is the best choice for our family.

[mata]

They didn't want to be schooled at home. Both of my daughters enjoy school and having experiences away from me/us that they can share with us.

As for myself, I felt it was a healthier arrangement-particularly with my oldest. She is extremely close to me and needs to be away from me, otherwise I'd be concerned about an unhealthy enmeshment.

[thismama]

Well I'm still going back and forth. But our main reasons are that:

1 - I notice all the homeschooled kids I know IRL get all their interactions mediated and supervised by mama. I mean, it's true they are out and about and have lots of friends, but mama is always there, and the adult child ratio in a given group is like 1:1 or 1:2. I'm not totally comfortable with that.

2 - I'm lazy and undisciplined and I could be one of those ppl who convinces myself I'm 'unschooling' while my child plays video games for months. *If* I were gonna homeschool I would have to use a curriculum, and I would only do it because the school system ends up being worse, not coz I feel homeschooling would be a really great thing for us.

3 - I have my own stuff I wanna do. I'm in university doing undergrad and I might wanna do law school or grad school or something more intense later on. Dont think I could balance it all very well.

Those are my reasons. There are lots of good reasons to homeschool tho depending on who you are and what your situation is.

[Tigerchild]

I am exhausted, and I need some space. I guess that qualifies me as a horrible person/mother in some people's eyes, but it's the truth.

We will revisit homeschooling if A) there is problem at school or B) middle school, whichever comes first.

My kids enjoy interacting with other adults. They already know how to read and are self-directed learners, and will be in a magnet program that allows them the space to do that (and which parents are required to put in a lot of volunteer hours), so they have some of the things that I found most attractive about HSing, while still allowing me to have some quiet and space on a fairly regular basis.

I think my kids will thrive at school, they'd thrive in homeschool as well. But mama needs some time to thrive so that I can continue to parent well and so that I can make HSing available if it's needed.

[TiffanyPartyOf6]

My son just really wanted to be with other kids his age. I have a 3 yr old, 2 yr old, and 7 month old. My 2 yr old is pretty wild. He's normal for his age but he just loves to run away and get into stuff. I have a hard time getting to homeschool events and they are pretty far from home. I felt like I would be doing my 5 yr old a disservice by keeping him home because he needs to interact with kids his age but wasn't able to at home. I put him in school and he is extremely happy.