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What to do if baby is stillborn or dies soon after birth? - Page 2

post #21 of 52
Not all efforts are in vain speaking as an RN and EMT-II. I would call 911 and have a squad there for sure.
post #22 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by fourlittlebirds View Post
Cuddlebaby, that would have been our preference as well. Does anyone know what the laws are concerning the handling of a family's own dead? Is it law that a birth and death must be reported? And that the dead must be handled by licensed professionals?
According to my DH who is a funeral director if a death occurs somewhere other than a hospital (say at home for example) the authorities (police, paramedics, hospice nurse if the individual is on home palliative care) must be contacted to pronounce the individual dead before a funeral home can remove a body from the home. If there is a doctor that had recently seen the individual often they will sign the death certificate without needing to order an autopsy but often times when a person passes at home from unknown circumstances the medical examiner/county coroner must be involved to determine if an autopsy is necessary.
post #23 of 52
If UPing I wonder if it's possible to just handle things privately and intimately at home. ...assuming you live rurally?
post #24 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama in the forest View Post
If UPing I wonder if it's possible to just handle things privately and intimately at home. ...assuming you live rurally?
and then someday, sometime, someone is going to discover little bones in your backyard and they'll try to criminally charge you, because they won't be able to tell if the baby was alive when born, died naturally shortly thereafter, was allowed to die shortly thereafter (medical neglect), or was murdered.

sounds like fun to me.
post #25 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama in the forest View Post
If UPing I wonder if it's possible to just handle things privately and intimately at home. ...assuming you live rurally?
Unless you're a hermit during your pregnancy, surely someone will have seen you pregnant, and then wonder why you have no baby.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happyhippiemama View Post
and then someday, sometime, someone is going to discover little bones in your backyard and they'll try to criminally charge you, because they won't be able to tell if the baby was alive when born, died naturally shortly thereafter, was allowed to die shortly thereafter (medical neglect), or was murdered.

sounds like fun to me.
In PR, stillbirths are required to be reported. And I would report it for the very things you are describing. CYA and all that.
post #26 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cuddlebaby View Post
but if there is no heartbeat all resuscitation efforts are in vain.
definitely not true, speaking as someone who has succesfully resuscitated a baby with no heartbeat. there are a lot of variables.

hugs to you, cuddlebaby.
post #27 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by Equuskia View Post
Unless you're a hermit during your pregnancy, surely someone will have seen you pregnant, and then wonder why you have no baby.



In PR, stillbirths are required to be reported. And I would report it for the very things you are describing. CYA and all that.
yes to all this
post #28 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by TCMoulton View Post
According to my DH who is a funeral director if a death occurs somewhere other than a hospital (say at home for example) the authorities (police, paramedics, hospice nurse if the individual is on home palliative care) must be contacted to pronounce the individual dead before a funeral home can remove a body from the home. If there is a doctor that had recently seen the individual often they will sign the death certificate without needing to order an autopsy but often times when a person passes at home from unknown circumstances the medical examiner/county coroner must be involved to determine if an autopsy is necessary.
are you two in the US? I Had to have the county attorney sign the death certificate since no dr was there for the death and autopsy not required and not done.
post #29 of 52
Quote:
sounds like fun to me.
I am certain none of any of it would be fun. I would handle it however I felt was best for my family, and that may or may not include the standard of calling somebody.

Quote:
Unless you're a hermit during your pregnancy, surely someone will have seen you pregnant, and then wonder why you have no baby.
I never said that I wouldn't explain to people that my baby had died. Do people who have seen you pregnant ask you to see the death certificate? I doubt it.
post #30 of 52
It's not a standard, it's a legal requirement. A previous poster has confirmed that in the US, as in PR and my own country, it is legally obliged that you record the death of a baby born after 24 weeks gestation. By talking about making a choice about what's best for your family, you are talking about breaking the law.
IME, that day is going to be hell on earth anyhow. So will the next, and then the next. It took me a long time before I stopped grieving the little details of her birth, the cutting of her cord, the attempts to resuscitate her that HAD to be given though we all knew it wasn't possible, and realised that that wasn't what I was angry about. I was focussing on the individual memories because it stopped me thinking about the really big fact that my child was dead.
post #31 of 52
I affirm that lots of families would want to keep this to themselves as a private affair.
post #32 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by flapjack View Post
It's not a standard, it's a legal requirement. A previous poster has confirmed that in the US, as in PR and my own country, it is legally obliged that you record the death of a baby born after 24 weeks gestation. By talking about making a choice about what's best for your family, you are talking about breaking the law.
IME, that day is going to be hell on earth anyhow. So will the next, and then the next. It took me a long time before I stopped grieving the little details of her birth, the cutting of her cord, the attempts to resuscitate her that HAD to be given though we all knew it wasn't possible, and realised that that wasn't what I was angry about. I was focussing on the individual memories because it stopped me thinking about the really big fact that my child was dead.
flapjack, your post just brought tears to my eyes. Hugs to you! And I agree with your post. As an EMT and RN I was called to a stillbirth at home and although we tried everything under the sun to help the baby out, he was gone. The other EMTs and I allowed the mother, father and baby to be alone as long as they wanted, the mom was in no distress physically and I know it is not the same, but I feel comforted knowing at least she had those few precious moments alone with her family until we had to take over. I am very sorry for your loss mama flapjack
post #33 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cuddlebaby View Post
are you two in the US? I Had to have the county attorney sign the death certificate since no dr was there for the death and autopsy not required and not done.
Yes, we are in Illinois.
post #34 of 52
Quote:
It's not a standard, it's a legal requirement
I know that flapjack. I would however, break the law for many reasons if it felt right and if it was the best thing for my family. I wouldn't expect anyone else to feel this way though, and I respect whatever choice any family would make in this situation. It's just that the law would not be my primary concern.

I'm very sorry for your loss.
post #35 of 52
I'd like to add here ~ I'm only posting in response to the original posters questions. This is the UC forum and there are going to be mamas here who may go about things in an unusual way, or perhaps a way that is not considered the norm. (or even in alignment with laws). This is not a commentary on what anyone has done or should do, it is simply said to show the possibilities for some.
post #36 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama in the forest View Post
I know that flapjack. I would however, break the law for many reasons if it felt right and if it was the best thing for my family. I wouldn't expect anyone else to feel this way though, and I respect whatever choice any family would make in this situation. It's just that the law would not be my primary concern.
While I understand your desire to keep things private please understand if you choose to not report the death of an infant that is born after the age of viability there is a chance that you could be prosecuted if anyone ever finds out about the death of your child and that you did not report it. I would think that notifying authorities at the time of death would be much easier than having to explain at a later date why you did not notify the state at the time of death.
post #37 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by lolalola View Post
Yeah, this.

Or, just go to the hospital when you are in labour. You seem to be concerned.
I think this is a legitimate question, and it's good to ask it ahead of time. It might seem like she is expressing doubts with UC, but I would wager most pregnant women have worried about something happening to their babies, and have wondered how they would handle it, no matter where they choose to give birth. And we all know that babies can be stillborn or die at birth, no matter how much we do to avoid that situation.
post #38 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by Unoppressed MAMA Q View Post
I affirm that lots of families would want to keep this to themselves as a private affair.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama in the forest View Post
I know that flapjack. I would however, break the law for many reasons if it felt right and if it was the best thing for my family. I wouldn't expect anyone else to feel this way though, and I respect whatever choice any family would make in this situation. It's just that the law would not be my primary concern.

I'm very sorry for your loss.
ITA with both of you.
post #39 of 52
I got this from my Bradley materials (written by Martha Kirtley):

1. Hold the baby. If it is stillborn or deformed, still hold your baby. Look for the good things - pretty hair, beautiful skin, texture, nice features, etc. This may seem very painful at the time, but will be very important to you later.

2. Keep one or more mementoes of your baby. Clothes, toys, footprints, photos, something. Later on, you will want these.

3. Name your baby.

4. Hold a memorial service for your baby. If you cannot face a full-flegded funeral service, hold a private, family service in a small chapel or home. This will help you say goodbye.

5. Realize that both of you may feel unusual physical and or emotional effects of the grief. It is very common to have sleep or appetite dsiturbances following such an experience.

6. Realize that each person grieves differently. Everyone works through the process of morning at different rates. This is normal, but can cause maritial difficulties if not recognized. Even if baby survives, you may go through a process resembling mourning. Hang on and try to keep communicating with each other.

7. Wait to start another pregnancy until you are fully recovered... Each child is different and you cannot replace a sick or dead baby.

8. Get in touch with a support group. There are increasing numbers of support groups all over the country. Call local social/psychiatic/information services to find one in your area.
post #40 of 52
Thread Starter 
So far this thread has become quite informative. I am thankful for all the honest answers and for the answers showing how the law works as well. Since I live in a (small) city, I would definitely have to have the death confirmed if it should sadly happen.

I personally feel that it is possible we would feel up to driving our child to the hospital rather than calling an ambulance especially since we don't have insurance and I live 2 minutes from the hospital in a place with low traffic. We will study up on infant CPR and all that before the birth but I do not feel that an ambulance would make a huge difference in my case (depending on the emergency.)

Would it be legal for my husband to drive our child to the hospital rather than call 911 in case there is an emergency?
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