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Anybody else not told their dh yet?  

post #1 of 29
9/1/08 at 2:17pm
Thread Starter 
This is number 4 for us, and I just haven't told him yet. We've gone through a really rough patch not too long ago, but lately it's been so much better, and I'm enjoying it the way it is right now. Not that I think having a baby is really going to change that, but I just don't feel like telling him yet. So the only people that know right now are those of you in internet land Enough from me, anybody else?


PS I'm not planning on telling my family for awhile either
post #2 of 29
9/1/08 at 5:04pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by kangaroomum25 View Post
This is number 4 for us, and I just haven't told him yet. We've gone through a really rough patch not too long ago, but lately it's been so much better, and I'm enjoying it the way it is right now. Not that I think having a baby is really going to change that, but I just don't feel like telling him yet. So the only people that know right now are those of you in internet land Enough from me, anybody else?


PS I'm not planning on telling my family for awhile either

I haven't told my DH either. He is turning 50 this year and I've been off and on teasing him about having another baby... we mc in May, so I'm just keeping my mouth shut for now. I know he won't be super excited, but I really am. He was relieved that I mc, although he never said anything, I know he was. I was really really sad and bummed out.
I just love having babies and raising kids. It's the hardest job EVER and I still love it. I think maybe DH will be more receptive when the three oldest are in school, which starts tomorrow. Then it's just the 3yr old at home and things will be much quieter for him.
Sometimes I think I'll wait till I start showing b4 I tell him, but then that doesn't seem right either. I always told him right away b4.
Right now, I'm only 3 days "late" so he has no clue and no reason to notice anything amiss. He might figure it out, though, as smells really make me sick easily when I'm prego, and usually I have an iron stomach.

Still on the fence as to when to tell him.... sigh.
- Jen
post #3 of 29
9/1/08 at 9:34pm
My DH knows, I cannot even imagine having the self control to keep a secret like that LOL
post #4 of 29
9/2/08 at 12:02am
Thread Starter 
That's my main thing fairydoula, my dh has just never been really excited and I am. I'm just not ready for him to rain on my parade yet Oh, I noticed in another thread you were already having round ligament pains, I'm so glad I'm not the only one, I thought I was crazy and imagining things!
post #5 of 29
9/2/08 at 1:12am
Haha, nope. I had him check the pee stick!
post #6 of 29
9/2/08 at 4:16am
I don't think that my DH would forgive me if he knew I was keeping something like that a secret. But that's just him.
post #7 of 29
9/2/08 at 8:14am
Quote:
Originally Posted by RomanGoddess View Post
I don't think that my DH would forgive me if he knew I was keeping something like that a secret. But that's just him.
I'm pretty sure DH would be the same way, he wouldn't even be able to comprehend any reasons why I wouldn't tell him since it's his baby too. He was just as excited as I was about TTC.
post #8 of 29
9/2/08 at 10:39am
I waited 6 days after my first BFP (at 12 dpo) to tell my DH. The pregnancy was a surprise and I was really nervous about how he would react. To my great relief, he is thrilled and any worries he's having he has the sense to keep to himself right now! I did tell a small lie though when he asked me how long I had known. . ."oh, a few days."
post #9 of 29
9/2/08 at 10:50am
Quote:
Originally Posted by MotherMama View Post
I'm pretty sure DH would be the same way, he wouldn't even be able to comprehend any reasons why I wouldn't tell him since it's his baby too. He was just as excited as I was about TTC.
Perhaps it's just a bit different when you're expecting #5, unexpectedly, and he's turning 50 and you know he will not be thrilled. I'd rather him NOT rain on my parade just yet.
With #2, I was thrilled to tell him the instant the pee stick turned a very very faint blue. He was only mildly happy even though we'd been trying. He's just not an exuberant parent of infants. He's a great dad, but not thrilled about babies and poop and potty training and sleepless nights (even though I bf and I'm awake, not him). He's great when they're more self-sufficient.
- Jen
post #10 of 29
9/2/08 at 11:27am
Quote:
Originally Posted by fairydoula View Post
Perhaps it's just a bit different when you're expecting #5, unexpectedly, and he's turning 50 and you know he will not be thrilled. I'd rather him NOT rain on my parade just yet.
My DH is 51 and feels exactly the same as your DH. This will be his third child, my second. I think, though, that he just doesn't like information being kept from him, no matter how uncomfortable he is with the info. The last pregnancy, I told him two days after I got a BFP because I wanted to have confirmation from blood tests first, and he was visibly annoyed that I hadn't told him right away.

This time, I told him two minutes after I got the BFP on a stick, at 6AM on a Sunday (my sweet justice ). His response: "Couldn't you have waited an hour and let me sleep a little longer."
post #11 of 29
9/3/08 at 3:18am
Quote:
Originally Posted by RomanGoddess View Post
My DH is 51 and feels exactly the same as your DH. This will be his third child, my second. I think, though, that he just doesn't like information being kept from him, no matter how uncomfortable he is with the info. The last pregnancy, I told him two days after I got a BFP because I wanted to have confirmation from blood tests first, and he was visibly annoyed that I hadn't told him right away.

This time, I told him two minutes after I got the BFP on a stick, at 6AM on a Sunday (my sweet justice ). His response: "Couldn't you have waited an hour and let me sleep a little longer."
revenge... best served at 6am. lolol. Thanks for that laugh, felt good! I am probably more the person who prefers to know everything instantly. He is pretty easy going. Since this baby seems to be sticking, and I am still holding my breath a little about that.... I will still be pregnant next week, or the week after that too... so I know him well enough to know that he won't be mad at all to know that I was waiting to see if things were a "go" or not before telling him. I have miscarried several times in our marriage and I was very upset in May when I mc last. He does not mind giving me space at times when I need it, so if he does ask, which he probably won't, I'll just tell him the truth, that I needed time to process that we were actually going to have another baby, that I wanted to wait till I was sure it was going really happen before I said anything to him. He won't know, or care, actually, that I've told my online friends prior to that.
My concern is that he eventually is happy about having just one more. I think it will be a little easier to accept once he has gotten used to the kids being back in school and the house being quiet again.
- Jen
post #12 of 29
9/3/08 at 3:43am
Thread Starter 
Well, I told mine tonight, he first said, "you told me it was safe" which I didn't for the night it happened, he just didn't ask (sorry if tmi)
Then he said "oh well"

He did come rub my back and hug me after he realised how upset I was with his reaction.
post #13 of 29
9/3/08 at 9:56am
kangaroomum, I'm sorry he wasn't more positive. Here's hoping he comes around soon.
post #14 of 29
9/3/08 at 6:25pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by kangaroomum25 View Post
Well, I told mine tonight, he first said, "you told me it was safe" which I didn't for the night it happened, he just didn't ask (sorry if tmi)
Then he said "oh well"

He did come rub my back and hug me after he realised how upset I was with his reaction.
men's brains just work differently. They don't think of it as a BABY yet, it's more like a new set of problems and challenges that have suddenly, without warning, been thrust upon them. They start thinking about how much it will cost, what will be expected of them, what if you're not ok, health-wise, what if this, what if that.
It's kinda like getting a new job that you didn't want, for no pay and a lot more stress than you had before. Plus it's a mysterious job in which you're often not sure of the rules or expectations.
hope that helps a little.
dh and I have talked about this kind of thing before, the way men think vs. women.

- Jen
post #15 of 29
9/3/08 at 6:50pm
No DH here, but I did tell my donor within a few hours.

I was in a long term relationship though, so I understand why some of you are hesitant to share just yet.

You all know your partners best, follow your instincts and I'm sure all will work out fine.
post #16 of 29
9/4/08 at 9:31am
I hesitated to tell my husband. I wondered if I should have waited until the first trimester was over, so as not to get him "excited" over nothing. Also, I wasn't very happy when I found out. I'm over 40 and and thought I would start to get my life in order now that my 4 yr old is at school all day.....hah!

I waited until I was happier about the news, which took 4 days....he was VERY happy, but a little sad that I wasn't happier and I asked him if I should have waited to tell him, but he said no, he wouldn't have liked that.
I won't tell everyone else though yet...I'm much more hesitant to say anything this time around. Now of course, if I lost the baby, I would be very sad...go figure.
post #17 of 29
9/5/08 at 10:39am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by fairydoula View Post
men's brains just work differently. They don't think of it as a BABY yet, it's more like a new set of problems and challenges that have suddenly, without warning, been thrust upon them. They start thinking about how much it will cost, what will be expected of them, what if you're not ok, health-wise, what if this, what if that.
It's kinda like getting a new job that you didn't want, for no pay and a lot more stress than you had before. Plus it's a mysterious job in which you're often not sure of the rules or expectations.
hope that helps a little.
dh and I have talked about this kind of thing before, the way men think vs. women.

- Jen
That does help fairydoula, thanks.
post #18 of 29
9/5/08 at 10:48am
Quote:
Originally Posted by kangaroomum25 View Post
This is number 4 for us, and I just haven't told him yet. We've gone through a really rough patch not too long ago, but lately it's been so much better, and I'm enjoying it the way it is right now. Not that I think having a baby is really going to change that, but I just don't feel like telling him yet. So the only people that know right now are those of you in internet land Enough from me, anybody else?


PS I'm not planning on telling my family for awhile either
For us, I told DH immediately. BUT...I am not planning to tell family. I will tell my friends at 12 weeks, if they don't figure it out by way of internet land first or by my body changes. As for family, they weren't happy for me when I announced #2 and it hurt my feelings so, if they see me and notice, then I will tell them, but if they don't they will find out when baby comes.
post #19 of 29
9/5/08 at 1:08pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by fairydoula View Post
Perhaps it's just a bit different when you're expecting #5, unexpectedly, and he's turning 50 and you know he will not be thrilled. I'd rather him NOT rain on my parade just yet.
Sounds a bit like me: #5 - check; unexpected - big check; Turning 50 - nope, but he's turning 41 and he thinks he's ancient. The difference is that I'm not sure how I feel yet. I mean, give me time, and I know I'll get excited. I just found out. I can't keep it from him though, so I'm off to tell him now.
post #20 of 29
9/5/08 at 2:39pm
we were trying and I was charting, which DH had to listen to my little beeping thermometer every morning, so, I told him as soon as I knew.
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