How to explain to the in-laws - Page 3

[Kiddoson]

we say, he can't be born wrong and we won't remove anything. it's really none of their business.....

[Arduinna]

the owner of the penis gets to decide

[Breeder]

Me, I'd just raise an eyebrow and say, "Is there a reason you're so interested in my unborn son's penis?" Seriously, why do people think you can just casually bring up another person's genitals in conversation. Since when is to circ or not a decision that grandparents are involved in?

Thankfully my mom had all girls and has no opinion on circ and MIL has sense enough to keep her trap shut.

[KBecks]

Originally Posted by Super Pickle

I'd just say "It's not recommended anymore. " That is a very simple statement of fact that doesn't hurt anybody's feelings or place blame on anyone. There's no need to get ugly. If she persists with medical myths you can continue, "Well, the doctors say that the potential benefits are so small they don't outweigh the risks and side effects, so they don't recommend it anymore." If she persists with social reasons you might say, "Well, since it's not medically necessary, we don't think that social reasons are enough to put him through that."

I like this approach.

[Microsoap]

I'd say:

Circumcision is:

- a human rights violation (if you want to just say "unethical", go right ahead)
- a 100% unnecessary, permanent cosmetic surgery
- it's sexually damaging (removes 50% of the penile skin, the nerve endings that provide sensitivity, the protective nature of the glans)
- it's counter-active to the natural sexual intercourse process

If you'd like anymore education, please let me know because I'd be more than happy to share it with you.

[becoming]

I don't think you should be explaining anything about your son's genitals to his grandparents. If they start in about it, just say, "You're welcome to have this discussion with him when he's old enough to express his opinion on his own body parts."

[CoopersMommy0308]

My IL's asked if we were circ'ing our son and I told them No. When they asked why I just told them that in this day and age it was no longer recommended and an unnecessary cosmetic SURGERY that I was not willing to put my son through. Fortunately they never brought it up again.

[ThundersCry]

I just embarrassed my ILs, but we can talk like that. I knew she is very pro-circ, so when she said, EW why wouldn't you circ? I just ignored all the reasons I knew she thought we SHOULD circ so it wouldn't be a debate, and said, well my son is going to have a much pleasurable sex life as a result, would you deny your grandchild that? And it actually opened the discussion on my turf, lmao. AND gave my SIL the courage not to circ her son, even though her DH is not circed, she wanted to.

[Frankly Speaking]

Originally Posted by hakunangovi

I totaly agree with the points of view of Ensemble and Purplestraws. Refusing to discuss the issue is counterproductive in every way. As mentioned, this is not a response any one of us would appreciate if we were trying to educate someone on the benefits of intactness. Not only that, it is a perfect opportunity to educate and change some elses mindset. Who knows, you might create another intactivist instead of a disgruntled and miffed pro-circer.

I somewhat disagree with you on this. Those who are arguing for circumcision are trying to convince or "sell" you on circumcising your child. They are setting up an argument to try to get you to change your mind. Rarely are they seeking education and rarely will they accept it. If you have a desire to educate them, you can feel them out and see where they are headed and if you see they are stubbornly holding to their beliefs, you are only going to feed their advocacy and the argument will go on and on even long after the child is born in some cases. Many pregnant mother's hormone levels are simply too high to graciously accept the challenge of arguing with these people.

If you don't feel you can hold up your end of the argument or if you feel it will affect your emotions too much, the best approach is simply say "We have thoroughly researched the decision and the decision is made and will not change. If they continue to try to argue the decision, simply repeat "The decision is made and will not change." It is rare that anyone will pursue it past the second repetition.

An educational opportunity is one thing and an on-going argument with an intransigent person is quite another.



Frank