She's not at the point of PPD yet, just "baby blues," but she's miserable and my mother (who lives nearby) didn't really know how to help.
She's very mainstream and had a vaginal birth with an epidural, and she has been having some serious bonding issues with her baby. She's scared of him (not normal scared) and wants to just go back to work and get away from him and it's only been three days since he was born.
There are several reasons I believe she might be having trouble, but they can't (or won't) be changed, so maybe you all might have some insight on ways she might be able to bond with her baby a bit better.
Here are the issues I think *may* have contributed to her current problem:
-medicated conventional hospital birth with no encouraged bonding
-mother-in-law refused to give her privacy with her baby in the hospital
-she will not breastfeed no matter what we tell her because she feels her breasts "belong to her husband" (PLEASE don't get me started on that)
-she is at least trying to exclusively pump for baby and after trying to FF once gave up because it made her baby sick
-husband is understanding during the day, but gets snippy with her in the evenings when baby wakes him up constantly
-does not hold her baby skin-to-skin, only swaddled up tight
-does not hold her baby very often and usually keeps him in a bassinet
-almost no private time with her baby, people constantly visiting, also she just left today with a 3-day-old to drive from TX to Louisianna to be with husband's family IN A HURRICANE! She went because they wanted to see the baby and because she didn't want to be alone while hubby is away for 6 weeks on a job he has to take (no choice)
Some of these might be causes and some might be symptoms of her baby blues.
My mother tells me that she's constantly crying and apologizing to people for everything including getting help with the baby, the baby crying, taking up people's time, the baby's poop smelling - anything. She sounds really stressed to me. She is also extremely terrified of SIDS and my mother says she checks in the baby's bassinet every five minutes or so to make sure he's breathing.
My advice was:
-hold the baby as much as you can and try a wrap so you can hold him close and he will cry less and you won't have to keep running to the bassinet to check on him
-instead of waiting for him to cry from hunger and then pump and THEN give him a bottle (by which time he is crying inconsolably), have a bottle from your last pumping already made up in the fridge and warm it up the moment he starts to stir and wake up from a nap.
-let the baby nap laying against your chest while you sit, read, watch TV, whatever. My mother showed her how well he sleeps when she does this.
-and of COURSE see a medical professional if things don't get better. She's not depressed, just a sad, stressed new mom.
I think it's really important that she take a little time alone to bond with him and just rest and relax, but she doesn't seem to want to do that for some reason. I just thought you other ladies might have thought of some things I missed that could help a mom bond with a baby she wasn't able to bond with after birth. I know it can be hard sometimes for moms to learn to bond with their babies after trauma or stress or other issues.
She's very mainstream and had a vaginal birth with an epidural, and she has been having some serious bonding issues with her baby. She's scared of him (not normal scared) and wants to just go back to work and get away from him and it's only been three days since he was born.
There are several reasons I believe she might be having trouble, but they can't (or won't) be changed, so maybe you all might have some insight on ways she might be able to bond with her baby a bit better.
Here are the issues I think *may* have contributed to her current problem:
-medicated conventional hospital birth with no encouraged bonding
-mother-in-law refused to give her privacy with her baby in the hospital
-she will not breastfeed no matter what we tell her because she feels her breasts "belong to her husband" (PLEASE don't get me started on that)
-she is at least trying to exclusively pump for baby and after trying to FF once gave up because it made her baby sick
-husband is understanding during the day, but gets snippy with her in the evenings when baby wakes him up constantly
-does not hold her baby skin-to-skin, only swaddled up tight
-does not hold her baby very often and usually keeps him in a bassinet
-almost no private time with her baby, people constantly visiting, also she just left today with a 3-day-old to drive from TX to Louisianna to be with husband's family IN A HURRICANE! She went because they wanted to see the baby and because she didn't want to be alone while hubby is away for 6 weeks on a job he has to take (no choice)
Some of these might be causes and some might be symptoms of her baby blues.
My mother tells me that she's constantly crying and apologizing to people for everything including getting help with the baby, the baby crying, taking up people's time, the baby's poop smelling - anything. She sounds really stressed to me. She is also extremely terrified of SIDS and my mother says she checks in the baby's bassinet every five minutes or so to make sure he's breathing.
My advice was:
-hold the baby as much as you can and try a wrap so you can hold him close and he will cry less and you won't have to keep running to the bassinet to check on him
-instead of waiting for him to cry from hunger and then pump and THEN give him a bottle (by which time he is crying inconsolably), have a bottle from your last pumping already made up in the fridge and warm it up the moment he starts to stir and wake up from a nap.
-let the baby nap laying against your chest while you sit, read, watch TV, whatever. My mother showed her how well he sleeps when she does this.
-and of COURSE see a medical professional if things don't get better. She's not depressed, just a sad, stressed new mom.
I think it's really important that she take a little time alone to bond with him and just rest and relax, but she doesn't seem to want to do that for some reason. I just thought you other ladies might have thought of some things I missed that could help a mom bond with a baby she wasn't able to bond with after birth. I know it can be hard sometimes for moms to learn to bond with their babies after trauma or stress or other issues.
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