UPDATE!! Desperate plea for AP-friendly daycare in the cities

[BostonianBaby]

I just picked DS up from his first half-day at the home daycare we chose, and I'm devastated. Although this provider claimed not to use CIO, it's obvious that DS spent a good deal of time screaming his head off. His little eyes were red, he had snot on his face (he NEVER has either of these things), and he was oddly subdued and listless. The provider said he was just "adjusting," and when I asked if he was left to cry, she said "well that's the only way you can get them to take a nap." I cried the whole way home, for both of us.

None of the centers in the area that were recommended to us (U of M, Miniapple) have openings until May at the earliest, and I couldn't find any home care providers who seemed willing to use an AP approach with DS. The place he went today seemed closest, but I guess not.

Here's our situation: DS is 8 months old, and we just moved here a month ago so DH can start a grad. program. I'm generally the breadwinner, though I'm still interviewing for a position. I figured I'd ease DS into daycare with a few half days, since he's so used to being held, getting lots of attention and interaction, etc. Now I'm almost terrified to get a job offer, because I don't know what I'll do about daycare. I would love to just stay home with him, but we can't afford that with DH being in school.

Does anyone know of any AP-friendly daycares that might have an opening? I'm truly desperate. We're located in St. Paul near Como Park, but I'm willing to drive quite a ways for a good provider. PLEASE, PLEASE help me. I cannot bring myself to take him back there.

[Tine]

I don't live near you and don't know of any daycares near you, but I couldn't read your post without responding. What a horrible feeling.

I know other mamas will respond with good ideas for you. Until then, hang in there and I'll be sending you supportive vibes.

[rkmom]

I used to have a home daycare in the cities when I lived down there and couldn't read without a hug . How horrible of that person! I made sure the parents understood upfront that I was geared toward AP when I interviewed.

Have you called your local CCR&R to get a list of available daycares in the area? You can point blank ask them in your phone interview. If they know what "AP" stands for, you might put them on your short list, if not....write them off. You are bound to find a mama out there who is relieved that there is another mom NOT wanting their child to scream to sleep. I always HATED hearing those cries!

I'm so sorry you had to go through that mama. What a shame.

[Yuki]

Wow your poor poor baby...and poor you. I know you don't want to, just make sure you don't send him back there. What a horrible experience for the both of you.

When my husband was in school I too was the breadwinner. I worked while he was not in class.(I had to find a second shift position) And the days he just couldn't give all his attention to our baby we would have an undergraduate come to our house to watch our little guy. The thing is my husband was there most of the time.

Much luck to you. I hope you can work something out for your little guys sake.

[Ophelia]

How awful I would think that in the immediate St. Paul/Mpls area there would be more AP daycares. I live in Lakeville and it's pretty much all mainstream out here.

Our first daycare was 6 houses away from us. It was OK at first, but she HATED the cloth dipes and announced (didn't ask) that she was getting him on a 'feeding schedule' (pumped milk) which I did not like, because that meant she was either going to fill him too full in order to get it to last longer, or starve him until she was ready to feed him! I knew I had to find somewhere else and she ended up writing a 'dear john' letter, so it saved me from having to do that. Then we went to our current daycare, who is also mainstream but flexible. When there is a behavioral problem we work with each other for ideas to try and take care of it, etc. When he was younger I don't really know for sure if she ever let him CIO but I never saw any signs of it.

What I would do:

Keep looking for a job for yourself, it may be a while anyways with the rough market out there. Plus, if you find a good match they may be willing to work with you until you find good daycare

Don't settle for a daycare you are not sure about. Can you afford a nanny or au pair? There is a daycare website you can check for listings, I can't remember what it is right now.

And yes, I would pull him out of the current one right away.

[Tine]

I'm back with an idea....

Our beloved babysitter is a teacher at Pathways to Play (a school/center in Inver Grove Heights): http://pathwaystoplay.org. I have no personal experience with this school, but Nicole (our babysitter) can't say enough good things about it and the directors. It's a fairly new program, so maybe there's hope of finding an infant opening there.

I hope you're having some luck in your search, and that today has been a better day than yesterday was.

[MsMoMpls]

Are you a member of the local API group? There are a lot of mommas on there that do childcare or know providers. I would join (because it is a wonderful group) and then ask for help.

http://www.orgsites.com/tn/twincitiesapi/index.html

Maureen

[BostonianBaby]

Update!! I was able to find a woman starting an AP daycare about 15 min. from here. She watched DS today while I went to an interview, and it went GREAT. For naptime she brought her own son and DS into the family bed and they all napped together. I'm sooooooooo happy and relieved! :

Apparently this woman used to own her own daycare but took about a year off when her son was born, and now she's starting back up but only taking on 3 or 4 kids (including her own). She breastfeeds, cosleeps, makes her own baby food, etc. I just got a really great vibe when I interviewed her on Wed, her references checked out, and she was all for watching him today...so it all worked out beautifully. She's also flexible with regard to him starting full-time, so I have some time to hash out this job stuff.

I also wanted to say how incredibly grateful I am to everyone who responded to my post. It's just terrible to feel like you aren't providing the best for your child, particularly in a new place where you don't know many people. I SO appreciate the support and suggestions.

[Tine]

Yay! :

I'm so glad to hear things have taken a turn for the better. MDC does rock -- especially this tribe. Can't tell you how much it has helped me over the years.

[studentmama]

Oh I am so happy you found something!

[guestmama9904]

glad you found someone to watch your babe.
for others looking for childcare i have two recomendation:

Greenspoon childcare, in Uptown run by daycare vet Chrissy Mahaffy (i think 25+ years in bussiness). her # i think, is 612-379-4973 and she is amazing. she was my care provider when i was a kid and my son went there for 3 years. she uses cloth diapers and all food is made from scratch and organic. they go outside everyday for long periods of time, they say non-denominational blessing before eating, she does not punish kids, its all ages from 1.5-6 years and i just love her. also she is an artist and the kids do art everyday including sewing their own dolls! oh and for those on daycare assistance through the state she does accept it even though their payrate is 20 less than she asks paying folks for.

also i live near Jardin Magico (spelling?) on minnehaha in mpls and it is a bilingual care center and they use cloth diapers and i have heard great things about them. here's there website, with pics of the yummy organic baby food they make included! http://www.jardinmagico.org/aboutus.html:

[tigermiep]

arismama-- could you check the link? it sounds like a great place to know about if DP can't stay home with our wee one for some reason...

[deditus]

It looks like the code for the smilie attached itself. Here it is:

http://www.jardinmagico.org/aboutus.html

[sweetasaurus]

Originally Posted by arismama!

glad you found someone to watch your babe.
for others looking for childcare i have two recomendation:

Greenspoon childcare, in Uptown run by daycare vet Chrissy Mahaffy (i think 25+ years in bussiness). her # i think, is 612-379-4973 and she is amazing. she was my care provider when i was a kid and my son went there for 3 years. she uses cloth diapers and all food is made from scratch and organic. they go outside everyday for long periods of time, they say non-denominational blessing before eating, she does not punish kids, its all ages from 1.5-6 years and i just love her. also she is an artist and the kids do art everyday including sewing their own dolls! oh and for those on daycare assistance through the state she does accept it even though their payrate is 20 less than she asks paying folks for.

also i live near Jardin Magico (spelling?) on minnehaha in mpls and it is a bilingual care center and they use cloth diapers and i have heard great things about them. here's there website, with pics of the yummy organic baby food they make included! http://www.jardinmagico.org/aboutus.html:

Greenspoon sounds great, but as far as jardin magico goes i have had one friend and two neighbors take their kids out of jardin magico due to not liking it. The main theme with each of the three families was that the owners were not responsive to parent concerns, and that in general the husband owner can be difficult to deal with.

I have been disappointed to hear these negative things about it, because I think there is such a need for bilingual childcare.