OMG...wwyd? 13 year old smoking pot... - Page 2

[BedHead]

So if he says he's on his way over there and walks out the door, what will you do? And what's to stop him from doing what I did and just climbing out his window when you don't know?

I know these are your decisions to make, and I respect that. I am just preaching caution based on my own experience, both as a teen myself and as a mom of teens. Forbidding things and punishing harshly can result in rebellion, much more easily IME than being lenient.

[anitaj71]

There is always a fine line 'us' parents walk with punishing too harshly or not punishing enough and that's where our intuition and attachment to our kids come in. Making the op wrong for how she is parenting her child cannot be very helpful. She knows her son and his nature the best and if this is how she is dealing with it then I trust that mama knows best in this situation.

I love Barbara Colorasos book ( I spelled her name wrong . . ) "Kids Matter" and she talks about the brick wall parent, the jellyfish parent and the backbone parent. I think the names are pretty self explanetory. She also talks a lot about natural consequences. When there isn't a natural consequence or if it's illegal,immoral or unhealthy a parent has to step in and deliver the 'consequence'.

Parenting teens is hard and so complicated. I wish nothing but the best for you mama, good luck.

[operamommy]

Oh geez. This situation is one of my worst nightmares. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

We have a zero tolerance policy around here as well. I know that lots of people have no problem with pot, but my ex-husband was one of those people who just couldn't smoke and still be "ok" kwim? He'd spend grocery money on it, etc.

Best of luck to you, mama. *hugs*

[NaomiMcC]

Originally Posted by BedHead

So if he says he's on his way over there and walks out the door, what will you do? And what's to stop him from doing what I did and just climbing out his window when you don't know?....

If he chooses to make that choice and completely disregard what the rules are then he just has to remember (and he knows this): disregard what we would and the favour is returned. Which means: break the rules and he gets nothing: no rides into town, no spending money, nothing. Basically his revoked priviledges will remain revoked. Until he earns our respect and trust again, he gets SQUAT.

As for climbing out the window? I highly doubt that. His room is rightnextoours and everyting in this house squeaks. He would never be able to take the screen off and sneak out without us hearing. I'm an incredibly light sleeper. He'd get his ass busted. That and I get up twice a night to pee. I can see him on the way to the can.

A little off topic...but that reminds me of a story of a friend of mine who's daughter snuck out one night and took off to her boyfriend's. Right after a fresh snowfall. Yup. We just followed her footprints at 2 in the morning. LOL!

[frog]

Originally Posted by odenata

Doesn't she become her business when that other kid is giving her son drugs and it's obvious that her parents aren't going to step in and stop it?

I don't think so, no. I think threatening the kid with the cops is outside of the boundaries of what's acceptable in this situation.

Frankly, the poster has no idea where her son got the pot. For all we know, he supplied her.

To sum up, I'm not a fan of threatening kids with the cops--not if I had my own, and CERTAINLY not someone else's, particularly for something like pot.

[frog]

Originally Posted by odenata

No, but she's the one giving it to the OP's son, and as far as I can tell, this isn't about him seeking out drugs but about him smoking pot to be friends with her.

You have no idea whether that's true or not.

[paquerette]

So if you took away all his priveliges, other friends, leisure activities etc... what else does he have to do but smoke pot and drink? I grew up in a rather depressed rural place, and that was why anyone who did those things did them... because they were bored. Kids need, if you'll forgive the cliche', an "anti-drug."

[nextcommercial]

I'm not comfortable with a 13 and a 17 year old hanging out alone. I know the 11yr old MAY have been there, but maybe not.

A family friend is going through this same thing. Only it got worse. He's 12, she's 16. She's pregnant, and claims that this boy is the father. They want to press charges agains the 16 year old, but haven't yet. The girl wants to have and keep the baby, and wants the boy to be involved with the baby. He's terrified and wants nothing to do with a baby. (but, he knew having sex could make a baby)

The kids were smoking pot together, the boy's mom was O.K with this because the boy wasn't paying for it, and they were in the neighborhood, so it wasn't unsafe.

[chiromamma]

Originally Posted by paquerette

So if you took away all his priveliges, other friends, leisure activities etc... what else does he have to do but smoke pot and drink? I grew up in a rather depressed rural place, and that was why anyone who did those things did them... because they were bored. Kids need, if you'll forgive the cliche', an "anti-drug."

I agree with this. I grew up on military posts and this is why military kids were such big partiers. You live in the middle of nowhere, knowing no one. It's a sure way to fit in.
I would strive to provide a balance of consequence with a rich alternative to pot smoking. I've posted often about my deep belief in the role that sports, service & spiritual practice play in a teen's life. My teen is young (13) and we make sure we offer her meaningful experiences with the intent of her choosing not to do drugs. So far she's very candid and is clear she has no interest right now.

[NaomiMcC]

Okay...he got the pot from the girl. It's her stash, her parents let her smoke it at their house. She smokes it with them. Frick...they buy it FOR HER!!! Her mother told me this directly. I also found out he was drinking as well. One beer, but drinking nonetheless.

He's grounded for one month. And FWIW, he's a good kid: A Honour Roll and involved in both basketball, soccer and until recently (our squadron was just shut down) Air Cadets. He's polite and actually a good kid - which is why we're nipping this in the 'bud' (HA!) right now before it goes any further.

nextcommercial: Exactly our fear.

[frog]

Originally Posted by chiromamma

I would strive to provide ... a rich alternative to pot smoking.

For a kid who's tried pot, I'm curious as to what that might look like.

[chiromamma]

Originally Posted by frog

For a kid who's tried pot, I'm curious as to what that might look like.

Quite frankly, from personal experience there are many things that feel better than getting high. Kirtan, meditation, sweat lodges, breaking a board with your fist, fire walks, glass walks...breakthrough experiences that a person accomplishes with their own body and mind.
Doing selfless service, climbing a mountain, backcountry camping, rock climbing, participating in governement and activism.
Jeez. Pot's not all that great.

[nextcommercial]

Originally Posted by chiromamma

fire walks,

glass walks


Pot's not all that great.

I agree that Pot is not all that great. It's fun to experience, but in reality, it just made me too tired and careless to have any fun.

Still.. An Aerosmith concert wouldn't be the same with at least the SMELL of pot in the area.


But... Firewalking? And Glasswalking? I'm pretty sure they don't offer that class at L.A Fitness, and I serioulsy doubt I could get my teenager to do that.

Idunno though. Maybe different parts of the country have different "cool new" fitness activities. In the Southwest, Dirtbike racing and indoor rock climbing are the popular thing.

[chiromamma]

There's nothing cool and new about it. People have been overcoming their perceived limitations of their bodies through their minds for centuries. There are programs specifically for teens that offer these opportunities.
And, they're not for everyone.

[frog]

Originally Posted by chiromamma

Jeez. Pot's not all that great.

I never said that it was, I was just interested in how you'd frame that for a young teen who's curious enough to try it.

[Shann]

I'm sorry, but I just think the OP way over-reacted to this. In the big scheme of things, pot smoking isnt that big of a deal.

[~Mom2thhts~]

Move.

[PJJ]

Sorry mama

Sounds like you have received many responses from pot smoking mamas and that has clouded their responses and characterized your "over the top" behavior. A teenager is a teenager is a teenager, not an adult YET. Things that begin during teenage years do shape adults.

I think you have responded well. The only suggestion is maybe not confront the girl teen and just call the cops. She has already been warned by her parents via the cell.

Hope things get better and you are able to get through to your teen about why he felt the need to do drugs and explore the real problem.

GOOD LUCK.

[ezekielsmother]

A proactive fun solution you will actually enjoy.

There is a really good, very funny movie called "half baked". Its was directed by Tamra Davis in 1998. As I recall, it was pretty kid friendly, no horrible sex scenes, or outrageous language. Of course you should watch it first to make sure it lives up to your own standards, or at least so you know if you want to fast forward something.

It very honestly depicts some of the fun, funny sides of pot smoking. That's important, because if you don't acknowledge that part of the equation, your son is going to perceive you as "not understanding" or being disingenuous. Complete honesty gives more credence to any advise you might give.

But the movie is really about the main character coming to terms with the fact that he needs to give up weed to have a better life. He falls for a girl who's life was destroyed because her father was a drug dealer. The down side of this lifestyle is equally portrayed.

The whole movie is hilarious, and has a very funny plot, but at the same time there's a message going on. If you watch this movie with your son it gives you two a chance to spend some conflict free time together, so you will both be more at ease. Then after the movie you can talk about the characters, why the main character made the choice to give up smoking pot, and why it was worth it.

Plus you'll get cool mom points for the funny movie.

[ezekielsmother]

A proactive fun solution you will actually enjoy.

There is a really good, very funny movie called "half baked". Its was directed by Tamra Davis in 1998. As I recall, it was pretty kid friendly, no horrible sex scenes, or outrageous language. Of course you should watch it first to make sure it lives up to your own standards, or at least so you know if you want to fast forward something.

It very honestly depicts some of the fun, funny sides of pot smoking. That's important, because if you don't acknowledge that part of the equation, your son is going to perceive you as "not understanding" or being disingenuous. Complete honesty gives more credence to any advise you might give.

But the movie is really about the main character coming to terms with the fact that he needs to give up weed to have a better life. He falls for a girl who's life was destroyed because her father was a drug dealer. The down side of this lifestyle is equally portrayed.

The whole movie is hilarious, and has a very funny plot, but at the same time there's a message going on. If you watch this movie with your son it gives you two a chance to spend some conflict free time together, so you will both be more at ease. Then after the movie you can talk about the characters, why the main character made the choice to give up smoking pot, and why it was worth it.

Plus you'll get cool mom points for the funny movie.