OMG...wwyd? 13 year old smoking pot... - Page 3

[NaomiMcC]

Originally Posted by Shann

I'm sorry, but I just think the OP way over-reacted to this. In the big scheme of things, pot smoking isnt that big of a deal.

It is when he's only 13 and it's ILLEGAL.

he's not old enough to make the decision about the risks involved. When he's 18 and on his own fine. But not now. And I've told him that.

[Minky]

You did the right thing. He's thirteen. He doesn't need marijuana affecting his brain development and it's your responsibility as a parent to protect him from it.

I have been following this thread for a while and it is also one of my worst nightmares as a parent, that my kids will try drugs one day. Be glad you caught it early and acted and don't let others tell you that you've been to harsh. You haven't.

Marijuana has destroyed many of my friends' lives. I would definitely call the police if there is a "next time," not just for your son's sake, but for the sake of this older teenager who may be addicted.

[frog]

Originally Posted by ~Mom2thhts~

Move.

Move?

[PJJ]

Excellent post

Originally Posted by ezekielsmother

There is a really good, very funny movie called "half baked". Its was directed by Tamra Davis in 1998. As I recall, it was pretty kid friendly, no horrible sex scenes, or outrageous language. Of course you should watch it first to make sure it lives up to your own standards, or at least so you know if you want to fast forward something.

It very honestly depicts some of the fun, funny sides of pot smoking. That's important, because if you don't acknowledge that part of the equation, your son is going to perceive you as "not understanding" or being disingenuous. Complete honesty gives more credence to any advise you might give.

But the movie is really about the main character coming to terms with the fact that he needs to give up weed to have a better life. He falls for a girl who's life was destroyed because her father was a drug dealer. The down side of this lifestyle is equally portrayed.

The whole movie is hilarious, and has a very funny plot, but at the same time there's a message going on. If you watch this movie with your son it gives you two a chance to spend some conflict free time together, so you will both be more at ease. Then after the movie you can talk about the characters, why the main character made the choice to give up smoking pot, and why it was worth it.

Plus you'll get cool mom points for the funny movie.

This is a great idea!

[user_name]

Originally Posted by frog

Move?

I don't think that's so absurd -- perhaps not showing it to be as a direct result of this incident, but a sign would pop up in my yard before the year's end if it were my situation, that's for sure.

[BelovedK]

Hi, Several posts have been removed for UA violations, and others for quoting UA violations.

I think this is a valuable conversation and we are a diverse community with many different views on this volatile subject. If you would like your post to stay up, please phrase it in a polite way.

Thank you.

[frog]

Originally Posted by user_name

I don't think that's so absurd -- perhaps not showing it to be as a direct result of this incident, but a sign would pop up in my yard before the year's end if it were my situation, that's for sure.

Sorry that I was clear about my question--I didn't understand whether the poster meant that she would relocate (which I think is overkill, but YMMV) or whether she had something else in mind.

user_name, where would you move that has no possibility of your child being offered pot?

[user_name]

Well, since you asked...
Let's see -- if I were the OP -- where I live now there is 100% chance of having a neighboring family with a different opinion regarding pot than my own. I think there was also mention of a 100% chance of having a dealer down the street.
If I move, at least the chances go down from 100%.

Worth it to me...a house is a house in my book.

[frog]

But what if the chances don't decrease? How many times is too many times to uproot your family because of pot?

[maplesugar]

Pot smokers tend to lurk in pretty random places.

Can you imagine going door to door asking potential nieghbors if they partake?

[frog]

Originally Posted by maplesugar

Pot smokers tend to lurk in pretty random places.

Can you imagine going door to door asking potential nieghbors if they partake?

THANK YOU. This is exactly my point.

[Minky]

Moving is silly, unless it's something the OP wanted to do already. Even if you find a neighborhood with no dealers and no pot smokers, last time I checked, 13 year olds can use public transport or get a ride from a friend to leave their area and go to one where drugs are available.

The work that needs to be done is between the OP and her son, to keep him away from the drugs in the short term, which she's accomplished with the grounding, and to help him make wiser choices in the long term.

[MrsCorell]

I think I may have a different perspective on this than many would.....

I grew up in Humboldt County, California. Some may recognize the name; others may not. In Humboldt, pot is everywhere. People smoke bowls at the city park in front of cops with no repercussions. People can carry it on them and not get in trouble. They can hold up to 3 pounds of processed pot at any time with a medical marijuana card without any hassle from anyone. It's everywhere.

Having said that, I will say that I use to smoke all the time: before school, during lunch, before practice, etc. My parents never knew. We all parent different and have different ideals that we'd like to teach our children. I moved out of that area specifically because of the pot. How do you teach your child something is wrong when everyone around them is doing it and saying it's not a big deal?

I think the OP set the rules and applied the consequences. My son knows exactly what we do and do not tolerate in our home. We have few rules, but those we do have are strictly enforced. I would have probably told the girl & her parents about calling the cops as well. She asked the parents nicely to stop the behavior around her son.

To the OP: I really hope that everything works out for you. I'm glad that you had a rational discussion with him and he let you know what was going on. I hope that he realizes what happened, the repercussions that followed, and what those types of behaviors lead to. {{{Hugs}}}

[OceanDoula]

I have been in your shoes with both my teenage daughters and the consequences were very similar. I did however take my eldest daughter to the police station and the officer was very nice in helping talk to my teenager. I asked him to search her purse, which he did. The laws here regarding pot are pretty loose so I wasn't worried about her being charged The officer told her that I had the right as the parent to search her room and her purse. He also told her to stay away from the house in question. I think coming from the officer it made the situation a little more real for her, it wasn't just mommy giving her another rule to ruin her fun, it was serious.

Anyways, thats my spiel. I think you did an excellent job giving consequences.

[frog]

See, I have no problem with that kind of thing, OceanDoula, as long as it's YOUR OWN KID. Where I draw the line is threatening other people's kids with the police. Either call the police or don't, but don't threaten it.

[joeymama]

Originally Posted by BedHead

I'm sorry, but I gotta say I think you came down on him too hard. How are you going to prevent him from going over there? Or seeing his other friends? What do his other friends even have to do with it? And taking his bedroom door off?? I can't think of any situation where I would do that to my kid. My parents came down on me like that, so I would tie bedsheets together, go out my window, hitchhike into town and be gone all night before they even knew.

::

I have got to say you really want those lines of communication to be open over the next 5 years, Doing things like things like taking the door off hinges, searching rooms, and tapping phones are all BIG wedges in your relationship with your son, How can he trust you if you give him no trust?
My parents did all of these things to me I am speaking from experience, I would sneak out and be gone doing all kinds of things and most of the time it was just to prove that I could get away with it, that they couldnt stop me, those things really hurt my relationship with MY parents. I agree that there should be concawuenses, but may the punishment fit the crime.
What about taking him to a drug rehab center so he can see first hand what kinds of things can happen to him if you go down that path>?

[PancakeGoddess]

all BIG wedges in your relationship with your son, How can he trust you if you give him no trust? [/QUOTE]

Why should the OP be trusting the 13yo who has been sneaking around smoking pot?

I'm not saying I agree with all of the OP's consequences, and ITA about keeping the lines of communication open, but for some teens, with certain predispositions, pot-smoking is a quick slope toward serious legal and health risks. I'm willing to piss off my kid if it's in the interest of keeping him safe, alive and out of legal trouble. I don't foresee a lot of open communication if my child develops a daily pot-smoking habit.

I hope I don't come on too strong - it's hitting close to home these days.

[Minky]

Originally Posted by frog

See, I have no problem with that kind of thing, OceanDoula, as long as it's YOUR OWN KID. Where I draw the line is threatening other people's kids with the police. Either call the police or don't, but don't threaten it.

Why not threaten? If someone was giving my child pot, I would let their family know that I didn't approve and would be calling the police if it happened again. In my opinion, that's how you could let the family know that you're raising your kid differently from theirs and are only going to intervene if YOUR OWN KID is involved.

[frog]

Originally Posted by Minky

Why not threaten? If someone was giving my child pot, I would let their family know that I didn't approve and would be calling the police if it happened again. In my opinion, that's how you could let the family know that you're raising your kid differently from theirs and are only going to intervene if YOUR OWN KID is involved.

Fine, tell the parents you're planning to call the police. Don't threaten their kid.

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by joeymama

I have got to say you really want those lines of communication to be open over the next 5 years, Doing things like things like taking the door off hinges, searching rooms, and tapping phones are all BIG wedges in your relationship with your son, How can he trust you if you give him no trust?
My parents did all of these things to me I am speaking from experience, I would sneak out and be gone doing all kinds of things and most of the time it was just to prove that I could get away with it, that they couldnt stop me, those things really hurt my relationship with MY parents. I agree that there should be concawuenses, but may the punishment fit the crime.
What about taking him to a drug rehab center so he can see first hand what kinds of things can happen to him if you go down that path>?

And from the other side of the fence, my father did none of those things. He did nothing that would harm our relationship in the name of protecting me. And yes I did things wrong, but when it came down to it 90% of what I did wrong, I only did it once because my father dealt with it respectfully and I felt the need to show him the same respect back so I listened.

Originally Posted by chiromamma

There's nothing cool and new about it. People have been overcoming their perceived limitations of their bodies through their minds for centuries. There are programs specifically for teens that offer these opportunities.
And, they're not for everyone.

I just needed to respond to this. In many cultures around the world, drugs that are considered illegal or bad here are used just for that purpose for religious or cultural ceremonies.

Personally I do see parents today overreacting to pot, I smoked pot, I know many people who did and do, and they are all good people and none of them have ruined their lives. Not saying it doesn't happen, but it's not as common with pot as the 'war on drugs' would have you believe. But then it could just be that living in BC I have difference experiences with it. People here don't react as strongly to pot as people in the US or even other parts of Canada.
There's a reason Vancouver is nick named Vansterdam.