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post #101 of 112
We didn't necessarily notice the craziness that was our dd1's 3rd birthday until we sit back and reflect because dd2 was born when dd1 was 35 mo old.

But dd2 who is mellow is now about 2 months into what our beloved child care provider is calling, "SERIOUSLY three". Hitting, "NO!", assertion of contol, etc. Whenever we get into a phase like that with dd1 (my spirited child) it always helps to get back into a rigid routine. And lots of talk about what to expect, along with lots of choices about how to do things (would you rather wear tights or pants? or would you like your sandwich together or open faced? for instance).

What we eventually did with our spirited child at 3 for bedtime and morning was to get a list of the things she needed to do to get ready and let her check them off: if she wanted her clothes, breakfast, pottying, and jacket on all done BEFORE toothbrushing so be it. But there were the bare minimum tasks we needed to do.

Once we kick back into a rigid routine for about a week dd1 mellows out and we can relax it a litte.
post #102 of 112
Quote:
Originally Posted by MOMYS View Post
Suzanna, could it be SAD (seasonal ???? disorder)? I read in one of my parenting books (sorry can't remember which one and they are all in the container coming from South Africa to Canada, so I can't even check) about a mom who finally figured out that her son had SAD. Although she could obviously not force the sun to shine, they did managed easier knowing what it was and making allowences for it!

I have 6 sons. #2 is borderline spirited, #4 is highly spirited and #6 is OVER THE TOP spirited! I have always been pretty confident and comfortable with my parenting, but this child makes me question everything I have ever done. He will be 2 in a couple of weeks and the melt-downs are something to behold! Yesterday on the way back from the park he screamed so much (this high pierce-your-spine-constant-shriek) that some old lady opened her front door to gawk at us! I really struggled to carry him with all his flailing and kicking.

I'm still nursing him and loving it, BUT I am starting to feel sleep deprived.
It *could* be SAD (the 'A' is for 'affective' ). I have it; for sure it is a force to be reckoned with. However, he hasn't had issues with it before and we have lived here since he was born (really, for the last 12 years). I just feel like I have used all of my ideas and nothing is working I really hope it is something other than "being three" because if that is what the issue is, well, I just don't know how I'm going to make it to four.
post #103 of 112
susannah - one of the things i found with my dd is she goes thru some 'emotional phase' which includes hitting. she is 6 and was hitting even last year. it was like she was so mad - the only thing she could do was hit. i never understood the why and i dont think she did either. i feel she definitely went thru emotional growth spurts because after that she seemed much more easier. last year though there was a LOT going on in her life too. it might be a continuation of the holidays. and the fact that he is asking to nurse yet not able to find comfort in it shows he is looking for something. i know baths, water was v. v. calming for my dd. even the sink was v. helpful to her. just the warm water soothes her so much. many times i would just let her be in a smaller tub 3 or 4 times a day.

reading was another thing that calmed her down.

oooooh i had another idea. is he v. high energy? are u guys getting enough exercise? change of environment.

and here is one thing i have discovered about being the parent of a spirited child. as much as you ask for support i find most times i have to come up with the 'solution'. i could never apply what worked for others.

i have a 6 year old v. spirited, high energy, v emotional yet v. sensitive too, v. social child. she is the child who is never overwhelmed. energized when in a crowd. like she knows how to plug into others energy.

when i was pregnant - i got a lot of comments since my child is a mixed child of how pretty she would be - but i used to say i dont care if she looks like elephant man. i want a child with personality!!!! hah!!!!! did i get just that and MORE. i used to put on classical music at work to concentrate at work. woah. she would kick me till i put on some rock. she still loves music with a beat.

yup she was a Csection (i didnt know about birth options then) after 25 hours of labour. the sweet kind nurses tried helping by taking her and rocking her - she screamed to high heaven. mind u she was the only baby who wasnt taken to the nursery (i told them i wanted her with me). the nurses right there and then told me i had one of 'those' ones. it was so sweet to see them hold her and try to rock her. sometimes she tolerated them and was happy being with them.

and i will say i am so grateful she was spirited. yes i tore my hair out, was done being a mommy at 5 pm.... but i dont know i would know how to be a mom if she hadnt guided me into the mommy she wanted me to be.

going thru a marriage breaking down really helped me focus on her. i was stressed out the first 18 months of her life till we separated. so with teh stress of dealing with an emotionally withdrawn person gone - it was easier to deal with my dd. everything - the sleepless nights, food issues - was much more bearable than the emotional turmoil of trying to work at a failing marriage.

if i hadnt done AP with my dd i dont know how she could have grown up emotionally unscathed. her dad who is v. much present in her life - doesnt practise AP - but is a good and creative dad. just one of those who is not comfortable with a little child. he didnt really get involved in her life till seh was 3 years old. everything i went thru to parent her was worth it when at 4 she told me 'mommy you understand me - daddy doesnt)'.

all i can say about my dd is she is unique. she always stands out in a crowd. in positive and negative ways. but all her life she has been different than other kids around her. as a toddler she hung out more with teh moms than the kids at playgroups. at dc/ps she was voted the school clown.

right from when she was a baby she has always known the bottom of my reserves. just when i felt i couldnt take it no more - she would suddenly get easier. give me a break. as much as i needed. and then back on track.

from when she was 4 i felt like i was bringing up a teenager. and the more i used teen type parenting style it became much bearable for her. giving her her independence to do things. to believe her. never ever saying no, but defining limits. open to reason. always, always giving her a choice. never ever telling her what to do, but making suggestions.

she is a curious child with a whole different take on everything. she figured out a lot of the creating of baby from being with me at the bathroom. even now she doesnt tolerate too much physical distance from me. we are always as close as that activity will allow. at 5 she finally wouldnt buy any more time about 'no mama tell me EXACTLY how the sperm meets the egg.' : then she wanted to know 'but how did daddy know when to send sperm or pee?' 'so pee is like water and yellow. what does semen look like?' she till today asks questions i have no answers to.

she didnt STTN till she was 3 1/2. she still nurses. and we cosleep. we both sleep better when we sleep with someone.

life is an adventure with my dd. i never know what's around the corner. all i know is there IS something around the corner.
post #104 of 112
I haven't read all the posts, but am extremely grateful for finding this thread. I thought it was just me! It is nice to know I am not alone. I am the single mom of a very spirited almost 19 month old.

Subbing! I will be back to read and post more after bedtime!

post #105 of 112
Quote:
Originally Posted by meemee View Post
susannah - one of the things i found with my dd is she goes thru some 'emotional phase' which includes hitting. she is 6 and was hitting even last year. it was like she was so mad - the only thing she could do was hit. i never understood the why and i dont think she did either. i feel she definitely went thru emotional growth spurts because after that she seemed much more easier. last year though there was a LOT going on in her life too. it might be a continuation of the holidays. and the fact that he is asking to nurse yet not able to find comfort in it shows he is looking for something. i know baths, water was v. v. calming for my dd. even the sink was v. helpful to her. just the warm water soothes her so much. many times i would just let her be in a smaller tub 3 or 4 times a day.

reading was another thing that calmed her down.

oooooh i had another idea. is he v. high energy? are u guys getting enough exercise? change of environment.

and here is one thing i have discovered about being the parent of a spirited child. as much as you ask for support i find most times i have to come up with the 'solution'. i could never apply what worked for others.
meemee - Thank you so much for taking the time to respond in such detail DS is nearly *always* highly emotional, and has been since he was between a year and a year and a half old. Even those times when he seems on an even keel, something comes up from behind us and there we are at the top (or bottom) of the roller coaster again. It is *so* quick. I know he is looking for something to help him feel better - it is evident that the hitting other people bothers him too after the fact. He knows he is hurting us; you can see it in his eyes. Mind you, sometimes he looks like he is enjoying it, but all the time he knows he is hurting us and we don't like it.
When he gets like this often the only thing that can calm him entirely is a nap, but goodness knows he does his best to avoid falling asleep! Playing calm music does not help, nor does trying to sit down and cuddle and read a book.
High energy - when weather permits he goes to the park daily. Otherwise, we try and get him to an indoor park or to a playgroup. He does much better in those settings but it can be hell to get him to the point of actually being ready to get into the car and *go* to the park or playgroup. Change of environment can definitely help, but sometimes it isn't possible (ie if he won't let us get clothes on him )

Quote:
Originally Posted by meemee View Post
from when she was 4 i felt like i was bringing up a teenager. and the more i used teen type parenting style it became much bearable for her. giving her her independence to do things. to believe her. never ever saying no, but defining limits. open to reason. always, always giving her a choice. never ever telling her what to do, but making suggestions.
We have tried this for awhile - the whole letting him do things independently. We don't do well with not using *no* though. : We define limits and give choices. I'd say 90% of the time when we are telling him what to do it is telling him that he *may not* hit us - we are sure to give him options of what he may hit when we tell him that he can't hit us.
post #106 of 112
be back later. this is soooo the thread for me and my spirited 4.5 DD.
post #107 of 112
Thread Starter 
We have been zombies around here lately...dd had chicken pox just recently and reverted to waking up about every 30 minutes or so. After some very rough nights of trying to get her to get back to sleep I'd had it last night. When she is nursing to sleep she will often twiddle my other side but sometimes get into these scratching, pinching, smacking frenzies where it takes every fiber in me to grit my teeth and bear it (because if I tell her no she'll fully wake up and start crying). I got her to bed early last night, she slept for 30 minutes, I went in to nurse her back to sleep and after an hour I couldn't take it anymore. I basically let her cry herself to sleep I feel so horrid
post #108 of 112
Meemee wrote:
Quote:
as much as you ask for support i find most times i have to come up with the 'solution'. i could never apply what worked for others.
And that is so true in every aspect. If asked, I would tell you that parenting Erin (now 6) made me a better parent. Although I'm learning to help my littlest deal with the dominant personality in the house and hold her own.
post #109 of 112
I have to re-read the book. I have the most intelligent, spirited, INDEPENDENT two year old known to man, and I think I may just lose my mind if I hear "mine do it mineSELF" one more time. Between that and the dancing on the coffe table (I only wish I were kidding), things are a bit out of hand at my house.

It's become even more noticeable since we had Luna. She's laid back. She's mellow. She lets me PUT HER DOWN.

It's very strange...lol
post #110 of 112
Just something fun for us!

Finish the following sentence:

"You know you have a spirited child when...."

I'll start:

When walking through the mall, my 6 month old (at the time, he's 7 months now) begins practicing his yelling skills. Not angry or sad, just yelling at "aaagggghhhh" as we walk through the mall. There weren't too many people that didn't stop and look at us as I carried him through.
In fact two ladies came up to "see what all that noise was about" and he blew spit bubbles at them!


Nice to see the thread back in action again!
post #111 of 112
You know you have a spirited child when....

your 2.5 year old says to you, "I'll just go ahead and pee on the floor. I don't want to use the potty."
post #112 of 112
PapayaVagina. You know where to find me if you want to talk or visit. I will try and call you later today.
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