- thank you so much for the validation! i am so sorry that your dh works so much. i am incredibly lucky that i have dh around as much as i do. many hugs to you! (and yay for Asheville-one of my best friends lives there and it sounds very similar in vibe to where i live-Santa Cruz. too bad we don't live closer!)
your description of the comparing between your SIL and yourself sound so incredibly frustrating. at least people do recognize that her baby is "easy". the word that is more commonly used in commenting on other kids is "good". and i HATE it! it started in babyhood with the never ending "is he a good baby?" (to which i would answer "good? no! he is a AMAZING!")
for me, the comparisons come up mostly between myself and a friend with 2.5 year old twins. they are also well known in this town and they are wonderful, sweet, mellow, charming, adorable, "good" little boys... dream children. always have been. she is a gentle and kind mother with gentle and kind children. i love her kids. it is easy to. it would appear that my friend was a "child rearing" expert and for her
children she is! but when the mainstream methods, suggestions, ideas, tips and tricks that she uses are applied to Tobias all hell breaks loose. everyone loses- most of all Tobias because he is just not that easy of a child and i am not interested in developing an adversarial relationship with my son.
i feel and hear the sighs, the "why don't you do what X did with her boys...", the "you should try..."
so there is where i'm stuck. scrutinized. scrutinizing myself. defending my child. i need to practice a lot more "fake it til i make it" i think. and get a thicker skin. loving T. as he is without comparing him and without labeling him.
is AP parenting particularly appealing to mothers of "spirited children" because the alternatives are just so unsavory?
for example, and please don't flame me, but if i had a mellow babe who would go to sleep in a crib with a teeny bit of fussies and a little patting i dont know if i would have co-slept. i have horrid insomnia ("spirited"?!
) so sleeping with a tossing suckling infant has not been the been the most 100% amazing experience all the time. i do enjoy the closeness of co-sleeping, yes, but at the same time it has been the path of least resistance. the choice that gets the most people the most sleep. at 2 years old i would tell my mother i was sleepy and ready for a nap and into my crib i would go
but i remember that my brother, who was very sensitive and high needs, used to cry and scream and throw himself out of the crib. my mother, who was young and had no real support system, would just stick him back in there and let him wail. it was sad and i know i couldn't ever, don't want to, ever ever do that.
we know better so we do better. doing what works for our children not trying to squish them into a mold.
to do mainstream basic by the book child rearing when you have a compliant uncomplicated child.
when you're dealing with an infant or child who is *more* it requires a lot more compassion, more understanding, more selflessness, more creativity, more everything you have because they demand more.
Tobias has pushed me to become more of a big picture person. to practice "parenting" versus "child- rearing".
not trying to sound self righteous at all! there are days when i'd be plenty content to parent by "the book".kerc
- thanks too for the validation. i am going to get the Kurcinka book and start reading it now. i checked it out on Amazon and it's funny to read the negative reviews. it gives me a good idea of whether i will relate to the book or not. i think some people really do want an XYZ guide to bringing up baby. (which is why Supernanny is so freaking popular!) a lot of people aren't really interested in parenting their
own unique child.
and i hear you on the birth stuff. i literally escaped a c-section by one hour!
i can't even imagine having another child. it scares me witless. my babe is also only 1 y.o. so we shall see...