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post #81 of 112
Just found this tribe and I am so glad that I have. My middle one is spirited and an extovert. I am an introvert. I am so happy to have such a sprited kid. I don't know what I'd do with a kid like me. It can be hard, but I'm so happy to see my little girl being a crazy maniac and super social. I know that she will be able to take care of herself when she needs to.
post #82 of 112
I had a bad day today and just feel like crying. I was only with my son for 2 hours : 2 people got laid off at work and I was really stressed out when I picked DS up. When we got home he was his normal energetic self. Today he decided that he wanted to scale the couch and ottoman to climb up the stairs. He was determined as you could guess. Every time I took him back to the kitchen he would have a 20 minute meltdown. He was crying so hard he was throwing up. It was awful. I tried holding him and nothing helped. He just wanted up those damn stairs. Then it was the diaper war. He had to get his night time diaper on and he was freaking out and throwing up crying again. I'm so sad

Quote:
Originally Posted by Autumn C. View Post
So...hows this for a topic?

If any of you have been on the Nightime parenting boards you know that I have been having serious issues with the lack of sleep.

Do they ever sleep? What worked for you?

Anybody have some rreeeeeallly funny stories to lighten up my sleep deprived mind?
I don't have funny stories. DS is still waking every hour or so.

Quote:
Originally Posted by springmum View Post

I remember I was visiting a friend with a little girl a week younger then my little monkey. She was sitting in her bouncy chair and actually started to fall asleep in it - I was shocked - I thought everyone had to do the "nap gymnastics" to get their child to sleep!!
We just went to visit my parents for 5 days and every night they were like "omg you do this every night? you sure have stamina" It's not like I have a choice! The kid needs an hour "nap gymnastics" to get to bed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Autumn C. View Post
I like the tips and tricks!

I was wondering if anyone noticed that NOT taking a nap helps with nighttime sleep. I know that totally goes against the grain of "sleep begets sleep" but there is such a looonnnngg period of time between her needing to take a nap and her being READY to take one.

I find that if she is only a "little bit" sleepy that just means she has a lot of fight left in her. She will fight sleep tooth and nail.

BUT, if she is too overtired then it's like she CAN'T settle down. Sigh.

One day she had exactly one hour nap (she CAN take up to a total of 3hours on her own little schedule) AND went to bed about an hour late. She slept 5 hours. I have been trying to recreate that without any sucess.

What about you?

I seriously do not want to still be obsessed with the sleep I'm not getting when she's three!:
I cut out DS's second nap at 8 months because he wasn't going to bed till 12am. Now he sleeps 30 min around lunch time and that is it. I don't think it helped with better sleep at night BUT it did get him to bed earlier. He goes to bed now around 7:30.


Sorry for being so negative today
post #83 of 112
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Autumn C. View Post
So...hows this for a topic?

If any of you have been on the Nightime parenting boards you know that I have been having serious issues with the lack of sleep.

Do they ever sleep? What worked for you?

Anybody have some rreeeeeallly funny stories to lighten up my sleep deprived mind?
Wow! I got waaay behind on this thread. I didn't know it kept going. Guess I should do better at checking emails, lol

Dd has definitely had her share of sleep issues. I've tried several times to nightwean her but it wasn't semi successful until she was 18 months old. Before that, she was up at least every 45 minutes all night long every.single.night. We used Dr. Joy Gordon's recommendations for night weaning and have been working on that for several months.

Right now, she has been going to sleep much, much easier (I did find some of the suggestions in Raising Your Spirited Child very helpful!). It varies as to how soon she will wake up after that. Sometimes it's an hour and sometimes it is 5 hours but when she does wake up and I won't nurse her it is a NIGHTMARE. This morning she screamed for probably 2 hours before finally giving up. Dh finally took her out of the room after she'd been crying for probably 30 minutes. I feel bad. I never wanted to do any sort of forced weaning on her but I need sleep desperately. I do everything that I can to comfort her when she is screaming for bubbies but nothing works. She doesn't like to be talked to, touched, sung to, etc. etc. it only makes things worse.

The other day I had to sling her over my shoulder at Fred Meyer in the check out while she was kicking and screaming. Last night she head butted my mom while they were playing a board game.

On the positive side though, since her sleep stuff has gotten better she has been obviously happier in many ways but definitely still intense. I would just really love to be able to have her not nurse at all at nighttime (I cannot sleep well when she is latched on at all mostly because of the scratching, pinching, hitting and kicking). In the mornings once I do start nursing her she is stuck to me like glue and I can't get up to go to the bathroom or she will wake up almost immediately, but will stay in bed for quite some time if I just let her nurse (same goes for naps).
post #84 of 112
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hiker Mama View Post
I never thought of myself as an angry person until I had him. I never understood why parents abuse their children until I had him. Having my ds has made me have to grow in so many areas. But I believe I am more compassionate, patient, creative, understanding...because I have been forced to deal with a child that didn't fit the mold.
I completely, completely relate. I didn't realize that I had serious control issues until dd was born and my anger has been very disturbing to me. I like to think of myself as a pretty gentle soul but I have had a very short fuse with dd, especially over sleep issues but I just really struggle when she is flipping out when I'm trying to change her diaper or when I need to force her into her car seat. I was raised in a spanking family, and though I desperately do not want to ever spank, there are scary moments when I just feel out of control and soclose to crossing that line because I am so frustrated.
post #85 of 112
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by IBC Mama View Post
I do think other people judge me for this, or think she is incredibly spoiled. I try not to worry about it. It's easier now that she's older. the thing that always gets me is when other parents give advice that starts with the word "just...." Like, "just *make her wear pajamas" or whatever. With our kid, there is no "just" anything. Everything is a negotiation.

It's exhausting, but I wouldn't have her any other way.
I feel judged sometimes as well. I'll never forget what a mom said in one of our local parenting groups about how she thought the whole idea of high-needs kids/spirited kids was just a scapegoat for the parents not being bonded. On the other end of the spectrum though, I know that many feel that we have been lax with her.
post #86 of 112
Quote:
Originally Posted by PapayaVagina View Post
I completely, completely relate. I didn't realize that I had serious control issues until dd was born and my anger has been very disturbing to me. I like to think of myself as a pretty gentle soul but I have had a very short fuse with dd, especially over sleep issues but I just really struggle when she is flipping out when I'm trying to change her diaper or when I need to force her into her car seat. I was raised in a spanking family, and though I desperately do not want to ever spank, there are scary moments when I just feel out of control and soclose to crossing that line because I am so frustrated.
:
OMG it's so good to know that there's someone else struggling with the same things! I feel miserable, because I get so angry with her - I've shouted at her a few times and feel absolutely awful about it. Like last night - she woke every half hour or so and when she wasn't nursing she was climbing all over me. I got a particularly painful knee in the nose and lost it and shouted at her.
We have the nappy changing, car seat, buggy, high chair issues too. I do my best to find creative ways to make her happy about it, but sometimes I have to force her, and I hate doing that too.
I think one of the most difficult things is not only dealing with my own anger, but with my DH's too. He's had anger issues since before DD was born, and honestly I don't want to leave her with him for any length of time, because I think he has a much harder time controlling his anger than me. I've seen him curse at her when she wriggles during nappy changes and get really angry with her, and he only deals with her for an hour or so a day, while I get some housework done. The rest of the time I do all the parenting - that's hard even if you have an 'easy' baby.
How do the rest of you deal with other people (especially your SOs) and their relationships with your spirited child?
post #87 of 112
i'm totally a "spirited" introvert!

ahhh yes the nightime knees in the face, swatting, kicking, climbing all over me at 2,3,4,5, in the morning. arrgghh. this weekend was hell for sleeping! i think our bed is just too small and if ds is right next to me he wants boob all.night.long. i posted in nightime parenting about it...

Quote:
How do the rest of you deal with other people (especially your SOs) and their relationships with your spirited child?
i feel really lucky that my dh is a very very patient person. more so than i. otherwise i would probably lose my mind. i might honestly have to have a babysitter come by a couple times a week just to make sure i stayed calm and sane. i'm sorry you don't have a good support there with you dh, lisabeeprague


since i'm the one that lacks patience and burns out faster i try to communicate to dh when i need a break and he is pretty good about stepping in before i lose my cool. i also let dh know that he may be ok with Tobias' roughhousing around and climbing all over him but i'm not and that i need to have my own relationship/boundaries with him.


i don't like it, for example, when i say to Tobias that it's not ok to pull mama's hair and i set him down on the floor for him (and i) to calm down and dh will pick him up in a defensive way. dh and i are individuals and it's ok for Tobias to have his own relationship with each of us. dh doesn't need to be overly protective of him when i'm being firm with what's not ok to me. i don't say it meanly or harshly but it is said seriously and sometimes i think dh projects his own issues onto ds. dh was a "mama's boy" and a very spirited child. his grandma wasn't very nice to him as a kid because of it so i think he's sensitive w/ Toby not feeling rejected.

lisabeeprague -is there a way that your dh can play with your dd or take her for a walk/out of the house at a calm time of day so you get a break and the icky power struggle things are left to the parent that handles it better (you ) ?


i've been taking T. to organized play groups where there is a good mix of ages (3 and under) in a totally safe space with new and different toys. he likes the older toddlers and burns off lots of energy in crawling around after them. the moms seem pretty understanding of his "barging in" since he is still a wee one and a very smiley guy! i don't hover parent but i do make sure he isn't whacking a baby or inflicting any harm on another child. the older kids are pretty good about letting him play along side them and he likes the company. i certainly like not having to be 100% in charge of his "entertainment" for an hour or two! it gives me a much needed mental break. he's usually pretty ready for his nap when we come home so it makes for a good day together.
post #88 of 112
Quote:
Originally Posted by lauren View Post
He would have an hour long tantrum if his banana broke.

...
I have an informal question I ask parents of spirited children--when your baby was first born, did s/he have that 'ancient'/wise look, an intensity, like a little sage or buddha was living in your baby? Almost every spirited child I've ever known had that look at birth and now I can pick them out just after birth; most often I'm right.
I had to laugh about the banana (thank you I really really need a laugh today). Yep. Wouldn't eat the #$&m banana unless he peeled it. And if it broke - no longer edible.
I actually toothpicked the banana together to get him to eat some.

And yes. Ds2 definitely had that look. Still does the faraway thing sometimes.
post #89 of 112
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hiker Mama View Post
Hi Everyone-
I never thought of myself as an angry person until I had him. I never understood why parents abuse their children until I had him. Having my ds has made me have to grow in so many areas. But I believe I am more compassionate, patient, creative, understanding...because I have been forced to deal with a child that didn't fit the mold.


I'm up because my almost 6 yo wet her bed for the second time in 2 nights. urgh. She woke up at 5, I woke up when she came to bed and I couldn't get back to sleep. See above note about anger, LOL. I'm seriously laying there, thinking, "my god if you would just pee when I freaking tell you to during the DAY this would.not.be. and issue.:"

So i left and came to work, promising to come back for breakfast.

Enough ranting......I participate in the county health department's program where you fill out a questionaire every 3-4 months and they gauge how far along on development your child is. It's fun (and my kids have not shown anything that is a red flag, but fun to evaluate them compared to other kids.....). Last question, "What do you enjoy most about your child?" And now I put the question to you....
post #90 of 112
I'll join you in the 5 am wake up club - seems to be the new time to get up around here....

Great question!!

Despite his intensity and difficult transitions from awake to sleeping/eating, there really is a lot about my 5 month old that I love.
The thing that really sticks out though is how he stares at me so intently sometimes. It's like he hasn't seen me in weeks and doesn't want to miss a second of what I'm doing - even if I try to show him toys/books etc. I'm grateful that we started sign language so at least I have some interesting gestures to go along with what I'm saying - who knew I was that interesting!!
Sometimes when I hand him off to a friend or family member he won't even look at that them, he'll turn around in their lap to watch and smile at me.... I have to leave the room sometimes just so they'll get a little attention from him!!
post #91 of 112
Quote:
Originally Posted by kerc View Post
Last question, "What do you enjoy most about your child?" And now I put the question to you....
Good question!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE how happy DS can be. He is on the total extremes…either raging mad or super happy. I love those moments where we can chase him around the house for an hour and he won’t stop running or giggling. Then he falls on the floor laughing and rolling. It’s so fun and I just really cherish those moments.
post #92 of 112
Here is a perfect example of a spirited child. I was trying to get my son ready for school today and he wears a pull-up at night. I was asking him to help me get him dressed and he wasn't cooperating. He would just lie down on the floor and not respond so I tore off his pull-up to get things started. He snapped about me "breaking" his diaper. I had to get a new one so he could put it on and then take it off the "right way" and then proceeded to get dressed while sobbing about his "broken" pull-up. Some days I am just not ready for these kind of power struggles so early in the morning. I am stressed out so he is acting out twice as much.

Wendi
post #93 of 112
What I love about my Littlest...

Well, one thing would be she has the best laugh ever.

At two months she just started laughing. A big bouncing bubbly laugh that makes strangers stop and take note.

Its the one thing that brigtens my mood no matter what.
post #94 of 112
My 2 1/2 yo son has been spirited from the start. I couldn't even put him down for at least the first 6 months. He napped on me and spent most of the time awake nursing. He is still nursing now and I don't think he plans on slowing down anytime soon. I find it hard to go into stores alone with him, he won't wait for me to pay! He is the sweetest most wonderful boy and I wouldn't want him to change but the battles to get him dressed and out of the house sometimes make me give up on seeing the light of day!! He loves music and I think it really helps him get his 'beans' out.

Dh finds bedtime more frustrating than me but he helps by reading LOTS of stories. I still nurse him to sleep (thank god!) or else I think he'd try to stay up all night!

I do get scared that if I have another it will be soooo exhausting. I've JUST started getting more sleep and feeling somewhat normal.
post #95 of 112
Hey everyone,

I am new to this thread. I have 2 dd's and my 3 yo is very spirited! Hope to get to know yall more. I am going to read the rest of thread now lol.
post #96 of 112
Quote:
Originally Posted by Autumn C. View Post
So...hows this for a topic?

If any of you have been on the Nightime parenting boards you know that I have been having serious issues with the lack of sleep.

Do they ever sleep? What worked for you?


Anybody have some rreeeeeallly funny stories to lighten up my sleep deprived mind?
My dd #1 NEVER sleeps omg. She stays up til 12-1am crying and tired and screaming but WILL NOT go to sleep until the whole house goes to bed with her. Sometimes I wonder if I am ever going to get to actually hug or kiss my husband without her screaming or getting mad or something.
post #97 of 112
I'm bumping up this thread, cuz, my DS is a spirited boy, it is what I love about him. But there are times where I want to bring him outside and make him run laps around the house! The funny thing is that he would! So we've started going to the skate park once a week and he starts gymnastics on Thursdays. Running to the market right now, but I will read the rest of the thread this evening.
post #98 of 112
Mamas, I need help. DS is having a hell of a time right now Here is some info, maybe someone will have insight for me.

He will be three years old in a week. He is generally a happy child but VERY spirited. Really the only issue we have (besides being exhausted trying to keep up with him!) is the excessive amount of hitting he does. We went gluten-free in May to see if that helped, and it seemed to help quite a bit. Fast forward to the middle/end of October. Hitting has started again in full force. More than once both DP and I have broken down crying from having to deal with it all. day. long. I had to put myself in a "time out" the other day to escape for two minutes : No new food introductions. As far as I can tell, there has not been any gluten, even hidden stuff in foods. He has not been sick, nor have DP or I.

Here are the only ideas we have: the time change and the lack of as much sun as we have had (we live in Oregon and the sun has disappeared for awhile ). Also, we went on vacation with my family (mom, brother, SIL, sister) and flew across country for that. The issues started about three days into that vacation. He is not able to tell us what is wrong; I don't think he knows what is wrong. Ninety percent of the time when we ask what is wrong he will say that he wants milk (to nurse). Even that doesn't help though. Help?
post #99 of 112
I am so glad to have found this tribe! My little one, almost 19 months is spirited through and through. I can't wait to read all of this and catch up. We love him so much, but sometimes it's hard when other people just don't understand that things are not that as simple for ds as other kids... like bedtime!
post #100 of 112
Suzanna, could it be SAD (seasonal ???? disorder)? I read in one of my parenting books (sorry can't remember which one and they are all in the container coming from South Africa to Canada, so I can't even check) about a mom who finally figured out that her son had SAD. Although she could obviously not force the sun to shine, they did managed easier knowing what it was and making allowences for it!

I have 6 sons. #2 is borderline spirited, #4 is highly spirited and #6 is OVER THE TOP spirited! I have always been pretty confident and comfortable with my parenting, but this child makes me question everything I have ever done. He will be 2 in a couple of weeks and the melt-downs are something to behold! Yesterday on the way back from the park he screamed so much (this high pierce-your-spine-constant-shriek) that some old lady opened her front door to gawk at us! I really struggled to carry him with all his flailing and kicking.

I'm still nursing him and loving it, BUT I am starting to feel sleep deprived.
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