homebirth to C-section...I am SO SAD!

[MuslimMama]

hey mamas-

super bad day today!! I am 37 weeks and some days. This is my first baby (2 previous miscarriages) and I had planned on having a homebirth. I have been so so so excited to birth at home and I have managed to get through this entire pregnancy with no medications, etc... I have tried to do everything "naturally".
My hubby was so excited and we were both so against medical intervention.

Well, the thing is that something came up (prefer not to say) and both my midwife (who HATES unnecessary medical intervention), and my back up ObGyn (who is one of the rare docs these days that is totally homebirth/ midwife friendly, and very non-medical for a doc) BOTH told me that they think it is best for me to go ahead and schedule a C-Section considering the current situation and the risk to the baby.

I feel SO SAD and SO DISAPPOINTED! Not just that, but I feel like right from the start I am a bad mother and I am not giving my baby a fair start! I am so scared about things like not bonding with the baby, having a hard time breastfeeding, risks to future children, and all the other things that go along with having a C-section. I am scared of them giving my baby medicines and vaccinations that i didnt want to give him... I just have so many fears... that this may mean I may not be able to have as many children.... I am just completely crushed!

I have to get it in my head that this IS what is going to happen and try to change my thinking about it, but I am having the hardest time doing that!

Can any mamas who have had C-sections give me words of encouragement? Any who have had C-sections that did not have problems bonding, breastfeeding, etc? Is there anything that I can do to make it a better experience for me and my baby?

My midwife will be coming with me but more as a doula. That should be helpful in dealing with hospital staff, and all the things like vaccines, etc.

I would love any tips or comforting words!! Please tell me this is not the end of the world and that it is still possible to have a wonderful birth experience!! (Is it?)

[Mamato3wild ponnie]

I dont mean to be nosey but the only thing i can think of that would of come up is hsv...and if that is the case you still have plenty of time to rid yourself of that before baby comes....if you want to pm me and talk about it..i'm open to that. Big hugs mama....most of the time there are ways around everything.

[immamama]

I am so sorry you aren't getting the birth you wanted but I can tell you as a mother who has had c-sections and will have another one this time as well that bonding, breastfeeding, all that - has never ever been a problem for me.

All of my children were exclusively breastfed for the first year and I let them wean on their own. My daughter weaned at 4, my two son's at a little over 3 years old. This baby will be allowed to wean on her own as well. It has never been an issue. On the breast asap after birth of them and bonding - totally a non issue.

I'll admit I was very upset with my first c-section. I had labored for almost 24 hours, had been pushing for hours, when I had to have her taken by c-section. The cord had come down around her shoulder (wrapped around) and everytime I pushed her heart dropped into the 50's and sometimes lower and stayed there for a while. It was the right choice to get her out and all went fine.

With my first son, my second birth, it wasn't a planned c-section. I was going for VBAC and God had other plans. Thank goodness I listened to my dr... and when he said this isn't going to happen we need to get him out now I said ok... even though I had so hoped for a VBAC. The cord was around his neck twice and tight as can be. His head was purple/black when he started coming out... I have a pic I'll have to find and share with ya to show you. My husband snapped it as he emerged and it's shocking. Thank goodness I listened to my dr. and let him take him, he would have never engaged (even though I was fully dilated) because he had no cord left and was basically hanging himself in there.

My 3rd baby was premature and I did deliver him vaginally. He didn't live very long though, unfortunately.

My 4th baby was a repeat c-section [planned] and this, our 5th and final will also be.


My best advice is to turn down the meds they offer you after the baby is out. They ask if you want something to help you rest. I took it with my first two c-sections, did not with my last (because someone online told me I'd feel better if I didn't) and they were right.

No grogginess. No feeling out of it, just wide awake to nurse my new baby and enjoy it all.


Also - get up and walk asap afterwards. It totally speeds up the healing process. Don't turn down pain meds when offered if you are in pain. Don't try and be a hero.




Praying all goes great for you! Keep your chin up mama and remember -the outcome is a healthy baby and that's what matters most. Don't get hung up on what could have been or what you wanted to be... a healthy baby delivered by c-section beats a sick baby by homebirth anyday.

[emski4379]

I had a c/s with my first, and given that he wants to spend half his day sitting on mama's lap, I'd say we had no problem bonding :.

He also nursed like a champ and weaned at around 2. So I wouldn't worry too much about that.

Hugs to you though. I know that if I was told now that I would have to have a repeat c/s rather than the HBAC I'm hoping for, I'd be very disappointed as well.

[jr'smom]

I've had two planned homebirths turn into "emergency" c-sections. No bonding or nursing problems at all! DS1 was taken out of the O.R. after I got to hold him for a bit. My DH accompanied him and stayed with him the whole time he was away from me. We did not vax or allow eyedrops. We did allow vit K--our MD who delivers at home said to pick our battles. Nothing was really a battle. As soon as I got to my room, they brought DS1 back and he never left my side again. He nursed right away. We co-slept.

With DS2 we transerred to a hospital 40 miles away because we knew they were more conservative. This time, DS2 was never removed from me. He remained in the O.R. and even nursed while they were putting me back together. He stayed with me in recovery and we all moved to the room together. They had bathing facilities in the room if we wanted to give him a bath. Again, we co-slept skin to skin. I called in the nurse to hold him while I got up to go to the bathroom. (DH spent the 2nd night at home with DS1.) Again no vax, no circ, no eyedrops, no vit K this time either. They didn't even do the foot prick blood test--we did it at the doctors office a week later, where he was very gentle.

DS1 nursed until he was a few months past 3yrs old. DS2 is still nursing at 2yrs 3months old.

Everything will be okay. You're a good mom! I needed to mourn the loss of my homebirths too. I am planning a homebirth (VBA2C) in January with a midwife this time. I'm at peace and WILL have a homebirth this time!

[elisheva]

s , mama. I had a c/s (unwanted, I think unnecessary) with ds. The procedure itself wasn't so bad. ICAN has a "Family Centered Cesarean" article here about how to make your c/s the most "birth-like". http://ican-online.org/pregnancy/fam...tered-cesarean

[moderngal]

no advice, just

[starparticle]

I am sorry you are losing your homebirth

Please read the doc about a family centered c/s - it can still be an empowering experience with the right preparation .

One thing to mention is that more and more research is pointing to important immunological connections related to the type of bacteria baby is exposed to during the birth process. Make a point of NOT showering before your c/s, getting lots of naked skin to skin time immediately after birth - make the process a little less "hygienic" if you can (even if baby can't be exposed in some ways....)

[Azryel]

((Hugs)) You are definitely not failing as a mother by doing the right thing for your baby -- you're doing something very selfless and loving. From what you describe, it sounds like there really isn't a good alternative for you. It sucks to lose your homebirth and to have to have surgery, and you have every right to feel sad about that. I know I would be miserable. But definitely don't feel bad! * Jaime

[SMR]

I had a c-section and everything went very smoothly.. I was nursing my newborn 30 minutes after surgery! (still am, 2.5 yrs later and pregnant!) The recovery for me, wasn't bad at all, there were no bonding issues.. I felt immediately bonded with her!

Don't beat yourself up momma! All will be fine!

[honeybee]

Go ahead and grieve the birth you dreamed about. That is so hard. I'm sad for you, too.

I know there have been several threads about gentler c-sections and planning things ahead of time. From everything I've read, scheduled c-sections are easier on mom/baby in terms of bonding/breastfeeding than the unexpected kind.

[whalemilk]

I am in SUCH a similar boat right now, I had my first at home and this one it's looking will be a planned section (will find out for sure at dr. appt. this afternoon). It has kind of come up on me slowly so I am not as sad now as I was when it all started falling apart, but yes, it is so upsetting! I am more scared than sad now, but I went through a lot of the same emotions that someone who is grieving would go through--for instance, being in denial, being angry, etc. I think that's to be expected. Be kind to yourself. You are very brave to be able to adapt to whatever the circumstances call for. Very brave and very strong!

[mosesface]

not in your ddc, but saw your post and wanted to encourage you!

i had a cesarean birth in february. my sweet dd inexplicably flipped to footling breech at 41w. we tried everything, including an external version. i had 36 hours to mourn the loss of my glorious, all natural, midwife attended homebirth and embrace the reality that i was going to the hospital.

that feeling was awful.
i cried and screamed for a whole day. i begged god to turn the baby or give me peace, courage, and wisdom to have a hospital birth.

he didn't turn the baby.

instead, i wrote a comprehensive birth plan, took a tour of the hospital and learned their policies, read all the chapters of all the books that i had skipped (you know, all those hospital and c-section chapters that i was never, ever going to need), and worked really hard to focus on my baby, not my birth experience.

my midwife met us at the hospital and was present through the entire birth and as long as i needed her after. she worked as my advocate and made sure that i knew what was going on at all times and gave me my first lesson in breast feeding. having her there was WONDERFUL. they even allowed her in the OR and she took pictures for me and explained every step.

dd was never out of our sight. once she was born and named and kissed, dh accompanied her to the nursery where they checked her over. that was the only time she was ever separate from me and it was only for the few minutes that they put me all back together and wheeled me to the recovery room. her father was with her that entire time.

i was so afraid, as you are now, that somehow the magic would be lost since i was going to the hospital. somehow i wouldn't bond with my daughter, or she would be different somehow...or i would be. i was afraid i wouldn't be able to get over the disappointment and anger or that somehow having a hospital birth (even though it wasn't my choice) would ruin the mother and woman i wanted so much to be.

thankfully, all of those fears were unfounded. i'm sitting here nursing my perfect 6 month old and i love her with ever fiber of my being.

now that you know you will have a cesarean birth, take this time to plan for it. you still get to be a part of this, plan for it, make choices, embrace it! no matter how your baby is born, your baby is born!! take some time to grieve the loss of your ideal birth experience and then shift your focus. focus on your baby's birthday, the day you will become a mother by whatever means necessary!

he's the same sweet baby and you're the same wonderful mama.

[ccasanova]

First I want to give to you for not getting the birth you were preparing/looking forward too. But I also want to say that if it is truly necassary, then it's great that your care providers, are there to make sure your baby comes out healthy, and that is the important thing.

I had had 2 healthy babies delivered vaginally, no problems. My third ended up a different story. She ended up being a month premature delivered by c-section because had she stayed in there even one day longer, she most likely wouldn't have made it. She was barely alive when they took her out completely motionless, pale as can be (only 10% of her blood left in her little body). So although I would have liked to birth her vaginally as I did her other 2 brothers, because I still had not had my "dream birth" (and still haven't, and probably won't this time around either due to GBS test results ) her being taken by c-section was COMPLETELY necessary and warrented, and so I do not feel bad that I had a c-section although I am not a statistic of the numerous c-sections going on in our country. Had it been unnecessary, then I would feel upset/robbed, etc. but I don't because it was needed. And I feel so thankful and grateful that I was in the best hands I could have been at that time. Now, the repeat section I was almost scared into having with my last ds was bull. (Not by the doc that sectioned my dd, he is great and is all for VBACs) Had I fallen for it, and then done reading on it afterwards and seen it's totally possible to have a safe VBAC, then I would have been upset. I would have felt robbed. But thankfully I stood my ground to that awful doc and had a VBAC just fine.

On the nurturing note, I did just fine with my dd. Because of her condition I didn't get to hold her right away after birth and neither did dh. As soon as she was taken out of me they rushed her to the NICU and I didn't see her until that night or next morning, although I think dh was able to go see her in the NICU before me. I did not get to BF her for who knows how many days/week? Don't remember. But I pumped 24 hours a day for her and took my milk to her all the time. The nurses had never seen so many bottles! Dh and I went to visit her at the NICU every day and it was heartbreaking everytime we had to go home without her. Two weeks later she was allowed to go home, I BF her just fine, and we bonded just fine. She's wonderful today, very intelligent, spunky, loving.

I think some of the time when a mama doesn't feel like shes bonding to her baby is because she is upset at how the birth went. Especially if it was difficult or she ended up with an uneeded section. But if in your case, it truly is needed, then it will help to think about that. I don't know if you plan to have any more after this, but if you do then they're will be time to try for a HB later on when it is safe to do so. In my case, I have always wanted a natural/no meds birth. This is my last baby. So I was adament on having my no meds birth this time by staying out of the hospital until baby is emerging. But now with my test results, that will not longer be the case. So I have come to peace with the current situation and will go with the flow of things. And I'm ok with that. After having 5 pregnancies I've finally learned that our dream births can't be scripted. They might not turn out exactly how I wanted/planned them, and I"m at peace with that. Ultimately what is important is the healthy baby you will have now matter how they come into the world.

[dimibella]

, I'm in danger of losing my homebirth and when I got the news it was truly heart breaking. I have so many of the same hospital fears as you do. I am so glad you've gotten so much encouragement and positive responses mama. Just take things one step at a time.

[lwuertz]

My friend had been planning a natural birth and ended up with a c-section. This is the advice she gave to me afterwards. It really helped me when I thought I was going to lose my home birth.

We spent the evenings leading up to her birth wondering how it would happen and talking about what we most looked forward to. All of these things are good things. They are the most exciting parts of being an expectant parent. I mean, you're planning the biggest birthday party of your child's life.

And after it all is said and done here's what we came out of it thinking - the only thing that matters to us is Lucy is here and she's healthy. We educated ourselves so much and we set so many plans, but what we failed to do was to plan to be flexible. While we as parents have a say in our birth process, there are some things that will happen whether they are fair or not. Just like in life. We cannot control everything that happens to us and at times we may be put through unecessary hardship.

I would encourage you both not to get too caught up in the statistics, the facts, what the books say, what the doctors say, what your friends and families say, and what your own plans are. Its easy to lose sight of the forest by focusing too much on one tree. Especially as it relates to childbirth. I hope that my experience encourages you to do what you need to do to prepare yourself mentally for the flexibility that childbirth requires. Not every birth is cut and dry like a doctor or a book would describe. Each experience is unique and the most important part is who arrives in the end.

I asked our very wise beyond her years friend how it is that a new mother (or a third time mother) can know what the unique needs of her child are. She said that it's just like anything else in life, you ask God to provide wisdom and guidance. Based on my experience I would expand that to childbirth. I would encourage you guys to do what we failed to do. Let the situation flow naturally and ask God for guidance along the way.

Above all else, do not let any change of plans mark your childbirth experience with discouragement. Whether you have to have a hospital birth or you end up with a homebirth that goes slightly different than you had pictured; no matter how small the change do not allow yourself to get discouraged. And do not allow yourselves to look back and say "I really wish it had gone a different way." If you are flexible, then you both will be able to have an enjoyable birth experience no matter what the chain of events.

[MuslimMama]

Thank you sooooooo much to all of you for your positive and encouraging stories and thoughts! Hearing everyones stories has helped me realize that, although it is not what I had planned or wanted, I can still make this a good birth experience!

It is so encouraging to hear so many breastfeeding/ bonding successes despite having a c-section! This was a huge worry for me and I am feeling so much more confident thanks to all of you!

[funfunkyfantastic]

You can have your midwife stay with the baby to make sure that your wishes with your baby are carried out. You can also have your DH do skin to skin right away since you won't be able to.

[claras_mom]

Not in your ddc, but....

Dd was born by c-section after a longish labor. After she was delivered, dh stayed with her (carried her from the OR to the nursery, in fact), and my mom stayed with me. She had no difficulties breastfeeding or bonding, even though it was about an hour before they brought her back (favorite line, from an L&D nurse: "would someone get that baby? It's what she came here for!" )

Get up and walk as soon as you can; it really does help the healing process. If you have someone who can come and stay with you--even with your dh at home--for a couple of weeks, it's a real blessing.

[lwuertz]

Originally Posted by MuslimMama

Thank you sooooooo much to all of you for your positive and encouraging stories and thoughts! Hearing everyones stories has helped me realize that, although it is not what I had planned or wanted, I can still make this a good birth experience!

It is so encouraging to hear so many breastfeeding/ bonding successes despite having a c-section! This was a huge worry for me and I am feeling so much more confident thanks to all of you!

I just wanted to add that the same friend who gave me the advice also had no issues bonding or breastfeeding with her DD. She's a crunchy momma too and cloth diapers and everything. I had heard similar versions of this from other well meaning people when I told them that I was planning a home birth, but it always came off to me in a way that seem condescending to me. Like they though I was the stupidest person in the world for having a birth plan and planning anything about my birth at all. For some reason the way my crunchy friend said it didn't come off that way to me.