Why don't you just do it the traditional way?

[2lilsweetfoxes]

Is the question my husband asked me this morning when I mentioned that I was going to enroll in the Centering program at our hospital. It is a group of 8-10 women with similar due dates who together meet every few weeks with a midwife and hold discussions related to our pregnancies and have our exams. Maybe I should reassure him that it is only for extremely low risk pregnancies and if anything happens to change my risk level, I will be immediately referred to an OB, who will take over care. Besides, this baby will be born in a tertiary center. The only thing they could not handle would be neonatal heart transplant (there is a nearby hospital that can, should it be necessary). I see it as taking responsibility for my own care in partnership with the wisdom of my provider. I think he'd rather me submit to the medical model of care and not question. He fears something going wrong, then what? I believe that childbearing is a normal function.

[claras_mom]

What a marvelous sounding program! You might point out to your dh that it's sponsored by the hospital and therefore has the Medical Establishment Seal of Approval. Best of both worlds, imo.

[wobblykate]

We're doing this at my Birth Center. I'm really looking forward to it. My husband was sold on it because it counts for my mandatory birthing class and he doesn't have to go every time . You also get better care because your (shared) time with the midwife is longer. Maybe these ideas will be of help. My husband never objected to me going to a birth center, but until he met the midwife and saw how professional and doctor-like she was he was still concerned about it not being "medically sound" or something. I know he's afraid of what might happen to me (and the baby). He's probably more afraid than I am because he has less control and less understanding. Good Luck!

[imalego]

What's the "traditional way" I wonder?? I'm so glad DP and I are on the same page with having a homebirth this time. If I could just get him to stop worrying about the cost.....

Maybe your husband will be more comfortable with it after he meets the midwife or attends one of the sessions.

[acp]

That does sound like a great model! My DH was a little skeptical of a MW last time until, like a PP said, he met with her and grew much more comfortable. This time, I'm having a harder time talking him into a home birth, but I'm hoping that when we meet with the homebirth-midwife practice next week to see if I like them (one of only two in my city, sadly), he'll like them if i do, and will start to feel more comfortable with the idea. For some reason, a lot of men seem to have a harder time adapting to a less-mainstream way of doing things, but hopefully he'll get on board as you go along.

And I agree with the person who wondered what, exactly, "traditional" is. I see a homebirth, frankly as the most traditional option we can go with, even though I know it's an unusual choice for most Americans these days...

[fairydoula]

Originally Posted by acp

That does sound like a great model! My DH was a little skeptical of a MW last time until, like a PP said, he met with her and grew much more comfortable. This time, I'm having a harder time talking him into a home birth, but I'm hoping that when we meet with the homebirth-midwife practice next week to see if I like them (one of only two in my city, sadly..

What? There are only two homebirth midwives in Chicago?

[inky leeuhhh]

that program sounds great! ive never heard of anything like that. hopefully your hubby will come around.

[honeybunmom]

Originally Posted by acp

That does sound like a great model! My DH was a little skeptical of a MW last time until, like a PP said, he met with her and grew much more comfortable. This time, I'm having a harder time talking him into a home birth, but I'm hoping that when we meet with the homebirth-midwife practice next week to see if I like them (one of only two in my city, sadly), he'll like them if i do, and will start to feel more comfortable with the idea. For some reason, a lot of men seem to have a harder time adapting to a less-mainstream way of doing things, but hopefully he'll get on board as you go along.

And I agree with the person who wondered what, exactly, "traditional" is. I see a homebirth, frankly as the most traditional option we can go with, even though I know it's an unusual choice for most Americans these days...

If you're meeting with A Woman's Place, I can recommend them! Both Jewel and Jennifer (I've not yet met their new partner) were present for my 2005 homebirth and Jennifer was especially wonderful.

To the OP, maybe some education for your husband about how your being confident in this process will lead to a better birth experience for you may be persuasive? We had a home birth with our first, and honestly, I think I would have been freaked out in a hospital. We also live 8 blocks from the University of Chicago Children's Hospital, so, I was comfortable that, if I had to transfer, I could in a timely manner. I just felt (and still feel) that certain aspects of what is now the norm in a hospital setting would actually create stress in my body that I might not be able to release and that it would potentially have a negative impact on the birth process. Whatever is comforting, encouraging and empowering about this process for you, perhaps, sharing that with your dh will help him "get it".

[acp]

Originally Posted by honeybunmom

If you're meeting with A Woman's Place, I can recommend them! Both Jewel and Jennifer (I've not yet met their new partner) were present for my 2005 homebirth and Jennifer was especially wonderful.

Good to hear! that is indeed who we're meeting with.
And to the pp who asked - yes, there are only two home-birth practices (one of them with three midwives, one with a single midwife) that are licensed in Chicago. It's sad. The state still won't license direct-entry midwives, only CNMs, and very few of the CNMs here do home births. I think there are one or two more out in the suburbs, and there are certainly underground midwives who are probably very good, but the legal options are few and far between. Also no birth centers, though a new bill should finally change that. They've been trying to get a bill passed for a few years that would license direct-entry midwives, but no luck so far..

[dawncayden]

Traditionally speaking, alone or or with a midwife would be 'traditional'. We've only been birthing babies in hospitals as a modern society since around the 1920's.

I found it easy to talk to dh about home and water birth because we had a good friend that had that experience. Even before becomming pregnant I told him my need for midwife support during pregnancy.

There are many books and articles, here's another, websites with info.

The main thing that helped ease Dh's mind was taking prenatal classes of the Attachment Parenting sort. They were definatly more natural minded, midwife centred, etc. It made dh realize how natural a process birth is and why would we want to mess around with it, with drugs and interventions and hospitals if you don't need to.
Dh is very skeptical and scientific minded so when he read things showing that midwives and homebirths are statistically safer, we were in agreement as to where ds would be born.

[2lilsweetfoxes]

Originally Posted by imalego

What's the "traditional way" I wonder?? I'm so glad DP and I are on the same page with having a homebirth this time. If I could just get him to stop worrying about the cost.....

Maybe your husband will be more comfortable with it after he meets the midwife or attends one of the sessions.

Traditional way according to dads (specifically--my husband): OB. Epidural. Constant monitoring to catch anything that may go wrong early. I really think he wants me to get the epidural as soon as I step foot in the hospital.

I'll just do whatever I want. He does not have to attend the sessions anyhow. He might just come for the 20-ish-week ultrasound. Besides, if they are in the afternoon, he'll need to be home for when the kids get off the bus.

[dawncayden]

I really want to suggest hiring a doula, she would be a great support person and would be encouraging of a natural birth. There is nothing worse than being in labour and having your support person telling you and staff to get the drugs ready.
A doula isn't going to take over the role of the dad but will actually inhance his experience so he'll know how to fully support you.
If he continues to have the same medical view and also doesn't go to prenatal classes with you, he's not going to have a clue what is going on and will probably be really scared.

I really hope you can bring him to prenatal classes that aren't MD oriented. It will change his experience in the labour and delivery room for sure.

[2lilsweetfoxes]

He was present for our daughter's birth. We did not intend to "go natural" and had moved so many times during my pregnancy that we were not prepared. I think he's remembering that--how he had to lay on me to keep me down and that I nearly broke his arm grasping it so hard. I got a doula with our son because he was in Iraq so that I would have a support person. I really want one for this birth. I think I will start searching so I can save for it.

[dawncayden]

'He had to lay on me to keep me down'

I'm not understanding this part of your post. He laid on you while you were labouring?

[2lilsweetfoxes]

I don't recall exactly. Amazing how we get amnesia about childbirth, isn't it? But I don't think he actually laid ON me, more like I kept balling up into a sitting position and the monitor kept slipping, so the nurse told him that I needed to "stay still" so they could get a good reading to determine if I needed the epidural yet. Duh--my contractions were a minute and a half long with a minute between start to start. Then I had to push and they did not believe me (had just been checked and I was at barely 5 and told me I had hours left and the anesthesiologist would be there as soon as they finished with an emergency c-section--who does planned sections at 11 pm?). They "lost" the baby's heartbeat on the monitor and the nurse came in all panicky only to find out that the baby had shifted and was ready to be born. And there were no beds available in the delivery room, so she was born in the labor room. In fact, there were women who had been in the delivery room while I was still in triage that had not yet delivered. I'm sure if I'd had an epidural in place, they would have just increased the dose to keep me from delivering until a bed came open.

[mom2sol]

That's kind of funny and kind of sad. I've had both my children at home and I'm planning my third homebirth. I did go to the hospital while I was in labor with my daughter and they tried to get me to lie back with the monitor strapped to me. I wasn't very cooperative. You're instincts to sit up are good! I kept doing the same thing. I'd already had a baby naturally and he as a difficult bugger but lying back in that position was awful! I kept screwing up their reading. I know now that if I were to ever go back to hospital again while in labor I would refuse the damn thing.
The first nurse's shift was over (the fetal monitor nurse) the next nurse came in and said, "oh do you want me to get the birth ball- I can just follow you around to get a good reading, don't worry about it". Whew, what a difference a nurse makes in the hospital!

[Bexo]

Have you two watched The Business of Being Born together?

[ms.shell]

yes, the traditional way would definitely be at home with a midwife in attendance.
IKWYM about the fetal monitor. With DS1 I was in the hospital, not knowing to question or rebel against doctor's orders and "routine" procedures. They had a monitor screwed in to my poor baby's head. At one point, his heart rate totally stopped and I was FREAKING out SCREAMING for someone to come save my baby...took them 4 or 5 minutes to even come in. I got bitched at by the nurse for freaking out. His hr had not stopped. The thing came out of his head and so she had to stick it in again. My poor baby was completely healthy but suffered a lot during and after his birth because of medical over management.
I would feel so much better planning to birth at home this time, but like yours, my dp is opposed to this and wants me in the hospital. Im hoping to be able to keep control as much as i can tho, and tell them NO when they are too invasive.

[MelW]

Originally Posted by mom2sol

I've had both my children at home and I'm planning my third homebirth. I did go to the hospital while I was in labor with my daughter and they tried to get me to lie back with the monitor strapped to me. I wasn't very cooperative. You're instincts to sit up are good! I kept doing the same thing. I'd already had a baby naturally and he as a difficult bugger but lying back in that position was awful! I kept screwing up their reading. I know now that if I were to ever go back to hospital again while in labor I would refuse the damn thing.

I want to hear more of this story... You went to the hospital in labor, but had both of your children at home? Did it suck so much you left to go have the baby at home

To the OP- Centering pregnancy is a highly researched, "best practice" method of prenatal care. I bet you'll love it!

[acp]

Originally Posted by ms.shell

medical over management.
I would feel so much better planning to birth at home this time, but like yours, my dp is opposed to this and wants me in the hospital. Im hoping to be able to keep control as much as i can tho, and tell them NO when they are too invasive.

I"m hoping to have a home birth instead of a hospital birth this time as well, but just wanted to comment to this poster that it IS possible (at least at the right hospitals) to keep interventions to a minimum even in a hospital. I had my first baby in a natural birth at a hospital, and they did only intermittent external fetal monitoring - for about 20 minutes when i first came in, but after that, just for a few minutes every hour, and they could even do it while I was laboring in a tub. No reason for me to lie back at all. They let me walk around, try different positions, etc. What helped was both choosing a hospital that I knew had a reputation as being better with natural births, and also having a midwife who could advocate for me and let the nurses know what I wanted. You DON'T need to have an internal monitor, or be forced to lie down and be still, even at a hospital. It just takes a little extra pushiness and knowing what you want sometimes.